Tuesday, May 15, 2007
The broken mower
When our lawn mower broke and wouldn't run, my wife kept hinting to me that I should get it fixed. But, somehow I always had something else to take care of first, the truck, the car, playing golf - always something more important to me.
Finally she thought of a clever way to make her point. When I arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tall grass, busily snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing scissors. I watched silently for a short time and then went into the house. I was gone only a minute, and when I came out again I handed her a toothbrush.
I said, "When you finish cutting the grass, you might as well sweep the driveway."
The doctors say I will walk again, but I will always have a limp.
Moral to this story: Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right, and the other is the husband.
Thanks Joe P
New drugs
In Pharmacology, all drugs have two names, a trade name and generic name. For example, the trade name of Tylenol also has a generic name of Acetaminophen. Aleve is also called Naproxen. Amoxil is also call Amoxicillin and Advil is also called Ibuprofen.
The FDA has been looking for a generic name for Viagra. After careful consideration by a team of government experts, it recently announced that it has settled on the generic name of Mycoxafloppin. Also considered were Mycoxafailin, Mydixadrupin, Mydixarizin, Dixafix, and of course, Ibepokin.
Pfizer Corp. announced today that Viagra will soon be available in liquid form and will be marketed by Pepsi Cola as a power beverage suitable for use as a mixer. It will now be possible for a man to literally pour himself a stiff one.
Obviously we can no longer call this a soft drink, and it gives new meaning to the names of "cocktails", "highballs" and just a good old-fashioned "stiff drink". Pepsi will market the new concoction by the name of: MOUNT & DO.
Thought for the day: There is more money being spent on breast implants and Viagra today than on Alzheimer's research. This means that by 2040, there should be a large elderly population with perky boobs and huge erections and absolutely no recollection of what to do with them.
Thanks Joe P
Monday, May 14, 2007
Listen to what I mean, not what I say!
Many years ago, my wife Jennifer was explaining something to me and she accidentally used the wrong word to describe a concept. I knew what she was trying to say, yet I couldn’t resist suggesting the word that she should have used. Somewhat embarrassed and with a sheepish look, she said: “Listen to what I mean, not what I say.”
That made me laugh and smile. What an interesting thing to say. I’ll never forget that.
But then, recently, I realized that her amusing request is actually a very powerful statement of the quality of human interaction, and is the very thing we should be demanding of the Internet.
Read the rest of the article by Zeb Hodge.
I know the young man who wrote this piece about his vision of the internet of the future. We worked together at Human Dynamics, a performance support service company in Overland Park Kansas a few years ago. Zeb Hodge is a talented graphics artist and has created many wonderful projects. Here is his website.
What's your password?
Here are the 10 most common passwords. If you use on of these, you’d better change it.
- password
- 123456
- qwerty
- abc123
- letmein
- monkey
- myspace 1
- password 1
- blink182
- (your first name)
Top 10 Things Heard at the Office That Sound Dirty, But Aren’t
10. I need to whip it out by 5.
- 9. Mind if I use your laptop?
- 8. Just stick it in my box.
- 7. If I have to lick one more, I’ll gag!
- 6. I want it on my desk, NOW!
- 5. HMMMMM, I think it’s out of fluid!
- 4 My equipment is so old, it takes forever to finish.
- 3. It’s an entry level position.
- 2. When do you think you’ll be getting off today?
- 1. It’s not fair. I do all the work while he just sits there!
An Irishman is sitting at a pub......
An Irish man is sitting in a pub one night when 3 Englishmen walked in. The men sit down, and start to talk about how they can anger the Irishman. The first man says, “Watch this…”
He gets up, walks over to the Irishman and says, “hey man, I hear your St. Patrick was a fag got.” The Irishman just replies “Oh, is that so now?”
The Englishman goes back to his seat perplexed, when his friend jumps up and says, “ Here, let me try that.” So he goes over to the Irishman and says, “ Hey man, I hear that your St. Patrick was a
transvestite fag got.” The Irishman only replies, “Oh, is that so now ?”
So the Englishman, frustrated goes and sits down with his friends.
When the third Englishman jumps up and says, “Well now, I gotta try that.” So he walks over to the Irishman and says, “Hey I hear your St.Patrick was an ENGLISHMAN !!”
And the Irishman replies, “Aye, that’s what your friends were saying.
The answer is not "C"
Dear Michael,
Every year I attempt to boost my students' final grades by giving them this relatively simple exam consisting of 100 True/False questions from only 3 chapters of material. For the past 20 years that I have taught Intro Communications 101 at this institution I have never once seen someone score below a 65 on this exam. Consequently, your score of a zero is the first in history and ultimately brought the entire class average down a whole 8 points.
There were two possible answer choices: A (True) and B (False). You chose C for all 100 questions in an obvious attempt to get lucky with a least a quarter of the answers. It's as if you didn't look at a single question. Unfortunately, this brings your final grade in this class to failing. See you next year!
May God have mercy on your soul.
Sincerely,
Professor William Turner
P.S. If all else fails, go with B from now on.
B is the new C
