Wednesday, October 19, 2005

Top 14 things not to do while drinking - Part II

14> Work on the opening statement for your client's murder trial.

13> Pose for your middle-school yearbook photo.

12> Begin a sentence with "Hey, watch this...."

11> Light your farts with a blow torch. Sure, it *seems* like a good idea at the time.

10> Get around to answering that email from the guy in Nigeria  who says he needs your bank account number so he can apply for U.S. citizenship.

 9> Approach Russell Crowe.

 8> Explain to your wife how you love her more every year,  because every year there's more of her to love.

 7> Go cow-tipping in your Oldsmobile.

 6> A) Make a visit to "Oprah" to talk about your new girlfriend.
      B) Discuss the pros and cons of Ritalin with Matt Lauer.

 5> Offer to give your car to anyone who can do more push-ups than you.

 4> Explain the sheer genius of Scientology to those thick skulled morons at the biker bar.

 3> Teach the baby her ABCs.

 2> Confess to your buddies that whenever you say "Carmen Electra," you secretly mean Joy Behar.


    and Topfive.com's Number 1 Thing Not to Do While Drinking...


 1> Demonstrate to your kids the importance of mowing your pool.

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