Saturday, August 06, 2005

The great beer transformation

From this Ugly lady to this Pretty lady

in nine beers.  Drink up and watch the screen.

Earthquake Alert!

 Expected Earthquake, Volcanic or Storm Activity

The August 2 RED ALERT is the first of its kind I've ever made in the 11 years of studying seismic event indicators. It is so huge that I almost can't believe my eyes. The importance and severity of this has impressed me more significantly than when I predicted and warned about the coming December 26, 2004 Indonesian events beginning December 22.

For the last 7 days, I've seen indications of a large number of earthquake pressures building across a 2,000-mile long arc in the North Pacific. At first, I thought these indications were a result of large storms so I disregarded them. Until August 2 when a listener (thanks Dan) heard my radio broadcast and emailed information to me, I wasn't able to explain the cause of this discovery.

Are you prepared?

Boat with underwater view

Easyboat

Easyboat2
The Easyboat

via Land-o-links

Get your scrotal facts here

Scrotal_logo Scrotal Safety Tips:  Bicycles are still legal in many states. Those of you that still insist on riding them should purchase a groin-helmet. These devices come in many colors and wind resistant shapes. Shop around to find the perfect groin-helmet for your needs. Plan a fun get-together with friends to decorate your groin-helmet with decals and "realistic battle damage".

 Riding escalators is both fun and convenient. But please remember to wear slacks while you enjoy the mechanical comfort of a moving staircase. And never sit on an escalator tread, even if the escalator is not in service.

 Never underestimate the fragility of your testicles. Unlike the tidy groin of a woman, your testicles are "out there" for the world to see. And when they are seen, they are seen in the scrotum!

Scrotal Science Project:   On a hot day, disrobe and slip your body (groin and all) into a cold shower. Notice how your testicles tell your scrotum to contract and thus, bring them closer to the warmth of your body's bulk. Examine the prune like puckering your scrotum produces to accomplish this amazing feat of strength and engineering. Write about your experience in your journal.

More scrotal facts and fun can be found at the Scrotal Safety Commission.

Urban sunbathing

Urban sunbathers

Underpants video game tournament

Underpants video game On Monday, June 6th, the LVHRD Foundation organized its latest adventure -- GMHRD: Underpants-Only Video Game Tournament. Members journeyed to Williamsburg, Brooklyn for a night of friendly video competition and strict dress code.

More info and pics.

via Growabrain

Juggling

JugglerJugglers are amazing to watch.  This site has some really interesting animations that show you just what is happening with each ball.  Not that it would help me become a juggler…. but interesting nonetheless.

via Growabrain

Stadiums of the world

World Stadiums is a comprehensive list containing more than 8,500 stadiums in over 215 countries.  Searchable by geographical regions.

Here’s a group of pictures I’ve taken of the new Busch Stadium, home of the Cardinals and now under construction in St. Louis.

World Stadiums via The Presurfer

The Catsup Crapper

Catsup crapper The Japanese art of chindogu was created by designer Kenji Kawakami in the 1980s and, according to Kawakami, practiced around the world. Chindogu, which translates literally as 'an odd or distorted tool', is an invention that may appear to solve an everyday problem but isn't quite worth using, because it actually makes a task harder or more time-consuming, or is simply ridiculous.

Here's an example, created by three MIT students.
The Catsup Crapper, a bottle of ketchup that walks up to your plate to 'excrete a pleasant mound of condiment.'

Really funny video.

via The Presurfer

Friday, August 05, 2005

I don't even want to know...

Dogs on cycle

Aren't kids cute?

Pee baby
He must be oriental.  The writing on the wall looks Chinese.

Now this is a tailgate party in the making

Tailgate party

Hey, I've got a new camera phone

Camera phone

Man kills wife 'cause she wants to cuddle after sex

 PANAMA CITY, Fla. (AP) -- A man who got angry with his wife because she wanted to cuddle after sex when what he really wanted to do was watch sports on television was sentenced to death for killing her with a claw hammer.

Read all about it.

via Blogywood

Ear eating idiot to star in porn flick

Mike-tyson Mike Tyson is reportedly set to star in a porn film - with Jenna Jameson. .

The former boxing World Heavyweight Champion claims he is desperate for cash, after being hit with a tax bill for several million dollars, and a porn career is a tempting offer.

The disgraced pugilist, who retired from boxing last month, was approached by Jenna's representatives to star as her partner in the X-rated movie.

via Blogywood

Thursday, August 04, 2005

One big fat cat

Tubbercat

via Look at this

Someone keeps stealing my letters.....

Letters
Addictive little refrigerator magnet letters thingy that you play along with others.  Try to complete somethnig before someone steals your letters.   A real time waster.

via J-Walk blog

Hacking elevators 101

Elevator buttons "The designers of some elevators include a hidden feature that is very handy if you're in a hurry or it's a busy time in the building (like check-out time in a hotel). While some elevators require a key, others can be put into "Express" mode by pressing the "Door Close" and "Floor" buttons at  the same time. This sweeps the car to the floor of your choice and avoids stops at any other floor.

This seems to work on Most elevators that I have tried! Most elevators have the option for this to work,but on some of them the option is turned off by whoever runs them. This is a rather fun hack, so the next time you are on an elevator, give it a try, you have nothing to lose, And this concludes Hacking Elevators 101!

via J-Walk blog

When you have an "I Hate My Job" day, try this

On your way home from work, stop at your pharmacy and go to the thermometer section and purchase a rectal thermometer made by Johnson & Johnson. Be very sure you get this brand.

When you get home, lock your doors, draw the curtains and disconnect the phone so you will not be disturbed.

Change into very comfortable clothing and sit in your favorite chair, open the package and remove the thermometer.

Now, carefully place it on a table or a surface so that it will not become chipped or broken. Now the fun part begins.

Take out the literature and read it carefully.

You will notice that in small print there is a statement, "Every rectal thermometer made by Johnson & Johnson is personally tested".

Now, close your eyes and repeat out loud five times, "I am so glad I do not work in thermometer quality control at Johnson & Johnson."

HAVE A NICE DAY AND REMEMBER, THERE IS ALWAYS SOMEONE ELSE WITH A JOB THAT IS WORSE THAN YOURS.

Wednesday, August 03, 2005

Black Eyed Pees

Fergie_pee_more
Shit-faced Fergie of the Black Eyed Peas wets herself duing a recent concert.

via Blogywood

EWWWWWWW

Snot kid

Builod your very own flame thrower

Fireupbackyard Like any red-blooded, msculine man of the male gender, I love PVC weaponry. You should too. If the concept of heading on down to the local Home Depot and transforming $100 worth of random pipe bits into a killing machine doesn't appeal to you, you're a goddamn pansy. Also, you're probably sane and will live significantly longer than I will. Nonetheless you disgust me, and I take comfort in the knowledge that your obituary will be nowhere near as humorous as mine. For those of you who laugh in the face of hypersonic shards of plastic puncturing your spleen, here's an intimate look at how I've kept myself busy for the past week: building a PVC flamethrower. If you're not interested in the building process, skip to the bottom of the post for the fire.  
How To build your own flame thrower.

via Land-o-links

ENV - Hydrogen powered fuel-call motorcycle

Env_1 English company Intelligent Energy calls its ENV (Emissions Neutral Vehicle) the world's first purpose-built fuel-cell motorcycle. The hydrogen-powered two-wheeler, which made its North American debut in June 2005, is said to hit speeds of 50mph and run for up to 4 hours without refueling. 

 Intelligent Energy plans to sell the motorbike for between U.S. $6,000 and $8,000. The company believes the ENV will appeal to both urban commuters and recreational riders.

Read more here.

Tuesday, August 02, 2005

She nose how to play the game

Lady golfer

Always give 100% at work

Always give 100 percent

Unanswerable questions

Hewre are a few Unanswerable questions:

 
Has anyone had to cut off their tongue because it was frozen to a flagpole?

 DRIED PIDGEON MANURE IF IT MAKES CONTACT WITH YOUR EYE, WILL CAUSE YOU TO GO BLIND?

 Does urinating on a lemon tree make it grow quicker/better?  (Why is this one unanswerable?)

 I just read a blurb that pre-packaged foods can cause people to turn gay because of too much estrogen. If I was only allowed one question for snopes, I would ask if this is true. Is it?

 They say that if a person has a pet cat and dies, if the person's body is not found fairly soon after death, the cat, having not been fed, will become ravenously hungry and eat the dead person's face off — JUST the face!
Is this true? My cat often looks me in the face. I used to think he was just being friendly. Now I know he's just sizing me up, like a chef at a butcher shop, waiting for "the big day". Since hearing this rumor, every time my cat licks his chops it gives me the willies!

 People who get bite by a spider then get large bump on their body. The bump then erupps into hundereds of baby spiders. Can that realy happen?   (Again, why can’t this be answered?)

 I'm 19 and from Yuma, Az and I would like to know if this myth I'v been hearing is true? By masturbating it helps the chance of not getting cancer? Is that true?..also I'v hearrd other myths about masturbation and don't know if those myths are true or not. But I would like to know about the question I asked before.

 I have heard beggars can make a nice $100,000 salary, I was wondering if this is true.

 If you sneeze and get into an accident, are you still at fault? Are there any laws?

 Is it true that you are more likely to die from a champagne cork than a poisonous spider?   (Only if the cork bites you.)

 I've heard that it is impossible to take a lightbulb out of your mouth once one puts it in, without either breaking the bulb or dislocating the jaw.
Do you know if this is true? I'm counting on you - my husband is really curious, and I don't want to have to drive him to the hospital...

More unanswerable questions.

via Look at this

See thru toilet

Toilet1_small Toilet2_small
This one-way mirrored glass restroom is in Switzerland.    Read the story here.

via Look at this

Hot shit - A jet-powered outhouse

Jet powered potty
It cost $10,000 to build in ten days.  Find out moredetails on how to build your own here.

via Look at this

Welcome to the internet

Internetdog

No one here likes you.  Here are the rules.

via Look at this

Where did my mouse go?

Mouse in computer
For other computer critters, click here.

via Look at this

Police dog bite

Police dog biteNext time the cop says “Stop” you’ll think twice about running.   This guy didn’t listen and the canine police dog was sent after him.   More graphic pics are here.  Warning:  I told you they were graphic.

via uselessjunk.com

Bitch, bitch, bitch

Here's some terrific everyday items that suck in some way, and must be complained about.

baddesigns.com

Monday, August 01, 2005

Tattooed pigs

Tattooed_Pigs_3
More tattooed pigs are here.

via damn funny pictures

10 things we didn't know this time last week

  Snippets harvested from the week's news, chopped, sliced and diced for your weekend convenience.

1. Giant squid eat each other - especially during sex.

2. The Very Hungry Caterpillar has sold one copy every minute since its 1969 publication.
More details

3. Giant mice eating rare chicks on the South Atlantic's Gough Island are descended from the British house mouse, but since arriving on ships in the 19th Century, have doubled in size and become carnivorous.
More details

4. Birmingham was hit by a tornado in 1931, in the same area of the city damaged in the latest twister.
More details

5. First-born children are less creative but more stable, while last-born are more promiscuous, says US research.

6. Cats are genetically unable to taste sweet things. While dogs adore chocolate, cats remain indifferent.

7. Marilyn Manson's gift to his fianc?e - a taxidermy fan - is two stuffed swans posed as if about to copulate.

8. On average you would have to cycle non-stop for 96 years before being killed in a road accident.
More details

9. By law, rescued grey squirrels cannot be released into the wild.
More details

10. Racial prejudice is learnt; and everyone has an in-built inclination towards learning to fear people who appear different, says US research.

via BBC News via Look at this

And they're off.....

Vibrator races

A collection of Shannonisms

Mike_shannonSt. Louis Cardinal broadcaster Mike Shannon is known for his enthusiasm of the game of baseball and his colorful descriptions of the game.   Here are some Shannonisms: 

"This big standing-room only crowd is finally settling into their seats."

"It's raining like a Chinese fire drill!"

(After Brian Jordan was hit by a pitch for the 4th time on a single road trip): "Jordan must feel like a Ouija Board."

(Referring to Bernard Gilkey): "He was originally born in University City."

"He's faster than a chicken being chased by Ronald McDonald!"

(Referring to Mike Schmidt): "the longtime, and soon-to-be, Hall-of-Famer."

(Referring to Hideo Nomo): "He's the biggest thing to hit Japan since they dropped the bomb on Nagashima!"

"This game is off to a rather conspicuous start, don't you think. Jack?"

"Well, folks, this game began as a tiny worm, and is blossoming into a large cobra."

"That foul tip bounced up and caught him right in the groins...and that'll really clear your eyes out."

"A hit up the middle right now would be like a nice ham sandwich and a cold, frosty one."

(Broadcasting from New York under a full moon): "I wish you folks back in St. Louis could see this moon.

" (On the day before Easter): "I just want to tell everyone 'Happy Easter and Happy Hanukkah.'"

"Things are not always as they appear to be as."

"Well, he did everything right to get ready for the throw, but if ya ain't got the hose, the water just won't come out."

"Our next homestand follows this road trip."

(Referring to a home run by Ted Simmons): "and that's the bread on Simmons' butter."

"The right-hander is throwing up (instead of 'up, throwing') in the bullpen."

"I've heard it said that if you know English, Spanish, Italian, and I think it's French, you can go just about anywhere in this world...except China where they have all those derelicts."
After a pause, Joe Buck suggested that Mike has meant to say "dialects."
Mike responded, "Yeah, dialects! That's what I mean...but they've got a lot of derelicts too!"

"I wouldn't have see it if I hadn't believed it."

Joe: "Mike, the Cardinals would like to welcome a group of 19 French foreign exchange students in Section 382."
Mike: "Where're they from, Joe?"
Joe: "Uhh, France, I think."

A couple of years back, Mike and Joe were discussing the unflattering photographs of players that had been flashed on the screen at another ballpark. Mike's take on the quality of the photo selection was: "Some of those guys look like the picture was taken while they were seeing their first UFO." After several seconds of laughter, Joe added, "As opposed to their second or third."

"The wind switched 360 degrees."

"Boy, a cold, frosty Budweiser would be great about now"...long pause...then an "ahhh"

Mike's classic: "Ol' Abner Doubleday has done it again."

"It's raining so hard I thought it was going to stop."

"The crowd's on their feet for the Canadian Star Bangled Banner."

"Back in the day when I played, a pitcher had 3 pitches: a fastball, a curveball, a slider, a changeup and a good sinker pitch."

"The Yankees and Mets are playing tonight at Shea. After four innings, New York leads 3 to 2."

 "The Cardinals, Jack, off to their best start since 1987"

 KMOX used to air the "Knights of the Cauliflowered Ear" banquet which gave out sports awards for the year, Jack Buck or Bob Costas would frequently host. One year they did a bit on how they were awarding Shannon the "Most Improved Broadcaster" award for the eleventh consecutive year in a row.

 "The outfield is deep and playing him straight-away and the infield is the same except first, second, third and short are playing him to pull."

 He once described a baserunner as being "Faster than a cat in Chinatown."

 Between innings, Shannon often mentions that "so-and-so family is here at Busch enjoying a game" etc. etc.  One day when Shannon mis-pronounced the "Kuntz" familyname. The radio booth was silent for about 15 seconds afterward.

 A Shannonism in a similar vein. In a Cards-Astros game in the early1990s, Houston had a rookie named Andujar Cedeno. 
Shannon: "Would you believe Andujar Cedeno is not related to either Joaquin Andujar or Cesar Cedeno?"
Joe Buck: "I'll believe anything you tell me!"

 Here’s Shannon this past August, after Scott Rolen ran the count to 3-0, urging him not to tempt fate and simply take the walk:   “You don't kick that dog as he's sleeping on the porch, you don't step on his tail, you just walk on by. If you step on his tail, he might jump up and bite you on the ankle or the kneecap.”

“Well, folks, this game began as a tiny worm and is blossoming into a large cobra.”

“Hideo Nomo is the biggest thing to hit Japan since they dropped that bomb on Nagashima!”

“He's madder than a pig caught under a barnyard gate.”

“I just want to tell everyone Happy Easter and Happy Hanukkah.”

“Things are not always as they appear to be as.”

“Well, he did everything right to get ready for the throw, but if ya ain't got the hose, the water just won't come out.”

“Gilkey was originally born in University City.”

“Like Spring makes the rains come, so does the edge of the plate grow.”

“The Dodgers are ahead by 5 runs or 3 runs or in between there somewhere.”

“We'd like to say hello to all those folks listening in Monkey's Eyebrow, Kentucky.

“ Well, no one’s perfect. Only one guy was ever perfect, Jack, and they nailed him to a tree!

 "He tried to sneak that fastball by Rolen. That's like trying to sneak the sun past the rooster."

 "You couldn't play this game without tongue depressors and tape. It just couldn't happen."

 In reference to how high off the field level the PNC Park broadcast booths are: "Way, way, way down on the field, a bunch of little ants come runnng on."

 On Randall Simon: "Even if he didn't have a bat in his hands, he'd take a swing."

When a leadoff batter takes a big swing in the ninth when his team needs baserunners: "He's trying to hit a three-run homer with the bases empty. It's never happened, but it could one of these days. You never know in this world of baseball."

 "So Joe [Buck], when was the Roman Coliseum built...two, three, four hundred years ago?", asked Mike Shannon during the KMOX Cards-Expos broadcast of June 1, 1995.

I'm a bad American

This is attributed to George Carlin.  I’m not sure he wrote it but I like it nonetheless.

I Am Your Worst Nightmare. I am a BAD American. I am George Carlin.

I believe the money I make belongs to me and my family, not some mid level governmental functionary be it Democratic or Republican!

I'm in touch with my feelings and I like it that way, damn it!

I think owning a gun doesn't make you a killer, it makes you a smart American.

I think being a minority does not make you noble or victimized, and does not entitle you to anything.

I believe that if you are selling me a Big Mac, try to do it in English.

I think fireworks should be legal on the 4th of July.

I think that being a student doesn't give you any more enlightenment than working at Blockbuster. In fact, if your parents are footing the bill to put your pansy ass through 4 years plus of college, you haven't begun to be enlightened.

I believe everyone has a right to pray to his or her God when and where they want to.

My heroes are John Wayne, Babe Ruth, Roy Rogers, and whoever canceled Jerry Springer.

I don't hate the rich. I don't pity the poor.

I know wrestling is fake and I don't waste my time arguing about it.

I think global warming is a big lie. Where are all those experts now, when I'm freezing my ass off during these long winters and paying, paying, paying?

I've never owned a slave, or was a slave, I didn't wander forty years In the desert after getting chased out of Egypt. I haven't burned any witches or been persecuted by the Turks and neither have you! So, shut-the-Hell-up already.

I want to know which church is it exactly where the Reverend Jesse Jackson practices, where he gets his money, and why he is always part of the problem and not the solution. Can I get an AMEN on that one?  

I think the cops have every right to shoot your sorry ass if you're running from them.

I also think they have the right to pull your ass over if you're breaking the law, regardless of what color you are.

And, no, I don't mind having my face shown on my drivers license. I think it's good.....and I'm proud that "God" is written on my money. I think if you are too stupid to know how a ballot works, I don't want you deciding who should be running the most powerful nation in the world for the next four years.


I dislike those people standing in the intersections trying to sell me crap or trying to guilt me into making "donations" to their cause. These people should be targets.


I believe that it doesn't take a village to raise a child, it takes two parents.


And what the hell is going on with gas prices... again?


If this makes me a BAD American, then yes, I'm a BAD American.

Thanks Fabian

Sunday, July 31, 2005

How much water can a condom hold?

Just in case you needed to know, the filled Magnum XL holds an amazing seven gallons.Filled condom

via collegesexadvice.com

Close but no cigar

 Bill.chelseaFormer US president Bill Clinton has been offered 40 goats and 20 cows for his daughter by a love-struck African government official.
Mr Clinton was offered the deal on a recent trip to Kenya.  
He was offered the animals as a traditional African way of getting a father to give away his daughter's hand in marriage.
The dowry is a very generous one by the country's own standards.
Godwin Kipkemoi Chepkurgor wrote to Mr Clinton through Kenya's Foreign Minister.
He said: "Had I succeeded in wooing Chelsea, I would have had a grand wedding.
"I would have invited South African Anglican Archbishop Desmond Tutu to preside at the ceremony."
The councillor gave the names of the former Kenyan president Daniel Arap-Moi and two of his college mates as character references.
Mr Chepkurgor also said he was also impressed by Mr Clinton's wife, Hillary, for standing by Mr Clinton during the Monica Lewinksy scandal.
He said Mrs Clinton acted like a "like an African woman".

via Skynews

Get your original Picasso at Costco

An original framed Pablo Picasso crayon drawing from 1958, “Atelier De Cannes” available only at Costco for $129,999.99.   Hurry –  Limited Supply!

Picasso drawing

via growabrain

Urinals of the world

GATEWAY_ARCH.med     Urinal ISS
Gateway Arch, St. Louis    International Space Station, Outter space

MYSTIQUE
Mystique Night Club, Bangkok Thailand

TV-Hill3.clean
TV Hill (miltary broadcast station in the middle of Kabul Afganistan)

UFelix3   Womens urinal
The Felix, Hong Kong          Woman’s urinal, Dairy Queen, Port Charlotte

More exciting urinals can be found at urinal.net.  (Pretty neat Google map interface)

via The Presurfer