Saturday, July 22, 2006

Drinking problem

Drinking Problem Drankprobleem


Ladies and gentlemen - The President of the United States



Hidden words

Can you see them?

18-Veja Bomb261

20-Veja Victory273

21-Veja Suicide279





Revenge of the Mice

Mouses... Muizen...


Two-faced cat

2faced cat When people first see Frank and Louie they “paws” and do a double take.

He is one cat with two faces — and two names. The soft, fluffy feline belongs to a Millbury woman named Marty, who has asked us not to use her last name because she fears a crush of publicity, like that which surrounded the recent birth of a kitten with two faces in Ohio.

Cats with two faces are extremely rare, veterinarians say. Most die within days of being born.

of the other cases I looked up on the Web were autopsy cases,” Marty said. Her cat is an exception. He is six years old.

The cat has two mouths, two noses and two working eyes. A third eye in the middle is not functional. Marty named her cat “Frank and Louie” so each face would have a name. Only one mouth, the one on the cat’s right side — or Frank’s side — is connected to an esophagus, so Frank gets all the food.



10 flagrant grammar mistakes that make you look stupid

  1. Loose for lose
  2. It's for its (or god forbid, its')   (I kinda sorta have trouble with this one)
  3. They're for their for there
  4. i.e. for e.g.
  5. Effect for affect
  6. You're for your
  7. Different than for different from
  8. Lay for lie
  9. Then for than
  10. Could of, would of for could have, would have

Details on how and why these make you look stupid


Friday, July 21, 2006

4-wheel whiz

Kid peeing


Interesting story




Q: Why are pirates called 'pirates'?

A: Because they ARRRGGHHHHHHH!


Windy night at Busch Stadium

A woman gets blind-sided by a flying trash can during a storm at Wednesday night's Cardinal game.

Thanks Joe E

Buddies re-energizing after a good drunk



Nicknamed the Human Louisville Slugger

Dick pole


Headline of the day



We eat this stuff?

It’s in the foods we eat.

  • PorkbrainsMechanically Separated Chicken
  • Partially Hydrogenated Vegetable/Soybean/Cottonseed Oil
  • Brominated Vegetable Oil (BVO)
  • Xanthan Gum
  • Carnauba Wax
  • Gum Arabic (aka Gum Acacia)
  • Monosodium Glutamate (MSG)
  • Sodium Pyrophosphate
  • Trisodium Phosphate (aka Sodium Phosphate)
  • Sorbitol
  • Mannitol
  • Sodium Benzoate
  • High Fructose Corn Syrup
  • Gelatin
  • Cochineal (aka Carmine or Carminic Acid)
  • Partially De-Fatted Cooked Pork/Beef Fatty Tissue
  • Sodium nitrite

Find out what these things are in layman’s terms.


Purina diet

DogchowI used to have a Labrador retriever & I was buying a large bag of Purina at Wal-Mart and was in line to check out.  A woman behind me asked if I had a dog(?).  On impulse, I told her that no, I was starting The Purina Diet again, although I probably shouldn't because I'd ended up in the hospital last time but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.  I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry & that the food is nutritionally complete so I was going to try it again.

I have to mention here that practically everyone in the line was by now enthralled with my story, particularly a tall, black guy who was behind her.

Horrified, she asked if I'd been poisoned.  I told her no;  I'd been sitting in the street licking my balls and a car hit me.  I thought the black guy was going to have to stagger out the door.

Thanks Phyllis

Thursday, July 20, 2006

Daddy's little helper

Daddy s Beer Papa s Biertje


Not the choice I would have made

Bicycle vs Girlfriend


Fun with Mom?

While Mom is Away.


Japanese liposuction



Texas Man Catches Fish With Human-Like Teeth

Fishteethbu7A fish caught in Lubbock, Texas, with teeth that look like they belong to a human has baffled wildlife officials in the area. 

Fisherman Scott Curry reeled in the 20-pound fish on Buffalo Springs Lake and immediately noticed the catch had human-like teeth.  (with video)

A game warden photographed the fish and is attempting to identify it.

A search for what the fish may be suggested that it may be a pacu, which is found in South America.


SWAT foul up



Peope I'm going to Hell with

Hell's flamesI was once told by a born again Christian that I was going to hell but serial killer Jeffrey Dahmer, who had been “born again” before being killed by a fellow inmate, was going to heaven because he had accepted Christ.

“But I haven’t killed or, you know, eaten anybody,” I said to her.

“Doesn’t matter,” she replied nonchalantly as if sending my soul off to eternal damnation was as simple as throwing away a candy wrapper. “Only those who accept Jesus as the Savior will enter into the Kingdom of Heaven.”…

Read on


Top five reasons why “The customer is always right” is wrong.

1: It makes employees unhappy

2: It gives abrasive customers an unfair advantage

3: Some customers are bad for business

4: It results in worse customer service

5: Some customers are just plain wrong

For details on each of these click here.


22 years of Jeopardy answers and questions


Jeopardy Archive


Wednesday, July 19, 2006

Beer is good for you

From this  …………………………………………… to this

Goggles1 Goggles2

……in just a few glasses of beer. 

Watch beer goggles

Damp diver



Long flight

LongFlight Lange Vlucht


How to keep your beer cold

Beer_10Beer drinking is one of  the world’s favorite pastimes. So as the weather started heating up, we felt a scientific duty to investigate this burning beer-related question: what is the most effective beer can cozy?

We took temperature measurements using a digital thermometer with a metal probe. In most of the experiments, the probe was submerged 5.5 cm into the beer, at the approximate midpoint of the can. All experiments were performed outdoors, with ambient temperatures varying from 90F (32.2C) to 103F (39.4C). Except as noted, all beverages used were 12 oz. (355ml) domestic beers. The starting temperatures for the beers ranged between 35.7F (2.1C) and 43.7F (6.5C)

Bottom Line:  Rice Krispie Huggie is better than any other at keeping your beer a tad colder longer.  Plus you can eat it when you’re done drinking.

Read all about the experiment


The diet

A man was terribly overweight, so his doctor put him on a diet: "I want you to eat regularly for two days, then skip a day, and repeat this for two weeks. The next time I see you, you should have lost at least five pounds."

When the man returned, the doctor discovered that the man had lost 25 pounds. "I can't believe it!" exclaimed the doctor. "You lost 25 pounds by following my instructions?"

"Yes, exactly as you instructed me. But on the third day I thought I was going to drop dead!"

"Were you very hungry?"

"No, from the skipping!"


Light beer



Funny names of real people

I have a hard time believing these are real people’s names.  But sometimes truth is stranger than fiction.  Funny – nevertheless.   Here are some examples – one for each letter of the alphabet:

  •  A. Nicholas Fivepennies
  •  Anita Mann
  •  Barry D. Hatchett
  •  Carl Breakdown
  •  Dan Druff
  •  Ella Funt
  •  Francis Useless
  •  Gay N. Proud
  •  Hank E. Pankie
  •  Ida Zervbetter
  •  Jan U. Wharry
  •  Kay O'Pectate
  •  Lorraine Inspain
  •  Marsha Mellow
  •  Noah Zark
  •  Owen Money
  •  Paul Bearer
  •  Quint S. Henschel
  •  Randy Udderway
  •  Sam Which
  •  Tess Tickle
  •  U. Arnold Phartt
  •  Victor E. Lane
  •  Wayne Dwopp
  •  Xavier Breath
  •  Zack Lee Wright

Hundreds more here


Fastest stripper

Fast stripThis guy can remove all his clothes in 7.5 seconds.   Safe for work.

Watch the video  (might require login)


Tomorrow is World Jump Day

WJDThe idea is to have millions of people all jump into the air at the same time and land at the same time, with the force enough to jar the earth into a slightly different orbit.   The moment for the World Jump Day in the central time zone of the United States is 5:39:13 am on Thursday, July 20, 2006.

Scientific research has proven that this change of planetary positioning would very likely stop global warming, extend daytime hours and create a more homogeneous climate.

More info


How to adjust your rear view mirrors

I’ll bet you’ve been doing it wrong all along also.


How to adjust your rear view mirrors.


Head graphics

Here’s what you can expect to receive at Tan’s Barbershop in College Park MD.

Hair designs


Tuesday, July 18, 2006

With a little help from a friend

Friend s Help Hulp van een Vriend


Kids are so creative

The boss wondered why one of his most valued employees had not phoned in sick one day. He dialed the employee's home phone number and was greeted with a child's whisper.

"Is your daddy home?" he asked.
"Yes," whispered the small voice.

"May I talk with him?"
The child whispered, "No."

Surprised, the boss asked,
"Is your Mommy there?"
"May I talk with her?"
Again the small voice whispered, "No."

Hoping he could leave a message, the Boss asked,
"Is anybody else there?"
"Yes," whispered the child, "a policeman"

Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee's home, the boss asked,

"May I speak with the policeman?"
"No, he's busy", whispered the child.
"Busy doing what?"

"Talking to Daddy and Mommy and the Fireman," came the whispered answer.

Growing more worried the boss asked, "What is that noise?"
"A helicopter" answered the whispering voice.
"What is going on there?"
"The search team just landed the helicopter."

Alarmed, the boss asked,
"What are they searching for?"
Still whispering, the young voice replied with a muffled giggle: "...... Me"


Truth in advertising

Need a beer


12 books you'll never see in a bookstore

  • How to Pleasure a Woman – by Mike Tyson
  • Words I’ve Never Mispernounced – by George W. Bush
  • Pacifist’s Guide to World Domination – by Cindy Shehan
  • Things I’ve NEVER Lied About – by Bill Clinton
  • Prudent Shotgun Handling – Dick Cheney
  • Why America Is Just THE BEST – The Dixie Chicks
  • Things I Absolutely Love About President Bush – Michael Moore
  • My Strategy for Finding the Real Killer — by O.J. Simpson [Forward by Scott Peterson]
  • To All the Men We’ve Loved Before — by Ellen DeGeneres & Rosie O’Donnell
  • The Book of Baby Names – by George Foreman
  • My Beauty Secrets – by Jane Reno [Forward by Madeleine Albright]
  • Things I Love About Bill – Hillary Clinton [Forward by Ann Coulter]


Tall sign

Giraffe sign


Dead Irish dog

Muldoon lived alone in the Irish countryside with only a pet dog for company.
One day the dog died, and Muldoon went to the parish priest and asked,
"Father, me dog is dead. Could ya' be saying' a mass for the poor creature?"

Father Patrick replied, "I'm afraid not; we cannot have services for an animal in the church.
But there are some Baptists down the lane, and there's no tellin' what they believe.
Maybe they'll do something for the creature."

Muldoon said, "I'll go right away Father. Do ya' think $5,000 is enough to donate to them for the service?"

Father Patrick exclaimed, "Sweet Mary, Mother of Jesus!
Why didn't ya tell me the dog was Catholic?"


Park and rise penis implant

A man who had a penis implant to cure impotence is rising to the occasion — whenever his neighbor opens his garage doors.

The remote control is on the same frequency as the electronic device in his groin.

The sufferer told a BBC Radio Merseyside phone-in it was causing endless embarrassment — but doctors cannot stop it because the implant op was done in Turkey.

He said: “Every time my neighbors park their 4x4 I get an erection. It’s embarrassing.”

“Every time his car pulls in, I can’t leave the house. It’s not funny.”


25 Things You Should Have Learned by Middle Age

1. If you're too open-minded, your brains will fall out.

2. Don't worry about what people think; they don't do it very often.

3. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.

4. It ain't the jeans that make your butt look fat.

5. Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.

6. My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.

7. Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious.

8. It is easier to get forgiveness than permission.

9. For every action, there is an equal and opposite government program.

10. If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip.

11. Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.

12. A conscience is what hurts when all of your other parts feel so good.

13. Eat well, stay fit, die anyway.

14. Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it.

15. No man has ever been shot while doing the dishes.

16. A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.

17. Middle age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waist change places.

18. Opportunities always look bigger going than coming.

19. Junk is something you've kept for years and throw away three weeks before you need it.

20. There is always one more imbecile than you counted on.

21. Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.

22. By the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends.

23. Thou shalt not weigh more than thy refrigerator.

24. Someone who thinks logically provides a nice contrast to the real world.

25. If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you've never tried.


18 tricks to teach your body

Here are a few:

1. If your throat tickles, scratch your ear.  When you were 9, playing your armpit was a cool trick. Now, as an adult, you can still appreciate a good body-based feat, but you're more discriminating. Take that tickle in your throat; it's not worth gagging over. Here's a better way to scratch your itch: "When the nerves in the ear are stimulated, it creates a reflex in the throat that can cause a muscle spasm," says Scott Schaffer, M.D., president of an ear, nose and throat specialty center in Gibbsboro, New Jersey. "This spasm relieves the tickle."

3. Overcome your most primal urge!  Need to pee? No bathroom nearby? Fantasize about Jessica Simpson. Thinking about sex preoccupies your brain, so you won't feel as much discomfort, says Larry Lipshultz, M.D., chief of male reproductive medicine at the Baylor College of Medicine. For best results, try Simpson's "These Boots Are Made for Walking" video.

6. Fight fire without water! Worried those wings will repeat on you tonight? "Sleep on your left side," says Anthony A. Star-poli, M.D., a New York City gastroenterologist and assistant professor of medicine at New York Medical College. Studies have shown that patients who sleep on their left sides are less likely to suffer from acid reflux. The esophagus and stomach connect at an angle. When you sleep on your right, the stomach is higher than the esophagus, allowing food and stomach acid to slide up your throat. When you're on your left, the stomach is lower than the esophagus, so gravity's in your favor.

9. Stop the world from spinning!  One too many drinks left you dizzy? Put your hand on something stable. The part of your ear responsible for balance—the cupula—floats in a fluid of the same density as blood. "As alcohol dilutes blood in the cupula, the cupula becomes less dense and rises," says Dr. Schaffer. This confuses your brain. The tactile input from a stable object gives the brain a second opinion, and you feel more in balance. Because the nerves in the hand are so sensitive, this works better than the conventional foot-on-the-floor wisdom.

The complete list


Monday, July 17, 2006

Happy Monday!



Stop and smell the roses



How to help someone use a computer

Typing_guyThis stuff is SO true.

Here are just a few of the observations and suggestions:

  •  Nobody is born knowing this stuff.
  •  Their knowledge of the computer is grounded in what they can do and see -- "when I do this, it does that". They need to develop a deeper understanding, but this can only happen slowly -- and not through abstract theory but through the real, concrete situations they encounter in their work.
  •  You are the voice of authority. Your words can wound.
  •  Beginners face a language problem: they can't ask questions because they don't know what the words mean, they can't know what the words mean until they can successfully use the system, and they can't successfully use the system because they can't ask questions.
  •  They might be afraid that you're going to blame them for the problem.
  •  By the time they ask you for help, they've probably tried several things. As a result, their computer might be in a strange state. This is natural.
  •  Your primary goal is not to solve their problem. Your primary goal is to help them become one notch more capable of solving their problem on their own. So it's okay if they take notes.
  •  Computers often present their users with textual messages, but the users often don't read them.  (Very True)
  •  Maybe they can't tell you what they've done or what happened. In this case you can ask them what they are trying to do and say, "Show me how you do that".
  •  Try not to ask yes-or-no questions. Nobody wants to look foolish, so their answer is likely to be a guess. "Did you attach to the file server?" will get you less information than "What did you do after you turned the computer on?".
  •  Tell them to really read the messages, such as errors, that the computer generates.

These should be printed out and read by anyone trying to teach a newbie the computer ropes.


The shadow knows... but he won't tell

Corny question:
While on this bike trip to the Field of Dreams we passed what seemed like hundreds of REALLY stinky pig farms and thousands and thousands of acres of corn growing in the fields along the highways.  We kept noticing there were these areas in the cornfields where nothing was growing.  They were almost like little finger shapes (for lack of a better description) … just indentations, maybe as much as 40 feet wide and varying lengths up to possibly a hundred feet in length.  They didn’t go anywhere,  just this finger indentation in the cornfield.  They must have a purpose.  There was no symmetry to them so it’s hard to believe they’re equipment necessary.

Corn fingers.jpg
I took the picture above while riding past one of the thousands of cornfields we passed.   I was actually trying to get a pictures of one of the “fingers”, which you can barely see in the upper part of the photo (two of them in this picture).  Being a city boy, I have little knowledge of cornfield construction, so I just wonder what purpose they serve.   Somebody out there knows.  Please enlighten me, as my shadow won’t divulge the story. 
Photo taken with a Sony DSC T-30 from my Harley Davidson 120 Sportster.  That’s not a little person on the back of my bike but luggage strapped to the backrest.

They built it... we came


We made it to the Field of Dreams in Dyersville Iowa from our place just outside of St. Louis MO.  836 miles round trip.  We left on our bikes Sunday morning at 7:30 and got home Monday afternoon about 3:15.  (Too much riding on such a hot weekend for such a short trip.)  We spent about an hour at the ball field.  It was pretty much what I had pictured except for the apparent feud between two groups that co-own the field.  

Apparently, originally it was to be built on the property of the Lansing family.  But when the time came to actually build it, the producers picked a close-by area which happened to be on the property line of the neighboring farm.  Apparently there was a fence running right down the middle of the Fieldofdreams.jpgproperty that was to be the ball field.  They made a deal with both landowners to use the property for the movie which was filmed for 9 weeks during the summer of 1988.  One of the neighbors died and his widow leased the left field/third-base side to a corporation that is trying to capitalize on the property.   And that’s OK, for it’s what the Lansing family is doing also.  America, the land of opportunity!

2 roads.jpgSo, there are two side-by-side driveways with two Field of Dreams signs, and 2 souvenir shops on the property each seeking your souvenir dollars. 

Field Facts

  • No admission charge
  • Both entities maintain the field (and it’s in very good shape)
  • During summer weekends  it’s not unusual for 3,000 people to visit the Field of Dreams.
  • Hollywood built the filed in four days with some help from local high school baseball teams.
  • Famous visitor:  Reggie Jackson, Ernie Banks, Bob Feller, Bob Gibson, Lou Brock and Kirby Puckett.  Actor Kevin Costner has not returned since filming in 1988.
  • The built the wrap-a-round porch for the movie and rented the swing on it from a family in Dubuque Iowa.  The returned the swing to the owners and found a similar one for the porch.
  • Stars of the movie:  Kevin Costner, James Earl Jones, Kirk Douglas, Ray Liota and Amy Madigan
  • The corn was taller than expected so they had to build a foot high ramp for Kevin Costner to walk on when walking through the rows of corn.
  • Happy birthday Joe:  If he were still alive, Shoeless Joe Jackson would have turned 119 on the day of our visit (yesterday).   He got his nickname because during a double-header his feet were blistered from his new spikes so he played without his shoes.

Sunday, July 16, 2006

Field of Dreams

No posts today.  We’re headed for the Field of Dreams… maybe.   We’re off on a motorcycle trek up to Iowa in 100 degree weather.   I’ll post Monday evening if I survive.