Happy Valentine's Day

   

There are 119 single men (i.e., never married, widowed or divorced) who are in their 20s for every 100 single women of the same ages.

     

Cabbage always has a heart;
Green beans string along.
You're such a cute tomato,
Will you peas to me belong?
You're the apple of my eye,
You know how much I care;
So lettuce get together,
We'd make a perfect pear.
Something's sure to turnip
To prove you can't be beet;
So, if you carrot all for me
Let's let our tulips meet.
Don't squash my hopes and dreams,
Bee my honey, dear;
Or tears will fill potato's eyes,
While sweet corn lends an ear.
I'll cauliflower shop and say,
Your dreams are parsley mine.
I'll work and share my celery,
So be my valentine.

 (House Story)

There are 34 single men (i.e., never married, widowed or divorced) age 65 or older for every 100 single women of the same ages.

 

A young woman was taking an afternoon nap. After she woke up, she told her husband, "I just dreamed that you gave me a pearl necklace for Valentine's day. What do you think it means?"
...."You'll know tonight." he said.
....That evening, the man came home with a small package and gave it to his wife. Delighted, she opened it--only to find a book entitled "The Meaning of Dreams".

A guy walks into a post office one day to see a middle-aged, balding man standing at the counter methodically placing "Love" stamps on bright pink envelopes with hearts all over them. He then takes out a perfume bottle and starts spraying scent all over them.
....His curiosity getting the better of him, he goes up to the balding man and asks him what he is doing. The man says, "I'm sending out one thousand Valentine cards signed, 'Guess who?'"
...."But why?" asks the man.
...."I'm a divorce lawyer," the man replies.

via all the usual suspects