Saturday, October 13, 2007

Wild Hogs

Pig_transportWe’re taking a weekend bike trip to the Lake of the Ozarks.  The weather is supposed to cool Saturday (60’s) and much warmer Sunday (80’s).  


I’m trying to catch a cold too, so this should cure me or kill me.


I should be back Sunday afternoon.


Y’all be careful out there.


Update:  I survived the trip …. but really feel like crap. And my PC is acting up.    I’ll resume regular posting Monday afternoon…. (I hope).

Friday, October 12, 2007

Field of Clouds

Cloud rows2
I took this picture the other day descending into Tampa Florida.  The clouds were all lined up as far as one could see – just like rows of vegetables in a farmers field.  I've always been fascinated with clouds, but know little about them.  It just doesn’t seem possible that when a big old jet plane flies thru them that they don’t get blown away.  Sometimes the plane just glides right thru them and other times they make it a bumpy adventure.  Florida consistently has neat clouds to view.

Fishing show blooper


via

Drip dry

Drip dry


via

Science facts

Gravity was discovered by Sir Isaac Newton. It is chiefly noticeable in the autumn, when the apples are falling off the trees.
You can listen to thunder after lightning and tell how close you came to getting hit. If you don't hear it, you got hit, so never mind.


When people run around and around in circles, we say they are crazy. When planets do it, we say they are orbitting.


The tides are a fight between the Earth and moon. All water tends towards the moon, because there is no water in the moon, and nature abhors a vacuum.


The moon is more useful than the sun, because the moon shines at night when you want the light, whereas the sun shines during the day when you don't need it.


To remove air from a flask, fill it with water, tip the water out, and put the cork in quick before the air can get back in.


Isn't it meaningless to speak of a 45 degrees angle unless you specify Fahrenheit or Celcius?


An object at rest will always be in the wrong place. An object in motion will always be headed in the wrong direction.


For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism.


Doppler effect is the tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when you come at them rapidly.


via

Bug repellant salesman

A salesman was traveling through the country side, selling insect repellent. He came to a farmhouse and tried his pitch on the farmer.


"Sir, my bug spray is so good you will never be bitten again. I guarantee it."


The farmer was dubious. "Young man , I'll make you a proposition. I'll tie you out in my cornfield without a stitch on,
covered with that bug spray. If there is not a single bite on you come morning, I'll buy a whole case from you, and get everyone in the county to buy a case, and we will make you rich!"


The salesman was delighted. They went to the field and he stripped.  The farmer sprayed him thoroughly with the bug spray and tied him to a stake. Back to the house went the farmer.


The next morning, the farmer and his family trooped out to the cornfield. Sure enough, the salesman was there, hanging in his bonds, not a single bite on him, and yet he was a total wreck! Pale, ghastly, haggard, and drawn, but not one bite on him.


The farmer was perplexed. "Son," he said, "Now, you don't have a bite on you but you look like the devil! What the heck happened?"


The salesman looked up through bloodshot eyes and croaked,


"Doesn't that calf have a mother?"


via

Hi-Ho, Hi-Ho, it's off to work I go...

Ant worker


via

Bible spoiler

Bible-spoilers


via

Kill your feet...

Kill-your-feet.thumbnail


via

Answer the question...

Answer-the-question-the-answer


via

Love is in the cards

Love-cards.thumbnail


via

Kinky

Holy-sperm


Laugh at this and you’ll go straight to Hell.


via

Shocked coffee cup

Shocked-coffee-cup-lid.thumbnail


via

Two bagels to go

It was a terrible night, blowing cold and snow in a most frightful manner. The streets were deserted and the local baker was just about to close up shop when a little, old man slipped through the door. He carried an umbrella, blown inside out and was bundled in two sweaters and a thick coat. But even so, he still looked wet, freezing and bedraggled.

As he unwound his scarf, he said to the baker, "May I have two poppy seed bagels to go, please?"

The baker said in astonishment, "Two bagels? Nothing more?"

"That's right," answered the little man. "One for me and one for Sherry."

"And who is Sherry, your wife?" asked the baker.

"What did you think," snapped the little man, "that my mother would send me out on a night like this?!"


via

Why golf is better than sex

David Letterman's Top Ten Reasons
Why Golf Is Better Than Sex.....

#10... A below par performance is considered damn good.

#9... You can stop in the middle and have a cheeseburger and a couple of beers.

#8.. It's much easier to find the sweet spot.

#7 .. Foursomes are encouraged.

#6... You can still make money doing it as a senior.

#5... Three times a day is possible

#4... Your partner doesn't hire a lawyer if you play with someone else.

#3... If you live in Florida , you can do it almost everyday.

#2... You don't have to cuddle with your partner when you're finished.

And the NUMBER ONE reason why golf is better than sex.....

#1 .. If your equipment gets old and rusty, you can replace it!


via

The way to a man's wallet is through his stomach...

… or something like that.



via

Trap door

Penn & Teller show how it’s done 



Secret Magic - video powered by Metacafe


via

Charlie's final picture

Gator_food


Charlie’s last words:  “Hey, watch this.”
The funeral is Monday… if they can find enough of him to bury.


Charlie Jr.
Little charlie


“Give me back my Daddy.”


via

Carmen Sandiego finally found....

…. in San Diego of all places.


Carmen


via

Looks like he has what it takes to be president

A slightly edited clip from Fred Thompson’s first presidential debate on October 9th.



via

3 kinds of service

Good-cheap-fast


via

Thursday, October 11, 2007

A new Pepsi Generation

Everyone_loves_pepsi


via

After your house burns down....

… it’s good to have a sense of humor.


Oops


via

Mooseknuckle

Moose knuckle


because Cameltoe has an ugly sister.


via

Undercover clergy

A minister, a priest and a rabbi went for a hike one day. It was very hot. They were sweating and exhausted when they came upon a small lake. Since it was fairly secluded, they took off all their clothes and jumped in the water.

Feeling refreshed, the trio decided to pick a few berries while enjoying their "freedom." As they were crossing an open area, who should come along but a group of ladies from town.

Unable to get to their clothes in time, the minister and the priest covered their privates and the rabbi covered his face while they ran for cover.

After the ladies had left and the men got their clothes back on, the minister and the priest asked the rabbi why he covered his face rather than his privates.

The rabbi replied, "I don't know about you, but in MY congregation, it's my face they would recognize."


via

You don't want to sit here

No sitting


via

Dog plays dead....

… well…. almost dead.  This is Callie, who is blind. When she doesn't want to get up, she plays dead.



via

Wednesday, October 10, 2007

Handyman?

Handyman


via

Alien carcass?

Alien


via

Funny Fish

Funny fish


It’s got Shrek ears!


via

A little pregnant

Pregnant


via

Cow jailed after traffic accidents

CowA COW is in custody after causing traffic accidents that killed at least six people this year, Cambodian police say.


The cow, described by police as white and 1.5m tall, was standing in the middle of a main road in the Cambodian capital of Phom Penh last night when a motorcyclist crashed into it and died.


Earlier this year, the cow was responsible for an accident that killed five people when a truck veered off the road and crashed as its driver tried to avoid the animal.


Police officer Pin Doman said he was holding the cow at his police station.


He said the cow's owner had been warned four times in the past to keep his cattle tied up and could face prison time, the Associated Press reported.


Read all about it


via

NTSB secret project

The National Transportation Safety Board recently divulged a highly secret plan they had funded with the U.S. auto makers for the past five-years.
The NTSB covertly funded a project, whereby the auto makers were installing black boxes in four wheel drive pick-up trucks in an effort to determine,  in fatal accidents, the circumstances in the last 15 seconds before the
crash.
      They were surprised to find in 49 of the 50 states the last words of drivers in 61.2% of fatal crashes were, "Oh, Shit!"
     Only the state of Texas was different, where 89.3% of the final words were, "Hey Y'all, watch this!"


Thanks Susan

Krispy Kreme Double Cheeseburger.. with Bacon

Krispykremeburger


via

The Top 10 Signs You've Joined A Cheap HMO

10.  Annual breast exam conducted at Hooters.
 9.   Directions to your doctor's office include, "take a left when you enter the trailer park".
 8.  Tongue depressors taste faintly of Fudgesicle.
 7.  Only proctologist in the plan is Gus from Roto-Rooter.
 6.  Your "primary care physician" is wearing the pants you gave to Goodwill last month.
 5.  Only item listed under Preventive Care coverage is "an apple a day".
 4.  "Patient responsible for 200% of out-of-network charges" is not a typo.
 3.  The only expense covered 100% is embalming.
 2.  With your last HMO, your Prozac didn't come in different colors with little "m's" on them. 


And the Number 1 Sign You've Joined a Cheap HMO.....


1. You ask for Viagra.  You get a Popsicle stick and duct tape.


Thanks Susan

Dog For Sale

Dog For Sale:      (Or free to good home)


Excellent guard dog.


Owner cannot afford to feed him anymore, as there are no more thieves, murderers, rapists or child molesters left in the neighborhood for him to eat.


Guard dog


Most of them knew him as " Holy Sh*t!! "


Thanks Gene

Human LCD


Thanks Scott

What exactly is a son of a bitch???

SobQuite often we ask ourselves hard to answer questions, like, what is a sonofabitch?  And we wax philosophic with metaphysical postulations, incomplete aphorisms and inconsistent sophism that make one more and more sure that the only true thing is that a picture is worth a thousand words.

In this photo, the guy on the right is a member of a bomb squad in the midst of a deactivation. The guy behind him, well..., he's a sonofabitch!


Thanks Susan

Misleading food names

    * Bear claw - A western USA pastry (contains no actual bear parts)
    * Bombay Duck - Is not duck at all, but dried fish. It is also known as Bummalo, which is a species of fish from Southern Asia, particularly abundant in the Ganges Delta and the Arabian Sea of western India.
    * Colonial Goose - Actually lamb coated with bread-crumbs and occasionally bacon. This originated in Australia in the 19th Century. Supplies were scarce and goose was difficult to acquire in Australia, so they had to improvise.
    * Cream crackers — Contain no cream, and are pale brown in colour.
    * Hawaiian pizza - This version of pizza does not come from Hawaii at all. It is a pizza with toppings of pineapple and ham, and sometimes onions or peppers. The name probably came from the pineapples that grow in Hawaii, as well as the traditional place of pork in the native Hawaiian diet. See also Toast Hawaii.
    * Head cheese - contains no cheese but does contain pig head parts
    * Jerusalem artichoke is unrelated to Jerusalem. It is a tuberous sunflower, and is a kind of daisy as is its distant relative, the globe artichoke. "Jerusalem" is a corruption of the Italian girasole, meaning turning toward the sun (heliotropism)
    * Mincemeat - Mincemeat was originally a Medieval food made of a sweet, spicy mixture of chopped lean meat, (usually beef, or beef tongue), suet and fruit. Over time, the meat content was reduced, and today the mixture contains nuts, dried fruit, beef suet, spices and brandy or rum, but usually no beef.
    * Norwegian Omelette - Is neither a Norwegian dish nor is it made from whole eggs. This French dessert, also known as Baked Alaska, consists of hard frozen ice cream on a bed of sponge cake, covered with uncooked meringue. It is kept in the freezer until serving time, when it is placed in a very hot oven, just long enough to brown the meringue.
    * Sweetbread - This is neither sweet, nor bread. It is a dish made up of the pancreas or the thymus gland of a calf or lamb. It is prepared in a variety of ways, including fried, sauteed or baked.
    * Toad in the Hole - This does not contain toads. It is a traditional British dish made of sausage, or occasionally pork chops, cooked in Yorkshire Pudding. In Australia it is made with an egg, sometimes in place of the sausage, and a slice of bread.
    * Welsh Rabbit  - Neither name describes what this food actually is. It is a concoction of bread and cheese.


From via

66 celebrities who blog

Weirdos aren’t the only ones who blog.   Here are 66 celebrities that blog.   OK…  some of these might be considered wierdos too.



  1. Wil Wheaton

  2. Bill Maher

  3. David Beckham

  4. Alec Baldwin

  5. Zach Braff

  6. Mark Cuban

  7. No Doubt

  8. Moby

  9. Meredith Viera

  10. Fred Durst

  11. Barbra Striesand

  12. Jeff Bridges

  13. Lily Allen

  14. John Mayer

  15. Rosie O’Donnell

  16. Margaret Cho

  17. Dave Barry

  18. Jamie Oliver

  19. William Shatner

  20. Ant

  21. Alyssa Milano

  22. Alyssa Milano’s baseball blog

  23. Dave Navarro

  24. Julia Sweeney

  25. Lisa Whelchel

  26. Donald Trump

  27. Tom Green

  28. Kevin Smith

  29. Mariska Hargitay

  30. Adam Curry

  31. David Byrne

  32. Kasim Sultan

  33. Susan Powter

  34. Curt Schilling

  35. Anna Kournikova

  36. Bob Mould

  37. Roseanne

  38. Kanye West

  39. Billy Morrison

  40. Jason Mraz

  41. Elisha Cuthbert’s Hockey Blog

  42. Tori Amos

  43. Kathy Griffin

  44. MC Hammer

  45. Flea 

  46. Pamela Anderson

  47. Bobby Rivers

  48. John Cusack

  49. Elyse Sewell

  50. Adrienne Curry

  51. Al Roker

  52. Brian Williams

  53. The Dixie Chicks

  54. Anderson Cooper

  55. Thomas Dolby

  56. Dane Cook

  57. Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen

  58. Victoria Beckham

  59. Tori Spelling

  60. Bare Naked Ladies

  61. Neil Young

  62. Deepak Chopra

  63. Jenna Elfman

  64. Jamie Lee Curtis

  65. Michael Moore

  66. Tommy LaSorda

From  via

Tuesday, October 09, 2007

Taking the fish out for a walk

Fish walking


via

Secret recipes

Ever wonder how Hooter’s makes their wings or how Cracker Barrel makes their hashbrown caserole?   Here’s just one of hundreds:



 
Applebee's Baby Back Ribs Recipe


Ingredients & Directions:
3 racks (about 1 lb. each) pork baby back ribs, each cut in half
Barbecue sauce:
1 cup ketchup
1/4 cup apple cider vinager
3 tablespoons dark brown sugar
3 tablespoons worcestershire sauce
1 teaspoon liquid smoke
1/2 teaspoon salt
1. Put ribs in a large pot with enough water to cover them. Bring water to a
boil, reduce heat, cover and simmer 1 hour or until ribs are fork tender.
2. Mix all sauce ingrediants together in a medium sauce pan and bring to a
boil, reduce heat and simmer uncovered, stirring often, for 30 minutes or
until slightly thickened.
3.Heat broiler. Line broiler with foil for easy cleanup. Place ribs, meat
side down, on broiler pan, brush with 1/2 the sauce and broil 4-5 inches
from heat source for 6 to 7 minutes. turn ribs over, brush with remaining
sauce and broil 6 to 7 minutes longer or until edges are slightly charred.


The complete list of secret recipes


via

Free at last!

Free at last


via

Hands free

Hands free


via

Some kids just won't quit

312201151344nh


via

What's the difference between a million, a billion and a trillion?

A million seconds is 13 days.
A billion seconds is 31 years.
A trillion seconds is 31,688 years.



A million minutes ago was – 1 year, 329 days, 10 hours and 40 minutes ago.
A billion minutes ago was just after the time of Christ.



A million hours ago was in 1885.
A billion hours ago man had not yet walked on earth.



A million dollars ago was five (5) seconds ago at the U.S. Treasury.
A billion dollars ago was late yesterday afternoon at the U.S. Treasury.



A trillion dollars is so large a number that only politicians
can use the term in conversation… probably because they
seldom think about what they are really saying. I’ve read that
mathematicians do not even use the term trillion!
Here is some perspective on TRILLION:


Trillion = 1,000,000,000,000.
The country has not existed for a trillion seconds.
Western civilization has not been around a trillion seconds.
One trillion seconds ago – 31,688 years – Neanderthals stalked the plains of Europe.



Million: 1,000,000
Billion: 1,000,000,000
Trillion: 1,000,000,000,000
Quintillion: 1,000,000,000,000,000,000
Sextillion: 1,000,000,000,000,000,000,000
Nonillion: 1,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000
Centillion: 1 followed by 303 zeros


via

Flash!

Flash


via

Puppy and his vibrating hamster


via

Look what I got....

….Where?  I don’t see it.


Lookwhatigot

5,9000 pigeons


Amazing, 5000 Pigeons In A Car ! - video powered by Metacafe


Two questions:



1.  How’d they get them in there?


2.  Why?


via


 

Amazing audio illusion

Play the video and listen to the audio.  Then replay the video and listen to the audio creep up.  It’s the same audio, but it sounds higher pitched.
AMAZING Audio Illusion - video powered by Metacafe


via

Monday, October 08, 2007

Revenge of the bull

Bulls revenge


via

Funny video compilation


via

Staying dry

Staying dry


via

What do you mean... Wrestling is fake?

Wrestling


via

Everybody is a suspect

Tsa


via

Quartet

Quartet


via

For Northerners Who Move South....

A lot of people come to Florida this time of year and stay for the winter, then had back north in the springtime.   Down here they’re called snowbirds.  From Miss Cellania comes the following post about northerners who move south…..



  • In the South: If you run your car into a ditch, don't panic. Four men in a four-wheel drive pickup truck with a tow chain will be along shortly.  Don't try to help them, just stay out of their way. This is what they live for.

  • Don't be surprised to find movie rentals and bait in the same store....do not buy food at this store.

  • Get used to hearing "You ain't from round here, are ya?"

  • Save all manner of bacon grease. You will be instructed later on how to use it.

  • Don't be worried at not understanding what people are saying. They can't understand you either. The first Southern statement to creep into a transplanted Northerner's vocabulary is the adjective "big'ol," truck or big'ol" boy. Most Northerners begin their Southern-influenced dialect this way. All of them are in denial about it.

  • The proper pronunciation you learned in school is no longer proper.

  • Be advised that "He needed killin" is a valid defense here.

  • If you hear a Southerner exclaim, "Hey, y'all, watch this," you should stay out of the way. These are likely to be the last words he'll ever say.

  • If there is the prediction of the slightest chance of even the smallest accumulation of snow, your presence is required at the local grocery store. It doesn't matter whether you need anything or not. You just have to go there.

  • Do not be surprised to find that 10-year olds own their own shotguns,  they are proficient marksmen, and their mammas taught them how to aim

  • In the South, we have found that the best way to grow a lush green lawn is to pour gravel on it and call it a driveway.

  • AND REMEMBER: If you do settle in the South and bear children, don't  think we will accept them as Southerners. After all, if the cat had kittens  in the oven, we wouldn't call 'em biscuits.

The Irishman and the blonde

One day an Irishman, who has been stranded on a desert island for Over 10 years, sees an unusual speck on the horizon. "It's certainly not a ship," he thinks to himself. As the speck gets closer and closer, he begins to rule out the possibilities of a small boat, then even a raft.
Suddenly, emerging from the surf comes a drop dead gorgeous blonde wearing a wet suit and scuba gear. She approaches the stunned man and says to him, "Tell me how long has it been since you've had a cigarette?"

"Ten years!" replies the Irishman.

With that, she reaches over and unzips a waterproof pocket on her left sleeve and pulls out a pack of fresh cigarettes. He takes one, lights it, takes a long drag and says, "God! Is that good!"

"And how long has it been since you've had a sip of whiskey?" she asks him. Trembling, the castaway replies, "Ten years!"

She reaches over, unzips her right sleeve, pulls out a flask and hands it to him. He opens the flask, takes a long swig and says, "Tis absolutely fantastic!"


At this point she starts slowly unzipping the long zipper that runs down the front of her wet suit, looks at the man and asks, "And how long has it been since you've played around?"

With tears in his eyes, the man falls to his knees and sobs, "Oh, sweet Jesus! Don't tell me you've got golf clubs in there too."


via

Woody woodpecker

Woody


via

Letters Dear Abby didn't know how to answer...

   Dear Abby: A couple of women moved in across the hall from me. One is a middle-aged gym teacher and the other is a social worker in her mid-twenties. These two women go everywhere together and I've never seen a man go into or leave their apartment. Do you think they could be Lebanese?

   Dear Abby: What can I do about all the sex, nudity, fowl language and violence on my VCR?

   Dear Abby: I have a man I can't trust. He cheats so much, I'm not even sure the baby I'm carrying is his.

   Dear Abby : I am a 23-year-old liberated woman who has been on the pill for two years. It's getting expensive and I think my boy friend should share half the cost, but I don't know him well enough to discuss money with him.

   Dear Abby: I've suspected that my husband has been fooling around, and when confronted with the evidence, he denied everything and said it would never happen again.

   Dear Abby: Our son writes that he is taking Judo. Why would a boy who was raised in a good Christian home turn against his own?

   Dear Abby: My 40-year-old son has been paying a psychiatrist $50 an hour every week for two and a half years. He must be crazy.

   Dear Abby: My Favorite. I was married to Bill for three months and I didn't know he drank until one night he came home sober.

   Dear Abby: My mother is mean and short-tempered. I think she is going through mental pause.

   Dear Abby: You told some woman whose husband had lost all interest in sex to send him to a doctor. Well, my husband has lost all interest in sex and he is a doctor. Now what do I do?


Thanks Mary

Off to Florida for a few days

Florida2Once again I’m off to visit my aunt in Florida.  Today is her 93rd birthday.  I’ll be meeting some of my cousins there and we’re take Aunt Iva out to dinner.  I’ll be in Port Charlotte on the gulf coast (see picture).


We also sold her mobile home (finally), so I have to take care of the details on that while I’m there.  I’ll be home Thursday evening.  I’ll post while I’m gone when I get a chance.


I’ll probably stop in for a visit at my friendly Harley dealer there  (Black Widow Harley Davidson), but most likely won’t be riding a new one home on this trip.
Been there – Done that already.


Y’all be careful out there.


 

It's dryin time again...

Dryin time


via

Wide load

Wide load


via

Wizard of Oz - The short version

Wizard-of-oz


via

Quote of the day

Jones"By November 2003, I realized he was giving me performance-enhancing drugs."


 


 


        — Said Marion Jones, while scratching her balls.


via