Saturday, May 12, 2007
What's in a name?
From Forbes.com:
What’s in a job title? That which we call a receptionist, by any other word would still greet visitors and answer phones. Right? So why have some companies started calling their receptionists Directors of First Impressions?
Companies may have money to hire these days, but raises are still hard to come by. To boost morale and retention rates, firms have relied instead on compensating employees with bigger job titles.
Here are a few from the article:
- Difference Maker – This is what the CEO of an employee relations firm calls himself.
- Director of Culture Activities – Southwest Airlines is known for its culture of fun. This person is responsible for making sure that culture is inculcated into new employees and that it resonates throughout the company.
- Director of First Impressions – This is a very politically correct name for a receptionist or call center operator. It's a title for the people who are the front lines dealing with customers and clients.
Note: I ran across something along this same line just yesterday…. and I thought it was kind of funny so I wrote it down. It referred to someone who preferred living in the country as a Rural Lifestylist. Didn’t they just use to be called country bumpkins?
Friday, May 11, 2007
Men and women....
I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ so much.
And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing.
I have never figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart.
One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed.
Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says “I don’t feel like it, I just want you to hold me.”
I said “WHAT????!!! What was that?!”
So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear…
“You’re just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man.”
She responded to my puzzled look by saying, ” Can’t you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?”
Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went home. The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits.
She couldn’t decide which one to take so I told her we’ll just buy them all.
She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said lets get a pair for each outfit.
We went onto the jewelry department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you…she was so excited.
She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck.
I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn’t even know how to play tennis.
I think I threw her for a loop when I said, “That’s fine, honey.”
She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement.
Smiling with excited anticipation she finally said, “I think this is all dear, let’s go to the cashier.”
I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, “No honey, I don’t feel like it.”
Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled “WHAT???!!!”
I then said, “Really honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You’re just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman.”
And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, “Why can’t you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?”
Apparently, I’m not having sex tonight either..................
Glad I'm not a Brewers fan
Join the list of Brewers fans who will pee their pants if and when the Brewers make the playoffs.
The ARE in first place by 7 games, but it’s still early.
Click here to see the website.
Don’t miss reading the “Methods” section.
Thursday, May 10, 2007
OK, Now I get it!
Not being a golfer, I never really understood the fascination with the game. This video simplifies it and puts it into perspective for me.
Actually I did play a round with some friend a couple years ago. I was using right-hand borrowed clubs (I’m left-handed) on a rainy day. I shot a 207. I got my money’s worth on that course. I traveled almost every inch of that property. I found more balls in the woods than I lost.
In whose judgement?
When an Arkansas moonshiner who had been convicted a number of times before was again brought into the court, the judge told him sternly: "Before passing sentence, I want to tell you that you and your sons have given this court more trouble than anyone else in the entire state of Arkansas. Have you anything to say?"
"Well, Judge," said the old fellow, "I just want to say that we haven't given you any more trouble than you've given us."
Kool-Aid pickles
A GALLON jar of pickles sits near the register at Lee’s Washerette and Food Market, a mustard-colored cinder-block bunker on the western fringe of this Mississippi Delta town (Greenville Miss.)
Those pickles were once mere dills. They were once green. Their exteriors remain pebbly, a reminder that long ago they began their lives on a farm, on the ground, as cucumbers.
But they now have an arresting color that combines green and garnet, and a bracing sour-sweet taste that they owe to a long marinade in cherry or tropical fruit or strawberry Kool-Aid.
Kool-Aid pickles violate tradition, maybe even propriety. Depending on your palate and perspective, they are either the worst thing to happen to pickles since plastic brining barrels or a brave new taste sensation to be celebrated.
The pickles have been spotted as far afield as Dallas and St. Louis, but their cult is thickest in the Delta region, among the black majority population. In the Delta, where they fetch between 50 cents and a dollar, Kool-Aid pickles have earned valued space next to such beloved snacks as pickled eggs and pigs’ feet at community fairs, convenience stores and filling stations. And as their appeal has widened, some people have seen a good business opportunity. Even the lawyers have gotten involved.
Greensburg Kansas Before and After pictures
From the Google Lat Long Blog:
Recently the town of Greensburg, Kansas was devastated by an F5 tornado and most of the town was destroyed. On May 7th one of our satellite providers, DigitalGlobe, jumped into action and gathered imagery of the region for search-and-rescue teams.
Click here to see these and more images larger. (Once you get to the next page be sure to click on the pics to enlarge.)
Thanks Paul E
Wednesday, May 09, 2007
Sobriety test
A man got pulled over by a cop because he was weaving in and out of the lanes.
The cop got out of his car and asked the driver to blow in a breath-analyzer tube to check his alcohol level.
"Oh, no," the driver said. "I can't do that. If I do that, I'll have an asthma attack and die."
"OK," said the officer, "let's go down to the station and you can pee in a cup to check your alcohol level."
"Oh, no, I can't do that. I'm a diabetic and if I pee my blood sugar level will go down so low that I might die."
"Fine then. Let's go to the station and take a blood test to check your alcohol level."
"Oh, no, I can't do that. I'm a hemophiliac and I'll never stop bleeding if you draw my blood.
"All right then, just step outside your car and walk this white line for me."
"Oh, no, I can't do that."
"Why not?"
"Because I'm drunk."
Flirting with the Queen...
…. Right after you’ve insulted her takes real gonads
When you've just made it sound like the Queen is more than 200 years old, there may be a few ways of recovering from the gaffe.
But turning to her and giving her a sly wink is probably not included in any book of royal etiquette.
That's what happened yesterday after George Bush mangled his greeting to the Queen on her state visit to the U.S.
Stumbling over his words, he came perilously close to suggesting that the monarch had toured the States in 1776.
And although the President's following wink was initially rewarded with a regal glare, the Queen did at least seem to see the funny side of the blunder.
After the blunder the President paused and turned to the Queen to acknowledge his gaffe, joking that she "gave me a look that only a mother could give a child."
Ripples of laughter echoed around those gathered at the event and the President laughed off the mistake and continued his speech.
Tuesday, May 08, 2007
The armpit
A large woman, wearing a sleeveless sun dress, walked into a bar in Dublin. She raised her right arm, revealing a huge, hairy armpit as she pointed to all the people sitting at the bar and asked, "What man here will buy a lady a drink?"
The bar went silent as the patrons tried to ignore her, but down at the end of the bar, an owl-eyed drunk slammed his hand down on the counter and bellowed -- "Give the ballerina a drink!"
The bartender poured the drink and the woman chugged it down. She turned to the patrons and again pointed around at all of them, revealing the same hairy armpit, and asked "What man here will buy a lady a drink?"
Once again, the same little drunk slapped his money down on the bar and said, "Give the ballerina another drink!"
The bartender approached the little drunk and said, "Tell me, Foy, it's your business if you want to buy the lady a drink, but why do you keep calling her a ballerina?"
The drunk replied, "Any woman who can lift her leg that high has got to be a ballerina!"
Money
It can buy you a House,
But not a Home.
It can buy you a Bed,
But not Sleep.
It can buy you a Clock,
But not Time.
It can buy you a Book,
But not Knowledge.
It can buy you a Position,
But not Respect.
It can buy you Medicine,
But not Health.
It can buy you Blood,
But not Life.
It can buy you Sex,
But not Love.
So you see, money isn't everything. The best things in life can't be bought, and often we destroy ourselves trying!
I tell you all this because I am your Friend, and as your Friend I want to take away your needless pain and suffering...
So send me all your money and I will suffer for you.
A truer Friend than me you will never find.
CASH ONLY, PLEASE
UFO?
From the Coast to Coast radio program website:
Last month (April 2007), my wife and I were on a walk when we noticed a very large, very strange "craft" in the sky. My wife took a picture with her cell phone camera (first photo below). A few days later a friend (and neighbor) lent me his camera and came with me to take photos of this "craft". We found it and took a number of very clear photos. Picture #4 is taken from right below this thing and I must give my friend credit as I was not brave enough to get close enough to take this picture myself!
The craft is almost completely silent and moves very smoothly. It usually moves slowly until it decides to take off. Then it moves VERY quickly and is out of sight in the blink of an eye. MORE THAN ANYTHING I simply want to understand what this is and why it is here?
We found your show with Google and I have listened for a few nights now. I have decided that if anyone can help me understand what this thing is, it is you and your audience. I must admit I am deeply unsettled by this thing. I have never seen anything like this in my life... Location: I would prefer not to say for now.
Vodka - Who knew?
Don't know if any of this is true or not, but worth reading! (I’ve added a few comments.)
1. To remove a bandage painlessly, saturate the bandage with vodka. The solvent dissolves adhesive.
2. To clean the caulking around bathtubs and showers, fill trigger-spray bottle with vodka, spray the caulking, let set five minutes and wash clean. The alcohol in the vodka kills mold and mildew. Would licking the mildewed caulking hurt me?
3. To clean your eyeglasses, simply wipe the lenses with a soft, clean cloth dampened with vodka. The alcohol in the vodka cleans the glass and kills germs.
4. Prolong the life of razors by filling a cup with vodka and letting your safety razor blade soak in the alcohol after shaving. The vodka disinfects the blade and prevents rusting.
5. Spray vodka on vomit stains, scrub with a brush, and then blot dry. Wonder where the vomit stain came from to begin with. My guess is the vodka’s already in the carpet.
6. Using a cotton ball, apply vodka to your face as an astringent to cleanse the skin and tighten pores. Don’t forget your tongue.
7. Add a jigger of vodka to a 12-ounce bottle of shampoo. The alcohol cleanses the scalp, removes toxins from hair, and stimulates the growth of healthy hair. Only her bartender knows for sure.
8. Fill a sixteen-ounce trigger-spray bottle and spray bees or wasps to kill them. What a way to go.
9. Pour one-half cup vodka and one-half cup water in a Ziploc freezer bag and freeze for a slushy, refresh- able ice pack for aches, pain or black eyes. Why not just drink a half cup of vodka and cut out the middle man.
10. Fill a clean, used mayonnaise jar with freshly packed lavender flowers, fill the jar with vodka, seal the lid tightly andset in the sun for three days. Strain liquid through a coffee filter, then apply the tincture to aches and pains. The pains you got from falling down the staird drunk.
11. To relieve a fever, use a washcloth to rub vodka on your chest and back as a liniment. When done, squeeze out the remainder in a glass. You know what to do with it then.
12. To cure foot odor, wash your feet with vodka. Even I won’t go there.
13 Vodka will disinfect and alleviate a jellyfish sting. So will pee, but I think I’d prefer vodka.
14. Pour vodka over an area affected with poison ivy to remove the urushiol oil from your skin. Gotta kill that itch somehow.
15. Swish a shot of vodka over an aching tooth Allow your gums to absorb some of the alcohol to numb the pain. Don’t forget to swallow.
And dumb old me- - - I've only been drinking the stuff.
Thanks Phyllis
Monday, May 07, 2007
Viva Las Vegas
There are more Catholic churches than casinos in Las Vegas.
Not surprisingly, some worshipers at Sunday services will give casino chips rather than cash when the basket is passed. Since they get chips from many different casinos, the churches have devised a method to collect the offerings.
The churches send all their collected chips to a nearby Benedictine monastery for sorting. Then the chips are taken to the casinos of origin and cashed in.
This is done by the chip monks.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)