Peek-a-boo

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Ornery little kids gets what's coming to him....

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...where the buffalo roam

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Counting the days.....

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Ambiguous art

What do you see in these images?

Do you see a frog?  Or do you see a horse’s head emerging from the water?

Do you see a skull…. or two men discussing the power of a potion?

Do you see a skull…. or a woman sitting at her dressing table in this ad for Christian Dior’s perfume Poison?

 This painting is called "Pierrot's Love". It was painted in 1905 and is another good example of ambiguous image. I think it is brilliant that the cuffs of the clown's costume makes the nostril holes of the skull. Again, the power of suggestion can sway your interpretation one way or the other.

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Million dollar Monte trick

Very well done I might add.

 

How is it done?

…. With these special cards.

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This pothole might get people to slow down....

It might also cause them to swerve and have an accident.

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Maybe you can take it with you...

A stingy old lawyer who had been diagnosed with a terminal illness was determined to prove wrong the saying, “You can’t take it with you.”

After much thought and consideration, the old ambulance-chaser finally figured out how to take at least some of his money with him when he died. He instructed his wife to go to the bank and withdraw enough money to fill two pillow cases. He then directed her to take the bags of money to the attic and leave them directly above his bed. His plan: When he passed away, he would reach out and grab the bags on his way to heaven.

Several weeks after the funeral, the deceased lawyer’s wife, up in the attic cleaning, came upon the two forgotten pillow cases stuffed with cash.

“Oh, that darned old fool,” she exclaimed. “I knew he should have had me put the money in the basement.”

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David Blaine Parody

Some language NSFW

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A quick game of golf... with a wise old man

A young man who was also an avid golfer found himself with a few hours to spare one afternoon. He figured if he hurried and played very fast, he could get in nine holes before he had to head home. Just as he was about to tee off an old gentleman shuffled onto the tee and asked if he could accompany the young man as he was golfing alone. Not being able to say no, he allowed the old gent to join him.

To his surprise the old man played fairly quickly. He didn’t hit the ball far, but plodded along consistently and didn’t waste much time. Finally, they reached the 9th fairway and the young man found himself with a tough shot. There was a large pine tree right in front of his ball - and directly between his ball and the green.

After several minutes of debating how to hit the shot the old man finally said, “You know, when I was your age I’d hit the ball right over that tree.”

With that challenge placed before him, the youngster swung hard, hit the ball up, right smack into the top of the tree trunk and it thudded back on the ground not a foot from where it had originally lay.

The old man offered one more comment, “Of course, when I was your age that pine tree was only three feet tall.”

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Captivity

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Brave mouse

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Life and death.. and life again.... of ice cream

Cool time-lapse photography of ice cream.

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New blood alcohol record of .69

From The Smoking Gun

Meet Willard Ashley III. Just when we thought Cloyd Dull's blood alcohol record was safe, the 32-year-old Indiana man blew an amazing .69 Saturday, according to this LaPorte County Sheriff's report. Ashley, pictured at right following a prior arrest, was taken to a nearby hospital and will be charged with public intoxication upon his release. In Indiana, a blood alcohol measurement of .08 is considered legally intoxicated.

From a name used by a Bits & Pieces commenter on this post

Serial mouse?

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Boeing 737 Tips Over Utility Truck

Panic gripped on lookers and passengers at the Lusaka International airport when a South African airways passenger plane hit a stationary truck upon arrival from Johannesburg. According to an eye witness, the plane was about to park at the apron before passengers could disembark when its left wing hit the stationary utility truck which tipped over as a result. No casualties were recorded. This incident is captured in this video at the 1 min mark.

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Some useful condescending phrases...

 1. Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.
2. The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist.
3. I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce.
4. Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental.
5. I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don't care.
6. I like you. You remind me of when I was young and stupid.
7. What am I? Flypaper for freaks!?
8. I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant.
9. I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.
10. I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.
11. It's a thankless job, but I've got a lot of Karma to burn off.
12. Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial.
13. No, my powers can only be used for good.
14. How about never? Is never good for you?
15. I'm really easy to get along with once you people learn to worship me.
16. You sound reasonable...Time to up my medication.
17. I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter.
18. I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message...
19. I don't work here. I'm a consultant.
20. Who me? I just wander from room to room.
21. My toys! My toys! I can't do this job without my toys!
22. It might look like I'm doing nothing, but at the cellular level I'm really quite busy.
23. At least I have a positive attitude about my destructive habits.
24. You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.
25. I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
26. Someday, we'll look back on this, laugh nervously and change the subject.

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Snowbuns

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Turtletown

Things are pretty slow in Turtletown.

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Million Mouse Invasion

“.. a single pair of mice can produce a few thousand mice in just a few months.”

(I think I posted this a loooong time ago….. and here it is again.)

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Marty Feldman

More googleyeyes

Sometimes contextual ads don't quite work

Wanna buy a cancerous lump?

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Taking your dog with you

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Snake In The Box

No, it’s not a new fast food joint…. it’s what an electrical worker in Oklahoma found when making some electrical repairs recently. 

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This baby must have a load in his diaper....

This is not a joke. That poor child is gonna be tormented in life for sure with the vile name his mama and papa gave him: "Dacia Tonasket and Brian Dick of Spokane announce the birth of their son, Charley Willard Horse Dick." It was an actual announcement published in the Spokesman Review, see proof here. Here is the newspaper ad:

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A cat eating a deadly black scorpion

 Deadly black scorpion fights for its life, tries to sting and evade an attacking cat. Cat cuts off scorpion's tail which contains the venom.

Did the cat know to do thids instinctively?  OPr is that taill just not that tasty?

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Hooked on you

I’m thinking this guy might have trouble boarding an airplane these days.

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Crazy biker

I would never, ever, never. ever, never do this.  The video would be much, much shorter if I tried it.

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Two cars in one...

Two front halves of car are combined to construct this funny car. With steering wheel and engine on each side its movement is very funny.  Extreme form of four wheel steering car.

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Somebody has to be in charge....

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Office supplies

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Delete key

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"Did you say something, Ethel?"

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Men with crabs

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The deity of your choice

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Streeeetch

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Keep a close watch on your valuables

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Two-year-old virtually unharmed after sticking screwdriver in eye

A Farmington family enjoyed a particularly merry Christmas this year, with their 2-year-old daughter home and relatively unharmed less than a week after she stabbed herself in the eye with a screwdriver.

Teagan Gislason returned home on Christmas Eve after nearly a week at Mayo Clinic in Rochester. Her father, Neil Gislason, said that she hurt herself near the end of a church service at St. Paul's Lutheran in Cannon Falls.

He was with his three daughters at the church when Teagan, who he said was feeling restless, wandered into a room where children have adult supervision during the church service. The girl found a screwdriver, he said, and another adult saw it sticking out of her left eye.

An x-ray showed the screwdriver penetrated her eye socket, five centimeters into her brain. Doctors took four hours to remove it.

A week later, Teagan is home with her family. Her vision appears to be fine, and her only mark is a scar on her eyelid.

"She's our Christmas miracle," said Katie Gislason, Teagan's mother.

With news video.

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Can you name this song?

Hint:  It’s being sung backwards until the middle of the video.

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Can a cow drink its own milk?

Now you know.

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Kills you slowly, twice as fast

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All life is sacred....

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Safe driver

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It was the day after Christmas....

It was the day after Christmas at a church in San Francisco.  The pastor of the church was looking over the cradle when he noticed that the baby Jesus was missing from among the figures of the nativity set.
Immediately he turned and went outside and saw a little boy with a red wagon, and in the wagon was the figure of the little infant, Jesus.
So he walked up to the boy and said, "Well, where did you get Him, my fine friend?"
The little boy replied, "I got him from the church."
"And why did you take him?"
The boy said, "Well, about a week before Christmas I prayed to the little Lord Jesus and I told him if he would bring me a red wagon for Christmas I would give him a ride around the block in it."

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Wisdom of age

A guy is 75 years old and loves to fish and play golf.
He was sitting in his boat the other day when he heard a voice say, "Pick me up."
He looked around and couldn't see any one. He thought he was dreaming when he heard the voice say again, "Pick me up." He looked in the water and there, floating on the top, was a frog.
The man said, "Are you talking to me?"  
The frog said, "Yes, I'm talking to you. Pick me up.
Then, kiss me and I'll turn into the most beautiful woman you have ever seen.
I'll make sure that all your friends are envious and jealous because I will be your bride!"
The man looked at the frog for a short time, reached over, picked it up carefully, and placed it in his front breast pocket.

Then the frog said, "What, are you nuts? Didn't you hear what I said?
I said kiss me and I will be your beautiful bride."  
He opened his pocket, looked at the frog and said,

"Nah, at my age I'd rather have a talking frog."

Thanks Gene

Forest friends

Swinging deer

A deer gets caught in a swing set.

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Rocky is stoned

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Alien vs Predator

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Important mountain lion encounter information

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Rockin' Rhino

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Video of plane making an emergency water landing...

Click picture to see video

… or not.

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How Long Before Your Favorite TV Shows Go Dark?

[UPDATED 12/20/07] There seems to be little doubt that the writers' strike will result in a shorter TV season, but just how short are we talking? Well, as you might've guessed, it varies from show to show. Those programs that are either highly efficient (Friday Night Lights) or have entered the season with a backlog of episodes (Men in Trees, Law & Order: SVU) will be in originals well into the new year. But series with tighter production schedules (i.e., nearly every half-hour comedy) will go dark almost immediately. Of course, figuring out how many episodes remain in your favorite shows' arsenals requires a lot of numbers crunching — and as I've come to learn, the only thing you Ausholes despise more than a Wednesday without AA is mathematics. With that in mind, I pulled together this incredibly handy (and 85 percent complete) cheat sheet. Keep in mind: The information below is subject to change, particularly if both sides get back to the bargaining table and resolve this frakkin' thing! (For ongoing WGA strike coverage, read TVGuide.com's Strike Watch blog.)

• 30 Rock: Ten episodes will be produced. Nine episodes have aired, so there is one left.


• Aliens in America: Seventeen episodes will be produced. Ten episodes have aired, so there are seven left.


• Back to You: Nine episodes will be produced. Seven episodes have aired, so there are two left.


• The Big Bang Theory: Eight episodes were produced. Eight episodes have aired, so there are zero left.


• Bionic Woman: Eight episodes will be produced. Eight episodes have aired, so there is zero left.


• Bones: Twelve episodes will be produced. Nine episodes have aired, so there are three left.


• Boston Legal: Fourteen episodes will be produced. Ten episodes have aired, so there are four left.


• Brothers & Sisters: Twelve episodes will be produced. Nine episodes have aired, so there are three left.


• Carpoolers: Thirteen episodes will be produced. Six episodes have aired, so there are seven left.Cavemen: Thirteen episodes will be produced. Six episodes have aired, so there are seven left.


• Chuck: Thirteen episodes will be produced. Eleven episodes have aired, so there are two left.


• Criminal Minds: Roughly twelve episodes will be produced. Eleven episodes have aired, so there is roughly one left.


• CSI: Eleven episodes will be produced. Ten episodes have aired, so there is one left.


• CSI: NY: Fourteen episodes will be produced. Eleven episodes have aired, so there are three left.


• Desperate Housewives: Ten episodes will be produced. Nine episodes have aired, so there is one left


• Dirty Sexy Money: Thirteen episodes will be produced. Ten episodes have aired, so there are three left.


• ER: Thirteen episodes will be produced. Nine episodes have aired, so there are four left.


• Friday Night Lights: Fifteen episodes will be produced. Nine episodes have aired, so there are six left.


• Gossip Girl: Thirteen episodes will be produced. Eleven episodes have aired, so there are two left.


• Greek: Eight new episodes will be produced. None have aired yet, so there are eight left.


• Grey's Anatomy: Eleven episodes will be produced. Ten episodes have aired, so there is one left.


• Heroes: Eleven episodes will be produced. Eleven episodes have aired, so there is zero left.


• House: Twelve episodes will be produced. Nine episodes have aired, so there are three left.


• How I Met Your Mother: Eleven episodes will be produced. Eleven episodes have aired, so there are zero left.


• Jericho: Seven episodes will be produced. None have aired yet, so there are seven episodes left.


• Las Vegas: Nineteen episodes will be produced. Eleven have aired, so there are eight left.


• Law & Order: SVU: Fourteen episodes will be produced. Ten episodes have aired, so there are four left.


• Life is Wild: Twelve episodes will be produced. Nine episodes have aired, so there are three left.


• Lost: Eight episodes will be produced. None have aired yet, so there are eight episodes left.


• Medium: Nine episodes will be produced. None have aired yet, so there are nine episodes left.


• Men in Trees: Nineteen episodes will be produced. Eight episodes have aired, so there are 11 left.


• My Name is Earl: Thirteen episodes will be produced (that includes two one-hour eps, which count double). Twelve episodes have aired, so there is one left.


• The New Adventures of Old Christine: Eight episodes have been produced. No episodes have aired, so there are eight left.


• Numbers: Twelve episodes will be produced. Ten have aired, so there is two left.


• The Office: Twelve half-hour episodes will be produced. Twelve half-hour episodes have aired, so there are zero half-hour episodes left.


• One Tree Hill: Twelve episodes will be produced. None have aired yet, so there are twelve episodes left.


• Prison Break: Thirteen episodes will be produced. Eight episodes have aired, so there are five left. (On hiatus 'til Jan. 14)


• Private Practice: Nine episodes will be produced. Nine episodes have aired, so there are zero left.


• Pushing Daisies: Nine episodes will be produced. Nine episodes have aired, so there are zero left.


• Reaper: Twelve episodes will be produced. Ten episodes have aired, so there are two left.


• Samantha Who?: Twelve episodes will be produced. Nine episodes have aired, so there are three left.


• Scrubs: Eleven episodes will be produced. Six episodes have aired, so there are five left.


• Shark: Twelve episodes will be produced. Eleven episodes have aired, so there is one left.


• The Shield: All 13 season-seven episodes will be completed. None have aired (the final season gets underway in '08), so there are 13 left


• Smallville: Fifteen episodes will be produced. Nine episodes have aired, so there are six left.


• Supernatural: Ten to 12 episodes will be produced. Seven episodes have aired, so there are two to four left.


• Ugly Betty: Thirteen episodes will be produced. Ten episodes have aired, so there are three left.


• Without a Trace: Twelve episodes will be produced. Ten episodes have aired, so there are two left.

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Uno master

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The awful truth

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Beauty

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0 to lazy in 3.5 seconds

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Car crashes into ABC7 Chicago studio

LIVE during the 10 pm newscast on Sunday night.

Here’s the tape:

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A late Christmas wish

Dear Santa - Bring Daddy Home  (This one brought tears to my eyes.)

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Fart Football

An old married couple no sooner hit the pillows when the old man passes gas and says, 'Seven points.'

His wife rolls over and says, 'What in the world was that?' The old man replied, 'It's fart football.' 

A few minutes later his wife lets one go and says 'Touchdown, tie score.'

After about five minutes the old man lets another one go and says,  'Aha. I'm ahead 14 to 7.'

Not to be outdone the wife rips out another one and says, 'Touchdown, tie score again.'

Five seconds go by and she lets out a little squeaker and says, 'Field goal, I lead 17 to 14.'

Now the pressure is on the old man. He refuses to get beaten by a woman, so he strains real hard. since defeat is totally unacceptable, he gives it everything he's got, and accidentally shits in the bed.

The wife says, 'What the hell was that?"

The old man says, 'Half time, switch sides."

15 Minutes... Or It's Free - Sloppy Seconds

Never let the future mother-in-law create the wedding invitations...

Thanks Joe P

Proper perspective and priorities

A philosophy professor stood before his class and had some items in front of him. When the class began, wordlessly he picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with rocks, about 2"in diameter. He then asked the students if the jar was full? They agreed that it was.

So the professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar. He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles, of course, rolled into the open areas between the rocks. He then asked the students again if the jar was full. They agreed it was.

The professor picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else. He then asked once more if the jar was full. The students responded with an unanimous - yes.

The professor then produced two cans of beer from under the table and proceeded to pour their entire contents into the jar - effectively filling the empty space between the sand. The students laughed.

"Now," said the professor, as the laughter subsided,"I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life. The rocks are the important things – your family, your partner, your health, your children -- things that if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full. The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, your house, your car. The sand is everything else. The small stuff."

"If you put the sand into the jar first," he continued "There is no room for the pebbles or the rocks."

"The same goes for your life. If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff, you will never have room for the things that are important to you. Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness. Play with your children. Take time to get medical checkups. Take your partner out dancing. There will always be time to go to work, clean the house, give a dinner party and fix the disposal. Take care of the rocks first --the things that really matter. Set your priorities. The rest is just sand."

One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the beer represented.

The professor smiled. "I'm glad you asked. It just goes to show you that no matter how full your life may seem, there's always room for a couple of beers."

Beer Tree: The Ultimate Christmas Project

1,050 beers later……

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Deck the Halls

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Misheard Christmas Carol Lyrics

Post deleted at the request of original author.

Merry Christmas

My most heartfelt wishes for a happy holiday for you and yours this Christmas season.  – Jonco

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What do you call a child that is afraid of Santa?   CLAUStraphopic

Fairytale of New York
 

Four Seniors were playing their weekly game of golf, and one  remarked  how nice it would be to wake up on Christmas morning, roll out of bed  and without an argument go directly to the golf course, meet his  buddies  and play a round. His buddies all chimed in and said, 'Let's do it! We'll make it a priority, figure out a way and meet here early  Christmas  morning.'
Months later, that special morning arrives, and there they are on the  golf course.
The first guy says, 'Boy this game cost me a fortune! I bought my wife such a diamond ring that she can't take her eyes off it.'
 Number 2 guy says, 'I spent a ton, too. My wife is at home planning the  cruise I gave her. She was up to her eyeballs in brochures.'
 Number 3 guy says 'Well my wife is at home admiring her new car,  reading  the manual.'
They all turned to the last guy in the group who is staring at them  like  they have lost their minds.
'I can't believe you all went to such  expense for this golf game. I slapped my wife on the butt and said,  'Well babe, Merry Christmas! It's a great morning for either sex or  golf. '
... and she said,  'Take your sweater.'

Thanks Gene

Letters from Bad Santa – NSFW

 

Mangesh Hattikudur, co-founder of mental_floss magazine (and blog), included this story in the mental_floss newsletter a couple of weeks ago. 

The Polar Express
I figured I’d share a little story that reminds me of why I love the holidays. Last year around this time, my 4-year old niece was going through chemo for leukemia. She was having a rough time. She’d lost her hair, and while she was all smiles, she was too weak and sick to go to school, and didn’t have much interaction with other kids. Plus, like other children in the same condition, she was asked not to travel. But here’s the sweet part: a group of retired pilots arranged this big Christmas party at a New York airport, where all these young kids with leukemia were invited and told that they were finally going to go on a trip. So the kids were giddy. They and their parents were all given tickets, and herded onto a plane. Then the shutters were closed and the aircraft just taxied around while the kids sang carols and drank punch. And when they finally pulled up to a different terminal, which was decorated in snowflakes and candy canes, and filled with Christmas trees, the kids were told they’d arrived at the North Pole. When the party was over, they hopped on another plane and traveled back to New York.

I saw my niece a week later and she couldn’t stop chattering about her trip to the Arctic. Seeing Mrs. Claus, shaking hands with elves, and armed with the evidence of having been on a real live moving plane, she knew she’d traveled to Santa’s abode. And I know it made her miserable year so much better. I love the idea that something so small- driving an aircraft from one side of a runway to the other, was dreamed up into something so much more magical. I’d love to thank those pilots for organizing such a wonderful event, and bringing so many smiles to so many sick kids. I guess it just renews my faith in people when I hear that men and women are spending their spare time dreaming up events like these, and I hope you’re witnessing similar acts of goodness in your part of the globe.
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You can read another account of a fantasy flight to the North Pole. And another. They do it in San Jose, California, also. And in Cleveland. The Navy is involved, too -see a video here. And here is a slideshow of images from one such flight.

A Different Christmas Poem

The embers glowed softly, and in their dim light,
I gazed round the room and I cherished the sight.
My wife was asleep, her head on my chest,
My daughter beside me, angelic in rest.

Outside the snow fell, a blanket of white,
Transforming the yard to a winter delight.
The sparkling lights in the tree I believe,
Completed the magic that was Christmas Eve.

My eyelids were heavy, my breathing was deep,
Secure and surrounded by love I would sleep.
In perfect contentment, or so it would seem,
So I slumbered, perhaps I started to dream.

The sound wasn't loud, and it wasn't too near,
But I opened my eyes when it tickled my ear.
Perhaps just a cough, I didn't quite know, Then the
sure sound of footsteps outside in the snow.

My soul gave a tremble, I struggled to hear,
And I crept to the door just to see who was near.
Standing out in the cold and the dark of the night,
A lone figure stood, his face weary and tight.

A soldier, I puzzled, some twenty years old,
Perhaps a Marine, huddled here in the cold.
Alone in the dark, he looked up and smiled,
Standing watch over me, and my wife and my child.

"What are you doing?" I asked without fear,
"Come in this moment, it's freezing out here!
Put down your pack, brush the snow from your sleeve,
You should be at home on a cold Christmas Eve!"

For barely a moment I saw his eyes shift,
Away from the cold and the snow blown in drifts..
To the window that danced with a warm fire's light
Then he sighed and he said "Its really all right,

I'm out here by choice. I'm here every night."
"It's my duty to stand at the front of the line,
That separates you from the darkest of times.
No one had to ask or beg or implore me,
I'm proud to stand here like my fathers before me.
My Gramps died at 'Pearl on a day in December,"
Then he sighed, "That's a Christmas 'Gram always remembers."

My dad stood his watch in the jungles of 'Nam',
And now it is my turn and so, here I am.
I've not seen my own son in more than a while,
But my wife sends me pictures, he's sure got her smile.

Then he bent and he carefully pulled from his bag,
The red, white, and blue... an American flag.
I can live through the cold and the being alone,
Away from my family, my house and my home.

I can stand at my post through the rain and the sleet,
I can sleep in a foxhole with little to e at.
I can carry the weight of killing another,
Or lay down my life with my sister and brother..

Who stand at the front against any and all,
To ensure for all time that this flag will not fall."
"So go back inside," he said, "harbor no fright,
Your family is waiting and I'll be all right."

"But isn't there something I can do, at the least,
"Give you money," I asked, "or prepare you a feast?
It seems all too little for all that you've done,
For being away from your wife and your son."

Then his eye welled a tear that held no regret,
"Just tell us you love us, and never forget.
To fight for our rights back at home while we're gone,
To stand your own watch, no matter how long.

For when we come home, either standing or dead,
To know you remember we fought and we bled.
Is payment enough, and with that we will trust,
That we mattered to you as you mattered to us."

Thanks Mary

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ENOUGH
 
Recently, I overheard a mother and daughter in their last moments together at the airport.   
They had announced the departure.Standing near the security gate, they hugged, and the mother
 said, "I love you , and I wish you  enough . "he daughter replied, "Mom, our life together 
has been more than enough.  Your love is all I ever needed.  I wish you enough, too, Mom ."
They kissed , and the daughter left.   The mother walked over to the window where I was seated.
Standing there, I could see she wanted and needed to cry.  I tried not to intrude on her 
privacy , but she welcomed me in by asking, "Did you ever say good-bye to someone knowing it 
would be forever?"
Yes, I have," I replied.   "Forgive me for asking,  but why is this a forever good-bye?"
"I am old , and she lives so far away.  I have challenges ahead , and the reality is - 
her next  trip back will be for my funeral," she said.
"When you were saying good-bye, I heard you say, 'I wish you enough . '   May I ask what 
that means?"
She began to smile.   "That's a wish that has been handed down from other generations. 
My parents used to say it to everyone ."  She paused a moment and looked up as if trying 
to remember it in detail, and she smiled even more.   "When we said, 'I wish you enough,'
 we were wanting the other person to have a life filled with just enough good things to 
sustain them ."   Then, turning toward me, she shared the following as if she were reciting 
it from memory.
I wish you enough sun to keep your attitude bright no matter how gray the day may appear.
I wish you enough rain to appreciate the sun even more.
I  wish you enough happiness to keep your spirit alive and everlasting.  
I wish you enough pain so that even the smallest of joys in life may appear bigger.
I wish you enough gain to satisfy your wanting.
I wish you enough loss to appreciate all that you possess.
I wish you enough hellos to get you through the final good-bye.
Then, she began to cry, and walked away.
They say, it takes a minute  to find a special person, an hour to appreciate them, a day 
to love them, but an entire life to forget them.
*   Only if you wish, send this to the people you will never forget, and remember to send 
it back  to the person who sent it to you.  If you don't send it to anyone, it may mean that
 you are in such a hurry that you have forgotten your friends.  
TAKE TIME TO LIVE.....
To all my friends and loved ones,
I WISH YOU  ENOUGH........   
Thanks Mickie
 
 
First Drafts from Santa
deer santa:
I wud like a kool toy space ranjur fer Xmas. Iv ben a gud boy all yeer
Yer Frend,
BiLLy
Dear Billy,
Nice spelling. You're on your way to a career in lawn care. How about I send you a frigging book 
so you can learn to read and write? I'm giving your older brother the space ranger. At least HE can spell!
Santa

 
Dear Santa,
I have been a good girl all year, and the only thing I ask for is peace and joy in the world for everybody!
Love,
Sarah
Dear Sarah,
Your parents smoked pot when they had you, didn't they?
Santa
 
 Dear Santa,
I don't know if you can do this, but for Christmas, I'd like for my mommy and daddy to get back together. 
Please see what you can do.
Love,
Teddy
Dear Teddy,
Look, your dad's banging the babysitter like a screen door in a hurricane. Do you think he's gonna give 
that up to come back to your frigid, fat mom, who rides his ass constantly? It's time to give up that dream. 
Let me get you some nice Legos instead. Maybe you can build yourself a family with those?
Santa

 
Dear Santa,
I want a new bike, a Playstation, a train, some G.I. Joes, a dog, a drum kit, a pony and a tuba.
Love,
Francis
Dear Francis,
Who names their kid "Francis" nowadays? I bet you're gay.
Santa

 
Dear Santa,
I left milk and cookies for you under the tree, and I left carrots for your reindeer outside the back door.
Love,
Susan
Dear Susan,
Milk gives me the shits and carrots make the deer fart in my face when riding in the sleigh. You want to 
do me a favor? Two words, Jim Beam.
Santa
 
Dear Santa,
What do you do the other 364 days of the year? Are you busy making toys?
Your friend,
Thomas
Dear Thomas,
All the toys are made by little kids like you in China. Every year I give them a slice of bread as a 
Christmas bonus. I have a condo in Vegas, where I spend most of my time making low-budget porno films. 
I unwind by drinking myself silly and squeezing the asses of cocktail waitresses while losing money at 
the craps table.
Santa
P.S.   Tell your mom she got the part.
"Long Dong" Claus

 
Dear Santa,
Do you see us when we're sleeping, do you really know when we're awake, like in the song?
Love,
Jessica
Dear Jessica,
Are you really that gullible? Good luck in whatever you do. I'm skipping your house.

Santa
I really really want a puppy this year. Please please please PLEASE PLEASE could I have one?
Timmy
Timmy,
That whiney begging shit may work with your folks, but that crap doesn't work with me. You're getting 
an ugly sweater again.
Santa

 
Dearest Santa,
We don't have a chimney in our house, how do you get into our home?
Love,
Marky 
Mark,
First, stop calling yourself "Marky", that's why you're getting your ass kicked at school. Second, 
you don't live in a house, you live in a low-rent, ghetto apartment complex. Third, I get inside your 
pad just like all the burglars do, through your bedroom window.
Sweet Dreams,
Santa
  
via
 
 
Christmas Trivia