Wednesday, July 12, 2006
How to retire faster
Details here Simple yet interesting.
Riddle of the day
Here's a one-question IQ Test to help you decide how you should spend the rest of your day......
There is a mute who wants to buy a toothbrush. By imitating the action of brushing one's teeth, he successfully expresses himself to the shopkeeper and the purchase is done.
Now if there is a blind man who wishes to buy a hammer, how should he express himself?
Think about it first before viewing the answer...
(Click and drag your mouse from star to star)
* He opens his mouth and says. "I would like to buy a hammer." *
If you got this wrong - please turn off your computer and call it a day.
Thanks Gary J
Tuesday, July 11, 2006
Veterinary class
The professor started the class by telling them, "In veterinary medicine, it is necessary to have two important qualities as a doctor: The first is not to be disgusted by anything involving the animal's body."
The Professor then pulled back the sheet, stuck his finger in the dead cow's butt, withdrew it, and stuck his finger in his mouth.
"Go ahead and do the same thing," he told his students. The students freaked out, hesitating for several minutes; but, eventually, took turns sticking a finger in the dead cow's butt and then sticking it in their mouths.
When everyone finished, the Professor looked at them and told them, "The second most important quality is observation. I stuck in my middle finger and sucked on my index finger. Now learn to pay attention."
The dead duck
The distressed owner wailed, "Are you sure?"
"Yes, I am sure. The duck is dead," he replied.
"How can you be so sure," she protested. "I mean, you haven't done any testing on him or anything. He might just be in a coma or something."
The vet rolled his eyes, turned around, and left the room, and returned a few moments later with a black Labrador Retriever. As the duck's owner looked on in amazement, the dog stood on his hind legs, put his front paws on the examination table, and sniffed the duck from top to bottom. He then looked at the vet with sad eyes and shook his head. The vet patted the dog and took it out, and returned a few moments later with a cat! The cat jumped up on the table and also sniffed delicately at the bird from head to foot. The cat sat back on its haunches, shook its head, meowed softly, and strolled out of the room. The vet looked at the woman and said, "I'm sorry, but as I said, this is most definitely, 100% certifiably, a dead duck."
Then the vet turned to his computer terminal, hit a few keys and produced a bill, which he handed to the woman.
The duck's owner, still in shock, took the bill. "$150!" she cried, "$150 just to tell me my duck is dead!!"
The vet shrugged. "I'm sorry. If you'd taken my word for it, the bill would have been $20, but with the Lab Report and the Cat Scan, it's now $150.00."
Sometimes we just need to be reminded!
A well-known speaker started off his seminar by holding up a $20.00 bill. In the room of 200, he asked, "Who would like this $20 bill?" Hands started going up. He said, "I am going to give this $20 to one of you but first, let me do this.
He proceeded to crumple up the $20 dollar bill. He then asked, "Who still wants it?" Still the hands were up in the air.
Well, he replied, "What if I do this?" And he dropped it on the ground and started to grind it into the floor with his shoe. He picked it up, now crumpled and dirty.
"Now, who still wants it?" Still the hands went into the air. My friends, we have all learned a very valuable lesson. No matter what I did to the money, you still wanted it because it did not decrease in value. It was still worth $20.
Many times in our lives, we are dropped, crumpled, and ground into the dirt by the decisions we make and the circumstances that come our way. We feel as though we are worthless. But no matter what has happened or what will happen, you will never lose your value. Dirty or clean, crumpled or finely creased, you are still priceless to those who DO LOVE you.
The worth of our lives comes not in what we do or whom we know, but by WHO WE ARE. You are special-Don't EVER forget it." If you do not pass this on, you may never know the lives it touches, the hurting hearts it speaks to, or the hope that it can bring.
Count your blessings, not your problems, and remember: amateurs built the ark ... professionals built the Titanic.
R.I.P. Fred Clark
You don’t know Fred Clark. I didn’t know Fred Clark either. But I like his obituary. His obit has “life”.
An excerpt:
During his life he excelled at mediocrity. He loved to hear and tell jokes, especially short ones due to his limited attention span. He had a life long love affair with bacon, butter, cigars and bourbon. You always knew what Fred was thinking much to the dismay of his friend and family. His sons said of Fred, "he was often wrong, but never in doubt". When his family was asked what they remembered about Fred, they fondly recalled how Fred never peed in the shower - on purpose.
No funeral or service is planned. However, a party will be held to celebrate Fred's life. It will be held in Midlothian, Va. Email fredsmemory@yahoo.com for more information. Fred's ashes will be fired from his favorite cannon at a private party on the Great Wicomico River where he had a home for 25 years. Additionally, all of Fred's friend (sic) will be asked to gather in a phone booth, to be designated in the future, to have a drink and wonder, "Fred who?"
Cute videoRiddle of the day
You are driving in a car at a constant speed. On your right side is a valley and on your left side is a fire engine traveling at the same speed as you. In front of you is a galloping pig which is the same size as your car and you cannot overtake it. Behind you is a helicopter flying at ground level. Both the giant pig and the helicopter are also traveling at the same speed as you. What must you do to safely get out of this highly dangerous situation?
For the answer click and drag your mouse from star to star.
* Get your drunk ass off the merry-go-round. *
Thanks Joe E
Monday, July 10, 2006
Why is honey golden in color?
B) Because Flower Pollen is naturally Golden?
C) Because it's manufactured that way?
D) I don't know.
The answer can be found here.
Worst road in the world
The road connects "La Paz to Coroico, 35 miles northeast of La Paz in the Yungas region of Bolivia. It is legendary for its extreme danger, killing about 100 travelers annually. The road descends from 12,000 ft to 1000 ft, transitioning quickly from cool altiplano terrain to rain forest as it winds through very steep hillsides and atop cliffs."
The bird
I was on my way home from work when the most remarkable thing happened. Traffic was heavy as usual, and as I sat there at a red light, out of nowhere a bird slammed into my windshield. If that
wasn't bad enough, the poor creature got its wing stuck under the windshield wiper.
Just then the light turned green and there I was with a bird stuck on my windshield. Without any other apparent options, turning on the windshield wipers seemed the only thing to do. It actually worked.
On the upswing, the bird flew off, and here is the crazy thing... it slammed right onto the windshield of the car behind me. No, it didn't get caught under the windshield wipers of that vehicle, but the car
behind me was a police car.
Of course, knowing my luck, immediately the lights went on and I was forced to pull over. The officer walked up and told me he saw what had happened at the light. Trying to plead my case fell on deaf ears.
He simply stated: “I am going to have to write you up for flipping me the bird.”
Gold
Absolutely pure gold is so soft that it can be molded with the hands.
An ounce of gold can be stretched into a wire 50 miles long.
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