Blessing or curse?
(It took me a while to figure this picture out.)
Saturday, February 24, 2007
Are some animals gay?
Something I’ve never given an ounce of thought to until I ran across this:
The sexual orientation of animals is one topic we know little about. Dogs, for instance, have been known to take great interest in our legs, but whether that means ol' Fido is gay, straight, or simply has a leg fetish, we can't say. However, studies on the overall topic do exist. A simple search on "are some animals gay?" resulted in a slew of articles.
One of the more interesting pieces comes from National Geographic. Written by James Owen, the article mentions several instances of animals engaging in homosexual behaviour. Two male penguins at New York's Central Park Zoo, Roy and Silo, have been "inseparable" for six years and have sex "while ignoring potential female mates." Other examples cited include male ostriches, flamingos, and female Japanese macaques.
An article from the San Francisco Chronicle mentions that "scientists have found homosexual behaviour throughout the animal world." Not surprisingly, these discoveries have led to debates over what conclusions can be drawn. Some believe this proves homosexuality is "natural" and not a choice. Others disagree.
No matter where you stand on the issue, one thing is apparent. As Marlene Zuk, a professor of biology at UC Riverside, puts it, sex in the animal kingdom isn't always just about reproduction.
Jessica Simpson allergic to pizza
You know... it's not that we require that every celebrity constantly use the product they're shilling for, but we'd like to think that the spokesperson is able to eat the food without getting sick. Jessica Simpson, spokesperson for Pizza Hut and star of their commercials, told Elle magazine she's allergic to cheese. And wheat. Oh, and tomatoes...
Airhead
Two accountants were discussing a colleague's interest in one of the firm's new secretaries. "I just don't get it." said one. "She's an airhead -- nothing going on upstairs.
"That may be true," replied the other, "but I don't think that's the floor he's getting off on."
Blondes are smarter than you think
A middle-aged lawyer and an attractive blonde woman are sitting next to each other on a long flight from New York to London. The blonde is trying to get a little sleep, while the lawyer is vainly attempting to impress the blonde with his wit and intelligence. The blonde ignores the lawyer until he suggests a little wager.
Lawyer: Would you like to play a game? I’ll first ask you a question. If you can’t answer it, using any means at your disposal, you give me $5. Then if I can’t answer one of your questions, I’ll give you $500.
Blonde: Sure, why not?
Lawyer: Great. What’s the circumference of the earth?
Blonde (after quietly handing him $5 from her purse): OK, my turn. What goes up a hill with three legs, and comes down the hill with four?
The lawyer is stumped. He starts jotting down ideas, searches the net via the plane’s in-seat phone, then finally calls up a few friends, all without any luck. After over an hour, he finally wakes up the blonde and hands her $500.
She thanks him for the money and closes her eyes, but the lawyer can’t contain himself: “Wait! You’ve gotta tell me, what was the answer???” Without a word, she reaches into her purse and hands him another $5, then lays down and falls back asleep.
Polar Sub
Shot from the USS HONOLULU (Los Angeles-class fast attack submarine) at the Arctic Circle, 280 miles from the North Pole. 
Thanks Mary
Never lie to your mother....
HAVING MOM OVER FOR DINNER..... Brian invited his mother over for dinner. During the course of the meal, Brian's mother couldn't help but keep noticing how beautiful Brian's roommate, Stephanie, was. Brian's Mom had long been suspicious of a relationship between Brian and Stephanie, and this had only made her more curious. Over the course of the evening, while watching the two react, she started to wonder if there was more between Brian and Stephanie than met the eye. Reading his mom's thoughts, Brian volunteered, "I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you Stephanie and I are just roommates." About a week later, Stephanie came to Brian saying, "Ever since your mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the beautiful silver gravy ladle. You don't suppose she took it, do you?" Brian said, "Well, I doubt it, but I'll send her an e-mail just to be sure. So he sat down and wrote: Dear Mom: I'm not saying that you "did" take the gravy ladle from the house, I'm not saying that you "did not" take the gravy ladle. But the fact remains that one has been missing ever since you were here for dinner. Love, Brian A few hours later, Brian received an email back from his mother that read: Dear Son: I'm not saying that you "do" sleep with Stephanie, I'm not saying that you "do not" sleep with Stephanie. But the fact remains that if Stephanie was sleeping in her own bed, she would have found the gravy ladle by now. Love, Mom LESSON OF THE DAY ... NEVER LIE TO YOUR MOTHER. Thanks Mary
Friday, February 23, 2007
Cold to what degree?
60 -Californians put on sweaters(if they can find one in their wardrobe)
50 -Miami residents turn on the heat
40 -You can see your breath, Californians shiver uncontrollably Minnesotans go swimming.
35 -Italian cars don't start
32 -Water freezes
30 -You plan your vacation to Australia, Minnesotans put on T-shirts, Politicians begin to worry about the homeless, British cars don't start
25 -Boston water freezes, Californians weep pitiably, Minnesotans eat ice cream, Canadians go swimming
20 -You can hear your breath, Politicians begin to talk about the homeless, New York City water freezes, Miami residents plan vacation further south
15 -French cars don't start, You plan a vacation in Mexico, Cat insists on sleeping in your bed with you 10 -Too cold to ski, You need jumper cables to get your car going
5 -You plan your vacation in Houston, American cars don't start
0 -Alaskans put on T-shirts, too cold to skate
-10 -German cars don't start, Eyes freeze shut when you blink
-15 -You can cut your breath and use it to build an igloo, Arkansas residents stick tongues to metal objects, Miami residents cease to exist
-20 -Cat insists on sleeping in your pajamas with you, Politicians actually do something about the homeless, Minnesotans shovel snow off roof, Japanese cars don't start
-25 -Too cold to think, You need jumper cables to get driver going
-30 -You plan a two week hot bath, The Mighty Monongajela freezes. Swedish cars don't start
-40 -Californians disappear, Minnesotans button top button, Canadians put on sweaters, your car helps you plan your trip south
-50 -Congressional hot air freezes, Alaskans close the bathroom window
-60 -Hell freezes over, Polar bears move south!!
Driving in winter
This past week I was recently riding with a friend of mine. My friend seemed to drive somewhat cautiously, what with the weather conditions and all.
Soon enough, we approach a red light and he shoots right through it! A bit terrified at what just happened, I ask him,
"Why'd you do that?" He tells me this is how his brother drives.
At this point, I put on my seatbelt. Shortly thereafter, we come to another red light, and again, he shoots right through it! I ask him with more urgency this time, "What are you doing? Why'd you do that?" And again, he tells me this is how his brother drives.
A few moments later, we come to a green light, and all of sudden he SLAMS on the brakes. My heart nearly goes into my throat. I shout at him at the top of my lungs, "Why do you do that?! Are you trying to kill me!?"
He replied, "On the contrary. I may have saved both of us. You see, my brother could be coming the other way."
How do you keep your husband from reading your mail?The men's room
In the men's room at work, the boss placed a sign directly above the sink. It had a single word on it, "THINK!"
The next day, when he went to the men's room, he looked at the sign and right below it, immediately above the soap dispenser, someone had carefully lettered another sign which read, "THOAP!"
How some baseball teams got their names
If you're a baseball fan, you know these names by heart. But you probably don't know where they came from. Here are the stories behind some famous names.
Los Angeles Dodgers. Formed in Brooklyn, New York, in 1890. Brooklyn had hundreds of trolleys zig-zagging through its streets, and pedestrians were constantly scurrying out of their way. That's why their baseball team was called the Brooklyn Trolley Dodgers (later shortened to Dodgers). The team moved to LA. in 1958.
Houston Astros. Formed in 1961, they were originally called the Colt .45s, after the famous gun. But by 1965, when their new stadium opened, Houston had become famous as the home of NASA's Mission Control. Both the stadium (Astrodome) and the team were named in honor of America's astronauts.
Pittsburgh Pirates. In 1876, they were known as the Alleghenies (after the neighboring Allegheny River). But in the 1890s, they earned a new nickname—the Pirates—when they stole a few players from a rival Philadelphia baseball club.
San Francisco Giants. The New York Gothams baseball club were fighting for a National League championship in 1886. After one particularly stunning victory, their manager proudly addressed them as "My big fellows, my giants." The name stuck. The New York Giants moved to San Francisco in 1958.
Cleveland Indians. From 1869 to 1912, the Cleveland baseball team had five different names—including the Forest Citys, the Naps, and the Spiders. Then in 1913 a popular player named Luis Francis Sockalexis died. He had been the first American Indian ever to play pro baseball and the team was renamed in his honor.
Chicago Cubs. Apparently they had no official nickname at the turn of the century (although they were informally called the Colts and the Orphans). Then, in 1902, a sportswriter dubbed them "the Cubs" because it was short enough to fit into a newspaper headline. The name caught on, and 5 years later the team officially adopted it.
Cincinnati Reds. Formed in 1869, the team was originally called the Red Stockings. Later, they were known as the Reds—until the early '50s, when McCarthyism was rampant. No one wanted to be called a "Red" then—it sounded too much like "Commie." So the team actually made an official name change, to Redlegs. When the patriotic panic died down, they quietly switched back to Reds.
Detroit Tigers. Legend says that the Detroit Creams (the cream of the baseball crop) became the Tigers in 1896, when their manager decided their black and brown striped socks reminded him of tiger stripes.
Montreal Expos. The Canadian city was awarded a baseball franchise in 1968, partly because its 1967 World's Fair—called Expo '67—had been successful. The team was named in honor of the event.
New York Yankees. They were first called the Highlanders or Hilltoppers, because their ballfield was located at the highest point in the city. Again, sportswriters got fed up trying to fit the names into headlines. So in 1909, a newsman arbitrarily called them Yankees—patriotic slang for "Americans." After World War I, when jingoistic fervor was rampant ("The Yanks are coming"), the team officially became the Yankees.
Baltimore Orioles. Were named for the Maryland state bird in the early 1900s.
Kansas City Royals, San Diego Padres, Seattle Mariners, Texas Rangers, Toronto Blue Jays. All 5 are expansion teams. All 5 got their names in public "name-our-new-team" contests. The Padres, although formed in 1969, got their name in 1935. The original contest was held to name a minor league team. Thirty-four years later, San Diego was awarded a major league franchise, and the new ballclub adopted the old name.
I am NOT the father of Anna Nicole Smith’s High Maintenance Bitch
Upscale accessories for your bitch…..(dog, that is).
Neighbors are all up in arms about this sign. I wonder why.
How to stop a truck with a bollard
A bollard is a post preventing vehicles from entering an area. Rising bollards are used to secure sensitive areas from attack. See what happens when a truck hits a bollard.
WOW! These things really work well.
Thursday, February 22, 2007
Stud
Two priests died at the same time and met Saint Peter at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter said, "I'd like to get you guys in now, but our computer's down. You'll have to go back to Earth for about a week, but you can't go back as priests. What'll it be?"
The first priest says, "I've always wanted to be an eagle, soaring above the Rocky mountains."
"So be it," says St. Peter, and off flies the first priest.
The second priest mulls this over for a moment and asks, "Will any of this week 'count', St. Peter?"
"No, I told you the computer's down. There's no way we can keep track of what you're doing."
"In that case," says the second priest, "I've always wanted to be a stud."
"So be it" says St. Peter, and the second priest disappears.
A week goes by, the computer is fixed, and the Lord tells St. Peter to recall the two priests. "Will you have any trouble locating them?" He asks.
"The first one should be easy," says St. Peter. "He's somewhere over the Rockies, flying with the eagles. But the second one could prove to be more difficult."
"Why?" asketh the Lord.
"He's on a snow tire, somewhere in North Dakota."
VISTA
There are some pretty funny acronyms floating around for the new Windows operating system:
Very Inconsistent Software - Try Again
Virus Instability Spyware Trojans Adware (or Viruses Intrusions Spyware Trojans Adware)
Very Irritating System Try Another
Vista Is Stupid To Attempt
Volatility Isn't Something To Admire
Virtually Impossible Source To Avoid
Vastly Inferior Software To Apple's
Vaguely Innovative - Sucks The Ass
Venereal Infectious Sexually Transmitted Ailment
Vista Is Shittier Than Anything
Vastly Improved Solitaire Tiling Algorithms
You Don't Know Jack... Is Back
A fun, irreverent game show where you’re the contestant.
Here is today’s game:
Wednesday, February 21, 2007
Drive-Thru
Drive-Thru Church in Daytona Florida
Drive-Thru Strip Club in Alexandria Pennsylvania.
Climax "gentlemen's club" claimed to be the first, and apparently the only, drive-through strip club in the world. Patrons pulled up next to a tiny window so the drivers could watch through it at $5 per minute.
Drive-Thru Funeral Home in Chicago. Pay your respects without leaving your car.
The prescription
A nice, calm and respectable lady went into the pharmacy, right up to the pharmacist, looked straight into his eyes, and said, "I would like to buy some cyanide." The pharmacist asked, "Why in the world do you need cyanide?" The lady replied, "I need it to poison my husband." The pharmacist's eyes got big and he exclaimed, "Lord have mercy! I can't give you cyanide to kill your husband! That's against the law! I'll lose my license! They'll throw both of us in jail! All kinds of bad things will happen. Absolutely not! You CANNOT have any cyanide!" The lady reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her husband in bed with the pharmacist's wife. The pharmacist looked at the picture and replied, "Well now. That's different. You didn't tell me you had a prescription.... "
James Brown Update: Still above ground- 51 days and counting - Oh, and he's fine
He still hasn't been buried.
BUT, his six adult children have agreed with his partner, Tomi Rae Hynie, on where the entertainer will be buried.
Hynie's attorney, Robert Rosen, said the resting place is being kept confidential at the request of Brown's children. Rosen said the burial may take place in the "next few days."
He said he checked on Brown on Tuesday, opening the gold casket to view the body.
"I do that constantly," Reid said. "That's the only way I can actually check him ... go in, open the casket and close it. And he's fine."
He’s Fine? He’s DEAD! Maybe he’s still there, but he’s not FINE! He’s DEAD!
The movie theater
A man lay sprawled across three entire seats in a theater. When the usher came by and noticed this, he whispered to the man, ''Sorry, sir, but you're only allowed one seat.''
The man groaned but didn't budge.
The usher became impatient. ''Sir,'' the usher said, ''if you don't get up from there I'm going to have to call the manager.''
Again, the man just groaned, which infuriated the usher who turned and marched briskly back up the aisle in search of his manager.
In a few moments, both the usher and the manager returned and stood over the man. Together the two of them tried repeatedly to move him, but with no success. Finally, they summoned the police.
The cop surveyed the situation briefly. ''All right buddy, what's your name?''
''Sam,'' the man moaned.
''Where ya from, Sam?'' the cop asked.
''The balcony.''
Thumb sucking
A boy had reached four without giving up the habit of sucking his thumb, though his mother had tried everything from bribery to reasoning to painting it with lemon juice to discourage the habit. Finally she tried threats, warning her son that, "If you don't stop sucking your thumb, your stomach is going to blow up like a balloon."
Later that day, walking in the park, mother and son saw a pregnant woman sitting on a bench. The four-year-old considered her gravely for a minute, then spoke to her saying, "Uh-oh... I know what you've been doing."
Belly button lint
According to 2Spare.com:
Many people find that, at the beginning and end of the day, a small lump of fluff has appeared in the navel cavity. The reasons for this have been the subject of idle speculation for many years but in 2001, Dr. Karl Kruszelnicki of the University of Sydney, Australia undertook a systematic survey to determine the ins and outs of navel lint. His primary findings were as follows:
- Navel lint consists primarily of stray fibres from one's clothing, mixed with some dead skin cells and strands of body hair. The rotting cells can create unpleasant odors.
- Contrary to expectations, navel lint appears to migrate upwards from underwear rather than downwards from shirts or tops. The migration process is the result of the frictional drag of body hair on underwear, which drags stray fibres up into the navel.
- Women experience less navel lint because of their finer and shorter body hairs. Conversely, older men experience it more because of their coarser and more numerous hairs.
- Navel lint's characteristic blue-gray tint is likely the averaging of the colors of fibres present in clothing; the same color as clothes dryer lint.
- The existence of navel lint is entirely harmless, and requires no corrective action.
But I don’t buy this. I think it comes more from your shirt than from your underwear. I notice that sometimes I’ll be wearing a newer dark sweater or shirt and that evening I’ll find dark belly button lint to match…. and I’ve been wearing tightie-whities that day.
Pee Wee Herman's Bike
Some lucky fool (at least one of those words is correct) paid $17,877 for this bike from Burbank Studios. It was used in the film “Pee Wee’s Big Adventure”.
Thanks Tommy Salami
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