Saturday, January 28, 2006
- January - Took her new scarf back to the store because it was too tight.
- February - Couldn't work in a pharmacy because the bottles wouldn't fit into the typewriter.
- March - Got excited when she finished a jigsaw puzzle in 6 months because the box said "2-4 years".
- April - Was trapped on an escalator for hours when the power went out.
- May - Couldn't make Kool-Aid because 8 cups of water won't fit into those little packets.
- June - Couldn't learn to water ski because she couldn't find a lake with a slope.
- July - After losing in a breast stroke swimming competition, complained to the judges that the other swimmers were using their arms.
- August - Told her blonde friend to hurry when trying to get into their locked car using a coat hanger because it was starting to rain and the top was down.
- September - When asked what the capital of California was: answered "C."
- October - Hates M &M's because they are so hard to peel.
- November - Baked a turkey for 4 days because the instructions said 1 hour per pound and she weighed 120.
- December - Couldn't call 911 because there was no "11" on any phone button.
Posted 3:01 PM
From ask Yahoo:
Uranus was discovered by William Herschel on March 13, 1781. Apparently the silly goose first thought he'd found a comet. Imagine -- mistaking Uranus for a humungous flying object (two). According to Wikipedia, Herschel dubbed it Georgium Sidus in honor of King George III of Great Britain. He later changed the name to Georgian Planet, but neither moniker worked outside the United Kingdom.
To give the newly discovered planet global appeal, astronomers around the world submitted suggestions, including Astraea, Cybele, Hypercronius, Minerva, and Urscrotum (just kidding about that last one). The name of Uranus, the Greek god of the sky, emerged victorious, thanks to German astronomer and unintentional comedian Johann Elert Bode.
As far as we can tell, there was no official meeting where people voted on the name Uranus. Over the course of several years, the name just sort of became the default. Little did Bode know his perfectly innocent suggestion would launch a thousand bad sitcom puns and science class giggles.
While we may never see Uranus up close (four), that's probably a blessing in disguise considering the planet's gaseous makeup.
Posted 2:58 PM
A type of mushroom called Amanita muscaria grows in some parts of Siberia, and it contains a cocktail of hallucinogenic chemicals. One who consumes the sun-dried mushrooms will usually experience euphoria and hallucinations, but one will also experience a host of unpleasant side-effects, such as nausea, twitching, and an increase sweat and saliva output.
Most of the unwanted side effects can be avoided by putting the mushrooms through a special filter: a human. In the Koryak tribe in Siberia it is customary for an individual who consumes the mushrooms to save his or her urine in a pot for others to drink. The mushrooms' active ingredients are not metabolized by the body so they are excreted into the urine, but the chemicals which cause the unwanted side effects are filtered out by the kidneys. It is said that the potency of the mushroom does not decrease significantly until about the seventh time through.
But not everybody who imbibes urine is doing so for psychoactive pleasure-seeking. Many people drink it because they believe it makes them look and feel healthier, or sometimes because it's their last resort for survival.
The popular belief is that urine is a germ-ridden fluid, but as is often the case, popular belief is at odds with reality. Urine from a healthy person is actually relatively sterile. It is unknown how many people in the world deliberately drink their own urine, but the practice is particularly popular in Indian and Chinese cultures for its purported health benefits. In June 2001, a Chinese news feed reported that more than three million Chinese people drink their own urine to stay healthier. This practice is called Urine Therapy, and its promoters credit urine with a number of curative powers.
Posted 2:53 PM
Friday, January 27, 2006
I’ve experienced most of these at one time or another.
Fortunately I rarely get past the 3rd circle any more.
From the Modern Drunkard, here are the first 2 circles of hangover hell:
1st Circle: The Ducked Bullet
No pain. No real feeling of illness. Your sleep was deep and all those carbo-loaded beers have gifted you with a week’s worth of misplaced energy. During lunch you torture your less fortunate coworkers, bragging about how you can pound booze all night, drink warm gin out of a dirty ashtray for breakfast, and still show up fifteen minutes early for work. You crave a steak sub and a side of gravy fries.
2nd Circle: The Thirsty Mongoloid
No real pain, but something is definitely amiss. You look okay but you have the mental capacity of a staple gun. You are definitely dehydrated and after drinking two Gatorades you still feel that way. You feel kinda dumb and you notice the temporary lowering of your IQ has made you more sociable and less concerned with workaday worries. You crave a fruity pancake from IHOP.
Posted 6:33 PM
Again….. I’m ashamed that this happened in my state……..
Woman With Tattoo From Homemade Gun Got Sick
SPRINGFIELD, Mo. -- Some women in Springfield are regretting their decision last week to get a tattoo from a door-to-door tattoo salesman. At least one person had to be hospitalized and the others face serious health risks.
Friday night, a man knocked on doors holding a tattoo gun and offering his services. Tamra Eason described the tool as homemade, but still agreed to pay for a tattoo. So did two other women in her apartment complex.
"It was wrapped with black tape, had a pin underneath it, had fishing wire going through it, you could tell it was a homemade gun," Eason said.
The next day, Linda Falls passed out and had to be hospitalized.
Posted 6:06 PM
Thursday, January 26, 2006
- Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are getting weak?
- Why do banks charge a fee on "insufficient funds" when they know there is not enough?
- Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?
- Why doesn't glue stick to the bottle?
- Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection?
- Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?
- Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him?
- Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
- Whose idea was it to put an "S" in the word "lisp"?
- If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes?
- Why is it that no matter what color bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white?
- Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale?
- Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?
- Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give the vacuum one more chance?
- Why is it that no plastic bag will open from the end on your first try?
- How do those dead bugs get into those enclosed light fixtures?
- When we are in the supermarket and someone rams our ankle with a shopping cart then apologizes for doing so, why do we say, "It's all right?" Well, it isn't all right, so why don't we say, "That hurt, you stupid idiot?"
- Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that's falling off the table you always manage to knock something else over?
- In winter why do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in summer when we complained about the heat?
- How come you never hear father-in-law jokes?
- The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four persons is suffering from some sort of mental illness. Think of your three best friends -- if they're okay, then it's you.
Posted 4:36 PM
- If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days you would have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee. (Hardly seems worth it.)
- If you farted consistently for 6 years and 9 months, enough gas is produced to create the energy of an atomic bomb. (Now that's more like it!)
- The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps out to the body to squirt blood 30 feet. (O.M.G.!)
- Pig's orgasms last 30 minutes (In my next life, I want to be a pig.)A cockroach will live nine days without its head before it starves to death. (Creepy.) (I'm still not over the pig.)
- Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories a hour (Don't try this at home, maybe at work)
- The male praying mantis cannot copulate while its head is attached to it's body. The female initiates sex by ripping the male's head off. ("Honey, I'm home. What the....?!")
- The flea can jump 350 times its body length. It's like a human jumping the length of a football field. (30 minutes..lucky pig! Can you imagine?)
- The catfish has over 27,000 taste buds. (What could be so tasty on the bottom of a pond?)
- Some lions mate over 50 times a day. (I still want to be a pig in my next life...quality over quantity)
- Butterflies taste with their feet. (Something I always wanted to know.)
- Right-handed people live, on average, nine years longer than left-handed people. (If you're ambidextrous, do you split the difference?)
- Elephants are the only animals that cannot jump. (okay, so that would be a good thing)
- A cat's urine glows under a black light. (I wonder who was paid to figure that out?)
- An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain. (I know some people like that.)
- Starfish have no brains. (I know some people like that too.)
- Polar bears are left-handed. (If they switch, they'll live a lot longer)
- Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure. (What about that pig??)
Posted 4:32 PM
A man comes into the ER and yells, "My wife's going to have her baby in the cab!" I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab, lifted the lady's --Dress, and began to take off her underwear. Suddenly I noticed that there were several cabs, and I was in the wrong one.
--Dr. Mark MacDonald, San Antonio, TX
At the beginning of my shift I placed a stethoscope on an elderly and slightly deaf female patient's anterior chest wall. Big breaths," I
instructed. Yes, they used to be," remorsefully replied the patient.
--Dr. Richard Byrnes, Seattle, W
One day I had to be the bearerof bad news when I told a wife that her husband had died of a massive myocardial infarct. Not more than five minutes later, I heard her reporting to the rest of the family that he had died of a "massive internal fart."
--Dr. Susan Steinberg, Manitoba, Canada
I was performing a complete physical, including the visual acuity test. I placed the patient twenty feet from the chart and began, "Cover your right eye with your hand." He read the 20/20 line perfectly. Now your left." Again, a flawless read Now both," I requested. There was silence. He couldn't even read the large E on the top line. I turned and discovered that he had done exactly what I had asked; he was standing there with both his eyes covered I was laughing too hard to finish the exam.
--Dr. Matthew Theodropolous, Worcester, MA
During a patient's two week follow-up appointment with his cardiologist, he informed me, his doctor, that he was having trouble with one of his medications. Which one?" I asked. The patch. The nurse told me to put on a new one every six hours and now I'm running out of places to put it!" I had him quickly undress and discovered what I hoped I wouldn't see Yes, the man had over fifty patches on his body! Now the instructions include removal of the old patch before applying a new one.
--Dr. Rebecca St. Clair, Norfolk, VA
While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient, I asked, "How long have you been bed-ridden?" After a look of complete confusion she answered . Why, not for about twenty years -- when my husband was alive."
--Dr. Steven Swanson, Corvallis, OR
I was caring for a woman from Kentucky and asked, So, how's your breakfast this morning?" It's very good, except for the Kentucky Jelly I can't seem to get used to the taste," the patient replied. I then asked to see the jelly and the woman produced a foil packet labeled "KY Jelly."
--Dr. Leonard Kransdorf, Detroit, MI
A new, young MD doing his residency in OB was quite embarrassed performing female pelvic exams. To cover his embarrassment he had unconsciously formed a habit of whistling softly. The middle aged lady upon whom he was performing this exam suddenly burst out laughing and further embarrassed him. He looked up from his work and sheepishly said, "I'm sorry. Was I tickling you?"
She replied, "No doctor, but the song you were whistling was 'I wish I was an Oscar Meyer Wiener."
--won't admit his name
Posted 4:30 PM
12.5 pounds of burger Clinton Stanton Diner
Seven pounds of ground beef, 12 to 16 slices of American cheese, half a head of lettuce, roughly two tomatoes and an onion make up the interior of the sandwich, which is about the size of the steering wheel on an average Toyota. The bun alone weighs 2.5 pounds.
Anybody walking into the diner can order one for $29.95, but the burger is free to the person who finishes it in less than three hours. Zambas said that's never happened.
100 patty cheeseburger In and Out Burger
It's one set of buns and ONE HUNDRED meat patties and ONE HUNDRED pieces of sweaty-oily cheese in between the buns. Clearly, the worst part of this experience wasn't the meat..it was the sweaty cheese.
29 inch Pizza Schiappa’s
Participants (2 people) must consume a four topping 29 inch pizza, within a 30 minute period, without upchucking, to get a certificate for another 29 inch – 4 topping pizza FREE on their next visit. They also receive free T-shirts and their picture on the Challenge 29 Wall of Fame.
Posted 2:42 PM
Wednesday, January 25, 2006
From underscorebleach.net I found this:
Probably the best summary of explanations for the "close button issue" is this:
Having consulted with various elevator repairmen, I would say that apparent CDB [close door button] nonfunctionality may be explained by one of the following:
The button really does work, it's just set on time delay.
Suppose the elevator is set so that the doors close automatically after five seconds. The close-door button can be set to close the doors after two or three seconds. The button may be operating properly when you push it, but because there's still a delay, you don't realize it.
- The button is broken. Since a broken close-door button will not render the elevator inoperable and thus does not necessitate an emergency service call, it may remain unrepaired for weeks.
- The button has been disconnected, usually because the building owner received too many complaints from passengers who had somebody slam the doors on them.
- The button was never wired up in the first place. One repair type alleges that this accounts for the majority of cases. In other words, the whole thing is a total scam. Watergate, Iran-contra, and now this. And they wonder why we've lost faith.
The site also has these interesting things:
- How to "hack" an elevator—force it to go directly to your floor without making any stops
- How to "hack" a crosswalk button—force it to change from "don't walk" to "walk" immediately (and the traffic light, too, thankfully)
Posted 4:43 PM
From the news.telegraph:
A woman who had been blind for 25 years awoke in hospital after suffering a heart attack and found that she could see again.
Since 1979, Joyce Urch had lived in a world of shadows and near-darkness, but was astonished to find her sight restored when she came round after being resuscitated.
Doctors have been unable to explain what happened, but Mrs Urch, 74, was happy yesterday to put it down to a "miracle".
She said: "When I first came round I just opened my eyes and shouted, 'I can see, I can see.' When I looked in the mirror I said, 'Oh.' I said to [her husband] Eric, 'You've got older haven't you?' But I thought, 'I'm old myself, my husband must be too.'
"The first time you look in the mirror you look at yourself and think, 'Is that really me?' But a lot of things have changed."
Posted 4:19 PM
Sa? da reda??o com a miss?o de fazer uma foto diferente das dos outros colegas de profiss?o, pois todos j? tinham ido ao local do encalhe. Tive a paci?ncia de esperar a baleia encalhar, j? que os outros s? fizeram fotos dela longe da praia. E deu nessa bela imagem.
(Whatever that means)
Posted 4:07 PM
From Talus Watches:
Digital watches are inexpensive and precise. But, this precision comes at a cost- a quick glance at a digital watch displaying 12:58 does not convey the very human time scale of "it's about 1 p.m.". Digital watches make it all too easy to miss a meeting believing it is closer to noon than to one. Analog watches are better matched to human needs, but suffer from mechanical problems, difficulty matching the hour tick-mark to the hour hand, and poor legibility in the dark.
The About Time watch brings analog time values to the digital world. As shown to the right, the About Time LCD prominently displays the nearest hour in the center of the watch. Above and below the hour indicator are lines for the display of text. Together, the text and hour numerals give an approximate, and appropriate measure of the current time. One glance says it all.
Posted 3:49 PM
Tuesday, January 24, 2006
From the Village Voice:
Yesterday, for the fifth time in five years, the group Improv Everywhere performed their celebrated hipster prank, the "No Pants Subway Ride."
According to the group's founder, Charlie Todd, it was the event's biggest turnout yet, with 150 people crowding into a subway train and shedding their pants.
It was also the first time the practical joke backfired, ending dramatically at the 59th Street stop of the 6 train, when a confused police officer boarded the train, saw the spectacle, and called for backup. While pants were quickly handed out, the officer stopped the train, ordered all the riders to exit, and eventually arrested six of the pranksters--the unfortunate few who had been unable to locate their britches in time. One of those arrested was Erin McCarson, 23, a nanny, who was handcuffed and led to a police wagon, while her friend, Mamrie Hart, 22, collected Erin's pants and wondered what to do next.
Posted 2:12 PM
Currently under construction in Dubai, Hydropolis is the world's first luxury underwater hotel. It will include three elements: the land station, where guests will be welcomed, the connecting tunnel, which will transport people by train to the main area of the hotel, and the 220 suites within the submarine leisure complex. ….
"Hydropolis is not a project; it's a passion," enthuses Joachim Hauser, the developer and designer of the hotel. His futuristic vision is about to take shape 20m below the surface of the Arabian Gulf, just off the Jumeirah Beach coastline in Dubai. The £300 million, 220-suite hotel is due to open at the end of 2007 and will incorporate a host of innovations that will take it far beyond the original blueprint for an underwater complex worthy of Jules Verne. ….
In order to enter this surreal space, visitors will begin at the land station. This 120m woven, semicircular cylinder will arch over a multi-storey building. On the lowest level passengers board a noiseless train propelled by fully automated cable along a modular, self-supporting steel guideway to Hydropolis. A just-in-time and on-demand logistical system will facilitate efficient supply of goods to the hotel.
The upper storeys of the land station house a variety of facilities, including a cosmetic surgical clinic, a marine biological research laboratory and conference facilities. On the lower levels are the staff rooms, goods storage and loading areas, and hotel and parking areas.
The land station also includes a restaurant and high-tech cinema screening the evolution of life in the ocean and the history of underwater architecture. As a finale, the screen will open to reveal the real-life Hydropolis. A viewing platform at the front opening of the spanning roof will allow views of the architecture as well as the light shows of Hydropolis.
Posted 1:40 PM
From ABC News Online:
A family on South Australia's west coast has discovered a rare specimen of whale vomit on the beach that is tipped to be worth over $1 million. The specimen, known scientifically as ambergris, is sought after by perfume companies and worth about $US20 per gram. n The sample found on a beach near Streaky Bay weighs 14.75 kilograms.
Ken Jury, who is representing the family, says this is the first discovery of ambergris in South Australia.
He says the last specimen found in Australia was in Queensland.
"Two small pieces were found that I would suggest together would make up half the size of the one that's been found at Streaky Bay, and they realised something like $190,000 each," he said.
More on ambergris from ambergris.com:
Ambergris is an excretion from the Sperm Whale. It is found floating on the oceans or collected from the shores of many countries around the world. Ambergris is formed in the intestines of the sperm whale in response, it is thought, to irritation caused to the stomach lining of the whale from the sharp,indigestible, parrot-like beaks of squid. The squid is a staple part of the sperm whale diet. Even today, much of the life and times of the sperm whale remains a mystery as they live and feed in the deepest depths of the ocean.
Ambergris has been prized for centuries for its peculiar qualities. It has been used in the perfume industry as a fixative for fine perfumes, for medicinal purposes and as an aphrodisiac. Some people swear by the sensual effects created by rubbing a piece of ambergris on the skin. Ambergris releases pheromones making it a true aphrodisiac, a property which has lead to the mystery and sensuality surrounding the product. Ambergris has also been used to enhance the flavours of food and wine and for herbal and homeopathic remedies.
Posted 1:36 PM
Have the fine folks at Google Earth captured a test of a new flying car? Located on Honour Avenue, Point Walter, Perth, Australia.
According to our Oz photo interpretation bureau (Clinton Bird), the vehicle in question is at an altitude of three of four meters and doing about 80 knots.
Posted 1:06 PM
I know you’ve been wondering how to do this.
Today is a great day for the cat freedom movement! The prototype Feline Protection and Enhancement System is ready for testing! The F.P.E.S. v0.0, known as ‘The Zero’, was produced in our top secret, Illinois facility just last week.
Our scientists can pat themselves on the back. It’s a perfect fit! Those fiendish dogs don’t stand a chance! ….
Version 1.1.0 of F.P.E.S. has been affixed to subject Boone. The F.P.E.S. was decorated with symbols of victory to strike fear into our canine opressors and reinforced with a better, stronger frame. Soon, full fledged production will be possible. An entire crate of oranges was seen entering the domicile. With these wonderful products of nature, we will eradicate all the dogs in the house within the span of a week!
Posted 12:39 PM
Monday, January 23, 2006
P.S. His shirt says, “I love New York” in Arabic. Thanks Little Fred
P.S. His shirt says, “I love New York” in Arabic.
Thanks Little Fred
Posted 6:16 PM
Who says you can’t go back home again?
Here’s a look at the shooting locations for the film Back To The Future. Lot’s of information here about where scenes were shot and what they look like now.
So, finally, we arrive at the moment we've been anticipating the entire film. Marty hits the gas, pushes it to 88 MPH and as the clock reaches 10:04, lightning strikes that most important of all buildings, the Hill Valley courthouse.
The courthouse is located on Universal Studio’s backlot. Other scenes were filmed in the Los Angeles area.
Lyon Estates is actually just South of the California Institute for Women on Chino-Corona Road · Chino, CA
Locations of other movies and television show too.
Posted 3:24 PM