We’re taking a weekend bike trip to the Lake of the Ozarks. The weather is supposed to cool Saturday (60’s) and much warmer Sunday (80’s).
I’m trying to catch a cold too, so this should cure me or kill me.
I should be back Sunday afternoon.
Y’all be careful out there.
Update: I survived the trip …. but really feel like crap. And my PC is acting up. I’ll resume regular posting Monday afternoon…. (I hope).
I took this picture the other day descending into Tampa Florida. The clouds were all lined up as far as one could see – just like rows of vegetables in a farmers field. I've always been fascinated with clouds, but know little about them. It just doesn’t seem possible that when a big old jet plane flies thru them that they don’t get blown away. Sometimes the plane just glides right thru them and other times they make it a bumpy adventure. Florida consistently has neat clouds to view.
Gravity was discovered by Sir Isaac Newton. It is chiefly noticeable in the autumn, when the apples are falling off the trees.
You can listen to thunder after lightning and tell how close you came to getting hit. If you don't hear it, you got hit, so never mind.
When people run around and around in circles, we say they are crazy. When planets do it, we say they are orbitting.
The tides are a fight between the Earth and moon. All water tends towards the moon, because there is no water in the moon, and nature abhors a vacuum.
The moon is more useful than the sun, because the moon shines at night when you want the light, whereas the sun shines during the day when you don't need it.
To remove air from a flask, fill it with water, tip the water out, and put the cork in quick before the air can get back in.
Isn't it meaningless to speak of a 45 degrees angle unless you specify Fahrenheit or Celcius?
An object at rest will always be in the wrong place. An object in motion will always be headed in the wrong direction.
For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism.
Doppler effect is the tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when you come at them rapidly.
A salesman was traveling through the country side, selling insect repellent. He came to a farmhouse and tried his pitch on the farmer.
"Sir, my bug spray is so good you will never be bitten again. I guarantee it."
The farmer was dubious. "Young man , I'll make you a proposition. I'll tie you out in my cornfield without a stitch on,
covered with that bug spray. If there is not a single bite on you come morning, I'll buy a whole case from you, and get everyone in the county to buy a case, and we will make you rich!"
The salesman was delighted. They went to the field and he stripped. The farmer sprayed him thoroughly with the bug spray and tied him to a stake. Back to the house went the farmer.
The next morning, the farmer and his family trooped out to the cornfield. Sure enough, the salesman was there, hanging in his bonds, not a single bite on him, and yet he was a total wreck! Pale, ghastly, haggard, and drawn, but not one bite on him.
The farmer was perplexed. "Son," he said, "Now, you don't have a bite on you but you look like the devil! What the heck happened?"
The salesman looked up through bloodshot eyes and croaked,
"Doesn't that calf have a mother?"
It was a terrible night, blowing cold and snow in a most frightful manner. The streets were deserted and the local baker was just about to close up shop when a little, old man slipped through the door. He carried an umbrella, blown inside out and was bundled in two sweaters and a thick coat. But even so, he still looked wet, freezing and bedraggled.
As he unwound his scarf, he said to the baker, "May I have two poppy seed bagels to go, please?"
The baker said in astonishment, "Two bagels? Nothing more?"
"That's right," answered the little man. "One for me and one for Sherry."
"And who is Sherry, your wife?" asked the baker.
"What did you think," snapped the little man, "that my mother would send me out on a night like this?!"
David Letterman's Top Ten Reasons
Why Golf Is Better Than Sex.....
#10... A below par performance is considered damn good.
#9... You can stop in the middle and have a cheeseburger and a couple of beers.
#8.. It's much easier to find the sweet spot.
#7 .. Foursomes are encouraged.
#6... You can still make money doing it as a senior.
#5... Three times a day is possible
#4... Your partner doesn't hire a lawyer if you play with someone else.
#3... If you live in Florida , you can do it almost everyday.
#2... You don't have to cuddle with your partner when you're finished.
And the NUMBER ONE reason why golf is better than sex.....
#1 .. If your equipment gets old and rusty, you can replace it!
Charlie’s last words: “Hey, watch this.”
The funeral is Monday… if they can find enough of him to bury.
Charlie Jr.
“Give me back my Daddy.”
A slightly edited clip from Fred Thompson’s first presidential debate on October 9th.
A minister, a priest and a rabbi went for a hike one day. It was very hot. They were sweating and exhausted when they came upon a small lake. Since it was fairly secluded, they took off all their clothes and jumped in the water.
Feeling refreshed, the trio decided to pick a few berries while enjoying their "freedom." As they were crossing an open area, who should come along but a group of ladies from town.
Unable to get to their clothes in time, the minister and the priest covered their privates and the rabbi covered his face while they ran for cover.
After the ladies had left and the men got their clothes back on, the minister and the priest asked the rabbi why he covered his face rather than his privates.
The rabbi replied, "I don't know about you, but in MY congregation, it's my face they would recognize."
… well…. almost dead. This is Callie, who is blind. When she doesn't want to get up, she plays dead.
A COW is in custody after causing traffic accidents that killed at least six people this year, Cambodian police say.
The cow, described by police as white and 1.5m tall, was standing in the middle of a main road in the Cambodian capital of Phom Penh last night when a motorcyclist crashed into it and died.
Earlier this year, the cow was responsible for an accident that killed five people when a truck veered off the road and crashed as its driver tried to avoid the animal.
Police officer Pin Doman said he was holding the cow at his police station.
He said the cow's owner had been warned four times in the past to keep his cattle tied up and could face prison time, the Associated Press reported.
The National Transportation Safety Board recently divulged a highly secret plan they had funded with the U.S. auto makers for the past five-years.
The NTSB covertly funded a project, whereby the auto makers were installing black boxes in four wheel drive pick-up trucks in an effort to determine, in fatal accidents, the circumstances in the last 15 seconds before the
crash.
They were surprised to find in 49 of the 50 states the last words of drivers in 61.2% of fatal crashes were, "Oh, Shit!"
Only the state of Texas was different, where 89.3% of the final words were, "Hey Y'all, watch this!"
Thanks Susan
10. Annual breast exam conducted at Hooters.
9. Directions to your doctor's office include, "take a left when you enter the trailer park".
8. Tongue depressors taste faintly of Fudgesicle.
7. Only proctologist in the plan is Gus from Roto-Rooter.
6. Your "primary care physician" is wearing the pants you gave to Goodwill last month.
5. Only item listed under Preventive Care coverage is "an apple a day".
4. "Patient responsible for 200% of out-of-network charges" is not a typo.
3. The only expense covered 100% is embalming.
2. With your last HMO, your Prozac didn't come in different colors with little "m's" on them.
And the Number 1 Sign You've Joined a Cheap HMO.....
1. You ask for Viagra. You get a Popsicle stick and duct tape.
Thanks Susan
Dog For Sale: (Or free to good home)
Excellent guard dog.
Owner cannot afford to feed him anymore, as there are no more thieves, murderers, rapists or child molesters left in the neighborhood for him to eat.
Most of them knew him as " Holy Sh*t!! "
Thanks Gene
Quite often we ask ourselves hard to answer questions, like, what is a sonofabitch? And we wax philosophic with metaphysical postulations, incomplete aphorisms and inconsistent sophism that make one more and more sure that the only true thing is that a picture is worth a thousand words.
In this photo, the guy on the right is a member of a bomb squad in the midst of a deactivation. The guy behind him, well..., he's a sonofabitch!
Thanks Susan
* Bear claw - A western USA pastry (contains no actual bear parts)
* Bombay Duck - Is not duck at all, but dried fish. It is also known as Bummalo, which is a species of fish from Southern Asia, particularly abundant in the Ganges Delta and the Arabian Sea of western India.
* Colonial Goose - Actually lamb coated with bread-crumbs and occasionally bacon. This originated in Australia in the 19th Century. Supplies were scarce and goose was difficult to acquire in Australia, so they had to improvise.
* Cream crackers — Contain no cream, and are pale brown in colour.
* Hawaiian pizza - This version of pizza does not come from Hawaii at all. It is a pizza with toppings of pineapple and ham, and sometimes onions or peppers. The name probably came from the pineapples that grow in Hawaii, as well as the traditional place of pork in the native Hawaiian diet. See also Toast Hawaii.
* Head cheese - contains no cheese but does contain pig head parts
* Jerusalem artichoke is unrelated to Jerusalem. It is a tuberous sunflower, and is a kind of daisy as is its distant relative, the globe artichoke. "Jerusalem" is a corruption of the Italian girasole, meaning turning toward the sun (heliotropism)
* Mincemeat - Mincemeat was originally a Medieval food made of a sweet, spicy mixture of chopped lean meat, (usually beef, or beef tongue), suet and fruit. Over time, the meat content was reduced, and today the mixture contains nuts, dried fruit, beef suet, spices and brandy or rum, but usually no beef.
* Norwegian Omelette - Is neither a Norwegian dish nor is it made from whole eggs. This French dessert, also known as Baked Alaska, consists of hard frozen ice cream on a bed of sponge cake, covered with uncooked meringue. It is kept in the freezer until serving time, when it is placed in a very hot oven, just long enough to brown the meringue.
* Sweetbread - This is neither sweet, nor bread. It is a dish made up of the pancreas or the thymus gland of a calf or lamb. It is prepared in a variety of ways, including fried, sauteed or baked.
* Toad in the Hole - This does not contain toads. It is a traditional British dish made of sausage, or occasionally pork chops, cooked in Yorkshire Pudding. In Australia it is made with an egg, sometimes in place of the sausage, and a slice of bread.
* Welsh Rabbit - Neither name describes what this food actually is. It is a concoction of bread and cheese.
Weirdos aren’t the only ones who blog. Here are 66 celebrities that blog. OK… some of these might be considered wierdos too.
Ever wonder how Hooter’s makes their wings or how Cracker Barrel makes their hashbrown caserole? Here’s just one of hundreds:
Applebee's Baby Back Ribs Recipe
Ingredients & Directions:
3 racks (about 1 lb. each) pork baby back ribs, each cut in half
Barbecue sauce:
1 cup ketchup
1/4 cup apple cider vinager
3 tablespoons dark brown sugar
3 tablespoons worcestershire sauce
1 teaspoon liquid smoke
1/2 teaspoon salt
1. Put ribs in a large pot with enough water to cover them. Bring water to a
boil, reduce heat, cover and simmer 1 hour or until ribs are fork tender.
2. Mix all sauce ingrediants together in a medium sauce pan and bring to a
boil, reduce heat and simmer uncovered, stirring often, for 30 minutes or
until slightly thickened.
3.Heat broiler. Line broiler with foil for easy cleanup. Place ribs, meat
side down, on broiler pan, brush with 1/2 the sauce and broil 4-5 inches
from heat source for 6 to 7 minutes. turn ribs over, brush with remaining
sauce and broil 6 to 7 minutes longer or until edges are slightly charred.
The complete list of secret recipes
A million seconds is 13 days.
A billion seconds is 31 years.
A trillion seconds is 31,688 years.
A million minutes ago was – 1 year, 329 days, 10 hours and 40 minutes ago.
A billion minutes ago was just after the time of Christ.
A million hours ago was in 1885.
A billion hours ago man had not yet walked on earth.
A million dollars ago was five (5) seconds ago at the U.S. Treasury.
A billion dollars ago was late yesterday afternoon at the U.S. Treasury.
A trillion dollars is so large a number that only politicians
can use the term in conversation… probably because they
seldom think about what they are really saying. I’ve read that
mathematicians do not even use the term trillion!
Here is some perspective on TRILLION:
Trillion = 1,000,000,000,000.
The country has not existed for a trillion seconds.
Western civilization has not been around a trillion seconds.
One trillion seconds ago – 31,688 years – Neanderthals stalked the plains of Europe.
Million: 1,000,000
Billion: 1,000,000,000
Trillion: 1,000,000,000,000
Quintillion: 1,000,000,000,000,000,000
Sextillion: 1,000,000,000,000,000,000,000
Nonillion: 1,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000
Centillion: 1 followed by 303 zeros
Amazing, 5000 Pigeons In A Car ! - video powered by Metacafe
Two questions:
1. How’d they get them in there?
2. Why?
Play the video and listen to the audio. Then replay the video and listen to the audio creep up. It’s the same audio, but it sounds higher pitched.
AMAZING Audio Illusion - video powered by Metacafe
A lot of people come to Florida this time of year and stay for the winter, then had back north in the springtime. Down here they’re called snowbirds. From Miss Cellania comes the following post about northerners who move south…..
One day an Irishman, who has been stranded on a desert island for Over 10 years, sees an unusual speck on the horizon. "It's certainly not a ship," he thinks to himself. As the speck gets closer and closer, he begins to rule out the possibilities of a small boat, then even a raft.
Suddenly, emerging from the surf comes a drop dead gorgeous blonde wearing a wet suit and scuba gear. She approaches the stunned man and says to him, "Tell me how long has it been since you've had a cigarette?"
"Ten years!" replies the Irishman.
With that, she reaches over and unzips a waterproof pocket on her left sleeve and pulls out a pack of fresh cigarettes. He takes one, lights it, takes a long drag and says, "God! Is that good!"
"And how long has it been since you've had a sip of whiskey?" she asks him. Trembling, the castaway replies, "Ten years!"
She reaches over, unzips her right sleeve, pulls out a flask and hands it to him. He opens the flask, takes a long swig and says, "Tis absolutely fantastic!"
At this point she starts slowly unzipping the long zipper that runs down the front of her wet suit, looks at the man and asks, "And how long has it been since you've played around?"
With tears in his eyes, the man falls to his knees and sobs, "Oh, sweet Jesus! Don't tell me you've got golf clubs in there too."
Dear Abby: A couple of women moved in across the hall from me. One is a middle-aged gym teacher and the other is a social worker in her mid-twenties. These two women go everywhere together and I've never seen a man go into or leave their apartment. Do you think they could be Lebanese?
Dear Abby: What can I do about all the sex, nudity, fowl language and violence on my VCR?
Dear Abby: I have a man I can't trust. He cheats so much, I'm not even sure the baby I'm carrying is his.
Dear Abby : I am a 23-year-old liberated woman who has been on the pill for two years. It's getting expensive and I think my boy friend should share half the cost, but I don't know him well enough to discuss money with him.
Dear Abby: I've suspected that my husband has been fooling around, and when confronted with the evidence, he denied everything and said it would never happen again.
Dear Abby: Our son writes that he is taking Judo. Why would a boy who was raised in a good Christian home turn against his own?
Dear Abby: My 40-year-old son has been paying a psychiatrist $50 an hour every week for two and a half years. He must be crazy.
Dear Abby: My Favorite. I was married to Bill for three months and I didn't know he drank until one night he came home sober.
Dear Abby: My mother is mean and short-tempered. I think she is going through mental pause.
Dear Abby: You told some woman whose husband had lost all interest in sex to send him to a doctor. Well, my husband has lost all interest in sex and he is a doctor. Now what do I do?
Thanks Mary
Once again I’m off to visit my aunt in Florida. Today is her 93rd birthday. I’ll be meeting some of my cousins there and we’re take Aunt Iva out to dinner. I’ll be in Port Charlotte on the gulf coast (see picture).
We also sold her mobile home (finally), so I have to take care of the details on that while I’m there. I’ll be home Thursday evening. I’ll post while I’m gone when I get a chance.
I’ll probably stop in for a visit at my friendly Harley dealer there (Black Widow Harley Davidson), but most likely won’t be riding a new one home on this trip.
Been there – Done that already.
Y’all be careful out there.
"By November 2003, I realized he was giving me performance-enhancing drugs."
— Said Marion Jones, while scratching her balls.
