Saturday, November 04, 2006
Just in case you were wondering…
Feces are fascinating. Flush down your initial grade-school scatological silliness and you'll discover a world of energy efficiency and unparalleled waste management. If machines, industries and nations ran as well as your stomach, intestines and colon, we could say goodbye to a lot of landfills.
The complex digestion process ensures that almost no useful energy goes unused. The average bowel movement is three parts water to one part solid matter. Bacteria make up 30 percent of the solid stuff. The same goes for indigestible foods like cellulose and extra fiber. The remaining 40 percent contains various inorganic wastes, fats and used-up body substances like red blood cells, which are released from the liver in an orange-brown compound called bilirubin.
Bilirubin mixes with another liver product, yellowish bile, to give poo its distinctive hue.
From Live Science
Posted 2:54 PM
The Stardust Hotel and Casino closed on November 1st. There’s a nice name dropping article about some celebs who visited the Stardust over the yeas… people like Elvis Presley, Frank Sinatra, Dean Martin, Sammy Davis Jr., and Robert De Niro. The Stardust opened in 1958 renting rooms at $6 a night.
I stayed there on one of my recent visits to Lost Wages. It will be missed.
Posted 2:49 PM
These are from a newspaper contest where entrants ages 4 to 15 were asked to imitate "Deep Thoughts by Jack
"I believe you should live each day as if it is your last, which is why I don't have any clean laundry because, come
on, who wants to wash clothes on the last day of their life?" --Age 15
"It sure would be nice if we got a day off for the president's birthday, like they do for the queen's. Of course, then we would have a lot of people voting for a candidate born on July 3 or December 26, just for the long weekends." -Age 8
"I bet living in a nudist colony takes all the fun out of Halloween." -Age 13
"For centuries, people thought the moon was made of green cheese. Then the astronauts found that the moon is really a big hard rock. That's what happens to cheese when you leave it out." -Age 6
"When I go to heaven, I want to see my grandpa again. But he better have lost the nose hair and the old-man smell."
"If we could just get everyone to close their eyes and visualize world peace for an hour, imagine how serene and quiet it would be until the looting started." -Age 15
Posted 2:33 PM
- Clean energy vehicle – Zero gas emissions
- Easy to use
- Zero degree turning radius
- Top speed 25 mph
- Operates on less than 10 cents a day
- Unlimited range with swap-able power modules
- Charging time is 3–4 hours
- Integrated LED lighting (Headlights, brakes and emergency lights
From the fine folks at T3motion
Posted 2:23 PM
Friday, November 03, 2006
Two cowboys are talking over a beer, discussing various sex positions. The first cowboy says his favorite position is the "rodeo".
The other cowboy asks what the position is, and how do you do it?
The first cowboy says, "You tell your wife to get on the bed on all fours and then do it doggy style.
Once things start to get under way and she's really enjoying it, lean forward and whisper in her ear: "Your sister likes this position too."
Then try to hang on for 8 seconds.
Posted 6:26 PM
A man and his wife are dining at a table in a plush restaurant, and the husband keeps staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sits alone at a nearby table.
The wife asks, "Do you know her?"
"Yes," sighs the husband, "She's my ex-girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking right after we split up seven years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober since."
"My God!" says the wife, "Who would think a person would go on celebrating that long?"
Posted 6:22 PM
New weapon in the battle of the bulge
Size really does count, just ask Australian underwear maker AussieBum which has just launched the "Wonderjock" for men who want to look bigger.
Since the launch seven days ago, AussieBum says it has sold 50,000 pairs of "Wonderjock," mostly on its Web site www.aussiebum.com and a handful of stores around the world.
"The design of the underwear, separates and lifts. The fabric cup protrudes everything out in front instead of down toward the ground," said "Wonderjock" designer Sean Ashby.
"There is no padding, rings or strings," said Ashby, a co-founder of the Internet-based AussieBum firm.
Posted 5:41 PM
There was a man who worked for the Post Office whose job it was to process all the mail that had illegible addresses.
One day, a letter came addressed in a shaky handwriting to God with no actual address.
He thought he should open it to see what it was about.
The letter read:
I am an 83 year old widow, living on a very small pension.
Yesterday someone stole my purse.
It had $100 in it, which was all the money I had until my next
Next Sunday is Christmas, and I had invited two of my friends over
for dinner. Without that money, I have nothing to buy food with.
I have no family to turn to, and you are my only hope.
Can you please help me?
The postal worker was touched. He showed the letter to all the other workers.
Each one dug into his or her wallet and came up with a few dollars.
By the time he made the rounds, he had collected $96, which they put into an envelope and sent to the woman.
The rest of the day, all the workers felt a warm glow thinking of Edna and the dinner she would be able to share with her friends.
Christmas came and went.
A few days later, another letter came from the same old lady to God.
All the workers gathered around while the letter was opened. It read:
How can I ever thank you enough for what you did for me?
Because of your gift of love, I was able to fix a glorious dinner
for my friends.
We had a very nice day and I told my friends of your wonderful
By the way, there was $4 missing.
I think it must have been those bastards at the Post Office."
Posted 5:33 PM
Test driving Dad's new Mustang
Posted 5:26 PM
As we grow up, we learn that even the one person that wasn't supposed to ever let you down probably will.
You will have your heart broken probably more than once and it's harder every time.
You'll break hearts too, so remember how it felt when yours was broken.
You'll fight with your best friend.
You'll blame a new love for things an old one did.
You'll cry because time is passing too fast, and you'll eventually lose so me one you love.
So take too many pictures, laugh too much, and love like you've never been hurt because every sixty seconds you spend upset is a minute of happiness you'll never get back.
Don't be afraid that your life will end, be afraid that it will never begin.
Thanks for the reminder Joe P
Posted 4:35 PM
The fine folks at HowStuffWorks took one apart and show us what they found.
When you turn the Etch-a-Sketch upside down and shake, it coats the inside face of the glass with an aluminum powder.
When you turn a knob, it moves its bar, and this moves the stylus. The stylus scratches off the aluminum dust coating the glass to create a line on the screen.
Read the whole article (with pictures)
Posted 5:46 AM
Thursday, November 02, 2006
A woman pregnant with triplets was walking down the street when a masked robber ran out of a bank and shot her three times in the stomach. Luckily the babies were OK. The surgeon decided to leave the bullets in because it was too risky to operate. She gave birth to two healthy daughters and a healthy son. All was fine for 16 years, and then one daughter walked into the room in tears.
"What's wrong?" asked the mother.
"I was taking a tinkle and this bullet came out," replied the daughter.
The mother told her it was okay and explained what happened 16 years ago.
About a week later the second daughter walked into the room in tears.
"Mom, I was taking a tinkle and this bullet came out."
Again the mother told her not to worry and explained what happened 16 years ago.
A week later her son walked into the room in tears. "It's okay" said the Mom, "I know what happened. You were taking a tinkle and a bullet came out."
"No," said the boy, "I was playing with myself and I shot the dog."
Thanks Gary J
Posted 6:14 PM
Wednesday, November 01, 2006
A man walks into a public men's room. His arms are held awkwardly out to his sides, forearms hanging limply, fingers spread apart. He approaches another man and asks, "Excuse me, but could you please unzip my fly?"
The second fellow is embarrassed, but feels sorry for the stranger, who appears to be crippled. He thinks how humiliating it must be to have to ask for help for something like this, so he complies, unzipping the first man's pants.
Next, the man asks him to hold his penis while he pees. The second guy is even more embarrassed, but does as he is asked.
Finally, the first guy finishes, and the second man starts to put his penis back in his pants.
"Oh, I can take care of that," the first man says, blowing on his fingers. "I think my nails are dry now."
Posted 3:25 PM
Posted 3:09 PM
Here are just a few quotes from this imbecile:]
- "My main objective is to be professional but to kill him."
- "I paid a worker at New York's zoo to re-open it just for me and Robin. When we got to the gorilla cage there was 1 big silverback gorilla there just bullying all the other gorillas. They were so powerful but their eyes were like an innocent infant. I offered the attendant $10,000 to open the cage and let smash that silverback's snotbox! He declined."
- "It's interesting that you put me in the league with those illustrious fighters [Muhammad Ali, Joe Louis, Jack Johnson], but I've proved since my career I've surpassed them as far my popularity. I'm the biggest fighter in the history of the sport. If you don't believe it, check the cash register."
- "If I take this camera and put it in your face for 20 years, I don't know what you might be. You might be a homosexual if I put that camera on you since you were 13 years old. I've been on that camera since I was 13 years old."
- "I'm on the Zoloft [an antidepressant] to keep from killing y'all."
- "I guess I'm gonna fade into Bolivian."
- "I can sell out Madison Square Garden masturbating."
- "There's no one perfect. We're always gonna do that. Jimmy Swaggart is lascivious, Mike Tyson is lascivious -- but we're not criminally, at least I'm not, criminally lascivious. You know what I mean. I may like to fornicate more than other people -- it's just who I am. I sacrifice so much of my life, can I at least get laid? I mean, I been robbed of my most of my money, can I at least get [oral sex] without the people wanting to harass me and wanting to throw me in jail?"
- [To a female reporter] "It's no doubt I am going to win this fight and I feel confident about winning this fight. I normally don't do interviews with women unless I fornicate with them. So you shouldn't talk anymore... Unless you want to, you know."
Posted 3:03 PM
Monkey Kissing Prank
Posted 2:52 PM
Skeeter the Narcoleptic Poodle
Skeeter is soooo cute.
Posted 2:51 PM
I couldn’t agree more with these…
- When you call a customer-service line, an automated voice often asks you to punch in your account information. So why does the live operator ask you for that information all over again?
- Why can't stores ever deliver an appliance or piece of furniture when they say they will? And why do I have to sit around all day waiting for them to show up?
- Why are public-address systems frequently inaudible? This isn't just a problem with antiquated speakers in subway stations. Brand-new sound systems in airports and other transportation hubs can also be impossible to hear.
- Why can't you buy a nonproprietary cellphone and use it with any carrier, the way you can do with a land line?
- How come banks immediately take money out of your account for debit- card transactions, but when it comes to depositing money it can take as long as five days for a check to clear and be posted to your account?
- Why do you have to pay for incoming and out- going minutes on cellphones? Essentially, a cellphone carrier is collecting twice for one call -- from the caller and from the person receiving the call. Shouldn't only outgoing calls cost money?
- Why do rental-car companies charge so much money to put gas in the tank, forcing travelers to drive around near airports looking for a normal gas station so they don't get gouged? Also, why is rental-car insurance so confusing? You already have insurance through your credit- card company or your own auto insurer, so why do they try to sell you double coverage?
- If companies are allowed to sell personal information about you to third-party marketers, even without your consent, why can't you just sell your own information directly to marketers?
- Why is mobile directory assistance so unreliable? It seems that when you call from your cellphone, they can never find the number you need.
- Why are items in hotel minibars so expensive? Do candy bars and bottles of water really have to cost $5? While we're at it, why do cheap and midprice hotels often provide wireless access free, while expensive hotels charge for it?
Posted 2:34 PM
January - Took new scarf back to store because it was too tight.
February - Fired from pharmacy job for failing to print labels ....Helllooo!!! .... bottles won't fit in typewriter!!!
March - Got really excited.....finished jigsaw puzzle in 6 months.....box said "2-4 years!"
April - Trapped on the Macy’s escalator for hours after the power went out!!
May - Tried to make Kool-Aid.....wrong instructions.....8 cups of water won't fit into those little packets!!!
June - Tried to go water skiing.....couldn't find a lake with a slope.
July -Lost breast stroke swimming competition ...... learned later, the other swimmers cheated, they used their arms!!!
August - Got locked out of my car in rain storm .....car swamped because soft-top was open.
September - The capital of California is "C".....isn't it???
October - Hate M&M's.....they are so hard to peel.
November - Baked turkey for 4 1/2 days.....instructions said 1 hour per pound and I weigh 108!!!
December - Couldn't call 911....."duh".....there's no "eleven" button on the stupid phone!!!
What a year!!
Thanks Gary J (who’s wife happens to be blonde)
Posted 2:20 PM
Tuesday, October 31, 2006
Old time horror theme stories at Horror Radio
Need a black cat? You can’t get one on Halloween
Hung like a horse costume More strange costumes
Top Adult Halloween Costumes (2006):
12. Woman of the Night
19. French Maid
Top Kids Halloween Costumes (2006):
6. Disney Princess
7. Power Ranger
14. SpongeBob SquarePants
17. Football player
20. Star Wars character
Miss Cellania has some good Halloween treats for you (Scroll down a little)
What you look like when you see a ghost
More ghost faces
Watch The Ghost Car movie
And finally, we bring this extravaganza to an end….
Posted 5:48 AM
One night, George W. Bush is tossing restlessly in his White House bed. He awakens to see George Washington standing by him. Bush asks him, "George, what's the best thing I can do to help the country?"
"Set an honest and honorable example, just as I did," Washington advises, and then fades away.
The next night, Bush is astir again, and sees the ghost of Thomas Jefferson moving through the darkened bedroom. Bush calls out, "Tom, please! What is the best thing I can do to help the country?"
"Respect the Constitution, as I did," Jefferson advises, and dims from sight.
The third night sleep is still not in the cards for Bush. He awakens to see the ghost of FDR hovering over his bed. Bush whispers, "Franklin, What is the best thing I can do to help the country?"
"Help the less fortunate, just as I did," FDR replies and fades into the mist.
Bush isn't sleeping well the fourth night when he sees another figure moving in the shadows. It is the ghost of Abraham Lincoln. Bush pleads, "Abe, what is the best thing I can do right now to help the country?"
Lincoln replies, "Go see a play."
Posted 5:42 AM
Posted 5:41 AM
Monday, October 30, 2006
Letterman's Important Message About February for George Bush
Take note Mr. President.
Posted 7:14 PM
A couple lived near the ocean and used to walk the beach a lot.
One summer they noticed a girl who was at the beach pretty much every day. She wasn't unusual, nor was the travel bag she carried, except for one thing; she would approach people who were sitting on the beach, glance around furtively, then speak to them.
Generally the people would respond negatively and she would wander off, but occasionally someone would nod and there would be a quick exchange of money and something she carried in her bag.
The couple assumed she was selling drugs, and debated calling the cops, but since they didn't know for sure they just continued to watch her.
After a couple of weeks the wife said, "Honey, have you ever noticed that she only goes up to people with boom boxes and other electronic devices?"
He hadn't and said so.
Then she said, "Tomorrow I want you to get a towel and our big radio and go lie out on the beach. Then we can find out what she's really doing."
Well, the plan went off without a hitch and the wife was almost hopping up and down with anticipation when she saw the girl talk to her husband and then leave.
The man walked up the beach and met his wife at the road.
"Well? Is she selling drugs?" she asked excitedly.
"No, she's not," he said, enjoying this probably more than he should have.
"Well? What is it, then? What does she do?" his wife fairly shrieked.
The man grinned and said, "She's a battery salesperson. "
"Batteries?" cried the wife.
"Yes," he replied.
"She sells C cells by the sea shore."
Posted 7:12 PM