Saturday, October 06, 2007
Stinky skunk stuck
Let’s see you say that three times fast. Hell, I can barely say it once slowly.
A skunk who got his head stuck in a salad dressing jar found a cautious savior in a Michigan police officer.
The skunk, head in jar, wandered into a police station parking lot and was spotted by Officer James Kellett. Kellett wanted to help, but was not interested in any resistance — spray or otherwise during the Thursday encounter. So he grabbed a pellet gun used in hunters' safety courses and shot at the jar from a safe distance.
The shots cracked and shattered the jar, leaving a glass collar around the skunk's neck. With its head free, the skunk ran off.
"I didn't want to use deadly force, and it is a residential area," said Kellett. "The way he was when he took off, he was able to eat, breathe and spray — and do anything else skunks like to do."
Friday, October 05, 2007
Thursday, October 04, 2007
What the fork?
This 35 foot tall fork is located in Springfield MO. The fork angles up towards a 3-story building inhabited by Noble & Associates, a Springfield ad agency. It’s said that the big fork once stood in front of a restaurant that failed on South Glenstone, in otherwise booming Springfield.
The brick and glass Noble & Associates building is the company's "Idea Center" -- Noble does a lot of work for the food service and retail industry, so the fork makes sense...
Location: Address: 2155 W Chesterfield Blvd, Springfield MO, [Show Map]
Sounds like a motorcycle trip to me……
Designated driver tip
Next time you are too drunk to drive:
Walk to the nearest pizza shop, place an order, and when they go to deliver it, catch a ride home.
Making small talk
A crusty old Sergeant Major found himself at a gala event, hosted by a local liberal arts college. There was no shortage of extremely young, idealistic ladies in attendance, one of whom approached the Sergeant Major for some conversation.
She said, "Excuse me, Sergeant Major, but you seem to be a very serious man. Is something bothering you?"
"Negative, ma'am," the Sergeant Major replied, "Just serious by nature."
The young lady looked at his awards, medals and decorations and said, "It looks like you've seen quite a lot of action."
The Sergeant Major's short reply was, "Yes, ma'am, a lot of action."
The young lady, tiring of trying to start up a conversation, said, "You know, you should just lighten up a little. Relax and enjoy yourself..."
The Sergeant Major just stared at her in his serious manner.
Finally, deciding to take a different tack, the young lady said, "You know, I hope you don't take this the wrong way, but when is the last time you had sex?"
The Sergeant Major looked at her and curtly replied, "1955, ma'am."
She gasped, "Well, there you are! You really need to chill out and quit taking everything so seriously! I mean, no sex since 1955! Isn't that a little extreme?"
The Sergeant Major, glancing at his watch, said in his matter-of-fact voice,"Do you think so? It's only 2130 now..."
Only in America...
Only in America ......do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.- Only in America .....do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a diet coke.
- Only in America ..do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.
- Only in America .....do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.
- Only in America .....do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight.
- Only in America ..do we use the word 'politics' to describe the process so well: 'Poli' in Latin meaning 'many' and 'tics' meaning 'bloodsucking creatures'.
- Only in America ..do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering.
Thanks Paul E
Wednesday, October 03, 2007
¿Se habla español?
As a Texan is walking through his field, he sees a man drinking water from a stock tank with one of his hands.
The Texan shouts," Hey don't drink that water, It has cow manure in it!!!
The Man shouts back "Soy mexicano, yo no entiendo inglés. Hábleme español.". (I'm Mexican, I don't speak English. speak Spanish to me)
The Texan shouts back, "Utilice ambas manos, usted conseguirá más para beber." (Use both hands, you'll get more to drink)
Tuesday, October 02, 2007
Adopted
At what age do you tell a highway it’s adopted?
I think around seven because that’s when they start wondering, Hey, I don’t look like the Kiwanis Club.
— Zach Galifanakis
NASCAR fans
I didn’t understand NASCAR until I met some NASCAR fans. You talk to a couple of NASCAR fans and you’ll see where a shiny car driving in a circle would fascinate them all day. I can make fun of NASCAR fans because if they chase me, I’ll just turn right.
— Alonzo Bodden
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