25 Mind-Numbingly Stupid Quotes About Hurricane Katrina

Here are just a few of them:

 1) "I don't think anybody anticipated the breach of the levees." –President Bush, on "Good Morning America," Sept. 1, 2005, six days after repeated warnings from experts about the scope of damage expected from Hurricane Katrina 

 2) "What I'm hearing which is sort of scary is that they all want to stay in Texas. Everybody is so overwhelmed by the hospitality. And so many of the people in the arena here, you know, were underprivileged anyway so this (chuckle) – this is working very well for them." –Former First Lady Barbara Bush, on the Hurricane flood evacuees in the Houston Astrodome, Sept. 5, 2005

 4) "We've got a lot of rebuilding to do ... The good news is — and it's hard for some to see it now — that out of this chaos is going to come a fantastic Gulf Coast, like it was before. Out of the rubbles of Trent Lott's house — he's lost his entire house — there's going to be a fantastic house. And I'm looking forward to sitting on the porch." (Laughter) —President Bush, touring hurricane damage, Mobile, Ala., Sept. 2, 2005

 5) "Considering the dire circumstances that we have in New Orleans, virtually a city that has been destroyed, things are going relatively well." –FEMA Director Michael Brown, Sept. 1, 2005

 7) "I have not heard a report of thousands of people in the convention center who don't have food and water." –Homeland Security Secretary Michael Chertoff, on NPR's "All Things Considered," Sept. 1, 2005

 10) "You simply get chills every time you see these poor individuals...many of these people, almost all of them that we see are so poor and they are so black, and this is going to raise lots of questions for people who are watching this story unfold." –CNN's Wolf Blitzer, on New Orleans' hurricane evacuees, Sept. 1, 2005

13) "We finally cleaned up public housing in New Orleans. We couldn't do it, but God did." –Rep. Richard Baker (R-LA) to lobbyists, as quoted in the Wall Street Journal

 14) "Louisiana is a city that is largely under water." –Homeland Security Secretary Michael Chertoff, news conference, Sept. 3, 2005

 15) "I also want to encourage anybody who was affected by Hurricane Corina to make sure their children are in school." –First Lady Laura Bush, twice referring to a "Hurricane Corina" while speaking to children and parents in South Haven, Mississippi, Sept. 8, 2005

 16) "It's totally wiped out. ... It's devastating, it's got to be doubly devastating on the ground." –President Bush, turning to his aides while surveying Hurricane Katrina flood damage from Air Force One, Aug. 31, 2005

 20) "We just learned of the convention center – we being the federal government – today." –FEMA Director Michael Brown, to ABC's Ted Koppel, Sept. 1, 2005, to which Koppel responded " Don't you guys watch television? Don't you guys listen to the radio? Our reporters have been reporting on it for more than just today."

Here’s the complete list

via J-Walk blog

What can Brown do TO you?

Blowing booger bubbles

Notice anything funny in this pic from the movie "Troy"?

Top Ten Reasons To Eat Macaroni and Cheese

Authorized List

10. Tastes great!
9. Easy to make!
8. Kids love it!
7. Cheap!
6. Fast!
5. Is a meal in itself!
4. Has as few as 2 ingredients!
3. Anyone can make it!
2. Everyone will like you!
1. You can order this great book by clicking here!

Unauthorized List

• You can still eat it after you lose your teeth.
• Some brands glow in the dark for romantic meals.
• The noodles have no feelings (not really).
• You can store it in your cheeks for between meal snacks.
• Leftovers can be used in a pillow case in the guest room.
• Comes in convenient nostril sizes.
• Protects your fall if you nod off at the dinner table.
• Doesn’t taste like brussel sprouts.
• Grows mold very slowly.
• You can tell small children it’s yellow candy.
• If you hold it to years you can hear the wind rustling through the cheese fields.
• Contains no cheese!
• Ideal for that new Pasta and Cheddar Diet plan.
• Vegetarian! Has no vegetables!
• Cheaper than Prozac.
• OK to chew during the national anthem.
• Rinses out with Visine.
• Cheap way to bribe politicians.
• Works well with the Heimlich maneuver.
• Even if it clogs your arteries the blood can still flow through the little tubes.
• Can be used to hide small, yellow tubes.

via Information Junk

Make your own snow at home

Make snow at home

via Information Junk

Nice guppies

Grandpa is not gonna be happy

via growabrain

World Record Watermelon

Weighing in at 268.8 lbs.

Grown by the Bright family in Hope Arkansas.  Read all about it.

via growabrain

How to make a smoker out of a trash can

Grilling is cooking meat by the direct application of high heat with a gas burner or an electric heater.  Grilling is simple since temperature is easy, but doesn't bring any new flavors to the party.

BBQing is cooking meat by the direct application of heat with charcoal or wood.  The burning of the fuel adds flavor to the meat.  BBQing requires more skill since the flames must be managed to prevent burning or low temperatures.

Smoking is cooking meat by the indirect application of heat with wood at low temperatures.  Low temperatures are considered around 225°.  The smoke of the burning wood adds significant flavor to the meat.

Due to the lower temperature, smoking meat takes a longer time than grilling or BBQing.  Using different woods leads to different flavors being imparted into the meat. 

Complete instructions on how one guy created an electric smoker.

via growabrain

Here's a different kind of event - The Bacon-Off

The Bacon-Off 

Rules

• everybody brings 8 1lb packages of bacon, a skillet and a good attitude
• you puke, you lose, loser.
• turkey bacon is NOT bacon
• bacon will not be cooked to order.
• bacon is eaten in rounds
• each round is one package of bacon
• the first three rounds last five minutes each
• each round after the third is five minutes longer than the previous
• there is a 10 minute break between rounds
• contestants may walk around between rounds
• this is a drug-free event.  no stoners with munchies.
• ROAR

via growabrain

First Lady in to rescue Bush's character after Hurricane Corina

In a LIVE interview Laura Bush urges all children to get back to school after “Hurricane Corina.”

I know it's hard to believe, but we have all been calling the Hurricane by the wrong name. Laura Bush sets us straight.

                            Video-WMP so far

                           Video-QT

Are George's speech difficulties contagious?

This stuff is funnier than anything I could make up.

via Crooks and liars

Wanna buy a phone book?

Here’s the 1963 St. Louis phone book.  You can buy it for only $38.  I knew I shoulda been saving them.

Click here for more old phone books.

via J-Walk blog

Breakfast - fortified with iron

We really mean an iron…. like Mom used to use on your shirts.

A good wife knows her place

Housekeeping Monthly – May 13, 1955,  advice column on how to be a "good wife." Highlights include:

•  Freshening up
• Being a little gay
• Catering to his comfort
• Showing your sincerity in your desire to please him
• Preparing the children to be quiet around him
• Remembering that his topics of conversation are more important than yours
• Making the evening his
• Readying his drink
• Arranging his pillow 
• Knowing your place
  

I guess we have come a long way                                     

                                                                                                                           Click image to enlarge

via Lawgeek

Cheeze Puff anyone?

If your city flooded as much as New Orlenas did... how far would it reach?

Here’s the St. Louis equivalent flood map:

Check out your city.

via Metafilter

Being poor

Something to think about:

•  Being poor is hoping the toothache goes away.
•  Being poor is wondering if your well-off sibling is lying when he says he doesn't mind when you ask for help.
•  Being poor is off-brand toys.
•  Being poor is a heater in only one room of the house.
•  Being poor is hoping your kids don't have a growth spurt.
•  Being poor is Goodwill underwear.
•  Being poor is not enough space for everyone who lives with you.
•  Being poor is relying on people who don't give a damn about you.
•  Being poor is a bathtub you have to empty into the toilet.
•  Being poor is stopping the car to take a lamp from a stranger's trash.
•  Being poor is hoping you'll be invited for dinner.
•  Being poor is needing that 35-cent raise.
• Being poor is people surprised to discover you're not actually stupid.
• Being poor is people surprised to discover you're not actually lazy.
•  Being poor is picking the 10 cent ramen instead of the 12 cent ramen because that's two extra packages for every dollar.
•  Being poor is deciding that it's all right to base a relationship on shelter.
•  Being poor is a $200 paycheck advance from a company that takes $250 when the paycheck comes in.
•  Being poor is knowing how hard it is to stop being poor.
•  Being poor is people wondering why you didn't leave.

More Being poor

via Look at this

Heckler tells Cheney to self-copulate on live TV

Watch the clip.   Warning:  Contains a very bad word.

Even more incredible pictures from the Big Easy

One man’s digital trek thru Hurricane Katrina.   A description follows each picture.
Warning:  if you lok at a few of these pics, you’ll look at them all.
This is a story upon itself... I walked up the ramp of the Superdome with the permission of the Louisiana State Guards. They asked me not take any pictures of inside or of them. I walked around the dome and they became more comfortable after I spoke of being from Nicaragua and living in the Quarter. Some of them wanted to show me something incredible. At the bottom of the Hyatt, there was this white Honda Civic. When they arrived, they noticed a man laying on the roof of this car. They went to help him and after he was revived, he told them he had been sucked from his fourth story room and landed on his back on top of this car. Miraculously, he didn't suffer ANY major damage! No blood, nothing. Some broken bones and internal bruising. As I left the Dome, I walked to the car and took a picture for you to be amazed.

View the slide show.

via Bifurcated Rivets

It's not that bad down there

Thanks Danny Mac

Big Hotel Bill

A husband and wife are traveling by car from Key West to Boston.

After almost twenty-four hours on the road, they're too tired to continue, and they decide to stop for a rest.  They stop at a nice hotel and take a room, but they only plan to sleep for four hours and then get back on the road.

When they check out four hours later, the desk clerk hands them a bill for $350.00.

The man explodes and demands to know why the charge is so high.  He tells the clerk although it's a nice hotel, the rooms certainly aren't worth $350.00.

When the clerk tells him $350.00 is the standard rate, the man insists on speaking to the Manager.

The Manager appears, listens to the man, and then explains that the hotel has an Olympic-sized pool and a huge conference center that were available for the husband and wife to use.

"But we didn't use them," the man complains.

"Well, they are here, and you could have," explains the Manager.  He goes on to explain they could have taken in one of the shows for which the hotel is famous.  "The best entertainers from New York, Hollywood and Las Vegas perform here," the Manager says.

"But we didn't go to any of those shows," complains the man again.

"Well, we have them, and you could have," the Manager replies.

No matter what amenity the Manager mentions, the man replies, "But we didn't use it!"

The Manager is unmoved, and eventually the man gives up and agrees to pay.

He writes a check and gives it to the Manager.  The Manager is surprised when he looks at the check.  "But sir," he says, this check is only made out for $50.00."

"That's correct," says the man.  "I charged you $300.00 for sleeping with my wife."

"But I didn't!" exclaims the Manager.

Well, too bad," the man replies.  "She was here and you could have".

Thanks Donnie Mac

The morning after

via 4 All Fun

For the little man

via 4 All Fun

It's the thought that counts

 HUDSON  FLA - A 43-year-old man was cited Tuesday for painting a sign that reads "Die you miserable bitch" on a house he owns, Pasco County sheriff's deputies said.

A neighbor dying of cancer, 73-year-old Carol Hastrich, is believed by her family to be the subject of the message, deputies said.

The words were spray-painted in black on the side of the house facing Hastrich's front yard.

But it was not the meaning of the message that led to Derick Cooper's citation. Deputies told Hastrich's family the message did not violate any laws, her daughter Dea Albertson said Wednesday.

Instead, Cooper was cited for an illegal sign because the wording exceeded the permitted size for a sign in a residential area, Pasco Code Enforcement Officer Patrick Phillips said.

Read the article in the St. Petersburg Times

via Smell the Facts

Got gas?

A kid on a tricycle making off with a big bag full of nicked gas

From National Geographic: Speeding from the scene of the crime, a Chinese boy tows a floating plastic bag of stolen natural gas last week. Flouting a government ban, farmers around the central Chinese town of Pucheng frequently filch gas from the local oil field.

Fron National Geographic News via Smell the Facts

Miniature Earth

  If we could turn the population of the earth into a small community of 100 people, keeping the same proportions we have today, it would be something like this:

61 Asians
12 Europeans
14 Americans (from North and South America)
13 Africans
01 Australian (Oceania)

50 women
50 men

67 are not Christian
33 are Christian (Catholics, Protestants and Orthodox)

6 people own 59% of the entire wealth of the community

13 are hungry or malnourished
14 can't read
only 7 are educated at a secondary level

Of the village's total annual expenditures of just over US$ 3,000,000 per year:
US$ 181,000 is spent on weapons and warfare...
US$ 159,000 is spent on education...
US$ 132,000 is spent on health care.

If you keep your food in a refrigerator
And your clothes in a closet
You are richer than 75% of the entire world population.

If you have a bank account
You're one of the 30 wealthiest people in the world.

25 struggle to live on US$ 1.00 per day or less...
47 struggle to live on US$ 2.00 per day or less.

Date from 2001 from The Miniature Earth via Growabrain

Nudist's naked burial wish denied

He came into this world naked, spent much of his time in it nude, but will - against his specific wishes - depart it fully clothed.

Robert Norton, of Pekin, Illinois, was often prosecuted during his lifetime for gardening and wandering outside his house in the nude.

The 82-year-old said he wanted to be buried in his birthday suit - but his family are having none of it.

His brothers have decided to lay him to rest in grey trousers and a shirt.

One of them, Jack, is a minister. "He's not going to be buried in the nude," he said.

The other, Duane, explained that his late brother's behaviour was not meant to offend people.

"He was a naturist, and he just chose to be in the nude as people who are seeking nature. He was a peace-loving person," he said.

Read the story at BBC News

 

Hmmmm - Is this really Breaking News?

via Bifurcated Rivets

Katrina slide show

Slide show

via Bifurcated Rivets

Funny domain name mispronouncings

 What do you check before you buy a domain name. Spelling of course. Trademarks. What else?

Sometimes a domain name phrase is intended to be pronounced in one way, but if you look at it differently, it can be pronounced in a another, often hilarious, way. The classic example that is often mentioned on the internet is a site called Experts Exchange, where techies gather to answer each others’ questions. The founder of the site picked out what seemed like the very nice domain name of ExpertsExchange.com, and it became very popular. But, early on, he found out that some were reading the the domain name differently, mispronuncing it as ExpertSexChange.com. LOL! He’s since changed his site name to Experts-Exchange.com to make sure everyone understands he is not in the business of performing sex change operations. I was surprised to see that he did not hang on to the original domain though, pointing it to their new domain name. It now sits parked for click revenue.

Here are some others:

•  WhoRepresents.com, with the unfortunate alternate enunciation of WhorePresents.com
•  TherapistFinder.com, for those looking for California marriage and family therapists. Unfortunately, the wrong clientele might stumble upon the site as TheRapistFinder.com.
•  DollarSexChange.com. Oh sorry, that was DollarsExchange.com.
•  ChooseSpain.com is also ChoosesPain.com
•  GraphicArtsExchange.com is also GraphicArtSexChange.com
•  GoTahoe.com is also GotAHoe.com

Even more:

• WomensExchange.com (WomenSexChange.com)
• StudentsExchange.com (StudentSexChange.com)
•  Comics Exchange.com (ComicSexChange.com)
•  auctionsHit.com / auctionShit.com
•  beatlesHits.com / beatleShits.com
•  Mole Station Native Plant Nursery - http://www.molestationnursery.com/ (MolestationNursery)

The complete article and list.

via Bifurcated Rivets

Beer bottle organ

Beer bottle organ

Made by Peterson Tuners, yes, the sound is actually produced by blowing air over the tops of real beer bottles. The bottles are filled or "tuned" using mineral oil, so it will not evaporate or change tunings during weather changes. It can be played with the organ keys, or by a MIDI device.

The Bottle Organ concept was first developed in the early 1800's

  Click here to listen to the Beer Bottle Organ play a bit of Eleanor Rigby.

via Look at this

Bottle opener ring

Feeling thirsty? No bottle opener? Never again.

You have entered the home of the Ring Thing, the ring bottle opener that you wear. It’s time to save your teeth and re-employ your social finger!

How to use:
1) Wear it on you Social Finger (middle finger).
2) Hook the bottle cap with the Ring Thing and lift your wrist.
3) Pssshhhhhhhhhhh... enjoy your drink!

Enjoy fashion with function, and be the life of the party with people-against-thirst everywhere.

Top 5 reasons to own a Ring Thing:
1) Opens bottles with a flick of a wrist. – All About Beer magazine
2) This multipurpose bling adorns my hand and pops the tops off my beer bottles – Wired Magazine
3) Women were amazed; men were jealous. – Chicago Tribune
4) It’s a reasonably priced gift for any occasion, and may be the talk of the party – St Louis Post Dispatch
5) Save your teeth… here’s a piece of jewelry a thirsty cat can really dig – Biker Magazine

Only $9.99.  Get yours here.

via Look at this

The Health Benefits Of Beer

•  Light to moderate beer drinkers would decrease their chances of suffering a stroke by 20%.
•  Consuming moderate amounts of beer would lower one's chances of coronary heart disease by 30-40%, compared to those who don't drink at all.
•  Alcohol has also been attributed to increasing the amount of good cholesterol (HDL) in the bloodstream, as well as helping to decrease blood clots.
•   Beer contains vitamin B6, which prevents the build-up of the amino acid homocysteine, that has been linked to heart disease. Those of us who have high levels of homocysteine are usually more prone to an early onset of heart and vascular disease.
•  A new study performed at the TNO Nutrition and Food Research Institute in Utrecht indicates that those who drink beer had no increase in their homocysteine level, but those who drank wine or liquor had an increase of up to 10%.
•  Beer provides a 30% increase in vitamin B6 into the blood plasma -- something that neither wine nor any other liquor can do.
•  Beer is both fat-free and cholesterol-free.
•  Beer has a relaxing effect on the body thereby reducing stress and helping you sleep better.
•  Beer has proven to have positive effects on elderly people. It helps promote blood vessel dilation, sleep and urination.

Read more about beer at AskMen.com

via Look at this

How to make a toga

 Now on to the serious business of toga-tying....

•           Don't use a sheet
•           Let me repeat that
•           Don't use a sheet

Go to a cloth store and BUY SOMETHING GOOD and, [shock of the century] SHEETS ARE REALLY EXPENSIVE! CLOTH IS CHEAPER. Really! I was surprised myself.

HOW MUCH FABRIC TO BUY ?

•       Six Yards: this is the official recommendation. I think it's too long.
•       Five Yards: a little closer to reality, how much draping do you want?
•       Four Yards: good enough for a simple man's toga.

For those of you who have NEVER bought fabric, YOU control how much LENGTH you buy, the WIDTH is a standard width that all fabric seems to come in which is about five feet wide, roughly. I simply take that width, fold it in half, goes once around my waist (a good place to hide a belt), then over the shoulder and just drape from there.

The design is simple:

    * The toga cloth is basically long and narrow
    * (Which is why sheets don't work well)
    * Pin one end of it to your waist
    * Wrap it around you at least once
    * Should hang to about the knees
    * Pin it at the waist again, on the right or left side
    * Throw the rest over one shoulder
    * Around the back
    * Pin it at the waist again
    * Wear gym shorts underneath
    * Sandals, if possible
    * Carry something stupid like a sword

More on making Togas

via Look at this

Could you pass 8th-grade math?

My answer:  Apparently not.  I think I used to be able to do this…. but, use it or lose it!

Sample question:

The shaded surface of this access ramp will be covered with all-weather carpet. Find the area of the carpet needed.

a)

12 sq ft of carpet

b)

32 sq ft of carpet

c)

40 sq ft of carpet

d)

48 sq ft of carpet

e)

96 sq. ft of carpet

Take the quiz.

via The Presurfer

Demotivational Images

Some of these are really funny.  Demotivational Images

via The Presurfer

 

Incredibly huge animals

Incredibly huge animals

via The Presurfer

Who gives a rats ass what Jesse Jackson thinks? Just help the people!

Use of the Word “Refugee” Stirs Debate
NEW YORK - Sept 6, 2005  – What do you call people who have been driven from their homes with only the clothes on their backs, unsure if they will ever be able to return, and forced to build a new life in a strange place?

News organizations are struggling for the right word.

Many, including The Associated Press, have used "refugee" to describe those displaced by the wrath of Hurricane Katrina.

But the choice has stirred anger among some readers and other critics, particularly in the black community. They have argued that "refugee" somehow implies that the displaced storm victims, many of whom are black, are second-class citizens — or not even Americans.

"It is racist to call American citizens refugees," the Rev. Jesse Jackson said, visiting the Houston Astrodome on Monday. Members of the

Congressional Black Caucus have expressed similar sentiments.

Others have countered that the terms "evacuees" or even "displaced" are too clinical and not sufficiently dramatic to convey the dire situation that confronts many of Katrina's survivors.

Red the entire article in Yahoo News

via Metafilter

I can't afford my gasoline

Cute animation and song.  (Looking at the price there, it’s obvious this was created a few weeks ago.)

I cant afford my gasoline.

via Metafilter

Drunk woman dies while peeing in cemetery

 BRUSSELS (Reuters) - An inebriated Belgian woman died in a freak accident when she ended up beneath a heavy grave stone at a cemetery, local news agency Belga said Wednesday.

The 33-year-old was on her way home from a bar in the Belgian town of Pulle in the early hours of Saturday when she took a short cut through the cemetery.

But she urgently needed to relieve herself and crouched down between two gravestones. As she lost her balance, she grabbed one of the stones which gave way and landed on top of her.

The public prosecutor's office said she died of suffocation as she was unable to lift the heavy stone.

I guess when she started to go, she went.

via ugoto.com

Sniper pigeon

 A pigeon flies out of the way as a SWAT team descends on the Fisher Housing Development in New Orleans, where local, state and federal law enforcement officials conducted an operation in search of snipers on Wednesday.

More Katrina pictures here.

via J-Walk blog

Husband of the year

Nice of him to carry that 6 pack for her.

Thanks Deadeye

Weird keyboards

 

 

Click here for more.

via Land-o-links

Twisted Sisters

Hoaxer tricks testicle cooking contest

 Organisers of the world testicle cooking championships were left out of pocket after a hoaxer claimed to be Australia's top testicle cook.

A man claiming to be Australian chef Nibel Bevan rang the World Testicle Cooking Championship in Serbia, asking to take part.

Organiser Gornji Milanovac said they imported kangaroo testicles especially for the Australian team - but nobody turned up.

He said: "The caller told us cooked kangaroo testicles were a popular delicacy in Australia, and gave us the details of where we could get kangaroo testicles from so we could have them ready when Mr Bevan and his team arrived."

"We were disappointed when no Australians arrived, we even had a band ready to welcome them."

Ljubomir Erovic, who arranged a VIP reception for 'Mr Bevan', added: "We are sorry Mr Bevan could not make it, and hope he might still turn up next year once he realises that jokers have been pretending to be him.

"We would like to compare the testicles of a kangaroo to those of wild boars and bulls. That would really make our unique competition the World Championships."

via Ananova

Blind dog

Talk to a human being

Sometimes it’s very frustrating to go thru the telephone answering menu system for some companies… ok, most companies.  Here’s a lost of 70 companies with their toll-free numbers and tips on cutting thru their answering systems and possibly talking to a real human being.

Here are a few from the list:

•  Bank of America         800-900-9000         Hit zero twice, after menu choices play
•  Cingular                        800-331-0500          For faster service, press the option that you are looking to close your account,  You get the same ppl but an immediate answer
•  Visa                               800-847-2911          Hit zero three times (ignore prompts saying that it's an invalid entry)
•  AOL                              888-346-3704         0
•  Dell                               888-560-8324         Hit zero twice
•   SBC                              800-585-7928          Again, an (intelligent, this time) IVR wants YOUR phone number first.
•  American Airlines       800-433-7300          Press zero twice, then say "agent"

See the whole list.

 

Hard to find phone numbers

Apparently it’s hard to find phone numbers that let you talk to real people at some tech companies.  Here are a few:

• Amazon.com       Customer Service     800–201-7575
• eBay                      408-376-7400
• PayPal                    888-221-1161

Link

 

Riding shotgun

 

Teddy bear love

via Comfused.com

Hot dog collage of me

  Make a collage of images based on Yahoo! image search results. Select a photo to upload. A good photograph is simple, not fussy, and small enough to fit on a computer screen. Then enter a search query to build your collage from.

You can do it.

 

 

 

(Close up below)

Via The Presurfer