Saturday, November 18, 2006
Scary News For Frequent Flyers!!!!
Fliers beware of the sub-standard maintenance on the airplanes that you fly on.
An actual crack in a US Airways DC-9 window frame was spotted recently.
I'll definitely think twice before flying USAir.
Be careful where you drive
The council in Manchester installed some retractable bollards to stop people using bus lanes.
Why does the diet coke float while the classic coke sinks?
The artificial sweetener used in diet coke is hundreds of times sweeter per unit volume than regular sugar. Classic coke has about 11 teaspoons of sugar in each can which are taken up by water in the diet coke can. Since sugar is more dense than water, it is not surprising that the diet coke will be less dense than classic coke.
A new way to multiply
This is REALLY interesting.
How to multiply big numbers by drawing lines… and without using a calculator.
What is the most common birthday?
From AskYahoo:
We found several references to this question on the Web, all pointing to the same source: a survey of 12,576 Americans conducted by Anybirthday.com.
Answers like this one from the Fredericksburg Free Lance-Star cite the study's finding of October 5 as the date the most people (in the U.S., anyway) are born. The 2001 report claims approximately 968,000 living Americans entered the world on that date. (The original web page announcing these results is no longer online, but we oh-so-cleverly queried the Internet Archive Wayback Machine and found it.)
So why October 5? Just a random date? Perhaps, but Anybirthday has a theory: To be born on this date, a baby would most likely have been conceived on New Year's Eve.
The survey also found May 22 to be the least common birthday. As yet, no guesses as to what it is that happens in late August (nine months prior to that date) that routinely turns so many people off. Perhaps it's just too darn hot?
Baby Bush toys
Many of today's children's products are focused solely on finding 'the right answer.'
All of the Baby Bush Toys have multiple correct answers, except some that don't even have answers. Or questions!
Here are a few examples:
Doe, a deer, a female deer
As I was pulling into my driveway about 1:00 am this morning after a poker night out with the boys, I saw a deer run across my lawn. I got out of my car and just stood motionless in my driveway for a few minutes. I could hear rustling in the woods next to my house. I waited a couple more minutes and two deer ran across my front lawn. This is a picture of the first one. I took a picture of the second one too but it didn’t come out. (I used some software to lighten the picture.)
Friday, November 17, 2006
Cannibals
A cannibal was walking through the jungle and came upon a restaurant opened by a fellow cannibal.
Feeling somewhat hungry, he sat down and looked over the menu: Broiled Missionary $10 - Fried Explorer $15 - Baked Politician $100.
The Cannibal called the waiter over and asked, "Why such a price difference for the politician?"
The waiter replied, "Have you ever tried to clean one?"
The 5 Toughest Questions a Woman Can Ask a Man
The questions are:
- What are you thinking about?
- Do you love me?
- Do I look fat?
- Do you think she is prettier than me?
- What would you do if I died?
What makes these questions so difficult is that every one is guaranteed to explode into a major argument if the man answers incorrectly (i.e tells the truth). Therefore, as a public service, each question is analyzed below, along with possible responses.
Question # 1: What are you thinking about?
The proper answer to this, of course, is: "I'm sorry if I've been pensive, dear. I was just reflecting on what a warm, wonderful, thoughtful, caring, intelligent woman you are, and how lucky I am to have met you." This response obviously bears no resemblance to the true answer, which most likely is one of the following:
- Baseball.
- Football.
- How fat you are.
- How much prettier she is than you.
- How I would spend the insurance money if you died.
(Perhaps the best response to this question was offered by Al Bundy, who once told Peg, "If I wanted you to know what I was thinking, I would be talking to you!")
Question # 2: Do you love me?
The proper response is: "YES!" or, if you feel a more detailed answer is in order, "Yes, dear." Inappropriate responses include:
- I suppose so.
- Would it make you feel better if I said yes?
- That depends on what you mean by love.
- Does it matter?
- Who, me?
Question # 3: Do I look fat?
The correct answer is an emphatic: "Of course not!" Among the incorrect answers are:
- Compared to what?
- I wouldn't call you fat, but you're not exactly thin.
- A little extra weight looks good on you.
- I've seen fatter.
- Could you repeat the question? I was just thinking about how I would spend the insurance money if you died.
Question # 4: Do you think she's prettier than me? Once again, the proper response is an emphatic: "Of course not!" Incorrect responses include:
- Yes, but you have a better personality
- Not prettier, but definitely thinner
- Not as pretty as you, when you were her age
- Define 'pretty'
- Could you repeat the question? I was just thinking about how I would spend the insurance money if you died.
Question #5: What would you do if I died?
A definite no-win question. (The real answer, or course, is "Buy a Corvette.")
No matter how you answer this, be prepared for at least an hour of follow-up questions, usually along the these lines:
- She....Would you get married again?
He.....Definitely not!
She....Why not - don't you like being married?
He.....Of course I do.
She....Then why wouldn't you remarry?
He.....Okay, I'd get married again.
She....You would? (With a hurtful look on her face)
He.....Yes, I would.
She....Would you sleep with her in our bed?
He.....Where else would we sleep?
She....Would you put away my pictures, and replace them with pictures of her?
He.....That would seem like the proper thing to do.
She....And would you let her use my golf clubs?
He.....She can't use them; she's left-handed.
Thursday, November 16, 2006
The difference between cats and dogs
A dog thinks: Hey, these people I live with feed me, love me, provide me with a nice warm, dry house, pet me, and take good care of me...
They must be Gods!
A cat thinks: Hey, these people I live with feed me, love me, provide me with a nice warm, dry house, pet me, and take good care of me...
I must be a God!
Top Ten Things A Cat Thinks About
1. I could have sworn I heard the can opener.
2. Is there something I'm not getting when humans make noise with their mouths?
3. Why doesn't the government do something about dogs?
4. I wonder if Morris really liked 9-Lives, or did he have an ulterior motive?
5. Hmmm ... If dogs serve humans, and humans serve cats, why can't we cats ever get these stupid dogs to do anything for us?
6. This looks like a good spot for a nap.
7. Hey, no kidding, I'm sure that's the can opener.
8. Would humans have built a vast and complex civilization of their own if we cats handn't given them a reason to invent sofas and can openers in the first place?
9. If there's a God, how can He allow neutering/spaying?
10. If that really was the can opener, I'll play finicky just to let them know who's boss!
Rich Little on David Letterman Show
I didn't know Rich Little was still around. Funny stuff here.
Update: Owner won't allow link as it was posted.
Here's a direct link to the video on YouTube: (Click on title of this post)
Heredity
A little boy went up to his father and asked:"Dad, where DID all of my intelligence come from?
The father replied, "Well son, you must have got it from your mother, cause I still have mine."
Fortune
A young man asked an old rich man how he made his fortune. The old guy fingered his worsted wool vest and said, "Well, son, it was 1932, the depth of the Great Depression. I was down to my last nickel."
"I invested that nickel in an apple. I spent the entire day polishing the apple and, at the end of the day, I sold the apple for ten cents."
"The next morning, I invested those ten cents in two apples. I spent the entire day polishing them and sold them at 5:00 pm for 20 cents. I continued this system for a month, by the end of which I'd accumulated a fortune of $1.37."
"Then my wife's father died and left us two million dollars."
Hands down - A nice pair
Other possible captions for this photo:
Yep, they’re real!
Whatcha got down there?
You got a better caption?
Things that are difficult to say when you're drunk
An oldie but a goodie…..
THINGS THAT ARE DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN YOU'RE DRUNK:
- Indubitably
- Innovative
- Preliminary
- Proliferation
- Cinnamon
THINGS THAT ARE VERY DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN YOU'RE DRUNK:
- Specificity
- British Constitution
- Passive-aggressive disorder
- Loquacious Transubstantiate
THINGS THAT ARE DOWNRIGHT IMPOSSIBLE TO SAY WHEN YOU'RE DRUNK:
- Thanks, but I don't want to have sex.
- Nope, no more beer for me.
- Sorry, but you're not really my type.
- Good evening officer, isn't it lovely out tonight.
- Oh, I just couldn't. No one wants to hear me sing.
Thanks Joe P
Wednesday, November 15, 2006
Y2K scare all over again.... kinda - sorta
CAPE CANAVERAL, Florida (AP) — Space shuttle Discovery was moved to the launch pad Thursday to await a launch that could be as early as December 6 — an effort to avoid potential New Year’s Eve computer glitches.
The worry is that shuttle computers aren’t designed to make the change from the 365th day of the old year to the first day of the new year while in flight. NASA has never had a shuttle in space December 31 or January 1.
“We’ve just never had the computers up and going when we’ve transitioned from one year to another,” said Discovery astronaut Joan Higginbotham. “We’re not really sure how they’re going to operate.”
Starting December 7, launch opportunities would be available as late as December 17 or 18. With a 12-day mission, that would mean the shuttle is back on Earth before New Year’s Eve.
However, NASA was quick to say that even if the shuttle crew finds itself still in space on January 1, procedures could be devised to make a transition if necessary.
A short sermon about religions
From Larry Hnetkas Goes HMmmm:
I came across this startling accurate comparative chart of religions.
My personal view about religion? Pretty basic and somewhat universal.
Here’s a few of the guidelines I follow in my HMmmm world.
WRITING TIPS
Like the virgin prairie for the explorer, metaphors are pregnant with possibility, but don't mix them.
It behooves the writer to avoid archaic expressions.
One should not shift from the third person to the second person when you write.
I once read that splitting modifiers was wrong in the library.
It is generally recommended that the use of the passive be minimized.
Write assertively, I think.
A sentence containing a parenthetical phrase (must be a complete sentence) without that phrase.
Avoid the use of vulgarisms that might piss off the reader.
Avoid rephrasing, which is, in other words, paraphrasing or rewording of a statement, sort of like repeating it.
I've told you a million times not to exaggerate.
Ambiguity is more or less undesirable.
Hyperbole is the worst mistake you can possibly make.
You will die horribly if you are overdramatic!
Boise, Idaho's 7327 English teachers agree that all statistics should be verified.
Don't verbify nouns.
I have traveled all over the world, known many important people, received many degrees, and have learned that it is in bad taste to use yourself as an expert example even though I am one.
djust the margins before print
opy of the completed docume
When choosing among two, make the best choice. Between three or more, pick the better one.
Avoid overuse of rhetorical questions. Know what I mean?
I could care less about expressions that mean the opposite of what they say.
Vary sentence length. Conformity is boring.
Be sure to use the correct word accept in certain cases.
Don't use no double negatives.
Avoid clichés like the plague.
Each pronoun should match their subject.
Never use a preposition to end a sentence with.
Try to not split infinitives.
Don't be repetitively redundant or repetitious.
The 16 Worst Breakup Excuses
16 "Ow... I banged my head! That really hurt! Hey... who are YOU?"
15 "I'm sorry, but there just isn't room in my life right now for both you and my vibrator."
14 "I've got this disease... it's called herpigonasyphalaids. Very contagious."
13 "You're too young for me. I mean, too *old*. We're the same age? Well, that doesn't work for me, either."
12 "We're just so different, you and I. You're an extrovert, I'm an introvert. I like classical, you like heavy metal. And of course *I'm* not a physically repulsive raving psychopath."
11 "You've gone from 'sponge-worthy' to merely 'spongy.'"
10 "Dear Christine: By the time you read this I'll be a woman..."
9 "I have early-onset onanism."
8 "You're no longer the wealthy, gullible, and desperately lonely man I fell in love with."
7 "My penis, uh, fell off, and I, er, lost it... yeah-- on the subway, I think."
6 "Less filling? LESS FILLING??? I don't even know who you ARE anymore!"
5 "My dog is having puppies and I need to take a year off in order to train them to attack your picture."
4 "It's not *you*, it's me. Specifically, me would like to sleep with your sister."
3 "I had lunch at the Hunan Palace today and according to the place mat, you're a snake and I'm a mongoose."
2 "We just don't have anything in common anymore -- you're a morning person, and I want to see your severed head impaled on a steel railroad spike."
and the Number 1 Worst Breakup Excuse...
1 "I'm holding you back from all the other lives you could be ruining."
DING! Now it's safe to screw about the country
A California couple are facing federal charges after they refused to stop "overt sexual activity" during a flight to Raleigh, authorities said. Carl Warren Persing of Lakewood, Calif., and Dawn Elizabeth Sewell of Huntington Beach, Calif., are accused of interfering with flight crew members during a Sept. 15 Southwest Airlines flight from Los Angeles with a stop in Phoenix.
According to court documents, flight attendants saw Persing and Sewell kissing, embracing and "acting in a manner that made other passengers uncomfortable" while the plane was stopped in Phoenix. Persing was observed kissing Sewell near her breast and was also observed with his face pressed against Sewell's lower body.
A flight attendant asked them to stop. They obeyed initially but resumed the behavior during the flight from Phoenix to Raleigh.
When the flight attendant again requested them to stop, Persing allegedly told the flight attendant: "I'm going to give you one warning to get out of my face."
Turpentine vs Holy Water
A little boy was sitting on the curb with a gallon of Turpentine, shaking it up and watching the bubbles.
A while later a Priest came along and asked the little boy what he had.
The little boy replied, "This is the most powerful liquid in the world, it's called turpentine."
The Priest said, "No, the most powerful liquid in the world is Holy Water. If you take some of this Holy Water and rub it on a pregnant women's belly, she'll pass a healthy baby."
The little boy replied, "You take some of this here turpentine and rub it on a cat's ass and he'll pass a Harley Davidson."
Thanks Phyllis
Tuesday, November 14, 2006
Baby Name Wizzard
Is your name (or your child's) still popular?
Baby Name Wizard
It let's you type in the first letters of a name and see in a flash the rise and fall of such names by decade. The visuals are amazing. (Try typing in "MAD" and you will see the sudden rise of Madison, Madeleine, etc.)
Pretty cool graphic display.
Celebration
Some elderly Arizona ranchers are discussing everything from cattle, horses, and weather to how things used to be in the "good old days". When the conversation finally touches upon their spouses, one gentleman turns to the fellow on his right: "Say, Roy, aren't you and the missus celebrating your 50th wedding anniversary soon?"
"Yup," says Roy.
"Well, are you going to do anything special to celebrate?"
Roy gives this a bit of thought. "Well," he says slowly, "for our 25th anniversary, I took Bea to Tuscon. Maybe for our 50th, I will go back down there and get her."
For better or for worse
He had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months, yet she continued faithfully to stay by his bedside every single day. As she sat by him, he blinked and roused a little, his eyes full of tears as he motioned her to come closer. "You have been with me through all the bad times," he whispered weakly.
"When I was fired, you were there to support me.
When my business failed, you were there.
When I got shot, you were by my side.
When we lost the house, you stayed right here.
When my health started failing, you were still by my side. You know what?"
"What, dear?" she asked gently.
"I think you are bad luck."
Non-newtonian fluids
From Wikipedia
A non-Newtonian fluid is a fluid in which the viscosity changes with the applied strain rate. As a result, non-Newtonian fluids may not have a well-defined viscosity.
Although the concept of viscosity is commonly used to characterize a material, it can be inadequate to describe the mechanical behavior of a substance, particularly non-Newtonian fluids. They are best studied through several other rheological properties which relate the relations between the stress and strain tensors under many different flow conditions, such as oscillatory shear, or extensional flow which are measured using different devices or rheometers. The rheological properties are better studied using tensor-valued constitutive equations, which are common in the field of continuum mechanics.
Not sure if that makes much sense to you…but here’s a short video to give you an idea of what it all means.
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