Headed off to Bennett Springs State Park for some trout fishing, beer drinking, good eating, story telling, card playing, etc, etc, etc.
My friend Deadeye Don from last year’s trip.
I’ll resume posting Sunday night or Monday. Y’all be careful out there. — Jon
LITTLE ROCK, Ark. -- Ed "Cookie" Jarvis of Long Island, N.Y., clearly won the grilled cheese-eating championship at the Arkansas State Fair on Saturday, stuffing down 19 sandwiches in the 10-minute contest.
Patrick Philbin of Moonachie, N.J., came in second, scarfing down a sandwich-and-a-half less than champion Jarvis. But third place was too close to call. Two contestants consumed 10 grilled cheeses in the 10 minutes allowed, and the judges had to call for a one-minute runoff. With 11 1/2 sandwiches in his belly, Michael Finnell of Sherwood, Ark., was declared the third-place winner.
All six contestants finished without getting sick, said Michael Castellano of the International Federation of Competitive Eating.
As a small business owner I recently found out that I am party to a class action lawsuit against Visa and MasterCard. They were accused of somehow forcing merchants to accept debit signature cards. Visa and MasterCard were also accused of trying to monopolize the debit card business in the U.S..
Anyway, they settled the lawsuit, agreeing to pay $3.05 billion (YES – BILLION). This money would be distributed to merchants after attorney’s fees, expenses, etc.
Cool, I thought. “I'm in the money….”, I sang to myself. A share of $3.05 BILLION bucks! Life doesn’t get much better than this! It's like winning the Powerball Jackpot…. TWICE! Heck – ten times!
I received a six page document explaining the lawsuit and how to fill out the additional six page claim form. Of course I have to research my records for my credit card and debit card sales from October 25, 1992 through July 31, 2003, but hey, “I’m in the money…..”
Well, lo and behold……. the claim form has a section where it tells me approximately how much of that $3.05 BILLION I can expect to receive as my share of the settlement. Well, what to my surprise did appear in the little box on the form:
$1 – ONE FRIGGING DOLLAR! Maybe it was a mistake. Maybe it was supposed to say $1 Billion … or $1 Million… or even $1 Thousand…… or could it be just $1 Hundred? NO, it’s $1 (One Dollar).
I had to look at the first document where it says the settlement is $3.05 BILLION… then I read the fine print…… “after the attorney’s fees, expenses and costs of notice and administration…”. That explained a lot to me.
To see if they could piss me off any more, they sent me a return envelope with no stamp on it. So I have to decide… do I spend the time researching 11 years of sales and the time to fill out a six page claim form so I can get my just reward: $1… minus the 37 cent stamp to mail it… leaving me with a net of $0.63? I have some decisions to make.
I can now understand the following statement a little better:
99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
You've got to see this. It's incredible !!
Click this link. (Make sure your speakers are on.)
1st look and see the shark under the water. Keep your cursor out of the picture until you see the shark. Then move your mouse cursor in and out of the picture, but stand back, you might get wet (it's like it's 3D).
Thanks Joe P
Survival of slowest - Darwin's tortoise fit and well at 175
A GIANT Galapagos tortoise born when Queen Victoria was still a teenager is about to celebrate her 175th birthday under a cloud of genteel controversy over her bona fides.
Harriet, who was mistaken for a male for at least the first 124 years of her life, is thought by her Australian handlers to have been plucked from obscurity in 1835 by none other than Charles Darwin.
Owners assume their pet's brain works like their own. That's a big mistake.
When a dog misbehaves while it’s owner, Heather is away, is it angry?
Being angry at the human and behaving punitively—that's not a thought sequence even remotely possible, given a dog's brain. The likely scenario is that the dog is simply frightened." When Heather was home, she was there to explain and enforce the rules. With her gone, the dog literally didn't know how to behave. The dog should have been acclimated to a crate or room and confined more, not less, until she got used to her new independence.
Lots of dogs get nervous when they don't know what's expected of them, and when they get anxious, they can also grow restless. Blue (the dog) hadn't had to occupy time alone before. Dogs can get unnerved by this. They bark, chew, scratch, destroy. Getting yelled at and punished later doesn't help: The dog probably knows it's doing something wrong, but it has no idea what. Since there's nobody around to correct behaviors when the dog is alone, how could the dog know which behavior is the problem? Which action was wrong?
More on this interesting topic.
via Look at this
Here they are…. (but there are exceptions to them):
Here’s the list with lots of details.
via The Presurfer
Your call is important to us. Please hold, and an operator will be with you shortly. Your call will be answered in the order it was received.
Your call is important to us. No, really. Calls like yours keep us in business! Please hold, and an operator will be with you as soon as possible. Your call may be monitored for quality assurance.
Your call is important to us. I know what you're thinking—if my call is so important, why isn't anybody answering? I have no idea. My job is just to record these messages. But please be patient. Don't hang up.
Your call is important to us. It's especially important to me, an underemployed actor who records these messages. If you hang up, they might hire someone else to tell you how important your call is. I live in fear of being outsourced or replaced by a machine. So please hold for the next available operator.
Your call is—Stop! Don't hang up. Please. I'm telling you, hang up and you could get me fired. Don't force me back to doing telemarketing and phone sex.
via growabrain
Funny prank on doctor making medical video using corpse.
“Monkey parts and human parts are the same ....” View the video.
via Blogywood
I was sitting at the counter in a diner recently, next to a blonde who was engrossed in reading her newspaper.
I noticed one of the headlines that blared: "12 Brazilian Soldiers Killed."
I could see that she shook her head at the sad news...as she read the article.
Then, suddenly, she turned to me and asked, "How many is a Brazilian?"
Here are the Top 10:
1. Find an attractive prisoner of war, bring her home, shave her head, trim her nails, and give her new clothes. Then she's yours.
-- (Deuteronomy 21:11-13)2. Find a prostitute and marry her.
-- Hosea (Hosea 1:1-3)3. Find a man with seven daughters, and impress him by watering his flock.
-- Moses (Exodus 2:16-21)4. Purchase a piece of property, and get a woman as part of the deal.
-- Boaz (Ruth 4:5-10)5. Go to a party and hide. When the women come out to dance, grab one and carry her off to be your wife.
-- Benjaminites (Judges 21:19-25)6. Have God create a wife for you while you sleep. Note: this will cost you a rib.
-- Adam (Genesis 2:19-24)7. Agree to work seven years in exchange for a woman's hand in marriage. Get tricked into marrying the wrong woman. Then work another seven years for the woman you wanted to marry in the first place. That's right. Fourteen years of toil for a woman.
-- Jacob (Genesis 29:15-30)8. Cut off 200 foreskins off of your future father-in-law's enemies and get his daughter for a wife.
-- David (I Samuel 18:27)9. Even if no one is out there, just wander around a bit and you'll definitely find someone. (It's all relative of course.)
-- Cain (Genesis 4:16-17)10. Become the emperor of a huge nation and hold a beauty contest.
-- Xerxes or Ahasuerus (Esther 2:3-4)
via Cynical-C Blog
Follow the magic box. I made it through all the levels (but by guessing the last couple.)
Play.
via Look at this
(CNN) -- Two German students have created a device that will stop beer lovers having to get out of their seats for a refill.
The "smart" beer mat, created by Matthias Hahnen and Robert Doerr from Saarland University in Saarbruecken, southwest Germany, can sense when a glass is nearly empty, sending an alert to a central computer behind the bar so waiters know there are thirsty customers.
The students' supervising professor, Andreas Butz, told CNN the plastic beer mat had sensor chips, which measured the weight of the glass, embedded inside.
via growabrain
DEAR DIARY . DAY ONE
I am all packed and ready to get on the cruise ship. I've packed all my pretty dresses and make-up. I'm really excited
DEAR DIARY ... DAY TWO
We spent the entire day at sea. It was beautiful and we saw some whales and dolphins. What a wonderful vacation this has started to be. I met the Captain today and he seems like a very nice man.
DEAR DIARY ... DAY THREE
I spent some time in the pool today. I also did some shuffleboarding and hit some golf balls off the deck. The Captain invited me to join him at his table for dinner. I felt honored and we had a wonderful time. He is a very attractive and attentive gentleman.
DEAR DIARY ... DAY FOUR
Went to the ship's casino ... did OK ... won about $80. The Captain invited me to have dinner with him in his state room. We had a luxurious meal complete with caviar and champagne. He asked me to stay the night but I declined. I told him there was no way I could be unfaithful to my husband.
DEAR DIARY .... DAY FIVE
Went back to the pool today and got a little sunburned. I decided to go to the piano bar and spend the rest of the day inside. The Captain saw me and bought me a couple of drinks. He really is a charming gentleman He again asked me to visit him for the night and again I declined. He told me that if I didn't let him have his way with me he would sink the ship. I was appalled.
DEAR DIARY ... DAY SIX
I saved 1600 lives today.……….Twice.
Thanks Phyllis
There's an email going around (nobody knows for how long) that seems to make a dubious claim. But it appears to be true. I tried it and it worked. Does anyone know the scientific explanation of this phenomenon.
This is so funny that it will boggle your mind. And you will keep trying it at least 50 more times to see if you can outsmart your foot. But you can't!!!
- 1. While sitting at your desk, lift your right foot off the floor and make clockwise circles with it.
- 2. Now, while doing this, draw the number "6" in the air with your right hand. Your foot will change direction!!!
I told you so... And there is nothing you can do about it.
via The Presurfer
Size matters
There's a monster lurking around.
No, it isn't Godzilla. His name is Gibson.
When he stands on his hind legs, the 170-pound "Harlequin" Great Dane is more than 7 feet tall, and has a shoulder height of 42.6 inches (topping Harvey's old record of 41.5 inches). Thankfully for everyone, Gibson is just a big, friendly puppy dog.
Actually, he's the tallest dog in the world. Gibson holds several world records, including the world's tallest dog, tallest therapy dog and tallest Great Dane. And he's been turning quite a few heads outside of his native Grass Valley.
via The Presurfer
Ever house humped?