A Texas pup was a little too eager for rabbit stew and chased a rabbit into a large metal pipe. The rabbit escaped. The dog didn't. Animal control workers were able to grease the dogs head and get her out safely.
From Mookie:
1. People who point at their wrist while asking for the time.... I know where my watch is pal, where the hell is yours? Do I point at my crotch when I ask where the toilet is?
2. People who are willing to get off their ass to search the entire room for the T.V. remote because they refuse to walk to the T.V. and change the channel manually.
3. When people say "Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too". Damn right! What good is cake if you can't eat it?
4. When people say "it's always the last place you look". Of course it is. Why the hell would you keep looking after you've found it? Do people do this? Who and where are they? Gonna Kick their asses!
5. When people say while watching a film "did you see that?". No Loser, I paid $12 to come to the cinema and stare at the damn floor.
6. People who ask "Can I ask you a question?".... Didn't really give me a choice there, did ya sunshine?
7. When something is 'new and improved!'. Which is it? If it's new, then there has never been anything before it. If it's an improvement, then there must have been something before it, couldn't be new.
8. When people say "life is short". What the hell?? Life is the longest damn thing anyone ever does!! What can you do that's longer?
9. When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks "Has the bus come yet?". If the bus came would I be standing here, dumbass?
Here are just a few:
2/ It takes 8 minutes 17 seconds for light to travel from the Sun's surface to the Earth.
4/ 10 percent of all human beings ever born are alive at this very moment.
10/ Every year lightning kills 1000 people.
12/ If you could drive your car straight up you would arrive in space in just over an hour.
16/ Female black widow spiders eat their males after mating.
21/ Astronauts cannot belch - there is no gravity to separate liquid from gas in their stomachs.
48/ The call of the humpback whale is louder than Concorde and can be heard from 500 miles away.
55/ More germs are transferred shaking hands than kissing.
63/ It would take over an hour for a heavy object to sink 6.7 miles down to the deepest part of the ocean.
76/ One in every 2000 babies is born with a tooth.
89/ The African Elephant gestates for 22 months.
95/ 90% of those who die from hurricanes die from drowning.
No pressure…. No toxins…. No gas…..No kidding
Tempra Technology and Crown Holdings present the first real self-refridgerating can.
There's finally a real, working, practical self-refridgerating can. The Instant Cool Can (I.C. Can™) is a 100% safe and environmentally friendly self-refridgerating process that cools using brilliantly simple water evaporation. In fact, it's proven to lower beverage temperature by a minimum of 30° F (16.7° C) in just three minutes.
Three friars were behind on their belfry payments, so they opened up a small florist shop to raise funds. Since everyone liked to buy flowers from the men of God, a rival florist across town thought the competition was unfair. He asked the good fathers to close down, but they would not.
The rival florist went to visit and begged the friars to close.
They ignored him.
So, the rival florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest and most vicious thug in town to "persuade" the friar's to close. Hugh beat up the friars and trashed their store, saying he'd be back if they didn't close up shop.
Terrified, the friar's closed down their business, thereby proving that Hugh, and only Hugh, can prevent florist friars.
Here are the top (or bottom) ten:
1. Gilbert Gottfried (Hard to argue with that)
2. Randy Johnson
3. Roger Ebert
4. Dr. Phil
5. Alan Colmes
6. Chad Kroeger
7. Mike Mills
8. Osama Bin Laden
9. Jay Leno
10. Don Imus
via J-Walk and Accross the Board (I saw it on J-Walk first but was never able to get the link to work)
These Visual Puns from Worth 1000 are pretty cute. See if you can figure out what they are.
Hint: The first one is a brief case.
Fake 'Doctor' Offers Door-To-Door Breast Exams
(CBS) LAUDERDALE LAKES, Fla. People are often annoyed at door-to-door sales people, but they were downright offended at what one man was offering to women who answered his knock. Police say the man went door-to-door carrying a doctor’s bag and offering free breast examinations, and actually got two women to take him up on his offer.
WFOR-TV is reporting that 76 year old William Winikoff of Coconut Creek, Florida has been arrested for his free breast exams, after two women, both in their 30’s, agreed to allow him to examine their breasts in their apartments, after representing himself as a doctor making a house call.
Carrying a black “doctor’s” bag, investigators claim Winnikoff walked up to a apartment building and told a 36-year-old woman, that he was in the neighborhood offering free breast exams.
According to police, the woman let Winikoff into her apartment and the phony doctor began the exam, touching first her breasts, and then, her genitals.
The woman quickly realized that Winikoff was not a real doctor and she called 911, but the fake doctor had already left her apartment to find another victim; a 33 year old woman who lives in the same apartment complex.
A hen which changed sex and became a rooster has got experts in a flap.
The bird - aptly named Freaky - began life as a special breed Silver Laced Wyandotte hen more than a year ago.
But after laying dozens of eggs, she began to change into a he.
Freaky started to act aggressively and developed a distinctive red comb on her head.
Where was this info 30 years ago?
And… do I have to learn Japanese?
Actually quite interesting.
Watch the video
Remember…
A woman has the last word in any argument.
Upload and quickly create an online jigsaw puzzle of your favorite picture. You can make it as easy or hard as you like.
(I look better jumbled up.)
Marriage (Part I)
Typical macho man marries typical good-looking woman and after the wedding, he laid down the following rules:
"I'll be home when I want, if I want and at what time I want and I don't expect any hassle from you.
I expect a great dinner to be on table unless I tell you that I won't be home for dinner.
I'll go hunting, fishing, boozing and card-playing when I want with my old buddies and don't you give me a hard time about it.
Those are my rules!
Any comments?"
His new bride says, "No, that's fine with me.
Just understand that there will be sex here at seven o'clock every night whether you're here or not."
(SHE'S GOOD!)
Marriage (Part II)
Husband and wife have a bitter quarrel on the day of their 40th wedding anniversary!
The husband yells, "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone that reads:
"Here Lies My Wife - Cold As Ever "
"Yeah?" she replies. "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone that reads:
"Here Lies My Husband Stiff At Last"
(HE ASKED FOR IT!)
Marriage (Part III)
Husband (a doctor) and his wife are having a fight at the breakfast table.
Husband gets up in a rage and says, "You're no good in bed either!"
and storms out of the house.
After sometime, he realizes he was nasty and decides to make amends and rings her up.
She comes to the phone after many rings, and the irritated husband says, "What took you so long to answer the phone?"
She says, "I was in bed."
"In bed this early, doing what?"
She says, "Getting a second opinion!"
(YEP, HE HAD THAT ONE COMING, TOO!)
Marriage (Part IV)
A man has six children and is very proud of his achievements. He is so proud of himself, that he starts calling his wife, "Mother of Six" in spite of her objections.
One night, they go to a party.
The man decides that it's time to go home and wants to find out if his wife is ready to leave as well.
He shouts at the top of his voice, "Shall we go home 'Mother of Six?' His wife, irritated by her husband's lack of discretion, shouts right back, "Anytime you're ready, Father of Four."
(DITTO!)
Marriage (Part V)
The Silent Treatment A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment.
Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight.
Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper, "Please wake me at 5:00 AM."
He left it where he knew she would find it.
The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight.
Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed.
The paper said, "It is 5:00 AM. Wake up."
Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.
Thanks Phyllis
Interesting movie about a typical intersection somewhere in India, where apparently, they don’t believe in traffic signals. Each for his own.
Look out!
A man told the ringmaster that he was interested in joining the circus as a lion tamer. The ringmaster asked if he had any experience and the man said, "Why, yes. My father was one of the most famous lion tamers in the world, and he taught me everything he knew."
"Really?" said the ringmaster. "Did he teach you how to make a lion jump through a flaming hoop?"
"Yes he did," the man replied.
"And did he teach you how to have six lions form a pyramid?"
"Yes he did," the man replied.
"And have you ever stuck your head in a lion's mouth?"
"Just once," the man replied.
The ringmaster asked, "Why only once?"
And the man said, "I was looking for my father."
Man Fails to Remember How 10-cm Nail Got in His Head
A man from the Ufa region in western Russia has survived after discovering a 10-cm nail in his head. The 40-year-old man discovered a metal dowel sticking out of the top of his head while brushing his hair after a party the previous evening. He told doctors that he had been drinking with his friends and so could not remember anything about how the nail had got there. It did not cause him to panic however, despite the fact that few people survive such traumas.
The doctor said his patient had been very lucky — the dowel had not broken any major blood vessels or the most important parts of the brain, while strong alcoholic intoxication Saitov believes saved him from going into shock from the pain. The patient left hospital only a couple of days after the operation and is now feeling absolutely normal, he said.
Microsoft Word is a good program but it can be frustrating to use for the average user.
Here are 10 things every Microsoft Word user should know. It talks about styles, tables, formatting and more. (Lots of screenshots too.)
I, like most of you have had my share of rebate problems. I know in my head that I sent in the correct items for the rebate and got a letter back saying something was missing.
From ConsumerAffairs.com
Welcome to the dicey world of rebates. With mail-in rebates offered on everything from yogurt to power saws, many consumers, understandably, consider them an incentive for choosing one product over another -- sort of a time-delayed discount. But along with the mushrooming of rebate offers comes another feature: frustrated buyers chasing hard-earned discounts that have increasingly come to seem more like long-shot Lotto tickets.
It's estimated that 60% of rebates are never honored -- 40% of consumers don't apply and another 20% apply but aren't paid, according to Consumers Union Senior Attorney Gail Hillebrand.
The Federal Trade Commission, which monitors unfair trade practices, reports that rebate complaints rose from 1100 in 2003 to 1900 in 2004. The FTC has gone after such well-known brands as Bumble Bee Seafoods, America Online and Office Depot. Clearly, "rebate rage" is on the rise.
Bobby was in big trouble when he forgot his wedding anniversary.
His wife told him “Tomorrow there better be something in the driveway for me that goes from zero to 200 in 2 seconds flat”.
The next morning his wife found a small package in the driveway. She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.
Not sure when Bobby gets out of the Hospital.
Woman Allegedly Smuggles Grenade Into Jail 
Buy black toilet tissue.
