I saw these pictures before, but I didn’t get it until I saw it again on Miss Celania.
Saturday, November 03, 2007
Young pilot
A young and foolish pilot wanted to sound cool on the aviation frequencies.
This was his first time approaching a field during the nighttime, and instead of making any official requests to the tower, he said, “Guess who?”
The controller switched the field lights off and replied, “Guess where!”
You Say “Taumata”...
…I Say “Taumatawhakatangihangakoauauotamateapokaiwhenuakitanatahu”…. Sure I do!
That is a mouthfull!
24 inches
A Florida couple was watching a Discovery Channel special about an African black bush tribe whose men all had penises 24 inches long. When the black male reaches a certain age, a string is tied around his penis and on the other end is a weight. After a while, the weight stretches the penis to 24 inches.
Later that evening, as the husband was getting out of the shower, his wife looked at him and said, "How about we try the African string-and-weight procedure?" The husband agreed and they tied a string and a weight to his penis.
A few days later, the wife asked the husband, "How is our little tribal experiment coming along?" "Well, it looks like we're about half waythere," he replied.
"Wow, you mean it's grown to 12 inches already?"
"No, but it's turned black.
Thanks Rich
Friday, November 02, 2007
Got a small logo?
Then you need….
Make my Logo Bigger cream
Who knew it could be this easy?
Speaking of logos…..
I’ve been super busy and haven’t had much time to evaluate the B&P logo submitted. There are about ten as of now I think. I’ll be working on that soon. Thanks for your interest and help.
What would happen...
On my first day working at the gas station, I watched a senior co-worker measure the level of gasoline in the underground tanks by lowering a giant measuring stick down into them. 
"What would happen if I threw a lit match into the hole?" I joked.
"It would go out," he replied very matter of factly.
"Really?" I asked, surprised to hear that. "Is there a lack of oxygen down there or some safety device that would extinguish it before the fumes ignited?"
"No," my co-worker continued. "The force from the explosion would blow out the match."
Things you didn't want to know....
- D uring an hour's swimming at a municipal pool you will ingest 1/12 liter of urine. (That's about 2.5 ounces)
- In an average day your hands will have come into indirect contact with 15 penises (touching door handles, etc.)
- An average person's yearly fast food intake will contain 12 pubic hairs.
- In a year you will have swallowed 14 insects - while you slept!
- Annually you will shake hands with 2 women who have recently masturbated and failed to wash their hands.
- Annually you will shake hands with 26 men who have recently masturbated and failed to wash their hands.
- In a lifetime 22 workmen will have examined the contents of your dirty linen basket.
- At an average wedding reception you have a 1/100 chance of getting a cold sore from one of the guests.
- Daily you will breath in 1 liter of other peoples' anal gases.
HAVE A GREAT DAY... ...and wash your damn hands!
Thanks Joe P
Thursday, November 01, 2007
Here are my results:
Police call
This elderly spinster called the police. "My next door neighbor is exposing himself. Oh my," she continued, "he's just standing there, big as you please, taking a shower with his window shades up!"
The squad car arrived immediately to catch the evil culprit in the act. She led the cop into her bedroom and pointed out her window. "See what I mean, officer."
The policeman scratched his head and said, "Ma'am, I can only see the top of his head above his window sill."
The lady replied, "Crazy fool, you got to get on up on that dresser over there."
Conservation
Who says we're not conservation conscious? A recent study found the average golfer walks about 900 miles a year.
Another study found golfers drink, on average, 22 gallons of beer a year. That means, on average, golfers get about 41 miles to the gallon.
Kind Of Makes You Proud!
Thanks Gene
The big bad wolf....
Little Red Riding Hood is skipping down the road when she sees a big bad wolf crouched down behind a log.
"My, what big eyes you have, Mr. Wolf."
The wolf jumps up and runs away.
Further down the road Little Red Riding Hood sees the wolf again and this time he is crouched behind a bush.
"My what big ears you have, Mr. Wolf."
Again the wolf jumps up and runs away.
About two miles down the road Little Red Riding Hood sees the wolf again and this time he is crouched down behind a rock.
"My what big teeth you have Mr. Wolf."
With that the wolf jumps up and screams, "Will you knock it off, I'm trying to poop!"
Thanks Gene
Wednesday, October 31, 2007
Happy Halloween
Mac-O-Lanterns
9 last minute Halloween costumes you can make from junk
10 things that sound dirty on Halloween
1. So...What'd you get in the sack?
2. Once you get under the sheet, start moaning and groaning!!!
3. Just hop on that broomstick and ride it!
4. Those small suckers are gone in a few licks!
5. I got the best piece from that house.
6. Quit screwing around on the porch!!!
7. Stick your hand in and guess what you're feeling....
8. It was so filled and heavy, I had to use TWO hands!!
9. They'll suck you dry if they get their teeth in you.
10. I bobbed and bobbed, but couldn't get my mouth around it!
Cut out your own Halloween masks from Forbes
Corny Pumpkin
Flasher
Senator Larry Craig mugshot mask
From all the usual suspects