For Gail…..
Saturday, February 11, 2006
How to take a caffeine nap
The Caffeine Nap is simple. You drink a cup of coffee and immediately take a 15 minute nap. Researchers found coffee helps clear your system of adenosine, a chemical which makes you sleepy. So in testing, the combination of a cup of coffee with an immediate nap chaser provided the most alertness for the longest period of time. The recommendation was to nap only 15 minutes, no more or less and you must sleep immediately after the coffee.
Researchers have found that this works better than rolling down windows for cold exposure, blasting the radio and slapping oneself in the face to try to stay awake
Big trouble
A husband was in big trouble when he forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife told him "Tomorrow, there better be something in the driveway for me that goes from zero to 200 in 2 seconds flat."
The next morning the wife found a small package in the driveway. She opened it up and found a brand new bathroom scale. A closed-casket viewing is scheduled for Monday.
The funeral
As a young minister, I was asked by a funeral director to hold a graveside service for a homeless man, with no family or friends, who had died while traveling through the area.
The funeral was to be held at a cemetery way back in the country, and this man would be the first to be laid to rest there. As I was not familiar with the backwoods area, I became lost, and being a typical man did not stop for directions. I finally arrived an hour late.
I saw the backhoe and the crew, who was eating lunch, but the hearse was nowhere in sight. I apologized to the workers for my tardiness, and stepped to the side of the open grave, where I saw the vault lid already in place. I assured the workers I would not hold them up for long, but this was the proper thing to do.
The workers gathered around, still eating their lunch. I poured out my heart and soul. As I preached the workers began to say "Amen," "Praise the Lord," and "Glory". I preached, and I preached, like I'd never preached before - from Genesis all the way to Revelations. I closed the lengthy service with a prayer and walked to my car. I felt I had done my duty for the homeless man and that the crew would leave with a renewed sense of purpose and dedication, in spite of my tardiness.
As I was opening the door and taking off my coat, I overheard one of the workers saying to another, "I ain't never seen anything like that before, and I've been putting in septic tanks for twenty years."
Thanks Phyllis
Learning a new language...
A Catholic Priest was about to leave his Mission in the jungles where he spent years teaching the natives. Then he realizes that the one thing he never taught them was how to speak English, so he took the chief for a walk in the forest. He points to a tree and says to the chief, "This is a tree."
The chief looks at the tree and grunts, "Tree."
The Priest was pleased with the response. They walk a little farther and he points to a rock and says, "This is a rock."
Hearing this, the chief looks and grunts, "Rock."
The Priest really getting enthusiastic about the results when he hears a rustling in the bushes. As he peeks over the top, he sees a couple of natives in the midst of heavy sexual activity. The Priest is really flustered and quickly responds, "Riding a bike."
The chief looks at the couple briefly, pulls out his blowgun and kills them. The Priest goes ballistic and yells at the chief that he has spent years teaching the tribe how to be civilized and kind to each other, so how could he kill these people in cold blood that way?
The chief replied, "My bike."
Thanks Fishy Mary
SAN JOSE SNOWBALL TURNS 30
SAN JOSE, CALIFORNIA - 30 years ago, (February 5th, 1976 to be exact), a 14 year old boy went out into his front yard to play in the snow. Just about all the neighbors were out, adults and kids alike: taking pictures, making snowmen, throwing snowballs, and having a lot of fun.
So, why all the fuss? It’s just snow! Well in San Jose, California where they haven’t seen snow since, it was a rare event indeed.
In an attempt to preserve the moment, the excited kid made a snowball and put it in the freezer. Today that snowball is still in his mom’s freezer and is the oldest preserved and documented snowball on record.
More on the old snowball here.
Friday, February 10, 2006
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?Thursday, February 09, 2006
Soda that turns you on - supposedly
From Channel 6 News
'Banned' Aphrodisiac Soda To Be Sold In Stores
A new soda promising to sexually arouse the person drinking it will soon be available in stores nationwide, according to a Local 6 News report.
Wednesday, February 08, 2006
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