'24' Recap by Dave Barry

Humorist Dave Barry is a 24 aficionado.   That means he likes the show. If you’re not into 24, then just skip this post – you won’t understand it at all.  On Barry’s blog, wisely called the Dave Barry’s Blog, he gives the reader a play-by-play of the episode he’s watching.  Here is his “report” from last night’s episode:

Here is where we stand:

Last week we found out that the creepy bald scotch-drinking Bluetooth-wearing puppetmaster guy from last season is JACK'S BROTHER (!), whose name is Graham, which is spelled Graem. Graem has a hot wife who has Not Gotten Over Jack. They have a son who does not look like Graem, if you catch my drift. Jack went over to Graem's house and, after a few pleasantries, punched him out and began torturing him with a plastic bag, which was pretty much the action highlight last week, unless you count a helicopter falling off a roof, which we do not.

Jack needs to torture Graem because their father -- that's right, JACK'S FATHER (!!) -- has something to do with these pesky nuclear bombs that these pesky terrorists are setting off.  And we know from last week's previews that the father is Farmer Arthur Hoggett, the guy who rescued Babe the pig.

Meanwhile U.S. President Gary Payton of Your World Champion Miami Heat is turning out to be the least-effective president the nation has ever had on 24 since the last one. His staff apparently consists of two advisors. No matter what happens, the two of them immediately start arguing in Wooden DialogueSpeak, and instead of telling them to put a sock in it so the plot can get going again in the form of Jack committing acts of violence anti-terrorism, President Payton just sits there, with the expression of a man who is either undecided or severely constipated, until the commercial break.

I'm hoping for things to pick up this week, but I'm also hoping that they don't pick up too quickly, because Mrs. Blog, a sportswriter, is off interviewing Indianapolis Colts tonight, which means I have to put Sophie to bed, which means when the torture resumes I may still be reading (speaking of torture)  Fox in Socks. But I will get here as soon as I can. In the meantime, I will be counting on you folks to remain vigilant.

UPDATE: Not the arguing advisors! Sheesh.

UPDATE: Are they going to kill Karen? I'm OK with that.

UPDATE: OK, I have no idea what is going on. Who's McCarthy?

UPDATE: Dad is looking for McCarthy! Whoever that is.

UPDATE: I bet that, when they were kids, Jack was always giving Graeme noogies.

UPDATE: I think a perimeter could be coming...

UPDATE: Morris said "perimeter." Then BILL said "perimeter."

UPDATE: WHO IS MCCARTHY? AND WHAT IS BXJ? Maybe I need more beer. 

UPDATE Oh, wait. Is the Brit guy with the bimbo McCarthy?

UPDATE: I know I have asked this before, but: Doesn't it seem odd that there is so little panic in the streets of Los Angeles following a nuclear freaking explosion?

UPDATE: Nadia has been flagged! And she's a REGISTERED REPUBLICAN.

UPDATE: Sandra is lucky she's Gary Payton's sister, because she is really annoying.

UPDATE: So the Ally McBeal guy is running the country.

UPDATE: Yes! Get in the ring with her!

UPDATE: Man. How long has it been since there was any real violence counterterrorim on this show? I'm starting to miss the cannisters.

UPDATE: So wait... they think she might be a security risk, so they gave her a slower processor?

UPDATE: Sure, just barge right in on President Payton!

UPDATE: OK, please wake me up when there is some sense of urgency about THE NUCLEAR FREAKING ATTACK.

UPDATE: I love it when they say "niner"

UPDATE: You would think the guys in the lockup would start a game of dodgeball or something.

UPDATE: Do we think Walid is dead meat?

UPDATE: Well, that was violent, but not in a good way.

UPDATE: OK, our last hope for excitement tonight is whatever happens with Jack and Graem and Farmer Hoggett.

UPDATE: Jack laughs at your little "security system."

UPDATE: "Hi dad!"

UPDATE: I just wish one of them would look at the camera for, like, 30 seconds, and clearly explain who McCarthy is.

UPDATE: He aint heavyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy

UPDATE: He doublecrossed Farmer Hoggett! That little poop!

UPDATE: Wow. That was... unsatisfying. Good look, Amazing Steve.

via

Traffic in Iraq

I might never cuss at another traffic signal.

via

Coast to Coast

This is one of the neatest videos I’ve seen in a while.  It’s a time lapse video of a trip from Los Angeles to New York.  Just great!

via Linky and Dinky

Seven deadly sins in society

Pretty funny if you take the time to look at it closely.

via

Safe in a cradle of love

Even if he doesn’t think so.

Go Rams!

via

Fishing

At a Senior Citizen's luncheon, an elderly gentleman and an elderly lady struck up a conversation and discovered that they both loved to fish.

Since both of them were widowed, they decided to go fishing together the next day. The gentleman picked the lady up, and they headed to the river to his fishing boat and started out on their adventure.

They were riding down the river when there was a fork in the river, and the gentleman asked the lady,

"Do you want to go up or down?"

All of a sudden the lady stripped off her shirt and pants and made mad passionate love to the man right there in the boat !

When they finished, the man couldn't believe what had just happened, but he had just experienced the best sex that he'd had in years.

They fished for a while and continued on down the river, when soon they came upon another fork in the river.

He again asked the lady, "Up or down ?"

There she went again, stripped off her clothes, and made wild passionate love to him again.

This really impressed the elderly gentleman, so he asked her to go fishing again the next day.

She said yes and there they were the next day, riding in the boat when they came upon the fork in river, and the elderly gentleman asked, "Up or down?"

The woman replied, "Down."

A little puzzled and disappointed, the gentleman guided the boat down the river when he came upon another fork in the river and he asked the lady,"Up or down ?"

She replied, "Up."

This really confused the gentleman so he asked, "What's the deal? Yesterday, every time I asked you if you wanted to go up or down you made mad passionate love to me. Now today, nothing!"

She replied, "Well, yesterday I wasn't wearing my hearing aid and I thought the choices were "fuck or drown."

via

Tags: Joke

Frog parking

via

A bear walks into a bar.....

 A bear walks into a bar in Billings, Montana and sits down. He bangs on the bar with his paw and demands a beer.

The bartender approaches and says, "We don't serve beer to bears in bars in Billings."

The bear, becoming angry, demands again that he be served a beer. The bartender tells him again, more forcefully, "We don't serve beer to belligerent bears in bars in Billings."

The bear, very angry now, says, "If you don't serve me a beer, I'm going to eat that lady sitting at the end of the bar."

The bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve beer to belligerent, bully bears in bars in Billings."

The bear goes to the end of the bar, and as promised, eats the woman. He comes back to his seat and again demands a beer.

The bartender states, "Sorry, we don't serve beer to belligerent, bully bears in bars in Billings who are on drugs."

The bear says, "I'm not on drugs."

The bartender says, "You are now. That was a barbitchyouate."

via

Home, Sweet Home

The Job Interview

The executive was interviewing a young blonde for a position in his company. He wanted to find out something about her personality so he asked, "If you could have a conversation with someone, living or dead, who would it be?"

The blonde quickly responded, "The living one."

via

Tags: Joke

Bustin' out

Every tool except the right one

Tags: Funny+pics

Food Fight!

High school kids remake 'OK go' treadmill video

…and go a great job.  The audience gets into it.  Here’s the original.

via

F1 accident

Take a look if you dare

via

Gymnastics bloopers

via

Dead duck update

Here is an update to the story we reported on last week about the duck that was shot and refrigerated for two days before it sat up and said “Hi” (or maybe it was “Help me”) to a woman  in Florida.

He was being operated on Saturday when he “died” during surgery, but was brought back to life with ducky CPR.   It seems to be doing ok.

Read the story.

via

Tags: News

Man climbs through a glass window - literally

Great Trick

Thanks Big Byrd

City Drawings

City drawings by Dennis R. Bivens.  Capturing the heart of major cities in the mid 70’s, these original pen and ink drawings are available as archival prints.  Above is one of three drawings of my home town, St. Louis MO.  More info. 

Thanks Krisgo