Jack Bauer jokes

 The entire defense budget of the USA is used to keep Jack Bauer in supply of cell phone batteries
Jack Bauer once bit a zombie It turned into Tony Almeida
Jack Bauer shot Helen Keller in the knee to make her talk
When in Jack Bauer's presence, Chuck Norris urinates sitting down
Jack Bauer has been to Mars Thats why theres no life on Mars
This one time at band camp Jack Bauer killed a 6 year old terrorist
When you come face to face with Jack Bauer, you can do things the easy way or the hard way. The easy way is ingesting your cyanide pill.
Jack Bauer once played Lance Armstrong and Chuck Norris in a "who has the most testicles contest." He beat them both by a combined total of 46.
Ancient peoples sacrificed virgins to Jack Bauer in anticipation of his birth
Gas prices go up during a crisis because the government needs to pay for Jack Bauer's cell phone bill
Bullets don't kill Jack Bauer because they're afraid to
The reason it is forbidden to show Muhammad’s face is because they don’t want Jack Bauer to recognize him
If Jack Bauer was on Brokeback Mountain, there would be no gay cowboys, just dead ones
In high school, Jack Bauer got a job working as a department store Santa. He was fired after he tortured a child to tell him her Christmas list.
Terrorists go to prison for protection from Jack Bauer. It rarely actually works.
Every time you blink Jack Bauer kills a terrorist, not because you blinked, but because that how many terrorists he kills.
When Jack Bauer plays Deal or No Deal, the banker ALWAYS offers him a million dollars.

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