Take off your pants

The first Friday in May is No Pants Day.   Yipee!

We don't need no stinkin' pickup truck

Chilled cow urine is the beverage of choice in indian city

Healthnuts (emphasis on the second sylable) claim cow urine can cure a range of ailments.  I have a feeling I’ll never find out for sure.  Here’s the story.

Wanna go noodling?

It’s legal in Missouri now.

but…. you need a permit.  Read all about it.

Do you like chickens?

They’re up for adpotion.

mailorderchickens.com

via davezilla.com

I don't feel so bad about my office anymore

I need a new riding mower

This one will do just fine.

How to fold fitted sheets

Lookie here.

via the presurfer

Beetle?

Viagra condom

 The Sun reports  about a new condom that incorporates an erectogenic compound.
Now in clinical trials. 

Math teacher arrested

AT NEW YORK's Kennedy airport today, an individual - later discovered to be a public school teacher - was arrested trying to board a flight while in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a slide rule, and a calculator. At a morning press conference, the U. S. Attorney General disclosed that he believes the man to be a member of the notorious al-gebra movement. He is being charged by the FBI with carrying weapons of math instruction.

   "Al-gebra is a fearsome cult," he declared. "They seek average solutions by means and extremes, and sometimes go off on tangents in search of absolute value. They use secret code names like 'x' and 'y' and refer to themselves as 'unknowns,' but we have determined they belong to a common denominator of the axis of medieval with coordinates in every country. As the Greek philanderer Isosceles used to argue, there are three sides to every triangle."  

   When asked to comment on the arrest, the President stated, "If God had wanted us to have better weapons of math instruction, He would have given us more fingers and toes.

   I am gratified that our government has shown us a sine that it is intent on protracting us from these math-dogs, who are willing to disintegrate us with calculus disregard. Murky statisticians love to inflict plane on every sphere of influence. Under the circumferences, we must differentiate their root, make our point, and draw the line."

   The President warned, "These weapons of math instruction have the potential to decimal everything in their math on a scalene never before seen, unless we become exponents of a Higher Power and begin to factor in random facts of vertex."

  The Attorney General concluded, "As our Great Leader would say, read my ellipse. Here is one principle he is uncertain of: though they continue to multiply, their days are numbered as the hypotenuse tightens."

 

via MTJ

Persitence pays off

Persistence finally paid off for a man from Godfry IL who wanted to kill himself.  He shot himself in the head five times and twice in the chest with a 22–caliber handgun.  When that didn’t do the trick, he jumped in his van and drove to the Clark Bridge in Alton.  He parked his van and jumped off the bridge into the Mississippi River.  His body was recovered and an autopsy confirmed that he dies from drowning.  Complete story.

Pals

Taking it off.... taking it all off

All Right!  Now we’re talking.

Lose weight with Stripaerobics.

I'll never lick another envelope again

….and you won’t either if you click this link. 

Here are five good reasons.

You can move just like the canister at the bank drive-thru

The Pneumatic Vaccuum Elevator

Get more info here.

via fark.com

Now this is a burger!

 Dubbed the Beer Barrel Belly Buster, the burger comes with 10.5 pounds of ground beef, 25 slices of cheese, a head of lettuce, three tomatoes, two onions, a cup-and-a-half each of mayonnaise, relish, ketchup, mustard and banana peppers — and a bun.

It costs $30

Find out more about it here.

100 Worst News Groaners

 A “groaner” is a hackneyed, overblown, stuffy or just plain silly cliché that turns up time after time in news scripts. Groaners show laziness on the part of writers, disrespect for the folks watching, and a general contempt for lively English. Here are some of the worst offenders. You’ll recognize them immediately, so get ready to groan!  

Her are a few examples:

 Aftermath -  Print words don’t belong in spoken copy. Do you know anyone who says “aftermath” in normal conversation? When we were kids, aftermath came recess.

 Killing Spree. Webster’s says a spree is “a lively frolic.” Mass murder is not a “spree”. It’s mass murder.

 Unanswered questions - Well, duh!  Is there another kind of question? Once a question is answered, it’s not a question anymore! Don’t use excess verbiage just to sound rhythmically authoritative. If there are questions, say so. Period.

 The Nation’s Midsection. As opposed to The Nation’s Hind Quarters? The Nation’s Solar Plexus? The Nation’s Erogenous Zones? Can you think of a dumber way to say it’s raining in Chicago?

 Botched Robbery, Robbery Gone Bad - Like “unsuccessful suicide”, this is just plain silly. If some punk tries to rip off a 7-Eleven, and the cops show up, so he takes hostages, that’s not a “robbery gone bad”. It was bad at the start. We don’t need to feel sorry for the idiot who “botched” his chance to empty the cash register and decided to become a kidnapper. Let’s just say what happened, and leave the judgments to the folks watching.

More can be found here.

What is a Glutton?

 A Glutton is great fun. 
A Glutton is a person who eats a lot. 
A Glutton is one who exists like an animal. 
A Glutton is his belly; of a lover his lust; and so every man serves that to which he is in bondage; and has his heart there where his. 
A Glutton is one who digs his grave with his teeth. 
A Glutton is natural. 
A Glutton is associated with Jesus' tax collector friends. 
A Glutton is Never Satisfied.

…and these are just the good things….. for the complete list or find out what something else is at What is… .

The Old Negro Space Program

Watch the story about the blackstronauts here.

All these kitchen myths are false

Searing meat seals in the juices.
A box of baking soda in the refrigerator absorbs odors.
Sushi means raw fish.
You must use a serrated knife to slice tomatoes.
Cold water boils faster than warm water.

And a lot more myths where those come from.  Get all the details here.

What do you want to do with your life?

Tell someone.

Oprah turns 50 and you get the presents!

Wath the celebration video here.

via the presurfer

Find golf balls in the rough

4 lost balls.  Can u find them?

     without Visiball                with Visiball
$39.95 at Visiballusa.com

5 lbs of Silly Putty anyone?

You can get it here in 5 lb blocks for only $59.99.

Well, it smelled like a weapon of mass destruction

Giant Burrito causes mahem at school.  Read all about it here.