Monday, October 10, 2005

Top 15 ways to acquire a wife

Here are the Top 10:

Bible1. Find an attractive prisoner of war, bring her home, shave her head, trim her nails, and give her new clothes. Then she's yours.
-- (Deuteronomy 21:11-13)

2. Find a prostitute and marry her.
-- Hosea (Hosea 1:1-3)

3. Find a man with seven daughters, and impress him by watering his flock.
-- Moses (Exodus 2:16-21)

4. Purchase a piece of property, and get a woman as part of the deal.
-- Boaz (Ruth 4:5-10)

5. Go to a party and hide. When the women come out to dance, grab one and carry her off to be your wife.
-- Benjaminites (Judges 21:19-25)

6. Have God create a wife for you while you sleep. Note: this will cost you a rib.
-- Adam (Genesis 2:19-24)

7. Agree to work seven years in exchange for a woman's hand in marriage. Get tricked into marrying the wrong woman. Then work another seven years for the woman you wanted to marry in the first place. That's right. Fourteen years of toil for a woman.
-- Jacob (Genesis 29:15-30)

8. Cut off 200 foreskins off of your future father-in-law's enemies and get his daughter for a wife.
-- David (I Samuel 18:27)

9. Even if no one is out there, just wander around a bit and you'll definitely find someone. (It's all relative of course.)
-- Cain (Genesis 4:16-17)

10. Become the emperor of a huge nation and hold a beauty contest.
-- Xerxes or Ahasuerus (
Esther 2:3-4)

The complete list.

via Cynical-C Blog

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