I can tell by the hat that this guy probably won’t make it.
Thanks Ronnie
Friday, November 18, 2005
Thursday, November 17, 2005
Meet Miss March
I had the pleasure of meeting Jillian Grace, aka Miss March 2005 Playboy Playmate. When she saw that I had on a St. Louis Cardinals shirt, she told me that she was from Washington MO…. just about an hour or so away. She has very pretty eyes.
BUST: 36"
WAIST: 24"
HIPS: 36"
HEIGHT: 5' 5"
WEIGHT: 117 lbs
AMBITIONS:
I plan to pursue modeling and acting. I would love to appear in a workout video.
TURN-ONS:
A guy who BBQs, someone who knows how to hit all the right spots, a sense of humor.
Now, where did I put those tongs?
Find the real jackass
Jonco and the Weeman
Weeman:
- Real name: Jason Acuna
- Occupation: Skateboarding and Stuntman for Jackass
A very funny man walked into a casino.....
George Carlin is playing at the Stardust, the hotel I'm staying at while I'm here in Las Vegas. I’ll be heading home Friday.
Here are a few of his funny one-liners.
- When someone asks you, A penny for your thoughts, and you put your two cents in, what happens to the other penny?
- Is a vegetarian permitted to eat animal crackers?
- I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks so I wondered, what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks?
- Some national parks have long waiting lists for camping reservations. When you have to wait a year to sleep next to a tree, something is wrong.
- Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?
- I think it would be interesting if old people got anti-Alzheimer's disease where they slowly began to recover other people's lost memories.
- Electricity is really just organized lightning.
- Why is the man (or woman) who invests all your money called a broker?
- Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.
- The very existence of flame-throwers proves that some time, somewhere, someone said to themselves, You know, I want to set those people over there on fire, but I'm just not close enough to get the job done.
- There's no present. There's only the immediate future and the recent past.
Wednesday, November 16, 2005
High tech hot tub hotties
THREE WOMEN, ONE GERMAN, ONE JAPANESE AND A HILLBILLY,WERE SITTING NAKED IN A SAUNA.
SUDDENLY THERE WAS A BEEPING SOUND.
THE GERMAN PRESSED HER FOREARM AND THE BEEP STOPPED.
THE OTHERS LOOKED AT HER QUESTIONINGLY.
"THAT WAS MY PAGER," SHE SAID.
"I HAVE A MICROCHIP UNDER THE SKIN OF MY ARM."
A FEW MINUTES LATER, A PHONE RANG.
THE JAPANESE WOMAN LIFTED HER PALM TO HER EAR.
WHEN SHE FINISHED, SHE EXPLAINED, "THAT WAS MY MOBILE PHONE. I HAVE A MICROCHIP IN MY HAND"
THE HILLBILLY WOMAN FELT DECIDEDLY LOW TECH.
NOT TO BE OUTDONE, SHE DECIDED SHE HAD TO DO SOMETHING JUST AS IMPRESSIVE. SHE STEPPED OUT OF THE SAUNA AND WENT TO THE BATHROOM. SHE RETURNED WITH A PIECE OF TOILET PAPER HANGING FROM HER BEHIND.
THE OTHERS RAISED THEIR EYEBROWS AND STARED AT HER.
THE HILLBILLY WOMAN FINALLY SAID,
(ARE YOU READY?)
"WELL, WILL YOU LOOK AT THAT. I'M GETTIN' A FAX."
Thanks Nicholle
A Dreary Tale....It All Began....
Late one dark and rainy night a man was walking home alone when he hears a.......
BUMP... BUMP... BUMP... behind him.
Walking faster he looks back, and makes out the image of an upright coffin banging its way down the middle of the street towards him
BUMP... BUMP... BUMP...
Terrified, the man begins to run towards his home, the coffin bouncing quickly behind him ...
faster... faster...
BUMP... BUMP.... BUMP.
He runs up to his door, fumbles with his keys, opens the door, rushes in, slams and locks the door behind him.
However, the coffin crashes through his door, with the lid of the coffin clapping ...
clappity-BUMP... clappity-BUMP... clappity-BUMP... clappity-BUMP...
on the heels of the terrified man....
Rushing upstairs to the bathroom, the man locks himself in. His heart is pounding; his head is reeling; his breath is coming in sobbing gasps. .
With a loud CRASH the coffin starts breaking down the door. Bumping and clapping towards him.
The man screams and reaches for something heavy, anything ........ his hand comes to rest on a large bottle of ROBITUSSIN .
Desperate, he throws the Robitussin as hard as he can at the apparition,
and...
the coffin stops.
Thanks Phyllis
Tuesday, November 15, 2005
Hot Dog - Las Vegas style
A one and a half pound hot dog with chili was my lunch at The Westward Ho Motel and Casino Snack Bar.
Total cost: $2.09
Monday, November 14, 2005
On the road....
I’ll be out of town for a few days. I should be back late Friday evening. I’ll try to post if I get a chance.
A few facts about Las Vegas:
- A lion at the MGM Grand Lion Habitat sleeps up to 20 hours a day--although the constant tapping on the windows keeps them up on busy weekends!
- The Golden Gate Hotel and Casino opened in 1906, making it the first hotel and casino to open in Las Vegas, Nevada.
- Many of the first hotels on The Strip opened in the 1950's such as The Desert Inn, The Sands, The Riviera, The Dunes, Hacienda, Tropicana, Royal Nevada, Moulin Rouge and The Stardust.
- In 1966, Howard Hughes begins his infamous stay at the Desert Inn. By 1968, Hughes purchases the Desert Inn after being asked to leave by Hotel management.
- Did you know? The Stratosphere is the tallest, free-standing, observation tower in the US and the tallest structure west of the Mississippi River.
- From 1990 to 1998 the Las Vegas population grew by 55%.
- The company that owns The Mirage (MGM Mirage) also owns Treasure Island, New York New York, Bellagio, The MGM Grand, The Golden Nugget and all three hotels at the Nevada State Line (Whiskey Pete's, Buffalo Bill's and Primm Valley).
- 80% of all visitors are return visitors and average two trips per year.
- 44% of all visitors arrive by air while 43% arrive by auto.
- 89% of all visitors gamble with an average gambling budget of $500.
Especially a hyper one. This will definitely make you chuckle.
Hang fish like you hang art
I saw one of these at a restaurant in Austin Texas earlier this year. They really are cool. You can get one here for only $299.
The AquaVista 500 combines elegant design and proprietary aquarium and computer control technologies to make it virtually hassle free. It is only 4.5 inches thick and is completely automated. The aquarium's technology and equipment is managed by an embedded user-friendly control interface that allows you to easily monitor and maintain the aquarium.
Get yourself a beer belly
Sneak beer into a place wheere it’s not allowed..or is too expensive. 
The Beerbelly brings Freedom to the Beverage! Now you can drink WHAT you want, WHEN you want, WHERE you want, with no hassles and for less money! What more could you ask for—now you can drink your favorite beverage at the movies, the ballgame, on the plane, you decide The Beerbelly: Is made up of a neoprene “sling” and a polyurethane “bladder” with a tube for dispensing.
The bladder is held in an insulated pouch in the sling which is worn under your clothing for concealment. When worn, it looks just like a beerbelly And it’s high-quality! Yeah, we know you think you got it covered, I mean, how hard is it to sneak a drink… We’ll we’ve learned a thing or two and thought you might want to take advantage… at least the ladies will read this and maybe pass it on to their man 1. Beer is better cold—so until we have our ice pack available on-line fill your Beerbelly before hand and stick it in the freezer for awhile.
If you can’t plan ahead, get the coldest beer possible for extended enjoyment. You can expect to get around 2 hours of cold depending on conditions. Of course you can extend your cold time with one of our Super Special Custom Ice Pack Pleasure Extend 2.Personally I prefer to drink my beer from a cup so instead of sucking from the hose, I route my hose down instead of up. When it’s time to fill the cup, down goes the zipper, out comes my hose, I pop the cap, fill the cup, and drink up.
Think about it for a sec, it looks pretty damn funny and anyone that see’s you pull this stunt will think you are a freak! To pop the cap, pull a bit harder than you would to open the valve with a little wiggle and the top pops off.
MAKE SURE YOU ARE HOLDING THE HOSE OVER THE CUP, OR ABOVE THE BLADDER OR YOU WILL BE SPRAYING EVERYWHERE! YOU'VE BEEN WARNED. LAUNDRY CHARGES ARE NOT COVERED IN YOUR WARRANTY!
Share a beer with your best friend
Yes, it's beer! But, it's for dogs.
Non-alcoholic and non-carbonated, our Happy Tail Ale is the ultimate liquid refreshment for your best friend. Our brew is made with choice malted barley and filtered water, featuring all-natural beef flavorings. Plus, it's fortified with Glucosamine and Vitamin E!
Sure, there are lots of ways you show your dog you love him: Taking him for a walk, giving him a belly rub, tossing him a few treats...but how about a beer? Of course, you can't give him the same beer you grab from the fridge when YOU want a treat! Alcohol, hops and carbonation are bad for dogs. But what about giving him a drink that not only tastes good, but is healthy as well?
Your dog will love our Happy Tail Ale, cold from the fridge and in a flavor he loves!
Sunday, November 13, 2005
Is that a mouse nose in your pocket, or are you glad to see me?
Probably the best sight-gag in all of Disney World.
Smallest waisted human alivre today
Cathie Jung – Queen of corsets
Cathie is a beautiful woman born in 1937 who lives in Old Mystic, Conneticut, U.S.A.
She is the mother of three children and married to Bob, an orthopedic surgeon. Cathie Jung's unfathomably dainty waist of 15 inches, is unique. The Guinness Books of World Records has inquired about it. Several times Cathie and Bob flew to Tokyo in Japan for guest appearances on Japanese TV.Of course Cathie is wearing her corset, as she has for virtually every hour of the day and night since 1983. The only time that she is not wearing the corset is probably the hour it takes her to shower and dry herself thoroughly.
Cathie is devoted to corset training, or what she also calls waist training.
Cathie was married in a corset in 1959, and though she wore one on occasion during early motherhood, she did not pursue the exquisitely hour-glassed figure of yesteryear until her children were fully grown and had left home.
Her uncorseted waist today is 21 inches around. It was 26 inches when she began serious waist training, 23 hours a day every day of the week.With a normal waist of 28 inch you start with a corset of 25 inches. When you get comfortable you go to a 23-inch corset. Then a new one two inches smaller. Cathie is now to a 15-inch corset. Cathie is 5-foot-6 and weight 135 pounds.
She owns more then 25 different corsets, some of cotton brocade and others of Chinese silk. Leather is also comfortable and wears well. Under the corset she is wearing a camisole or a chemise. Powder is also important.
The diet of Cathie is pretty normal. She feels full or satisfied very quickly but she very much enjoys eating in a restaurant.
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