A Prius meets a Hummer at the gas pumps

 

Prius driver	Cha-Ching	Hummer driver
	1 gallon
That’s really quite a beast you’ve got there.		Yeah, what of it? I like my vehicles big.
	2 gallons
But isn’t it the height of arrogance to drive such a gas guzzler? Especially, these days.		Hey, it’s a free country, buddy. At least my vehicle’s made in America.
	3 gallons
Yeah, I suppose it is, everything but the gasoline that goes in it.		Well, if you liberals would open up Alaska to drilling there would be plenty of  domestic oil.
	4 gallons
Interesting, isn’t it, that when it comes to conservation of natural resources it’s the liberals who are conservative?		I’m not short-changing my lifestyle for some made up gas crisis.
	5 gallons
I haven’t seen your rear bumper but I’m guessing there’s a W sticker back there.		What makes you so sure?
	6 gallons
I’m guessing that not many Hummer drivers voted for Kerry.		Not if they had any sense. And what about you? What’s on your bumper? ‘Visualize Whirled Peas’?
	7 gallons
That’s funny. Nah, just one sticker: 'Think. It’s patriotic.'		Are you saying that because I drive a Hummer I don’t think? I think plenty.
	8 gallons
I’ll bet. Especially while you’re hanging around here at the gas station filling your tank every few days.		Look, I’m not an asshole, okay?
	9 gallons
I never said you were.		But you think it.
	10 gallons
There’s this game I like to play at parties. As I mingle and get to know people, I try to guess which ones would be Hummer drivers.		So the less you like people the more likely that they would drive a Hummer?
	11 gallons
Pretty much.		You know, I could play the same game only in reverse.
	12 gallons
Hey, I’d love to chat some more, but I’m finished here. 12 gallons. That’ll keep me going for a few weeks. Listen, take care. Good luck living with yourself.		Happy trails, granola boy. Try to stay out of the tread in my tires with that windup toy of yours.
	13 gallons
		What a prick.
	14 gallons
		I’m not the asshole; he’s the asshole.
	15 gallons
		I don’t know what this country’s coming to.
	16 gallons
		Damn, do I look hot standing against this Hummer, or what?
	17 gallons
		I wonder if we should have a family picture taken in front of the Hummer for our Christmas card this year.
	18 gallons
		Darla’s gonna love those breast implants I’m getting her for Christmas.
	19 gallons
		Look at these gas prices! I sure hope the President can do something about this. Maybe we do need to invade another Arab country.
	20 gallons
		Bush is a fine president, you know? Maybe even as good as Reagan. I think they ought to put both of their faces up on Mt. Rushmore.
	21 gallons
		I miss full serve gas stations. I could be sitting inside listening to Bill O'Reilly on the radio right now.
	22 gallons
		I wonder what kind of bonus I’ll get this year.
	23 gallons
		What we need in this country is another tax cut. That would set things right.
	24 gallons
		Stupid hybrids. How would I tow my speed boat in one of those goddamned tin cups?
	25 gallons
		Me an asshole. Imagine. How dare that guy judge me. People look up to me. That reminds me I need to clip my nose hairs.
	26 gallons
		Maybe I should take this baby off-road some time. Man, that would be a blast. Nah, all that mud. I just got her detailed.
	27 gallons
		What would Jesus drive? I’ll bet he’d drive a Hummer.
	28 gallons
		Born in the USA, I was born in the USA – I really love that song...
	29 gallons
		...too bad Springsteen is a communist traitor now.
	30 gallons
		Thirty gallons? That’s all? I’m going to be late for work again.
	31 gallons
		Look at all these foreigners around here. Good thing I renewed my NRA membership.
	32 gallons
		Nice weather, I should leave early and play golf at the club.
	33 gallons
		Hey, nobody’s called me on my cell phone in like ten minutes. What’s up with that?
	34 gallons
		I wonder how the market is doing.
	35 gallons
		Lordy, look at that babe. She’s checking me out. Chicks dig my Hummer. And guys are jealous. That’s the flat-out truth.
	36 gallons
		I can’t get that Prius guy out of my head. Why am I letting him bother me?
	37 gallons
		He’s nobody. Probably one of them crazy scientists who believe in climate change. He should listen to Rush Limbaugh. Then he’d know the truth.
	38 gallons
		Okay, I’ve got to let go. Remember, liberal Democrats are people, too. Just misguided.
	39 gallons
		See, I am not an asshole. I’m a compassionate conservative blessed with uncommon good sense and lots of money.
	40 gallons
		Full. Finally. Now I can be on my way. It’s gonna be a great day. Sure is good to be me.

 

via Blogywood

Penis Jello shot molds

You can make ice cubes… or Jello shots.    …and…they’re on sale.   just $3.99

Order yours today.

via Blogywood

Still crazy after all these years

Charles Manson revisited

Convicted of the 1969 murder of actress Sharon Take and some friends, Charles Manson is still in prison. Here are some of his thoughts from his statement during his trial.

•  I have spent my life in jail, and without parents.
•  I never went to school, so I never growed up in the respect to learn to read and write so good, so I have stayed in jail and I have stayed stupid, I have stayed a child while I have watched your world grow up, and then I look at the things that you do and I don't understand.
•  Most of the people at the ranch that you call The Family were just people that you did not want, people that were alongside the road, that their parents had kicked them out or they did not want to go to Juvenile Hall, so I did the best I could and I took them up on my garbage dump and I told them this that in love there is no wrong.
•  I don't care. I have one law and I learned it when I was a kid in reform school. It's don't snitch. And I have never snitched, And I told them that anything they do for their brothers and sisters is good, if they do it with a good thought.
•  I can't dislike you, but I will say this to you. You haven't got long before you are all going to kill yourselves because you are all crazy.
•  You should all turn around and face your children and start following them and listening to them.
•  I may have implied on several occasions to several different people that I may have been Jesus Christ, but I haven't decided yet what I arn or who I am.
•  I look and I say, "Why are you mad at me?"
•  Yesterday you cannot prove yesterday happened today, it would take you all day and then it would be tomorrow, and you can't prove last week happened. You can't prove anything except to yourself.

Read more

via growabrain

Pouring the perfect beer

 Great inventions are often responses to simple problems. For Matt Younkle, the problem was a discouragingly long line at his college bar. Ten years later, the thirst-inspired spark of frustration he felt then has resulted in Chicago-based Laminar Technologies’s TurboTap (turbotap.com), a 4.5-inch-long stainless-steel nozzle that attaches to standard beer faucets and pours a beer twice as fast as existing taps.

 Pumping beer at high speeds through a traditional tap creates turbulence—the increased pressure causes the beer to flow randomly, not just straight down. Also, air travels up through the tap, mixing with the beer and disturbing its flow. Finally, the beer smashes into the bottom of the glass and foams up.

Read more.

via The Presurfer

The banana, as we know it, could become extinct

The Cavendish—as the slogan of Chiquita, the globe’s largest banana producer, declares—is “quite possibly the world’s perfect food.” Bananas are nutritious and convenient; they’re cheap and consistently available. Americans eat more bananas than any other kind of fresh fruit, averaging about 26.2 pounds of them per year, per person (apples are a distant second, at 16.7 pounds). It also turns out that the 100 billion Cavendish bananas consumed annually worldwide are perfect from a genetic standpoint, every single one a duplicate of every other. It doesn’t matter if it comes from Honduras or Thailand, Jamaica or the Canary Islands—each Cavendish is an identical twin to one first found in Southeast Asia, brought to a Caribbean botanic garden in the early part of the 20th century, and put into commercial production about 50 years ago.

That sameness is the banana’s paradox. After 15,000 years of human cultivation, the banana is too perfect, lacking the genetic diversity that is key to species health. What can ail one banana can ail all. A fungus or bacterial disease that infects one plantation could march around the globe and destroy millions of bunches, leaving supermarket shelves empty.

A wild scenario? Not when you consider that there’s already been one banana apocalypse. Until the early 1960s, American cereal bowls and ice cream dishes were filled with the Gros Michel, a banana that was larger and, by all accounts, tastier than the fruit we now eat. Like the Cavendish, the Gros Michel, or “Big Mike,” accounted for nearly all the sales of sweet bananas in the Americas and Europe. But starting in the early part of the last century, a fungus called Panama disease began infecting the Big Mike harvest. The malady, which attacks the leaves, is in the same category as Dutch Elm disease. It appeared first in Suriname, then plowed through the Car- ibbean, finally reaching Honduras in the 1920s. (The country was then the world’s largest banana producer; today it ranks third, behind Ecuador and Costa Rica.)

Growers adopted a frenzied strategy of shifting crops to unused land, maintaining the supply of bananas to the public but at great financial and environmental expense—the tactic destroyed millions of acres of rainforest. By 1960, the major importers were nearly bankrupt, and the future of the fruit was in jeopardy. (Some of the shortages during that time entered the fabric of popular culture; the 1923 musical hit “Yes! We Have No Bananas” is said to have been written after songwriters Frank Silver and Irving Cohn were denied in an attempt to purchase their favorite fruit by a syntactically colorful, out-of-stock neighborhood grocer.) U.S. banana executives were hesitant to recognize the crisis facing the Gros Michel, according to John Soluri, a history professor at Carnegie Mellon University and author of Banana Cultures, an upcoming book on the fruit. “Many of them waited until the last minute.”

Read more.

via The Presurfer

Wireless internet for everyone... and it's FREE

Could it really happen?  Get ready for GoogleNet.  

What if Google (GOOG) wanted to give Wi-Fi  access to everyone in America? And what if it had technology capable of targeting advertising to a user’s precise location? The gatekeeper of the world’s information could become one of the globe’s biggest Internet providers and one of its most powerful ad sellers, basically supplanting  telcoms in one fell swoop. Sounds crazy, but how might Google go about it?

First it would build a national broadband network -- let's call it the GoogleNet -- massive enough to rival even the country's biggest Internet service providers. Business 2.0 has learned from telecom insiders that Google is already building such a network, though ostensibly for many reasons. For the past year, it has quietly been shopping for miles and miles of "dark," or unused, fiber-optic cable across the country from wholesalers such as New York’s AboveNet. It's also acquiring superfast connections from Cogent Communications and WilTel, among others, between East Coast cities including Atlanta, Miami, and New York. Such large-scale purchases are unprecedented for an Internet company, but Google's timing is impeccable. The rash of telecombankruptcies has freed up a ton of bargain-priced capacity, which Google needs as it prepares to unleash a flood of new, bandwidth-hungry applications. These offerings could include everything from a digital-video database to on-demand television programming.

Read more.

via Metafilter

Baby pigs being raised by a tiger

via Look at this

An accident looking for a place to happen

Now that's what I call a driveway

Curiosity captured the kid

Bridge over the River Yikes!

A 10 ton truck on a 2 ton bridge

Another idiot on a crotch rocket

Three stills from a video going around the internet.  At least she was wearing a helmet.  I hope she dumped him the way he “dumped” her.

via New Links

40 things never said by rednecks

Here are a few from the list:

•  Oh I just couldn't. Hell, she's only sixteen.
•  I'll take Shakespeare for 1000, Alex.
•  Wrasslin's fake.
•  Honey, we don't need another dog.
• I just couldn't find a thing at Walmart today.
•  My fiance, Bobbie Jo, is registered at Tiffany's.
•  Checkmate.
•  Hey, here's an episode of "Hee Haw" that we haven't seen.
•  Nope, no more for me. I'm drivin tonight.

Here’s the complete list.

via New Links

No-bake fake Twinkies recipe

 Tastes like the real thing (at least to me, it does) Plus you don't even have to light the oven!! Prep time includes washing and drying the foam rubber seat cushion.

• 2  lbs lard
• 1  cup sugar
• 1 foam rubber seat cushion

Makes 24 servings
48 hours prep time
 

1. Thoroughly cream lard and sugar.
2. Use this mixture to fill a pastry bag.
3. Set aside.
4. Get a foam rubber seat cushion from your living room.
5. Remove upholstery from seat cushion.
6. Cut the foam rubber into rectangular shapes, approximately 1 1/2" by 1 1/2 " by 4".
7. Fill your sink with hot soapy water, and wash the foam rubber pieces, rinsing carefully.
8. Spread out on towel to dry thoroughly, turning after 1 day.
9. When thoroughly dry, plunge a hot knitting needle through the narrow end, and quickly remove.
10. Repeat for each piece of foam rubber.
11. Fill the resulting tunnels using the pastry bag.
12. Serve on doily lined plastic plate.

More recipes

via J-Walk blog

Lottery Winner

A man gets home, screeches his car into the driveway, runs into the house, slams the door and shouts to his wife at the top of his lungs,"Pack your bags. I won the lottery!"

The wife says, "Oh my God! What should I pack, beach stuff or mountain stuff?"

"Doesn't matter," he says. "Just get the hell out."

 

 

 

Thanks Cuzin Phyl

It'll be hard, but I'll try

Grandmas are taking back the streets

A hard days night

Hmmm

Anorexia 0 - Chubby 1

via 4 all fun

Land Ahoy!

It’s a hell of a lot closer than that!

via 4 all fun

Ways your state can kill you

Here are some examples:

• Missouri:  Authorizes lethal injection or lethal gas; the statute leaves unclear who decides what method to use, the inmate or the Director of the Missouri Department of Corrections.
• Alabama:  Effective 7/1/02, lethal injection will be administered unless the inmate requests electrocution.
• Idaho:  Authorizes firing squad only if lethal injection is "impractical".
• Florida:  Allows prisoners to choose between lethal injection and electrocution
•  New Hampshire: Authorizes hanging only if lethal injection cannot be given.
•  Washington: Provides that lethal injection be administered unless the inmate requests hanging.
•  Utah: Lethal Injection is the sole method of execution. Firing squad was chosen by some inmates prior to the passage of legislation banning the practice, and is only available for those inmates.
•  California: Provides that lethal injection be administered unless the inmate requests lethal gas.

Complete list

via Information Junk

Look up in the sky.....

It’s a flying mouse.  From the San Francisco Chronicle:

Time is running out for Mousie the mouse who, tied to two birthday balloons, was last seen soaring helplessly over the Berkeley (California) hills toward points east.

Mousie has been gone for a week now. Mousie's owner, an 11-year-old girl who tied him to the balloons in the first place, is as distraught as an 11-year-old girl can be.

"It's a tragedy,'' said Caroline Nielsen. "I feel terrible. It should never have happened. Mousie is a member of the family.''

Mousie, it should be pointed out, is not a live mouse but a 3-inch-tall stuffed mouse. That does not make Mousie any less real to Caroline, who has treasured Mousie since the day nine years ago when her dad brought the toy home from a business trip.

Read all about Mousie

via Smell the Facts

How to open a shaken can of soda

 Have you ever wondered why shaking a soda results in a great explosion when it's opened? What causes a 2-liter bottle of soda to go flat? Is there anything that can be done to keep fizz in a bottle of soda? Get ready to uncover some amazing soda secrets that will change your soda drinking habits.

Experiment:

• 1. Vigorously shake a sealed can of soda.
• 2. Invite a dinner guest to immediately open the can! Of course, most sane people will refuse the offer.
• 3. With a little science know-how, you'll be able to open the can without spilling a drop. The secret is to use your finger to snap the side of the can. This action dislodges the bubbles attached to the side of the can and they float to the top. When the can is opened, the gas simply escapes. As you will soon discover, tapping the top of the can does nothing.

More info.

via growabrain

Rejected soda flavors

Here are just a few:

 

Check them all out.

From Fark via growabrain

 

A spider shake? No thanks, I'll have a Diet Pepsi please

  

View the spider shake photos.

via growabrain

Barbie, she ain't

We're gonna come right out and say it... Barbie's so perfect it makes us sick. She's so pretty and so popular and so... so everything that we're not. Barbie makes us feel like pathetic losers. What we really crave is a doll that makes us feel SUPERIOR, for god's sake.

And now we've found one with this TALKING PREGNANT TRAILER TRASH DOLL

This astounding doll captures a world that Barbie has never seen.  She wears a leather jacket and halter top, sports a head of bleached-blonde hair complete with curlers, and has a cigarette dangling from her mouth.

Oh, and she's pregnant, too. So even if Barbie has never met her, there's a chance that Ken did.

And she talks, too! When you press her bellybutton, the Trailer Trash Doll will say things like "Pour me a double, I'm drinkin' for two." and "Bubba Jr., get off your sister!"

Find out more here.

via Bifurcated Rivets

Have you swatted your alarm clock today?

The Sfera is a radio alarm clock which hangs above your bed and wakes you in the morning by forcing you physically to get out of bed. When you set the alarm, the glowing Sfera gradually dims and the music gently fades out as you drift off to sleep. When the alarm chimes in the morning, the only way to silence it is to reach up and gently tap the Sfera. This action initiates the snooze function, but it also makes the Sfera rise above your head towards the ceiling. As it slowly rises away from your reach, you must stretch higher each time to gain another ten minutes of snooze. When it reaches the ceiling, you have no option but to reach for it and drag it back down to your bed – an action which switches off the alarm and forces you finally to get up.

The Sfera alarm clock.

via J-Walk blog

The Top 15 Things "FEMA" Might Actually Stand For

• 15> Federal Emergency, My Ass!
• 14> Floodwaters Exceeding My Armpits
• 13> Feeble Efforts, Minimal Aid
• 12> Fundraising Earns Management Appointment
• 11> Flailing Energetically Means Assisting
• 10> Food, Electricity, Manpower? AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!
•  9> Forgot Emergency Manual Accidentally
•  8> Finding Employment for Mealy-mouthed Ass-kissers
•  7> Fumble Everything, Mighty Asshats!
•  6> Finger Entry Method: Anal
•  5> Featuring Enron Managerial Accountability
•  4> Focused on Equines, Mostly Arabian
•  3> Finally Ejected Mike's Ass
•  2> Forget Everyone in Mobile, Alabama
•  1> Future Eatery Managers of America

via TopFive.com

The kiss

This photograph shows a red Doberman licking an exhausted fireman.

He had just saved her from a fire in her house, rescuing her by carrying her out of the house into her front? yard, while he continued to fight the fire.

She is pregnant.

The firefighter was afraid of her at first, because he had never been around a Doberman before.

When he finally got done putting the fire out, he sat down to catch his breath and rest.

A photographer from the Charlotte, North Carolina newspaper, "The Observer,"

noticed this red Doberman in the distance looking at the fireman.

He saw her walking straight toward the fireman and wondered what she was going to do.

As he raised his camera, she came up to the tired man who had saved her life and the lives of her babies, and kissed him, just as the photographer snapped this photograph.

And people say animals are dumb - yeah right.

Thanks Mickie

Desperate times in Louisiana

Thanks Ronnie

Rate my finger

There are sites where you can rate boobs, butt’s babes, guys …and now fingers.

Rate My Finger

via Linky & Dinky

Buy your guy a skort

Spice up your dreams in a SkortManSleepSkirt. SkortManSleepSkirt is made from fine light weight cotton or other fine fabrics. Choice of colors, hem lengths.  The roomy panty is sewn into the garment.

Pleated long sleeves on the matching shirt.

Skort only $45

Shirt Only $60

Get yours here you sissy boy.

via Linky & Dinky

I'm guessing this is art. What's your guess?

via Fresh Pictures