14> Work on the opening statement for your client's murder trial.
13> Pose for your middle-school yearbook photo.
12> Begin a sentence with "Hey, watch this...."
11> Light your farts with a blow torch. Sure, it *seems* like a good idea at the time.
10> Get around to answering that email from the guy in Nigeria who says he needs your bank account number so he can apply for U.S. citizenship.
9> Approach Russell Crowe.
8> Explain to your wife how you love her more every year, because every year there's more of her to love.
7> Go cow-tipping in your Oldsmobile.
6> A) Make a visit to "Oprah" to talk about your new girlfriend.
B) Discuss the pros and cons of Ritalin with Matt Lauer.
5> Offer to give your car to anyone who can do more push-ups than you.
4> Explain the sheer genius of Scientology to those thick skulled morons at the biker bar.
3> Teach the baby her ABCs.
2> Confess to your buddies that whenever you say "Carmen Electra," you secretly mean Joy Behar.
and Topfive.com's Number 1 Thing Not to Do While Drinking...
1> Demonstrate to your kids the importance of mowing your pool.
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