Coming clean

Make a confession… or read a confession here.   Very cute animation.  Warning: Can be addictive… you just keep wanting to read one more.

via growabrain

Bet ya can't do this

More pics of this guy here.

via Look at this

Top 20 things we learned from Mom

 Mothers, aside from bringing us to this world, play a great rule in giving the first lessons of life to us. We learn many valuable things from them, or we don’t? Here is the Top 20 things we have learned from our moms.

1. My mother taught me to APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.
"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning."

2. My mother taught me about RELIGION.
"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL.
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"

4. My mother taught me about LOGIC.
"Because I said so, that's why."

5. My mother taught me about FORESIGHT.
"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."

6. My mother taught me about IRONY.
"Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about."

7. My mother taught me about STAMINA.
"You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."

8. My mother taught me about WEATHER.
"This room of yours looks like a tornado went through it."

9. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.
"If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"

10. My mother taught me about the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."

11. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION.
"Stop acting like your father!"

12. My mother taught me about ENVY.
"There are millions of children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do."

13. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION.
"Just wait until we get home."

14. My mother taught me about RECEIVING.
"You are going to get it when you get home!"

15. My mother taught me about MEDICAL SCIENCE.
"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that way."

16. My mother taught me about ESP.
"Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you'll be cold?"

17. My mother taught me about HUMOR.
"When that lawnmower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."

18. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.
"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."

19. My mother taught me about GENETICS.
"You're just like your father."

20. My mother taught me about WISDOM.
"When you get to be my age, you'll understand."

The great truths of life

 1) No matter how hard you try, you can't baptize cats.
2) When your Mom is mad at your Dad, don't let her brush your hair.
3) If your sister hits you, don't hit her back. They always catch the second person.
4) Never ask your 3-year old brother to hold a tomato.
5) You can't trust dogs to watch your food.
6) Don't sneeze when someone is cutting your hair.
7) Never hold a Dust-Buster and a cat at the same time.
8) You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.
9) Don't wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts.
10) The best place to be when you're sad is Grandpa's lap.

via Dave’s Daily

Things aren't always what they seem

A co-worker got a pen stuck inside our printer. He started to try and remove the pen, but I told him we don't have ti! m e for that now, just put a note on the printer telling folks not to use it and then report it to the Help Desk. So he grabbed a piece of paper and scrawled on it. I left before he finished the note. About 20 minutes later, one of my techs came in laughing, saying he was just in the lobby, saw a piece of paper on a printer and went to investigate. Attached is what he found. Sometimes things don't come out the way you want them to.

Thanks cousin Phyllis

"I've died and gone to Heaven"

We don't need no stinkin toilet paper!

Quotes from the colonoscopy table

A physician claimed that the following are actual comments made by his patients (predominately male) while he was performing their colonoscopies:

1. "Take it easy, Doc. You're boldly going where no man has gone before!"

2. "Find Amelia Earhart yet?"

3. "Can you hear me NOW?"

4. "Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet?"

5. "You know, in Arkansas, we're now legally married."

6. "Any sign of the trapped miners, Chief?"

7. "You put your left hand in, you take your left hand out.."

8. "Hey! Now I know how a Muppet feels!"!

9. "If your hand doesn't fit, you must quit!"

10. "Hey Doc, let me know if you find my dignity."

11. "You used to be an executive at Enron, didn't you?"

12. "God, Now I know why I am not gay."

And the best one of them all...

13. "Could you write a note for my wife saying that my head is not up there."

Thanks Opie

Things to do before you turn 10

 Adults have long compiled lists of things to achieve before they die - but now youngsters are being encouraged to tick off their own "must do" list.   Here’s the list.

via Look at this

I stand corrected

Watch how Google corrects me when I type Paris Hilton isn’t a whore.

via look at this

Lap juicer

Huh?

I’ll bet you don’t have one of these.   More info (if you’re sure you want more info).

via blogywood

 

Longhorn preview - the next Windows operating system

 The most recent build of Longhorn--Microsoft's next Windows--has some impressive visual touches, including the kinds of translucent objects found now in Apple's OS X, and more powerful ways of finding files. But it doesn't yet exhibit any breakthroughs in productivity, or promised features such as security improvements and smarter connections to handheld devices. 
Read the complete review at PCWorld.com.

via Look at this

Get a room guys!

 New York Yankees runner Derek Jeter (left) and batter Gary Sheffield (right) rub penis cup guards together while Jeter blocks Sheffield's wandering hand from an attempted reach-around in celebration of a home run. As close as Sheffield's lips are to Jeters, there was no big, wet, sloppy kiss.

via the webwasteland

Why men die younger

Some more reasons can be found here.

via Look at this

Cow gets head stuck in tree

Here’s the story.

via Dave’s Daily

Beginners golf course

This little piggy..... whooops

It gets lonely in Alaska

See how one town solved that problem.
Cute Video here.

via Land-o-links

Hog surfing

A nice flower bed

Think a little sunscreen might be appropriate?

At this point I think shoe polish would be better.

I got a new car in my garage

Nice dress Mr. President

The other 45 ways to leave your lover

Paul Simon has a song called “50 Ways To Leave Your Lover” but he only gives us three or four (“Get off the bus, Gus” “Get a new plan, Dan” “Drop off the key, Lee”) which is a bit disappointing given the title. Any help? I’ve got some boyfriend issues to be dealing with here. Don’t let me down!—Diana R.

Here are just a few of the 45 reasons:

44. Feed her to a shark, Mark 
39. Chop off his organ, Morgan 
38. Throw her down a gorge, George 
36. Fake your own death, Beth 
29.  Run him over with a trolley, Molly 
26. Chisel off his knees, Louise 
19. Select her sister for a mate, Nate 
18. Try to poke her mom, Tom 
10. Drown him off your yacht, Dot 
7. Staple him to the bed, Fred

The list continues at The Morning News

Todays Bit of Wisdom

Some people are like Slinkies...
Not really good for anything,
But they still bring a smile to your face...
when you push them down a flight of stairs.

Thanks Ronnie

Now you can publish that novel you always wanted to write

You can publish a novel, tutorial or even a comic book.   You just convert your Word doc into a sharp looking published book.  No minimums,  no delay, no catch.  Lulu prints your book and ships it.   Check out Lulu Publishing

Radio VCR

Have you ever wanted to record a program from the radio….but didn’t know how?  Well, Hammacher Schlemmer has the gadget for you.  You can set it to record AM/FM any time period you choose and can also be used as a voice recorder and can record MP3’s from your computer.  Compatible with Windows and Macintosh computers.  Holds up to 9 hours of audio.
It’s only $199.95

via Land-o-links

Meet Sam - the world's ugliest dog

  The owners of the other contestants in this year's World's Ugliest Dog Contest may have thought their pooches had a chance - until they saw Sam.
The 14-year-old pedigreed Chinese crested recently won the Sonoma-Marin Fair contest in Petaluma for the third consecutive time, and it's no surprise.
The tiny dog has no hair, if you don't count the yellowish-white tuft erupting from his head. His wrinkled brown skin is covered with splotches, a line of warts marches down his snout, his blind eyes are an alien, milky white and a fleshy flap of skin hangs from his withered neck. And then there's the Austin Powers teeth that jut at odd angles from his mouth.
 He's so ugly even the judges recoiled when he was placed on the judging table, said his proud owner, Susie Lockheed of Santa Barbara.

More on sam here.

via Land-o-links.com

How to wash, dry and iron your rat

On the outside chance you don’t already know how.  Complete laundering instructions are here.

via blogywood.com

Just another idiot.... how many are there?

Woman has casino’s name permanently tatooed on her forhead for $15,000.  Read about it here.

via blogywood.com

Wanna win free stuff?

   Just take your handy flashlight to the Mini-Mart….no, make that your local 7–11, and start going through the rack of sodas in the cooler to find the ones with the winning caps.

The reflected image will be reversed, but is still easy to read.  More info.

  (Pic reversed for clarity)
via the Presurfer