via Fresh Pictures
Saturday, September 17, 2005
Tremors may mean 'Big One' on its way
Vancouver — A silent tectonic event, so powerful it has shifted southern Vancouver Island out to sea, but so subtle nobody has felt a thing, is slowly unfolding on the West Coast.
Scientists who are tracking the event with sensitive seismographs and earth orbiting satellites warn it could be a trigger for a massive earthquake -- some time, maybe soon.
From Globe and Mail via Land-o-links
Send those mass mailers your trash
Tired of receiving mounds of unsolicited letters and offers in the mail? Want to fight back? Want to get rid of that old tire in your garage that the garbage man won't take?
Here’s a guy who decided to take matters into his own hands.
If they send you a “Business Reply Mail” envelope with postage paid then you can send them your trash.
I’ve actually done this with stuffing envelopes a couple of times, but haven’t tried a box of junk.
via Linky & Dinky
Friday, September 16, 2005
Will the real penny please stand up
You’ve seen them a million times. But do you really know what a penny looks like?
Only one of these images of a penny is correct. Which one is it?
No cheating now! Some are obviously wrong… that’s clear, but which is correct? Click the link below and select the right penny.
Click here to see if you can tell which one is correct.
via Linky & Dinky
Sniffing the Queen
He’s probably the only one who could get away with that. He’s probably the only one that would want to anyway.
via Fresh Pictures
Actual newspaper headlines
- Grandmother of eight makes hole in one (Which one?)
- William Kelly was fed secretary (Hope he was hungry)
- Safety experts say school bus passengers should be belted (I’d like to slug a few kids)
- Farmer bill dies in house (Better than out in the field)
- Iraqi head seeks arms (Helps make a body whole)
- Queen Mary having bottom scraped (I’m not gonna touch that one)
- Is there a ring of debris around Uranus?
- Panda mating fails - veterinarian takes over (He’s a pervert)
- Child's stool great for use in garden
- Miners refuse to work after death (Lazy bums)
- Drunk drivers paid $1,000 in 1984 (I believe I’ll have another beer)
- If strike isn't settled quickly it may last a while (DUH!)
- Blind woman gets new kidney from dad she hasn't seen in years (Really?)
- Something went wrong in jet crash, experts say (well, they’re the experts, they oughta know)
- Man is fatally slain (Is there another way to be slain?)
- Death causes loneliness, feeling of isolation (When you stop talking to people, they stop talking to you)
More Actual Newspaper Headlines
via New Links
Take a stroll over the Grand Canyon
Imagine walking out over the Grand Canyon and staring 4,000 feet down into the Colorado River -- while standing on four inches of glass.
Back in 1996, local businessman David Jin dreamed up the idea for a glass walkway while on a tour of the canyon with his family.
Scheduled to open Jan. 1, the U-shaped structure, called The Skywalk at Grand Canyon West, juts about 70 feet into the canyon.
The walkway will be part of a tourist destination on the Hualapai Indian Reservation that includes Western- and Indian-themed villages and helicopter, pontoon and horseback rides.
Click images to see larger version
Clic the images to see a larger version.
Thursday, September 15, 2005
The world according to student bloopers
This has been around for quite a while. but it’s still hysterically funny.
One of the fringe benefits of being an English or History teacher is receiving the occasional jewel of a student blooper in an essay. I have pasted together the following "history" of the world from certifiably genuine student bloopers collected by teachers throughout the United States, from eight grade through college level. Read carefully, and you will learn a lot.
For instance:
- The inhabitants of Egypt were called mummies. They lived in the Sarah Dessert and traveled by Camelot. The climate of the Sarah is such that the inhabitants have to live elsewhere, so certain areas of the dessert are cul- tivated by irritation. The Egyptians built the Pyramids in the shape of a huge triangular cube. The Pramids are a range of mountains between France and Spain.
- In the Olympic Games, Greeks ran races, jumped, hurled the biscuits, and threw the java. The reward to the victor was a coral wreath. The government of Athen was democratic because the people took the law into their own hands. There were no wars in Greece, as the mountains were so high that they couldn't climb over to see what their neighbors were doing. When they fought the Parisians, the Greeks were outnumbered because the Persians had more men.
- One of the causes of the Revolutionary Wars was the English put tacks in their tea. Also, the colonists would send their pacels through the post with- out stamps. During the War, Red Coats and Paul Revere was throwing balls over stone walls. The dogs were barking and the peacocks crowing. Finally, the colonists won the War and no longer had to pay for taxis.
- Bach was the most famous composer in the world, and so was Handel. Handel was half German, half Italian and half English. He was very large. Bach died from 1750 to the present. Beethoven wrote music even though he was deaf. He was so deaf he wrote loud music. He took long walks in the forest even when everyone was calling for him. Beethoven expired in 1827 and later died for this.
- Meanwhile in Europe, the enlightenment was a reasonable time. Voltare invented electricity and also wrote a book called "Candy". Gravity was invented by Issac Walton. It is chiefly noticeable in the Autumn, when the apples are flaling off the trees.
- The First World War, cause by the assignation of the Arch-Duck by a surf, ushered in a new error in the anals of human history.
via Look at this
Black Gold vs. Black Angus
With the price of gas through the roof, we thought we’d take a look at what a few other liquids cost by the gallon.
With gasoline seemingly turned from commodity to luxury, it comes as no surprise that American wallets are feeling somewhat pinched. Getting to and from work costs more than ever before. Ditto sitting in the drive-thru. Filling up a Hummer a few times costs as much as the penis extension Hummer drivers desperately need. Indeed, motorists from coast to coast can be found pumpside, scratching their heads and asking, “Don’t we own Iraq?” and “Can’t we drill where them Eskimos is?” The answers, of course, are soon and soon, respectively. Until that time comes, we can all seek solace in the fact that although the price of a gallon of gas has risen to staggering new heights, it’s really nothing compared to a gallon of Jennifer Lopez’s Glow. Or bull spooge. For the savvy shopper, here’s a list of other daily essentials priced at the gallon.
Hot Hooters Booby Oil 331.52
Adam & EveOrtho fire ant killer 111.04
Home Depot- Starbucks latte 29.20
Starbucks- Similac baby formula 23.96
CVS- NyQuil 89.47
Duane Reade- Glow by J. Lo 1,995.29
Macy’s- Bull semen $189,270.70
Bovine Elite, Texas
From Radar Online via Bifurcated Rivets
Pole Dancing for Real Women DVD
Pole Dancing for Real Women is the first of its kind in the world! This is the video for ALL women, regardless of physical fitness, weight or stature. Have FUN, learn the basic moves in an easy-to-follow format!
Featuring:
Fawnia Mondey, Professional Dancer for over ten years, North America Exotic Dance Champion, Fawnia holds several titles for her professional dancing. She is one of the world's first exotic dance instructors.
They’ll even see you the pole 
here.
They’ll even rent you their pole. You can buy your very own pole there too.
Wednesday, September 14, 2005
Tuesday, September 13, 2005
Sex in Progress light
The lamp that needs no explanation, but we'll give one anyway.
The Sex in Progress Light is an ingenious way to share your prowess to the public. Put it on your nightstand, outside your bedroom, or if you're cocky enough, outside your house. Never accidentally be walked in by your roommate again.
Get one for your friend Don Juan, or as a gag gift for the prude nerd down the street too.
Specs:
7 inches by 3 inches in size.
4 AA batteries required (Not included.)Light up your doorway for only $19.95
From WonderfulWacky.com via Strangenewproducts.com
Take a whiff... and stop stinking
I’m telling you….you can’t make this stuff up.
Feces, poop, sh#t, crap,#2, stool, doodie, dump...
Call it what you want, but it sure stinks up the bathroom! But now you or someone you know can reduce or eliminate (no pun intended) the smell of poop itself, just by taking two Whiff capsules a day. It's all natural and it works!. Take a Whiff!™ Because poop doesn't have to stink!
Check out Take a Whiff
via growabrain
Lock up your Coke... or Pepsi
KwikTop is a small, re-usable, patented, in-expensive and user friendly bottle locking device with the unique feature of an integrated combination-lock.
KwikTop has developed two models: One for plastic bottles and one for glass bottles.
You can even personalize your KwikTop bottle lock with your picture, so your friends will know who’s bottle they’re trying to break into.
Here’s the scoop on KwikTop bottle locks.
via J-Walk blog
Fireplace TV
Now you see it…
Now you don’t…
Picture House presents Plasma TV FRireplaces and Cabinets
TV presenter and custom furniture designer David Free invented the award winning 'Plasma TV Fireplace' and designed a range of elegant and innovative, Plasma TV cabinets that contain a unique lifting mechanism that will magically glide your Plasma or LCD TV to viewing height at the touch of a button. When you're finished with the evenings entertainment, transform your room from home cinema back to your favourite room in the house. And with the remote control that comes with every Picture House product you can control everything from the comfort of your favourite chair. No wires….. No cables….. No television… Check it out here.
via J-Walk blog
Monday, September 12, 2005
"I not come work today"
Hung Chow calls in to work and says, "Hey, boss I not come work today, I really sick. I got headache, stomach ache and my legs hurt. I not come work."
The boss says, "You know, Hung Chow, I really need you today. When I feel like this I go to my wife and tell her give me sex. That makes everything better and I go work. You try that."
Two hours later Hung Chow calls again: "Boss, I do that you say and I feel great. I be at work soon. You got nice house."...
Thanks Phyl
Mistaken identity
A guy is in line at the supermarket when he notices that a rather dishy blonde behind him has just raised her hand and smiled hello to him.
He is rather taken aback that such a looker would be waving to him, and although familiar he can't place where he might know her from, so he says "Sorry, do you know me?"
She replies, "I may be mistaken, but I thought you might be the father of one of my children."
His mind shoots back to the one and only time he has been unfaithful.
"Holy crap," he says, "Are you that stripper from my bachelor party that I screwed on the pool table in front of all my friends while your girlfriend whipped me with some wet celery and stuck a cucumber up my
ass?""No," she replies, "I'm your son's English teacher.
Thanks Deadeye
Why quit smoking?
Every 10 seconds someone dies from tobacco use, says the World Health Organization. Medical research suggests that those who start smoking in their teens (as 90% of smokers do) and continue for two decades or more will die 20 to 25 years earlier than those who never light up.
Keep clicking on graphic to enlarge it.
via growabrain
Tongue-eating bug found in fish
A gross creature which gobbles up a fish's tongue and then replaces it with its own body has been found in Britain for the first time.
The bug - which has the scientific name cymothoa exigua - was discovered inside the mouth of a red snapper bought from a London fishmonger.
The 3.5cm creature had grabbed onto the fish's tongue and slowly ate away at it until only a stub was left.
It then latched onto the stub and became the fish's "replacement tongue".
Band name origins
A few examples:
-
Steely Dan The band's name (like a number of others) is derived from the works of William S. Burroughs: Steely Dan is the name of a giant flying steam-powered dildo that appeared in Burroughs' book Naked Lunch. Fagen once explained, "We just wanted to give the band a little more thrust than most other bands." -
The Doors Jim Morrison was very much into philosophy. He origionally wanted to name the band "The Doors Into Perception," but the record company made them change it. -
Muddy Waters McKinley Morganfield earned his nickname from his grandfather. He called him Muddy Waters when his grandson was a child because Muddy loved to play in the waters a lot. -
Bare Naked Ladies It actually started out as a dare. The guys dressed up as ladies (bare naked ones). Their friends cracked up because the guys had actually taken the dare. They called the guys the Bare Naked Ladies and the name just stuck. Not to mention the fact that they also like real bare naked ladies. -
Rolling Stones The Rolling Stones took their name from a Muddy Waters song that went " papa was a rollin' stone..." Founder Brian Jones had several illegitimate children and the song by blues legend Muddy moved him with it's lyrics about a struggling father who said "wherever he laid his hat was his home". Mick Jagger and Keith Richards joined and they added the "g" when they got signed as the Rolling Stones. Sources - 2 biographies "Stone Alone" & "Old Gods Almost Dead"
Many songs have multiple origins listed. Pick the one you like best.
Here’s the complete list. It’s extensive.
via The Presurfer
How to Help a Friend Who Gets Arrested in the Middle of the Night
This could come in handy, knowing some of my friends.
- If a police officer or detective calls you to tell you someone has been arrested, First ask: where they are being held and by what police agency. If your loved one calls, find out from them. Tell them you are finding him a lawyer and not to answer any police questions until the lawyer arrives.
- Find out what the charges are and what time the arrest was made. Do not let your loved one tell you what happened. The call is not privileged and it can, and probably will be, recorded by police for later use against your loved one. They should just tell you the actual charge. If they cannot tell you without explanation, tell them that "it doesn't matter," and continue to step three below.
- Inform the police or detective to either not speak to your loved one or ask them any questions. Tell your loved one not to make any statement or take any test and tell them you are getting a lawyer and not to do or say anything until they hear from that lawyer.
- Select a Criminal Defense Attorney. Keep calling lawyers until you find one that either answers their phone or has an answering service that can reach them anytime day or night.
- Tell the lawyer that your friend is arrested and give as much information as you can. Ask that they immediately call the stationhouse and stop your friend from being questioned. Many lawyers will do this for free but expect to pay at least $150-350 for that call.
- You do not have to use the lawyer that helps you for arraignment as a free lawyer is often available, HOWEVER it is better to have your own lawyer at arraignment if you can.
- Gather as much money as you can to both pay the lawyer in court and to post bail. It is more important to get a good lawyer into the case early than to immediately get your friend out of jail.
How to Help a Friend Who Gets Arrested in the Middle of the Night
via The Presurfer
Sunday, September 11, 2005
1,400 miles, 110 mpg on 1 tank of gas
Dan Kroushl punched the gas pedal in his silver Toyota Prius during the final 30 minutes of the 47-hour, 1,397-mile trip completed on a single tank of gasoline.
Kroushl was attempting to suck up the last of the battery energy and gas his car had been running on for most of the weekend.
The fuel light had been on for the past eight hours and trying to break the unofficial record for most miles per gallon set by a hybrid in Japan had become more of a headache than an astonishing feat.
Kroushl and four other middle-aged men are fuel-obsessive mileage maniacs, who drove themselves into the Internet's record pages with a jaw-dropping joy ride over a 15-mile stretch of Route 65 in Sewickley while averaging a little more than 110 miles a gallon.
via The Daily Pick
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