Saturday, February 04, 2006
- BETTIS LEG REPS HURTS
- BE REGRETS PLUSH TITS
- STILT GET BURPS HERE
- EGET ERRS TUSH SPLIT
- REBELS THE PIGS TRUST
- REBELS REST TIGHTS UP
- BETTER RUTHLESS PIGS
- SLIGHTER PRESET BUST
- GLITTERS HERPES BUST
- BUTTS HERPES GRISTLE
- PEERLESS GIRTH BUTTS
- TERRIBLE PESTS THUGS
- BUSH REGRETS SPITTLE
- BETTIS GETS PRE HURLS
- BETTIS GETS SLURPER
- THE BUS PETS REST GIRL
- STEEP GERBIL THRUSTS
- HERPES BURST, LETS GIT
- THE BEST PIG RUSTLERS
- LET US GRIP THE BRESTS
- BELT GETS PISSER HURT
- PRIEST BUTTS HER LEGS
- BIG RUTHLESS PETTERS
- BIG TRUTHLESS PETERS
- LETS PET SHITBURGERS
- WEASEL TAKE STASH.
- WEAK-ASS ATHLETES
Posted 8:34 AM
Friday, February 03, 2006
Twenty years ago this month the space shuttle Challenger crew was killed when a “major malfunction” took place.
Here are the 7 myths:
- Few people actually saw the Challenger tragedy unfold live on television.
- The shuttle did not explode in the common definition of that word.
- The flight, and the astronauts’ lives, did not end at that point, 73 seconds after launch.
- The design of the booster, while possessing flaws subject to improvement, was neither especially dangerous if operated properly, nor the result of political interference.
- Replacement of the original asbestos-bearing putty in the booster seals was unrelated to the failure.
- There were pressures on the flight schedule, but none of any recognizable political origin.
- Claims that the disaster was the unavoidable price to be paid for pioneering a new frontier were self-serving rationalizations on the part of those responsible for incompetent engineering management — the disaster should have been avoidable.
Posted 3:35 PM
Little Red Riding Hood is skipping down the road when she sees a big bad wolf crouched down behind a log.
"My, what big eyes you have, Mr.Wolf."
The wolf jumps up and runs away.
Further down the road Little Red Riding Hood sees the wolf again and this time he is crouched behind a bush.
"My what big ears you have, Mr. Wolf."
Again the wolf jumps up and runs away.
About two miles down the road Little Red Riding Hood sees the wolf again and this time he is crouched down behind a rock.
"My what big teeth you have Mr. Wolf."
With that the wolf jumps up and screams, "Will you knock it off, I'm trying to poop!"
Posted 2:44 PM
This is just too funny….
Pocket Taser Stun Gun, a great gift for the wife. This was submitted by a guy who purchased his lovely wife a "pocket Taser" for their anniversary.
Last weekend I saw something at Larry's Pistol & Pawn Shop that sparked my interest. The occasion was our 22nd anniversary and I was looking for a little something extra for my wife Toni. What I came across was a 100,000-volt, pocket/purse-sized taser. The effects of the taser were suppose to be short lived, with no long-term adverse affect on your assailant, allowing her adequate time to retreat to safety.... WAY TOO COOL!
Long story short, I bought the device and brought it home. I loaded two triple-a batteries in the darn thing and pushed the button.
I was disappointed. I learned, however, that if I pushed the button AND pressed it against a metal surface at the same time; I'd get the blue arch of electricity darting back and forth between the prongs. Awesome!!!
Unfortunately, I have yet to explain to Toni what that burn spot is on the face of her microwave.
Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to myself that it couldn't be all that bad with only two triple-a batteries,... right?
There I sat in my recliner, my cat Gracie looking on intently (trusting little soul) while I was reading the directions and thinking that I really needed to try this thing out on a flesh & blood moving target. I must admit I thought about zapping Gracie (for a fraction of a second) and thought better of it. She is such a sweet cat. But, if I was going to give this thing to my wife to protect herself against a mugger, I did want some assurance that it would work as advertised. Am I wrong?
So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top with my reading glasses perched delicately on the bridge of my nose, directions in one hand, taser in another. The directions said that a one-second burst would shock and disorient your assailant; a two-second burst was supposed to cause muscle spasms and a major loss of bodily control; a three-second burst would purportedly make your assailant flop on the ground like a fish out of water. Any burst longer than three seconds would be wasting the batteries.
All the while I'm looking at this little device measuring about 5" long, less than 3/4 inch in circumference; pretty cute really and loaded with two itsy, bitsy triple-a batteries) thinking to myself, "no possible way!"
What happened next is almost beyond description, but I'll do my best.....
I'm sitting there alone, Gracie looking on with her head cocked to one side as to say, "don't do it master," reasoning that a one-second burst from such a tiny little ole thing couldn't hurt all that bad....
I decided to give myself a one-second burst just for the heck of it. I touched the prongs to my naked thigh, pushed the button, and HOLY MOTHER, WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION@!@$$!%!@*!!!
I'm pretty sure Jessie Ventura ran in through the side door, picked me up in the recliner, then body slammed us both on the carpet, over and over and over again. I vaguely recall waking up on my side in the fetal position, with tears in my eyes, body soaking wet, both nipples on fire, testicles nowhere to be found, with my left arm tucked under my body in the oddest position, and tingling in my legs. The cat was standing over me making meowing sounds I had never heard before, licking my face, undoubtedly thinking to herself, "do it again, do it again!"
Note: If you ever feel compelled to "mug" yourself with a taser, one note of caution: there is no such thing as a one-second burst when you zap yourself. You will not let go of that thing until it is dislodged from your hand by a violent thrashing about on the floor. A three second burst would be considered conservative.
SON-OF-A-.... that hurt like hell!!!
A minute or so later (I can't be sure, as time was a relative thing at that point), collected my wits (what little I had left), sat up and surveyed the landscape. My bent reading glasses were on the mantel of the fireplace. How did they up get there??? My triceps, right thigh and both nipples were still twitching. My face felt like it had been shot up with Novocain, and my bottom lip weighed 88 lbs. I'm still looking for my testicles? I'm offering a significant reward for their safe return.
Still in shock, Tommy
Posted 2:35 PM
Thursday, February 02, 2006
Dunk mug….. "This clever mug is a must-have." Sunday Express Magazine. A witty dual purpose ceramic drinking mug. Designed and manufactured in the UK. Available in right and left handed versions. Colours available: white, black. mint, sky blue and lilac.
Only £13.99 (I have no idea what that is in American dollars), but it does look cool. Wish I had one.
Get one here. (looks like it’s pretty hard to find.
Posted 1:10 PM
Animated talking turtle
Our hilarious talking turtle is sure to have you coming out of your shell as he sings "You Gotta Slow Down," as he slooowly turns his head and crawls across your desk or floor. Featuring "lip sync" technology, flip-out stand for stationary operation, sound activation (just clap!), on/off switch and automatic shut-off, our half-shell hero helps you say "so long" to stress in a hurry! Uses 3 "AA"batteries, not included. 12" long.
only $16.95 here
Posted 12:58 PM
Actor John Travolta’s hairpiece is no match for the lenses of the paparazzi today.
The nylon mesh of his hairpiece is simply too visible for the high-zoom lenses used by the photogs nowadays.
Link for better pictures
Note: I almost feel bad posting this… and I’m not sure why.
Posted 12:44 PM
The Amazing Anthropomorphic Carrot
Featuring uncomfortably mammalian anatomical characteristics, this startling, organically-grown carrot will be a compelling addition to anyone's collection of nature's oddities--perfect for your personal Victorian cabinet of curiosities. The carrot is 5-1/2 inches long from top to bottom. (Yeah, using whose ruler?)
Current high bid is $20.56
Posted 12:21 PM
From the LaCross Tribune:
Woman hurt after dropped gun shoots and shatters toilet
A La Crosse woman who dropped a loaded handgun in her bathroom ended up in a hospital emergency room Tuesday after pieces of a shattered toilet riddled her legs, according to police.
The 31-year-old woman walked into the Franciscan Skemp Medical Center emergency room just before 3 p.m. with wounds to both calves.
The woman, who lives in an apartment in the 500 block of Division Street, first told hospital workers she was injured when the gun accidentally discharged while she was removing bullets from the gun.
But police were later told by a friend who drove the woman to the hospital
that the gun discharged when the woman dropped it in her bathroom while retrieving a towel.
The friend said the woman told her she was packing to move to New York and took the loaded .357-caliber handgun from under her bed and went into the bathroom to grab a towel.
As she reached up for the towel, the gun slipped out from under the woman’s other arm, fell to the floor and discharged, shattering the toilet and sending small pieces of porcelain into the woman’s legs, the friend told police.
When police inspected the gun, they found five live rounds and one spent casing in the gun.
Posted 12:14 PM
Cinderella wants to go to the ball, but her wicked stepmother won't let her.
As Cinderella sits crying in the garden, her fairy godmother appears, and promised to provide Cinderella with everything she needs to go to the ball, but only on two conditions. "First, you must wear a diaphragm."
Cinderella agrees. "What's the second condition?"
"You must be home by 2:00 a.m. Any later, and your diaphragm will turn into a pumpkin."
Cinderella agrees to be home by 2:00 a.m. The appointed hour comes and goes, and Cinderella doesn't show up. Finally, at 5:00 a.m. Cinderella shows up, looking love struck and very satisfied.
"Where have you been?" demands the Fairy Godmother. "Your diaphragm was supposed to turn into a pumpkin three hours ago!!!"
" I met a prince, Fairy Godmother. He took care of everything."
The Fairy Godmother stated, "I know of no prince with that kind of power!
Tell me his name!"
Cinderella replied, I can't remember, exactly. Peter, Peter, something or other.."
Posted 12:01 PM
From USA Today:
Winning streak continues for champion eater
NEW YORK (AP) — A 100-pound woman ate 26 grilled cheese sandwiches in 10 minutes at a New York restaurant, winning the World Grilled Cheese Eating Championship.
Sonya Thomas won $8,000 for the contest at the Planet Hollywood restaurant in Times Square on Wednesday but said she was disappointed in her performance.
"I could have done better," she said, adding that she was aiming for 30 sandwiches.
Thomas, who is known as the "Black Widow" on the competitive circuit, says she has a naturally big stomach capacity and heavily soaked her sandwiches in water to make them easier to swallow.
She holds numerous world eating records, including 46 dozen oysters in 10 minutes, 11 pounds of cheesecake in 9 minutes, 48 chicken tacos in 11 minutes, 37 hot dogs and buns in 12 minutes and 56 hamburgers in 8 minutes.
The event was organized by GoldenPalace.com, an Internet casino and poker room.
Sonja is the number 1 ranked eater in America and currently holds 27 world titles. Here is her website. More pictures there.
Posted 11:40 AM
Wednesday, February 01, 2006
From ABC NewsOnline:
Thirsty People Feel More Pain
Going without a drink can make you more sensitive to pain, a study has found.
Australian pain expert Dr Michael Farrell of the Howard Florey Institute in Melbourne and team report their findings in today's issue of the Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences.
"This is another demonstration of the plasticity of pain responses," he said.
"In this particular instance a mild perturbation of electrolyte levels, which is fundamentally what gives rise to thirst ... is enough to modify the pain response."
Dr Farrell and the team studied the relationship between thirst and pain in 10 people.
The study participants had pressure applied to their thumbs to induce mild pain and were given saline injections to stimulate thirst.
Posted 4:15 PM
- You am just over 30 million minutes old
- You are am 1,815,409,291 seconds old. (Damn, I’m going on 2 billion seconds old)
- There are 173 days till your next birthday (Cool – Presents!)
- Your birthstone is Ruby (That I knew)
- Your birth tree is the Elm Tree, the noble-mindedness…. (I didn’t even know I had a birth tree. I wonder where I keep it)
- The Julian calendar date of your birth is 2432756.5. (So?)
- The moon's phase on the day you were born was waning gibbous. (Huh?)
Posted 3:38 PM
Maybe she’s not so new after all….
From Reuters: Senator Hillary Rodham Clinton (D-NY) greets people as she arrives for U.S. President George W. Bush's the State of the Union address at the U.S. Capitol in Washington January 31, 2006. REUTERS/Jason Reed
Posted 2:56 PM
After 145 years, Western Union has quietly stopped sending telegrams. On the company's web site, if you click on "Telegrams" in the left-side navigation bar, you're taken to a page that ends a technological era with about as little fanfare as possible: "Effective January 27, 2006, Western Union will discontinue all Telegram and Commercial Messaging services. We regret any inconvenience this may cause you, and we thank you for your loyal patronage. If you have any questions or concerns, please contact a customer service representative." The decline of telegram use goes back at least to the 1980s, when long-distance telephone service became cheap enough to offer a viable alternative in many if not most cases. Faxes didn't help. Email could be counted as the final nail in the coffin. Western Union has not failed. It long ago refocused its main business to make money transfers for consumers and businesses. Revenues are now $3 billion annually. It's now called Western Union Financial Services, Inc. and is a subsidiary of First Data Corp.
After 145 years, Western Union has quietly stopped sending telegrams.
On the company's web site, if you click on "Telegrams" in the left-side navigation bar, you're taken to a page that ends a technological era with about as little fanfare as possible:
"Effective January 27, 2006, Western Union will discontinue all Telegram and Commercial Messaging services. We regret any inconvenience this may cause you, and we thank you for your loyal patronage. If you have any questions or concerns, please contact a customer service representative."
The decline of telegram use goes back at least to the 1980s, when long-distance telephone service became cheap enough to offer a viable alternative in many if not most cases. Faxes didn't help. Email could be counted as the final nail in the coffin.
Western Union has not failed. It long ago refocused its main business to make money transfers for consumers and businesses. Revenues are now $3 billion annually. It's now called Western Union Financial Services, Inc. and is a subsidiary of First Data Corp.
Posted 2:51 PM
From an anonymous second-grade teacher:
I've been teaching now for about fifteen years. I have two kids myself, but the best birth story I know is the one I heard in my own second-grade classroom a few years back.
When I was a kid, I loved show-and-tell. So I always have a few sessions with my students. It helps them get over shyness and usually, show-and-tell is pretty tame. Kids bring in pet turtles, model airplanes, pictures of fish they catch, stuff like that. I never, ever place any boundaries or limitations on them. If they want to lug it to school and talk about it, they're welcome.
Well, one day this little girl, Erica, a very bright, very outgoing kid, takes her turn and waddles up to the front of the class with a pillow stuffed under her sweater. She holds up a snapshot of an infant.
"This is Luke, my baby brother, and I'm going to tell you about his birthday. First, Mom and Dad made him as a symbol of their love, and then Dad put a seed in my Mom's stomach and Luke grew in there. He ate for nine months through an umbrella cord." (She's standing there with her hands on the pillow, and I'm trying not to laugh and wishing I had my camcorder with me. The kids are watching her in amazement.)
Then, about two Saturdays ago, my Mom starts saying and going ,"Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh!" (Erica puts a hand behind her back and groans.) "She walked around the house for, like an hour, "Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh". (Now this kid is doing a hysterical duck walk and groaning.)
"My Dad called the middle wife. She delivers babies, but she doesn't have a sign on the car like the Domino's man. They got my Mom to lie down in bed like this." (Then Erica lies down with her back against the wall.)
"And then, pop!. My Mom had this bag of water she kept in there in case he gets thirsty, and it just blew up and spilled all over the bed, like psshheew!" (This kid has her legs spread and with her little hands are miming water flowing away. It was too much!)
"Then the middle wife starts saying, "push, push" and "breathe, breathe". They started counting, but never even got past ten. Then, all of a sudden, out comes my brother. He was covered in yucky stuff, they all said it was from Mom's play-center, so there must be a lot of stuff inside there." (Then Erica stood up, took a big theatrical bow and returned to her seat.) I'm sure I applauded the loudest. Ever since then, if it's show and tell day, I bring my camcorder, just in case another Erica comes along.
Posted 1:41 PM
Monday, January 30, 2006
WEST PALM BEACH - As if hurricanes, roaches, sea lice and insurance bills weren't bad enough, Floridians can add a new menace to their list of worries. Killer bees are here.
After decades of hype and cheesy disaster movies, Africanized honeybees have established a foothold in Florida, bringing a hair-trigger temper that makes them a threat to farmworkers, landscapers, meter readers and basically everyone who ventures outdoors.
In St. Lucie County, thousands of bees nesting below ground near water meters swarmed unlucky utility workers late last year, though not fatally. Separate attacks killed two dogs near Miami and Sarasota, along with a horse near LaBelle, west of Lake Okeechobee.
Africanized bee colonies have turned up in ports throughout the state, and have been suspected at tourist attractions such as Busch Gardens and Downtown Disney. Nobody knows how to stop them.
Posted 3:17 PM
I’m a Boxter:
You're stylish, nimble, and good-looking. When it comes to having fun, there are few who can surpass you. And yet, you suffer from a lingering inferiority complex. Maybe it's because you have an older relative who is always in the limelight?
Posted 2:10 PM
If you haven't made plans for Valentine's Day yet, White Castle hopes you'll spend it with them.
The famous fast food restaurant is once again taking reservations for candlelight dinners on February 14.
Officials say the restaurant will be decorated for the romantic occasion and will feature a special menu as well as table-side service.
In 2001, Kim and Mike Stenger held their wedding there.
White Castle officials say the chain is appealing to lovebirds who met at the restaurant or frequented it for dinner dates.
Posted 2:04 PM
Sunday, January 29, 2006
In order for us to communicate over cell phones, it is necessary to have a new type of telephone pole called a cell phone tower (or cell phone antenna) placed at proper intervals along our highways and byways. The density of these towers is directly proportional to the human population density. This mathematical principle called "cell tower proliferation" is a new subject for urban ecologists. Unlike unsightly telephone poles spanned by wires, cell phone towers are solitary structures. Cell phone towers transmit radio waves and must be placed above ground, unlike subterranean telephone cables. Wireless cell phones send and receive messages using radiofrequency energy in the 800-900 megahertz portion of the radiofrequency (RF) spectrum. Directional antennas on the towers divide a geographical area into regions of service called "cells." Different cell phone carriers use separate antennas on the same tower. Rather than have obtrusive towers cluttering our cities and countryside, they are now being disguised in many clever ways. Some of these covert forms include trees, cactus, gas station signs, boulders, and even church steeples. Tree towers resembling araucaria trees have six tiers of horizontal branches, each tier bearing a carrier antenna cluster. Each antenna cluster services a separate cell phone carrier.
Posted 10:41 AM