Wednesday, January 02, 2008

The chicken business

John the farmer was in the fertilized egg business. He had several hundred young hundred young layers (hens), called 'pullets', and ten roosters, whose job it was to fertilize the eggs.


 The farmer kept records and any rooster that didn't perform went into the soup pot and was replaced. That took an awful lot of his time, so he bought a set of tiny bells and attached them to his roosters. Each bell had a different tone so John could tell from a distance, which rooster was performing. Now he could sit on the porch and fill out an efficiency report simply by listening to the bells.


 The farmer's favorite rooster was old Butch, a very fine specimen he was, too. But on this particular morning John noticed old Butch's bell hadn't rung at all!  John went to investigate. The other roosters were chasing pullets, bells-a-ringing. The pullets, hearing the roosters coming , would run for cover.


 But to Farmer John's amazement, old Butch had his bell in his beak, so it couldn't ring. He'd sneak up on a pullet, do his job and walk on to the next one. John was so proud of the old Butch, he entered him in the Renfrew County Fair and he became an overnight sensation among the judges.


 The result...The  judges not only awarded old Butch the No Bell Piece Prize, but they also awarded him the Pulletsurprise as well.


 Clearly old Butch was a politician in the making: who else but a politician could figure out how to win two of the most highly coveted awards on our planet by being the best at sneaking up on the populace and screwing them when they weren't paying attention.


 VOTE CAREFULLY. . . the bells are not always audible . . . . . .


Thanks Gene

Is it getting hot in here... or is it just me?

Bits & Pieces Reader Gary R sends along this instruction sheet for a heater he just bought.   I read it the first time and didn’t get it.  So I re-read it and highlighted the interesting part.


Heater


A new kind of maximum.


Thanks Gary

Tuesday, January 01, 2008

No Parking

No parking


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Fishing friends

Fishing friends


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Frozen flowers

Frozen flowers


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Dyslexics

Dyslexics


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100 things we didn't know last year

The most interesting and unexpected facts can emerge from the daily news stories and the Magazine documents some of them in its weekly feature, 10 things we didn't know last year. To kick off 2008, here are some of the best of last year. 


Here are ten:



1. Coach travel is the safest form of road transport in the country.
More details


2. Saddam Hussein's codename while in US custody in 2004/5 was "Victor".
More details


3. Adding milk to tea negates the health-giving effects of a hot brew.
More details


4. The word "jaywalking" came from the US slang "jay", a term popular in the early 20th Century meaning a rustic newcomer unfamiliar with city ways.
More details


5. Cloudy apple juice is healthier than clear, containing almost double the antioxidants which protect against heart disease and cancer.
More details


6. Dishcloths are purged of 99% of their bacteria during two minutes in a microwave.
More details


7. A haddock's mating call starts as a slow knocking sound, before turning into a quicker hum similar to a small motorcycle revving its engine.
More details


8. Newcastle is the noisiest place in England.
More details


9. The people who built Stonehenge lived at an ancient village in Durrington Walls.
More details


10. Brazil nuts are seeds encased in an outer shell that weighs more than 1kg.
More details


The complete list


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Ferrets

Ferrets [640x480]


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I've renewed your contract for 2008


Champagne mouseAfter serious & cautious consideration.....your contract of friendship has been renewed for the New Year 2008!


It was a very hard decision to make. So try not to screw it up!!!


My Wish for You in 2008


May peace break into your house and may thieves come to steal your debts. May the pockets of your jeans become a magnet of $100 bills. May love stick to your face like Vaseline and may laughter assault your lips! May your clothes smell of success like smoking tires and may happiness slap you across the face and may your tears be that of joy. May the problems you had forget your home address! In simple words ............ 
 
May 2008 be the best year of your life!!!


Thanks Joe P

Nothing

Nothing


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Aviation pioneer

Early aviattion


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Pool yuck

Pool closed


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Monday, December 31, 2007

Happy New Year

La Multi Ani 2008I want to thank all the Bits & Pieces readers and those who comment on the posts…especially the clever ones.  I wish I could think as well as some of you when I’m coming up with captions.   I want to especially thank all the people who publish posts on their websites where I steal borrow the material I use.  If they didn’t do the hard work I wouldn’t have anything to post… except more pictures of my motorcycle rides.


We’re approaching 3.9 million hits on Bits & Pieces.  That alone is just unbelievable to me.  I sincerely thank you.


I’m going to a new Years Eve party tonight that is featuring Tom Hemby with a local  band – Triple Play.  He and the band leader are lifelong friends.  Mr Hemby, an acoustic guitarist,  is a Grammy winner and has four Dove Awards.  I’m looking forward to his music…. and the rest of the band.


 I hope you all have a safe and fun New Years Eve.    I’ll be back “next year” with more Bits & Pieces.    Happy New Year!


A few things from the regulars:


Americans love lists…


Top 10 news stories of 2007


 Reuters Pictures of the Year 2007


Top 10 movies of 2007 (Time)


Best 19 movies you didn’t see in 2007  (He’s right, I didn’t see any of them)


Top 10 stupid criminals of 2007


 The Top Ten Stories You Missed in 2007


Top 10 hottest videos of 2007


Biggest assholes of 2007 by Bill Maher


Top 10 Bushisms of 2007


 


 


 


 


 


 


 


 
2007 idiot of the year award


Watch the ball drop on the Times Square Webcam


Top 10 cities of the world


Top 10 baby names in the U.S. for 2007


Maxim Magazine’s Top 10 best and worst things to happen to men in 2007


Top 30 best blogs of 2007  (Bits & Pieces is nowhere to be found in this list)


Top 10 quotes of 2007
According to Fred R. Shapiro, the editor of the Yale Book of Quotations.


1. "Don't Tase me, bro." -- Andrew Meyer


2. "I personally believe that U.S. Americans are unable to do so because some people out there in our nation don't have maps and I believe that our education like such as in South Africa and Iraq and everywhere like such as and I believe that they should our education over here in the U.S. should help the U.S. or should help South Africa and should help Iraq and the Asian countries so we will be able to build up our future for us." -- Lauren Upton


3. "In Iran we don't have homosexuals like in your country." -- Mahmoud Ahmadinejad


4. "That's some nappy-headed hos there." -- Don Imus


5. I don't recall." -- Alberto Gonzales


6. "There's only three things he (Rudy Giuliani) mentions in a sentence: a noun and a verb and 9/11." -- Joseph Biden


7. "I'm not going to get into a name-calling match with somebody (Dick Cheney) who has a 9 percent approval rating." -- Harry Reid


8. "(I have) a wide stance when going to the bathroom." -- Larry Craig


9. "I mean, you got the first mainstream African-American who is articulate and bright and clean and a nice-looking guy. I mean, that's a storybook, man." -- Joe Biden


10. "I think as far as the adverse impact on the nation around the world, this administration has been the worst in history." -- Jimmy Carter


2008 sucks
Get button here


Happy New Year!

Tired dog

Sleepy dogAn old, tired-looking dog wandered into the yard.  I could tell from his collar and well-fed belly that he had a home.
He followed me into the house, down the hall, and fell asleep in a corner.
An hour later, he went to the door, and I let him out.


The next day he was back, resumed his position  in the hall, and slept for an hour.  This continued for several weeks.


Curious, I pinned a note to his collar: "Every afternoon your dog comes to my house for a nap."


The next day he arrived with a different note pinned to his collar: "He lives in a home with ten children -- he's trying to catch up on his sleep. Can I come with him tomorrow?"


Thanks Gene

Sunday, December 30, 2007

Viagra advertising

Viagra


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How clouds are made....

…at the cloud factory.


Cloudfactory


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Used condoms are cheaper....

Usedcondoms


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Weapon of Self Destruction

Russian Roulette Pistol


Russian roulette pistol


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Beautiful plantlife

Plantlife


Get your mind out of the gutter.


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Leap of faith

The first step is the hardest.


It’s not the fall… it’s the sudden stop at the bottom.


Leapoffaith


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