(Not Miss Cellania)
Tuesday, June 05, 2007
Blind date at the carnival
Jesse took his blind date to the carnival. "What would you like to do first, Amber?" asked Jesse.
"I want to get weighed," replied Amber.
They ambled over to the weight guesser. He guessed 120 pounds. She got on the scale; it read 117 and she won a prize.
Next, the couple went on the Ferris Wheel. When the ride was over, Jesse again asked Amber what she would like to do. "I want to get weighed," she said.
Back to the weight guesser they went. Since they had been there before, he guessed her correct weight, and Jesse lost his dollar.
By this time, Jesse figured that she was really weird and took her home early, dropping her off with a handshake.
Her roommate, Laura, asked her about the blind date, "How did it go?"
Amber responded, "Oh, Waura. It was wousy."
Ice fishing
There were two bubbas from Alabama who love to fish, and they wanted to try some ice fishing.
They'd heard about it up in Canada, and they took off for up there. The lakes were frozen nicely. They stopped just before they got to a lake at a little bait shop and got all their tackle. One of them said, "We're going to need an ice pick."
So they got that, and they took off. In about two hours, one of them was back at the shop and said, "We're going to need another dozen ice picks."
Well, the fellow in the shop wanted to ask some questions, but he didn't. He sold him the picks, and the the guy left.
In about an hour, he was back. "We're going to need all the ice picks you've got."
The bait man couldn't stand it any longer. "By the way," he asked, "how are you fellows doing?"
"Not very well at all," he said. "We don't even have the boat in the water yet."
Saving the President
President Bush was out jogging one morning along the parkway when he tripped, fell over the bridge railing and landed in the creek below. Before the Secret Service guys could get to him, three kids who were fishing pulled him out of the water.
He was so grateful he offered the kids whatever they wanted. The first kid says, "I want to go to Disneyland."
Bush says, "No problem, I'll take you there on Air Force One."
The second kid says, "I want a new pair of Nike Air Jordan's."
Bush says, "I'll get them for you and even have Michael sign them!!"
The third kid says, "I want a motorized wheelchair with a built in TV and stereo headset!"
Bush is a little perplexed by this and says, "But you don't look like you're handicapped."
The kid says, "I will be after my dad finds out I saved your ass from drowning!!!"
Logo announced for 2012 Olympics in London
The jagged, graffiti-like blow-up of the number 2012 comes in a range of colors including hot pink and electric blue.
BBC readers have suggest many other – BETTER – logos. some created in just minutes.
Here is just one that sure looks better to me. It’s cute and it’s clever.
The origin of state names
Here are a few from the list:
- ALABAMA. Possibly from the Creek Indian word alibamo, meaning "we stay here."
- COLORADO. Means "red" in Spanish. The name was originally applied to the Colorado River, whose waters are reddish with canyon clay.
- DELAWARE. Named after Lord De La Warr, a governor of Virginia. Originally used only to name the Delaware River.
- FLORIDA. Explorer Ponce de Leon named the state Pascua Florida - "flowery Easter"—on Easter Sunday in 1513.
- ILLINOIS. The French bastardization of the Algonquin word illini, which means "men."
- KANSAS. Taken from the Sioux word for "south wind people," their name for anyone who lived south of Sioux territory.
The Husband Store
A store that sells new husbands has just opened in New York City, where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates:
You may visit this store ONLY ONCE! There are six floors and the value of the products increase as the shopper ascends the flights. The shopper may choose any item from a particular floor, or may choose to go up to the next floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building!
So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband. On the first floor the sign on the door reads:
Floor 1 - These men Have Jobs. She is intrigued, but continues to the second floor, where the sign reads:
Floor 2 - These men Have Jobs and Love Kids. 'That's nice', she thinks, 'but I want more.' so she continues upward. The third floor sign reads:
Floor 3 - These men have Jobs, Love Kids, and are Extremely Good Looking.
'Wow,' she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going. She goes to the fourth floor and the sign reads:
Floor 4 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Good Looking and Help with Housework. 'Oh, mercy me!' she exclaims, 'I can hardly stand it!'
Still, she goes to the fifth floor and the sign reads: Floor 5 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Gorgeous, Help with Housework, and Have a Strong Romantic Streak.
She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor, where the sign reads: Floor 6 - You are visitor 31,456,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible
to please. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store.
Thanks Joe P
Great catch?
How does this happen? Can he jump that high? Probably Photoshoped, but still interesting.
Vets 'pop' hedgehog to save its life
A woman found the hugely inflated hog, nicknamed Michelin, curled up on her driveway and became worried because it was unable to move.
She managed to pick up the prickly creature and took him to a nearby animal rescue center where experts deflated him.
The unusual condition which caused Michelin to swell with air is called "ballooning".
It is caused by air escaping from the hedgehog's lungs and being trapped underneath its skin. This causes the animal to gradually inflate until it is disproportionably large.
Wildlife Aid spokeswoman Becky Banning said: "It's basically a bit like popping a balloon.
"The air escaped with a loud 'phfwooooft' noise and within three hours he was back to his normal size."
Monday, June 04, 2007
Bits & Pieces Poll #2
What size monitor are you using?
I’m curious about what size monitors Bits & Pieces readers have. Mostly so I can set the size of some of the pictures for maximum viewability of the majority.
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