Saturday, December 15, 2007
I got one picture out…but that’s all. Seems to let me upload one picture and then nothing. I’ll have more time tomorrow… assuming I make it home from a Christmas Party tonight.
It’s snowing here now. We’re supposed to get 6–8 inches… and possibly some thundersnow!
Posted 10:32 AM
Friday, December 14, 2007
I’m having trouble loading images today. And, I don’t have time right now to look into it. I’m working on a project at the moment that is taking most of my time. I was going to try to make a few posts tonight, but that doesn’t look promising.
I’ll work on it as soon as I can.
Update: I tried to upload a picture again and am having difficulties. I’ll try again in the morning.
Posted 4:42 PM
I met this beautiful girllast night.
She invited me back to her place
and we had the greatest
steamiest sex ever.
it wasn’t really the greatest sex ever,
it was more like medium-great sex,
and well, she didn’t exactly
invite me back to her place,
I sort of followed her home
to her apartment.
To be factual,
we didn’t actually have sex per se,
but we came very close.
You see we were fondling
each other pretty intensely.
I was fondling her,
she wasn’t fondling me…
I wasn’t actually fondling her,
our bodies just got very close together.
To be honest,
I just sort of brushed into her.
But it was great,
really hot and sensual you know?
Actually, to be specific,
it wasn’t really her that I brushed into,
it was actually the back of the chair
she was sitting in.
Although, the chair was…
on the other side of a wall you see…
in another room sort of.
And I was sort of leaning on the wall,
but the chair was very close to the wall,
Of course, she was on
the third floor and I was sort of…
on the street…
leaning against the building.
What a night.
Posted 4:17 PM
Thursday, December 13, 2007
Yeah, I didn’t know what that was either until I read further:
The "Holy Prepuce," the supposed foreskin of Christ, has disappeared.
When freelance writer David Farley first visited Calcata, Italy, five years ago, he figured it would make for a colorful article for a travel magazine.
The picturesque hill town 30 miles north of Rome featured a medieval castle and narrow cobblestone streets, as well as an international population of artists and ex-hippies who had saved the abandoned village from demolition.
Locals called it the "paese di fricchettoni" ("village of freaks"), and on an ordinary Sunday afternoon, one could find residents dressed in Indian saris strolling across the historic main square.
For more than four centuries, the "Holy Prepuce" had been the city's treasure, kept behind bronze doors over the altar in the Church of the Most Holy Name of Jesus. It was displayed every year on Jan. 1, the Feast of the Holy Circumcision. At one time, pilgrims who came to venerate it were rewarded with an indulgence that cut 10 years from their time in purgatory.
To believers in Jesus' Resurrection, Farley notes, the foreskin is "one of the only conceivable parts of his body that he could have left on Earth."
Posted 10:57 AM
Remember this at Christmas time:
According to the Alaska Department of Fish and Game, while both male and female reindeer grow antlers in the summer each year, male reindeer drop their antlers at the beginning of winter, usually late November to mid-December. Female reindeer retain their antlers till after they give birth in the spring. Therefore, according to EVERY historical rendition depicting Santa's reindeer, EVERY single one of them, from Rudolph to Blitzen, had to be a girl. We should've known... ONLY women would be able to drag a fat-ass man in a red velvet suit all around the world in one night and not get lost.
Thanks Joe P
Posted 8:57 AM
Wednesday, December 12, 2007
- He's replaced all the elves with scantily clad Swedish exchange students.
- Mrs. Claus calls him "that fat freak in the red underwear".
- He traded in his sleigh for a van with a waterbed.
- He's been spending a little too much time with the life-sized Holiday Barbie.
- His new live-in personal elf valet, Steve.
- Mrs. Claus having cybersex relationship with accountant from New Jersey.
- He knows when she's been sleeping, he knows when she's awake, because he's bugged the bedroom.
- Lately, she keeps "forgetting" to tie her robe when she brings the elves their morning coffee.
- Stockings aren't the only things he's been nailing in front of the fireplace.
- Not a creature is stirring in Santa's pants.
Posted 5:47 PM
Jane was a first time contestant on the $65,000 quiz show. Lady luck had smiled in her favor, as Jane had a gained a substantial lead over her opponents. She even managed to win the game but, unfortunately, time had run out before the show’s host could ask her the big question. Jane agreed to return the following day. Jane was nervous as her husband drove them home. “I’ve just gotta win tomorrow. I wish I knew what the answer might be! You know I’m not going to sleep at all tonight. I will probably look like garbage tomorrow.”
“Relax honey,” her husband, Roger, reassured her, “It will all be OK.”
Ten minutes after they arrived home, Roger grabbed the car keys and started heading out the door. “Where are you going?” Jane asked.
“I have a little errand to run. I should be back soon.” After an agonizing three hour absence, Roger returned, sporting a very wide and wicked grin. “Honey, I managed to get tomorrow’s question and answer!”
“What is it?” she cried excitedly.
“OK. The question is: What are the three main parts of the male anatomy? And the answer is: The head, the heart, and the penis.” The couple went to sleep with Jane, now feeling at ease, plummeting into a deep slumber. At 3:30 a.m., however, Jane was shaken awake by Roger, who was asking her the quiz show question. “The head, the heart, and the penis,” Jane replied groggily before returning to sleep. And Roger asked her again in the morning, this time as Jane was brushing her teeth. Once again, Jane replied correctly. So it was that Jane was once again on the set of the quiz show. Even though she knew the question and answer, she could feel butterflies in her stomach. The cameras began running and the host, after reminding the audience of the previous days’ events, faced Jane and asked the big question: “Jane, for $65,000, what are the main parts of the male anatomy? You have 10 seconds.”
“Hmm, uhm, the head?” she said nervously.
“Very good. Six seconds.”
“Eh, uh, the heart?”
“Very good! Four seconds.”
“I, uhh, ooooooohh, darn! My husband drilled it into me last night and I had it on the tip of my tongue this morning…”
“That’s close enough!” said the game show host, “CONGRATULATIONS–YOU WIN!!”
Posted 5:22 PM
Down on the fish farm, workers could not understand why the number of brown trout had suddenly taken a dive. But close observation revealed the reason - an aquatic version of the Great Escape.
The resourceful fish are leaping 3ft out of the water and into an eight-inch pipe which brings fresh water into the farm near Alresford, Hampshire.
Following their instincts the trout, cousins of the Atlantic salmon, then swim against the flow for 30ft before finding freedom at the other end as they plop into a tributary of the River Itchen.
Simon Johnson, director of the Wild Trout Trust, said: "Brown trout do have migratory tendencies and swim upstream, especially in November and December.
"The water coming down from the pipe is oxygenating the pond and this could be kicking in their natural instincts.
"They might well think it is a waterfall and are trying to head up it to find a place to spawn."
Posted 5:08 PM
During a visit to the mental asylum, a visitor asked the Director, “How do you determine whether or not a patient should be institutionalized?”
'Well,' said the Director, 'We fill up a bathtub, and then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask him or her to empty the bathtub.'
'Oh, I understand,' said the visitor. 'A normal person would use the bucket because it's bigger than the spoon or the teacup.'
'No.' said the Director, 'A normal person would pull the plug. Do you want a bed near the window?'
Thanks Joe P
Posted 3:25 PM
Tuesday, December 11, 2007
The pastor asked if any one in the congregation would like to express praise for answered prayers.
A lady stood and walked to the podium.
She said, "I have a praise."
"Two months ago, my husband, Jim, had a terrible bicycle wreck and his scrotum was completely crushed. The pain was excruciating and the doctors didn't know if they could help him.”
You could hear an audible gasp from the men in the congregation as they imagined the pain that poor Jim experienced.
She continued, "Jim was unable to hold me or the children and every move caused him terrible pain. We prayed as the doctors performed a delicate operation. They were able to piece together the crushed remnants of Jim's scrotum and wrap wire around it to hold it in place."
Again, the men in the Congregation squirmed uncomfortably as they imagined the horrible surgery performed on Jim.
She continued, "Now, Jim is out of the hospital and the doctors say, with time, his scrotum should recover completely."
All the men sighed with relief. The pastor rose and tentatively asked if any one else had anything to say.
A man rose and walked to the podium.
He said, "I'm Jim and I want to tell my wife, ONCE AGAIN, the word is STERNUM!"
Posted 2:39 PM
I pulled into the crowded parking lot at the Super Wal-MartShopping Center and rolled down the car windows to make sure my Labrador Retriever pup had fresh air. She was stretched full-out on the back seat and I wanted to impress upon her that she must remain there.
I walked to the curb backward, pointing my finger at th ecar and saying emphatically, "Now you stay. Do you hear me?" "Stay! Stay!"
The driver of a nearby car, a pretty blonde young lady, gave me a strange look and said, "Why don't you just put it in park?"
Posted 2:04 PM
The Cardrona Bra Fence was a controversial tourist attraction in Central Otago, New Zealand. The fence was on a public road reserve adjacent to farm property in the Cardrona Valley area southwest of Wanaka.
The Bra Fence began at some point between Christmas and New Year 1999, when four women's bras were attached to the wire fence alongside the road. The original reason for the bras being attached to the fence is currently unknown. News spread of the addition, which was left on the fence by the local landowners, and more bras began to appear. By the end of February there were some 60 bras, but at about this time they were all removed anonymously. This was reported in the local press, and the story gained widespread dissemination through the New Zealand media, leading to more bras appearing.
By October 2000, the number of bras had reached around 200, and again the fence was cleared of bras and this time the story spread even wider, as the fence had by this time become to some a quirky tourist attraction, and media sources from as far afield as Europe became interested in the fence. Due to this interest the number of bras being added to the fence personally or sent to be added increased dramatically. In early 2006, the number of bras attached to the fence stood at close to 800.
Posted 1:19 PM
No one would set a scrapbook filled with pictures and memories on the tombstone of a loved one. But what about a high-tech, weatherproof version, with digital images powered by a solar cell?
12/09 - 12/16
- It's a draw
- Still having trouble with uploading .....
- Fiddle ooh la la
- Technical Difficulties - Please Stand By
- How do you unwind?
- I met this beautiful girl last night....
- Iced tree
- Cut to the cheese
- Cool short bus
- Wooden tires
- Monkey Heaven
- Turn signal
- Turtle style
- To the Drunk Hottie who fell off my motorcycle
- Alien pop-up book for kids
- Holy Prepuce missing
- Insane battery hack
- Ice cold beer
- How bionic are you?
- Reindeer facts
- Slip sliding away.....
- Knight in shining armour
- Packed and ready for shipment
- Signs Santa Has Marriage Problems
- Bad Santa!
- A very short runway
- A guy can dream, can't he?
- View from the top
- The $65,000 question...
- Trout breakout of fish farm
- Wheelbarrow race
- Fred and Ginger
- Sniper crowbar
- Relative prices of different liquids
- World's smalled crossword puzzle
- The bathtub test
- Up for adoption: Pinky the cat
- Loss of virginity world map
- Dirty cartoonist...
- Understanding men
- Graffiti - It's a crime!
- Demitri Martin... in his pajamas
- Peeps on Earth
- Wrong word
- 3's a crowd
- Drug protestors
- Reaching for the stars
- How about a nice frosrty cold bear?
- Welcome to Wal*Mart
- Toys R Us
- Open wide
- The bra fence - 800 and counting
- High-Tech tombstones
- Scamming a Nigerian scammer.....
- Giant spider attacks space shuttle Atlantis
- The phone rings at the crack of dawn.....
- The end is near....
- Merry Tossmas
- How to spot a redneck with a DUI conviction
- Freaked out nut
- Warning: Dangerous Curves
- Eagle beagle
- Mr. Orange Peel
- Dear Dr. Ruth....
- Drunk driving accident
- The Internet
- Funny fruit
- 'Easter Eggs' in Pixar films
- For the person who has everything....
- White Trash Christmas
- Bush inspires zero dollar bill
- New light requires no electricity - Glows for 12 y...
- Fake window
- Things other people accomplised when they were you...
- Abe be hip - honest
- 4 pack of Hanes socks - $899
- The wood spider
- Needs a little work
- An 'Oh shit!' moment
- Fancy shovels
- Hung Teddy Bear
- A bucket of hooters
- Sitting In The Rain
- Owed two the spelling checker
- World's largest hamburger - 123 pounds!
- An ink pen review at Amazon.com
- What would you do for a million dollars?
- An athiest in the woods...
- Mom's Overture
- How to get a man to wash his hands every time
- A quick hit on the peace pipe
- How do you pack a 140 pound deer into a BMW conver...
- Lambchop chair
- ▼ 12/09 - 12/16 (98)
- ► 2006 (3469)
- ► 2005 (1448)
Most posts stolen from.....
- Across the Board
- Apropos of Nothing
- Big Fun
- Big Shot Bob in Texas
- Cynical-C Blog
- Dead Dog
- Eat Liver
- It's Knutz
- J-Walk Blog
- Look at This
- Miss Cellania
- My Confined Space
- Nothing to do with Arborath
- Outhouse Rag
- Unique Daily