Friday, September 22, 2006
Good news and bad news
"The good news is gasoline analysts say gas prices should drop to $2 a gallon by Thanksgiving.
The bad news? Turkey will be $80 a pound."
Interesting observation
1. The sport of choice for the urban poor is BASKETBALL.
2. The sport of choice for maintenance level employees is BOWLING
4. The sport of choice for supervisors is BASEBALL.
5. The sport of choice for middle management is TENNIS.
and...
THE AMAZING CONCLUSION:
Why did the chicken cross the road>
..... According to....
Jessica Simpson: Why would he be one a road, I thought chickens lived in the ocean?
Homer Simpson: There was free beer on the other side of the road.
Homer Simpson 2: Because they're stupid that's why! Why does anybody do anything?
Grandpa: In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Someone told us that the chicken had crossed the road, and that was good enough for us.
Snoop Dogg: This (censored) fool of a chicken didn't (censored) know what the (censored) he was doin crossin a (censored) alley in (censored) Harlem at 1:00 in the (censored) mornin'.
Charles Darwin: Chickens, over great periods of time, have been naturally selected in such a way that they are now genetically disposed to cross roads.
(former) Iraq Information Minister: There is no such chicken trying to cross the road, and there never has been any such chicken.
Hippocrates: Because of an excess of light pink gooey stuff in its pancreas.
Johnny Cochran: Because the road was black and the chicken was white. We must acquit.
Bill Clinton: I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What do you mean by chicken? Could you define chicken, please?
Chuck Norris: Because I threw it.
Jack Bauer: Give me ten minutes with the chicken and I'll find out.
Joseph Stalin: I don't care. Catch it. I need its eggs to make my omelette.
O.J. Simpson: It didn't. I was playing golf with it at the time.
Fox Mulder: You saw it cross the road with your own eyes. How many more chickens have to cross the road before you believe it?
Albert Einstein: Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road moved beneath the chicken depends upon your frame of reference.
Buddha: Asking this question denies your own chicken nature.
Jack Nicholson: You WANT that chicken on the road. You NEED that chicken on the road. You're just too much of a chicken to be on that road YOURSELF!
Bill Gates: It's already on both sides of the road. And it just bought the road.
The Godfather: I didn't want its mother to see it like that.
Mel Gibson: Why do you think the chicken crossed the road? Because its a (censored) Jew. Jews think they can just (censored) cross the street whenever they want. Jewish chickens are responsible for all the wars in the world...are you a Jew??
Having a bad day
There's a guy at a bar staring at his drink.
He sits and stares like this for half an hour.
Suddenly, a big trouble-making truck driver steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy, and slugs it all down. The poor man starts crying.
"Come on man, I was just joking," says the truck driver. "Here, I'll buy you another drink. I just can't stand to see a man cry."
"No, it's not that," the man replies. "This day is the worst day of my life. First, I fall asleep and I get in late to work. My boss, outraged, fires me. When I leave the building to drive home, I find out my car is stolen! The police say that they can do nothing. I get a cab to return home, and when I exit the cab, I leave my wallet and credit cards there and the cab driver just drives away."
"I go home, and when I get there, I find my wife in bed with the gardener. I leave home, and come to this bar."
"And just when I was thinking about putting an end to my life, you show up and drink my poison."
Little Johnny strikes again
A teacher asked her class to make a sentence using the word "fascinate".
Molly put up her hand up and said, "My family went to my granddad's farm, and we all saw his pet sheep. It was fascinating."
The teacher said, "That was good, but I wanted you to use the word "fascinate, not fascinating".
Sally raised her hand. She said, "My family went to see Rock City and I was fascinated."
The teacher said, "Well, that was good Sally, but I wanted you to use the word "fascinate."
Little Johnny raised his hand. The teacher hesitated because she had been burned by Little Johnny before. She finally decided there was no way he could damage the word "fascinate", so she called on him.
Johnny said, "My aunt Gina has a sweater with ten buttons, but her tits are so big she can only fasten eight."
The teacher sat down and cried.
Thanks Joe P
Thursday, September 21, 2006
Back from Branson
Here’s a view of the Big Creek Resort dock on Table Rock Lake at sundown last night. We stayed there for 4 nights. We took daily motorcycle rides to Branson, Eureka Springs Arkansas and the War Eagle Mill (not too far from Eureka Springs).
Regular posting should resume Friday.
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