Monday, August 06, 2007

Hollywood rules

HollywoodSign2It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts: your enemies will wait patiently to attack you one by one, dancing around in a threatening manner until you have knocked out their predecessors.

A detective can only solve a case once he has been suspended from duty.

Honest and hard-working policemen are traditionally gunned down three days before their retirement.

Even when driving down a perfectly straight road, it is necessary to turn the steering wheel vigorously from left to right every few moments.

All beds have special L-shaped sheets that reach the armpit level of a woman, but only the waist level of the man lying beside her.

At least one of a pair of identical twins is born evil.

If staying in a haunted house, women should investigate any strange noises in their most revealing underwear.

Most laptop computers are powerful enough to override the communications system of any invading alien society.

All grocery bags contain at least one stick of French bread.

Police departments give their officers personality tests to make sure they are deliberately assigned a partner who is their total opposite.

Rather than wasting bullets, megalomaniacs prefer to kill their arch enemies using complicated machinery involving fuses, pulley systems, deadly gasses, lasers, and man-eating sharks, which will allow their captives at least a half-hour to escape.

You’re very likely to survive any battle in any war unless you make the mistake of showing someone a picture of your sweetheart back home.

All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with large red readouts so you know exactly when they’re going to go off, but luckily you’ll always blindly choose to cut the right wire.

A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating, but will wince when a woman tries to clean his wounds.

If a large pane of glass is visible, someone will be thrown through it before long.



Anonymous said...

One more to add to this list (and pay attention, it's very true):

Any time you see a gigantic fish tank in any movie, it's only a matter of time before it shatters and all the fish end up on the floor.

Lenox said...

The car. Imports - particularly Mercedes and BMWs - are driven by baddies. Volvos and VW bugs seem to be ok (women drivers, girls).
Police lieutenants, if white, usually end being revealed as baddies in the final reel (Surprise!). English men are usually baddies. Baddies also smoke, have fun sex and, if male, are often blonde.
It's hard work bein' a baddy!

Anonymous said...

And cops always hide behind a car door to stop being hit by a bullet...also more often than not when firing at a car they can manage to hit the gas tank at exactly the right spot to blow it up but cant seem to be able to hit the baddy...

Anonymous said...

Don't forget the most important rule: if any action will normally take weeks / months to accomplish, a montage can't cut that time immensely.

Anonymous said...

*edit to my last post*
Don't forget the most important rule: if any action will normally take weeks / months to accomplish, a montage CAN cut that time immensely.