Saturday, January 21, 2006

24 Facts about 24's Jack Bauer

  • Jack bauer1.  If you wake up in the morning, it's because Jack Bauer spared your life.
  • 2.  Jack Bauer's favorite color is severe terror alert red.  His second favorite color is violet, but just because it sounds like violent.
  • 3.  Jack Bauer was never addicted to heroin. Heroin was addicted to Jack Bauer.
  • 4.  1.6 billion Chinese are angry with Jack Bauer. Sounds like a fair fight.
  • 5.  Superman wears Jack Bauer pajamas.
  • 6.  Lets get one thing straight, the only reason you are conscious right now is because Jack Bauer does not feel like carrying you.
  • 7.  Killing Jack Bauer doesn't make him dead. It just makes him angry.
  • 8.  Jack Bauer does not sleep. The only rest he needs is what he gets when he's knocked out or temporarily killed.
  • 9.  Jack Bauer's family threw him a surprise birthday party when he was a child. Once. (They’ll never do that again)
  • 10. Jack Bauer literally died for his country, and lived to tell about it.
  • 11. Jesus died and rose from the dead in 3 days. It took Jack Bauer less than an hour. And he's done it twice.
  • 12. Guns don't kill people, Jack Bauer kills people.
  • 13. Every time Jack Bauer yells "NOW!" at the end of a sentence, a terrorist dies.
  • 14. Jack Bauer played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.
  • 15. There once 'was' a man from Nantucket.  Jack Bauer shot him.
  • 16. When Jack Bauer goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket.
  • 17. Jack Bauer once shot a Terrorist plane down with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!"
  • 18. Oil and Water don't mix, unless Jack Bauer tells them to.
  • 19. Jack Bauer yells at his cell phone to recharge it.
  • 20. Jack found Waldo in one hour.  The only reason he didn't find him sooner was because of daylight savings time.
  • 21. Jack Bauer never has to preheat the oven.
  • 22. You're either with Jack Bauer or against him.  If you're against Jack Bauer, you're either dead or will be soon.
  • 23. Franklin D. Roosevelt once said, "The only thing we have to fear is fear itself." Little did he know fear itself fears Jack Bauer.
  • 24. Instead of buzzing, Jack Bauer's alarm clock screams out "THERE ISN'T ANYMORE TIME!"

From

Bonus Bauer Facts

  • In 96 hours, Jack Bauer has killed 93 people and saved the world 4 times. What the F#ck have you done with your life?
  • To sleep, Jack tortures himself to death, then wakes up fifteen minutes later.
  • Jack Bauer taught Jesus how to die and then come back to life.
  • God rested on the 7th day. Jack Bauer will be spending his 7th day working his usual triple shift without sleep. Lazy ass God.
  • You will tell Jack Bauer what he wants to know. It's just a matter of how much you want it to hurt.

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3 comments:

Anonymous said...

I just recently started watching 24, and this is the most hilarious set of facts I have ever seen. It is quite awesome.

Anonymous said...

Sirry, but this is really poor, go outside, meet some real people. Its called living, there is more to life than your computer and DVDs. Sorry but its true

Anonymous said...

sorry but the majority of these facts are ripped off Chuck Norris facts. if it was you who re-wrote them, i imagine chuck norris has already kicked ur ass for it.