Monday, October 17, 2005

The Top 14 Things Not to Do While Drinking

14> Trim your ear hair with a steak knife.

13> Teach Junior the value of a dollar -- by tying it to a string and heading for the titty bar.

12> Walk naked on stilts through a crocodile-infested swamp.

11> Hit the cages down the road for some batting practice. Those are monkey cages, Chief, and what Chim Chim is  pitching isn't a baseball.

10> Get married. (You listening, Britney?)

 9> Competitive sushi-eating.

 8> Re-design your business cards to include the number for Slammer's Beach Bar.

 7> Keep playing Three-Card Monte until you find that damn ace of spades.

 6> Announce to your father-in-law that after much research, you've concluded your wife's good-in-bed gene must have come from him.

 5> Paint your living room to match the mysterious lesions on your ass.

 4> Go to a beekeeper's pinata party.

 3> Star Jones.

 2> Tell the Judiciary Committee how you would rule on Roe v Wade.


    and Topfive.com's Number 1 Thing Not to Do While Drinking...


 1> Phone your mother. The booty-call reflex is powerful and unpredictable.

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