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Here’s a link to today’s featured blog: http://blogoftheday.org/page/112194
Saturday, September 02, 2006
At the bar
A rather confident man, walks into a bar and takes a seat next to a very attractive woman. He gives her a quick glance, then casually looks at his watch for a moment.
The woman notices this and asks, "Is your date running late?"
"No", he replies, "I just bought this state-of-the-art watch and I was just testing it."
The intrigued woman says, "A state-of-the-art watch? What's so special about it?"
"It uses alpha waves to telepathically talk to me," he explains.
"What's it telling you now?"
"Well, it says you're not wearing any panties..."
The woman giggles and replies, "Well it must be broken then, because I am wearing panties!"
And the man starts tapping on the watch face and says, "Damn thing must be an hour fast."
Red Neck Road Rage
Great video.
Reporter touches 6,000 volt electric fence
Reporter touches 6,000 volt electric fence
Stupid is as stupid does.
A young boy wonders....
A little boy went up to his father and asked: "Dad, where DID all of my intelligence come from?
The father replied. "Well son, you must have got it from your mother, cause I still have mine".
She's back, she's gassy and she hates you... and so on and so on...
She's back, she's gassy, and she hates you.
did I mention that she's gassy?
I couldn't watch the whole thing.. Can you?
High school kids answers to science questions
The body consists of three parts- the brainium, the borax andthe abominablee cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs, and the abominable cavity contains the bowls, of which there are five - a, e, i, o, and u.
When you breathe, you inspire. When you do not breathe, you expire.
H2O is hot water, and CO2 is cold water.
To collect fumes of sulfur, hold a deacon over a flame in a test tube.
When you smell an odorless gas, it is probably carbon monoxide.
Nitrogen is not found in Ireland because it is not found in a free state.
Water is composed of two gins, Oxygin and Hydrogin. Oxygin is pure gin. Hydrogin is gin and water.
Three kinds of blood vessels are arteries, vanes and caterpillars.
Blood flows down one leg and up the other.
Respiration is composed of two acts, first inspiration, and then expectoration.
The moon is a planet just like the earth, only it is even deader.
Artificial insemination is when the farmer does of the the cow instead of the bull.
Dew is formed on leaves when the sun shines down on them and makes them perspire.
A super-saturated solution is one that holds more than it can hold.
Mushrooms always grow in damp places and so they look like umbrellas.
The pistol of a flower is its only protection against insects.
The alimentary canal is located in the northern part of Indiana.
The skeleton is what is left after the outsides have been taken out and the outsides have been taken off. The purpose of the skeleton is something to hitch meat to.
A permanent set of teeth consists of eight canines, eight cupids, two molars, and eight cuspidors.
The tides are a fight between the Earth and moon. All water tends toward the moon, because there is no water in the moon, and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this fight.
A fossil is an extinct animal. The older it is, the more extinct it is.
Equator: A menagerie lion running around the Earth through Africa.
Germinate: To become a German.
Liter: A nest of young puppies.
Momentum: What you give a person when they are going away.
Rhubarb: A kind of celery gone bloodshot.
Vacuum: A large, empty space where the pope lives.
Before giving a blood transfusion, find out if the blood is affirmativeor negative.
To remove dust from the eye, pull the eye down over the nose.
For a nosebleed: Put the nose much lower then the body until the heart stops.
For drowning: Climb on top of the person and move up and down to make artificial perspiration.
For fainting: Rub the person's chest or, if a lady, rub her arm above the hand instead. Or put the head between the knees of the nearest medical doctor.
For dog bite: put the dog away for several days. If he has not recovered, then kill him.
For asphyxiation: Apply artificial respiration until the patient is dead.
To prevent contraception: wear a condominium.
For head cold: use an agonizer to spray the nose until it drops in your throat.
To keep milk from turning sour: Keep it in the cow.
(...and don't forget, folks: if you aren't part of the solution, you're part of the precipitate!)
Friday, September 01, 2006
Phone cam magic
Marco Tempest - PhoneCam Magic #2 - Did you see it... ?
Easy Writer.... or Big Writer
"Stop the leaks"
WASHINGTON - Concerned about the appearance of disarray and feuding within his administration as well as growing resistance to his policies in Iraq, President Bush - living up to his recent declaration that he is in charge - told his top officials to "stop the leaks" to the media, or else.
News of Bush's order leaked almost immediately.
Bush told his senior aides Tuesday that he "didn't want to see any stories" quoting unnamed administration officials in the media anymore, and that if he did, there would be consequences, said a senior administration official who asked that his name not be used.
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