Saturday, July 14, 2007
Friday, July 13, 2007
Off on a weekend bike trip
We’re off to the Land Between the Lakes… the lakes being Kentucky Lake and Lake Barkley. The Kentucky Tennessee border runs through the Land Between the Lakes area. This should be a 600 mile trip or thereabouts from St. Louis (roundtrip) including some waypoints.
Heading out early Saturday and should return Sunday evening.
Then I’m off to Florida on Monday for a short visit with my aunt. I should return Wednesday evening.
Y’all be careful out there!
Flies need to eat too
As an example of advertisement gone wrong, the largest supermarket chain in Australia allowed this to be advertised in their instore bakery. If you look close enough, you will be able to spot the fly in the middle of the white ‘iced donut’ which went pass through the proof reader. No wonder it’s on special price!
Shuttle's Name Misspelled On NASA Launch Pad Sign
The first NASA sign at launch pad 39A encouraging the next launch of space shuttle Endeavour at Kennedy Space Center was misspelled and noticed by someone looking at the craft.
When the shuttle rolled out from the Vehicle Assembly Building Wednesday, a giant "Go Endeavour" sign was put on a fence in front of the craft.
However, one item was missing from the sign: the "u" in Endeavour.
What the hell is going on here?
A white guy is stealing chicken from some black guys?
He was taunting them with a bucket of chicken?
He got the last bucket at KFC?
Is it the Colonel reclaiming his ‘original recipe’?
Whatever it is, it it sure looks like an angry crowd around him.
Smart man
A businessman who needed millions of dollars to clinch an important deal went to church to pray for the money.
By chance he knelt next to a man who was praying for $100 to pay an urgent debt.
The businessman took out his wallet and pressed $100 into the other man's hand. Overjoyed, the man got up and left the church.
The businessman then closed his eyes and prayed, "And now, Lord, that I have your undivided attention...."
Blank Paper Utility v.0.9
Extend the life of your print cartridge -- print blank sheets!
BlankSheetofPaper.com is a free online utility to allow you to print a blank sheet of paper from your printer in case you need a clean white, blank sheet of paper to write on. No download required.
BlankSheetofPaper.com Does not require a download of any kind.
I tried it and it didn’t print a blank sheet from my printer. I guess I’ll have to wait for version 1.0… when they get all the bugs out.
Thursday, July 12, 2007
Boeing unveils new 787 Dreamliner
This weekend, Boeing unveiled its latest airplane, the 787 Dreamliner.
Boeing says the Dreamliner is a lighter more durable airplane that will allow passengers to sit comfortably on the runway for hours and hours.
Discouraged?
As I was driving home from work one day, I stopped to watch a local Little League baseball game that was being played in a park near my home.
As I sat down behind the bench on the first-base line, I asked one of the boys what the score was. "We're behind 14 to nothing," he answered with a smile.
"Really?" I said. "I have to say you don't look very discouraged."
"Discouraged?" the boy asked with a puzzled look on his face. "Why should we be discouraged ? We haven't been up to bat yet."
10 most unfortunately named people
From the 10 most unfortunately named people on the internets…
Here’s just one:
Ben Dova (not to be confused with the similarly named adult film star) is the stage name of Joseph Spah, a successful Vaudeville comedian. Check out Ben in action atop an NYC skyscraper in 1933 — no wires, nets or camera tricks. That’s entertainment!
Bargain
Wouldn’t that tag itch? Or, do you think she was planning on taking it back after the big night out?
1907 - One hundred years ago
The year is 1907. One hundred years ago. What a difference a century makes!
Here are some statistics for the Year 1907 :
- The average life expectancy was 47 years.
- Only 14 percent of the homes had a bathtub.
- Only 8 percent of the homes had a telephone.
- There were only 8,000 cars and only 144 miles of paved roads.
- The maximum speed limit in most cities was 10 mph.
- The tallest structure in the world was the Eiffel Tower!
- The average wage in 1907 was 22 cents per hour.
- The average worker made between $200 and $400 per year .
- A competent accountant could expect to earn $2000 per year, a dentist $2,500 per year, a veterinarian between $1,500 and $4,000 per year, and a mechanical engineer about $5,000 per year.
- More than 95 percent of all births took place at HOME .
- Ninety percent of all doctors had NO COLLEGE EDUCATION! Instead, they attended so-called medical schools, many of which were condemned in the press AND the government as 'substandard.'
- Sugar cost four cents a pound.
- Eggs were fourteen cents a dozen.
- Coffee was fifteen cents a pound.
- Most women only washed their hair once a month, and used Borax or egg yolks for shampoo.
- Canada passed a law that prohibited poor people from entering into their country for any reason.
- Five leading causes of death were:
1. Pneumonia and influenza
2. Tuberculosis
3. Diarrhea
4. Heart disease
5. Stroke - The American flag had 45 stars.
- The population of Las Vegas, Nevada, was only 30!!!!
- Crossword puzzles, canned beer, and ice tea hadn't been invented yet.
- There was no Mother's Day or Father's Day.
- Two out of every 10 adults couldn't read or write.
- Only 6 percent of all Americans had graduated from high school.
- Marijuana, heroin, and morphine were all available over the counter at the local corner drugstores. Back then pharmacists said, 'Heroin clears the complexion, gives buoyancy to the mind, regulates the stomach and bowels, and is, in fact, a perfect guardian of health.' ( Shocking? DUH! )
- Eighteen percent of households had at least one full-time servant or domestic help.
- There were about 230 reported murders in the ENTIRE ! U.S.A. !
- Now I present this list to you (received from someone else) without typing it myself, and give it to you and others all over the United States, Canada and the world in a matter of seconds!
Try to imagine what it may be like in another 100 years.
IT STAGGERS THE MIND, EH ?
Thanks Joe P
Wednesday, July 11, 2007
Tuesday, July 10, 2007
Well.....
As with many funerals, it was a cloudy, rainy day.
The deceased was a little old lady who had devoted her entire married life to fussing at her poor husband.
The deceased was a little old lady who had devoted her entire married life to fussing at her poor husband.
When the graveside service had no more than terminated, there was a tremendous burst of thunder accompanied by
a distant lightning bolt and more rumbling thunder.
a distant lightning bolt and more rumbling thunder.
The little old man looked at the pastor and calmly said, "Well, she's there."
(Note: Just for clarity, this joke has nothing to do with the funeral for my aunt last weekend.)
I don't want to be a honey bee
The honey bee has exploding testicles.
The reproductive cycle of bees is fascinating - and complex. But here’s the short story: a queen is selectively bred in a special "queen cell" in the hive and fed royal jelly by worker bees to induce her to become sexually mature.
A virgin queen that survives to adulthood without being killed by her rivals will take a mating flight with a dozen or so male drones (out of tens of thousands eligible bachelors in the colony). But don’t call these drones lucky because during mating, their genitals explode and snap off inside the queen!
Strange as it is, this actually makes evolutionary sense: the snapped-off penis acts as a genital plug to prevent other drones from fertilizing the queen. But tell that to the dead drone whose penis just exploded.
Other strange animal mating habits
Oregon man takes lawn chair up to 13000 feet, travels 193 miles
Gas station owner Kent Couch settled down in his lawn chair this weekend with some drinks and snacks - and a parachute.
Attached to the lawn chair were 105 balloons of various colors, each 4 feet around. Bundled together, the balloons reached three stories high.
Destination: Idaho.
Couch carried a Global Positioning System device, a two-way radio, a digital camcorder and a cell phone. He also had instruments to measure his altitude and speed, and about four plastic bags holding five gallons of water each to act as a ballast - he could turn a spigot, release water and rise.
Nearly nine hours later, Couch was short of Idaho. But he was 193 miles from home, in a farmer's field near Union, having crossed much of Oregon at 11,000 feet.
Couch, 47, is the latest American to emulate Larry Walters, who in 1982 rose three miles above Los Angeles in a lawn chair lifted by balloons. 
"When you're a little kid and you're holding a helium balloon, it has to cross your mind," he said. "When you're laying in the grass on a summer day, and you see the clouds, you wish you could jump on them. This is as close as you can come to jumping on them. It's just like that."
The cheapest days to buy certain items
Thanks to online coupons, price-comparison search engines and reward memberships, savvy shoppers can pay less than full price on any day that ends in "y." But depending on what you're planning to buy, some days of the week may yield better bargains than others.
Here are a couple of examples:
Airplane Tickets
When to Buy: Wednesday morning.
Why: "Most airfare sales are thrown out there on the weekend," says travel expert Peter Greenberg, a.k.a. The Travel Detective. Other airlines then jump into the game, discounting their own fares and prompting further changes by the first airline. The fares reach their lowest prices late Tuesday or early Wednesday.Gas
When to Buy: Thursday, before 10 a.m.
Why: The price of oil isn't the only factor influencing costs at your local pump. Consumer usage plays a role, too — and weekend demand is high, says Jason Toews, co-founder of GasBuddy.com, a price-monitoring site. Prices usually swing upward on Thursdays as travelers fuel up to head out the following day. By hitting the pump before 10 a.m. (when many station owners change their prices), you'll beat the rush and the price jump.
Men and women are not always speaking the same language....
1. THINGY (thing-ee)
...For the Female: Any part under a car hood.
...For the Male: The strap fastener on a woman's bra.
2. VULNERABLE (vul-NE-Ra-bel)
...For the Female: Fully opening up one's self emotionally to another.
...For the Male: Playing football without a cup.
3. COMMUNICATION (ko-myoo-in-Kay-shon)
...For the Female: The open sharing of thoughts and feelings with one's partner.
...For the Male: Leaving a note before taking off on a fishing trip with the boys.
4. COMMITMENT (ko-mit-ment)
...For the Female: A desire to get married and raise a family.
...For the Male: Trying not to hit on other women while out with this one.
5. ENTERTAINMENT (en-ter-tayn-ment)
...For the Female: A good movie, concert, play or book.
...For the Male: Anything that can be done while drinking beer.
6. FLATULENCE (flach-u-lens)
...For the Female: An Embarrassing byproduct of digestion.
...For the Male: A source of entertainment, self-expression, and male bonding.
7. MAKING LOVE (may-king luv)
...For the Female: The greatest expression of intimacy a couple can achieve.
...For the Male: Call it whatever you want just as long as we do it.
8. REMOTE CONTROL (RI-moht kon-trohl)
...For the Female: A device for changing from one TV channel to another.
...For the Male: A device for scanning through all 375 channels every 5 minutes.
Thanks Joe P
Computer stress relief
When you are stiff and sore from sitting at your computer for long periods, it's best if you vary your position and posture periodically. We know we shouldn't sit for too long without taking a break to stretch and move around, but we forget, and then pay for it at the end of the day. In order to prevent chronic back & neck pain, here is an excellent stretch that is suggested to relieve the stress.
Thanks Joe P
Celebrity phone pranks
Using recorded voices of famous people to carry on phone conversations. Funny stuff. Some might not be safe for work.
Richard Simmons calls a redneck
Mr. T calls a tow truck company
Arnold Schwarzenegger calls a drunk NSFW
Joe Pesci calls a black guy Definitely NSFW – Very, very bad language
More at Celebrity Pranks and Soundboard
Monday, July 09, 2007
Bar talk
A visiting conventioneer from Kentucky walked into a bar in Greenwich Village and sat next to a rather attractive woman.
"Hi," he said, "I'm new in town. Can I buy you a drink?"
"Get lost," she remarked, "I am a lesbian."
"Oh, really?" he asked, "How are things in Beiruit?"
A Rose is A Rose...
Two old duffers and their wives are visiting.
One old boy asks the other "What was the name of that boat you used to have?"
The octogenarian mulls it over, then responds: "What's the name of that flower, smells good, has pretty petals and thorns on the stems?"
"Rose."
"Yeah. Hey Rose, what's the name of that boat we used to have?"
Conversation before and after marriage
Before the marriage:
He: Yes. At last. It was so hard to wait.
She: Do you want me to leave?
He: NO! Don't even think about it.
She: Do you love me?
He: Of course!
She: Have you ever cheated on me?
He: NO! Why you even asking?
She: Will you kiss me?
He: Yes!
She: Will you hit me?
He: No way! I'm not such kind of person!
She: Can I trust you?
He: Yes.
Now for after the marriage conversation you can read it in reverse order.
Questions with no answers
- Why is it called a TV set when there's only one?
- If it's zero degrees outside today and it's supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be?
- Can a guy named Nick have a 'nick 'name?
- If a person owns a piece of land do they own it all the way down to the core of the earth?
- If an ambulance is on its way to save someone, and it runs someone over, does it stop to help them?
- Do vampires get AIDS?
- Why do people never say "it's only a game" when they're winning?
- If you accidentally ate your own tongue, what would it taste like?
- Are zebras black with white stripes, or white with black stripes?
- Why do most cars have speedometers that go up to at least 130 when you legally can't go that fast on any road?
- If Wile Coyote had enough money for all that Acme crap, why didn't he just buy dinner instead of chasing Road-Runner?
- How can you hear yourself think?
- If you had x-ray vision, but closed your eyes, could you still see?
- If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
- When cheese gets its picture taken, what does it say?
- Why isn’t the number 11 pronounced onety one?
- If it’s true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the others here for?
- If 4 out of 5 people suffer from diarrhea does that mean the fifth one enjoys it?
- If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?
- If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest drown too?
- If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?
- What's a question with no answer called?
- Why is a square meal served on round plates?
- Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up 10 times every hour?
- If mars had earthquakes would they be called marsquakes?
- Why is Charlie short for Charles if they are both the same number of letters?
- How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?
- Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks?
- If it's tourist season, why can't we shoot them?
- Can you cry under water?
- If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?
Think before you speak
WIFE: "What would you do if I die? Would you get married again?"
HUSBAND: "Definitely not!"
WIFE: "Why not - don't you like being married?"
HUSBAND: "Of course I do."
WIFE: "Then why wouldn't you remarry?"
HUSBAND: "Okay, I'd get married again."
WIFE: "You would? (with a hurtful look on her face).
HUSBAND: (makes audible groan).
WIFE: "Would you live in our house?"
HUSBAND: "Sure, it's a great house."
WIFE: "Would you sleep with her in our bed?"
HUSBAND: "Where else would we sleep?"
WIFE: "Would you let her drive my car?"
HUSBAND: "Probably, it is almost new."
WIFE: "Would you replace my pictures with hers?"
HUSBAND: "That would seem like the proper thing to do."
WIFE: "Would she use my golf clubs?"
HUSBAND: "No, she's left-handed."
WIFE: - - -silence - -
HUSBAND: "Shit."
I don't need no grammar checker
If every spell-check installer is spell checked by the previous spell checker, how was the first spell checker spell checked?
Sunday, July 08, 2007
You are a _______ who likes to__________
Be careful, though: the accompanying music is loud (yet catchy) and the words it conjures up are salacious (to say the least). Which is the only real way to play Mad Libs: as filthy as possible.
Here are my results (I only did it 3 times to get to this.)
What are you? (Click on the flashing words to select)
Migraine
A man goes to the doctor with a long history of migraine headaches. When the doctor gets his history and gives him an exam, he discovers that the man has tried practically every therapy known for his migraines and STILL no improvement.
"Listen," says the doctor, "I have migraines, too, and the advice I'm going to give you isn't really anything I learned in medical school. But, it is advice that I've gotten from my own experience. When I have a migraine, I go home, get in a nice hot bathtub, and soak for a while."
The doctor continued, "Then I have my wife sponge me off with the hottest water I can stand, especially around the forehead. This helps a little. Then I get out of the tub, take her into the bedroom, and even if my head is killing me, I force myself to have sex with her. Almost always, the headache is immediately gone. Now, give it a try, and come back and see me in five weeks."
Five weeks later, the patient returns with a big grin. "Doc! I took your advice and it works! It REALLY WORKS! I've had migraines for fifteen years and this is the FIRST time anyone has ever helped me!"
"Well," says the physician, "I'm glad I could help."
"By the way, Doc," the patient adds, "You have a really nice house."
If men ruled the world...
Cops would be broadcast live, and you could phone in advice to the pursuing Cops. Or to the crooks.
The only show opposite Monday Night Football would be Monday Night Football from a Different Camera Angle.
It would be perfectly legal to steal a sports car, as long as you returned it the following day with a full tank of gas.
Every man would get four real Get Out of Jail Free cards per year.
When a cop gave you a ticket, every smart-aleck answer you responded with would actually reduce your fine. As in:
Cop: "You know how fast you were going?"
You: "All I know is, I was spilling my beer all over the place."
Cop: "Nice one. That's $10 off."
People would never talk about how fresh they felt.
Daisy Duke shorts would never again go out of style.
Telephones would automatically cut off after 30 seconds of conversation.
At the end of the workday, a whistle would blow and you'd jump out your window and slide down the tail of a brontosaurus and right into your car like Fred Flintstone.
It'd be considered harmless fun to gather 30 friends, put on horned helmets, and go pillage a nearby town.
Lifeguards could remove citizens from beaches for violating the "public ugliness" ordinance.
Tanks would be far easier to rent.
Garbage would take itself out.
Instead of beer belly, you'd get "beer biceps."
Instead of an expensive engagement ring, you could present your wife-to-be with a giant foam hand that said, "You're #1!"
Valentine's Day would be moved to February 29th so it would only occur in leap years. (Wouldn't help -- you STILL wouldn't remember!)
mvm2.jpg
On Groundhog Day, if you saw your shadow, you'd get the day off. Mother's Day, too.
St. Patrick's Day, however, would remain exactly the same.
But it would be celebrated every month.
Any fake phone number a girl gave you would automatically forward your call to her real number.
Nodding and looking at your watch would be deemed an acceptable response To "I love you."
Hallmark would make "Sorry, what was your name again?" cards.
When your girlfriend really needed to talk to you during the game, she'd appear in a little box in the corner of the screen during a time-out.
Breaking up would be a lot easier. A smack to the backside and a "Nice hustle, you'll get 'em next time" would pretty much do it.
Birth control would come in ale or lager.
Each year, your raise would be pegged to the fortunes of the NFL Team of your choice.
The funniest guy in the office would get to be CEO.
Residents of Oregon town say shape of traffic posts is offensive
KEIZER, Ore. - The City of Keizer is taking heat for installing a group of cement posts designed to protect pedestrians from cars, but which some say is a phallic symbol.
A total of 52 of the posts were installed at a busy intersection in Keizer and they are getting a lot of second glances.
A number of residents have complained to the city that the posts resemble male genitalia.
"I can't disagree with that," said City Manager Chris Eppley. "They certainly did not turn out the way we anticipated."
According to Eppley, the posts were ordered from a catalog and looked much different on paper.
"They're a standard style," Eppley said. "I think in the right context they look fine. They just happened not to (look fine) here."
The city is looking into retrofitting the posts with metal collars and chains that run between them, which they hope will change the look. If not, they said the posts will have to go.
"If that fix doesn't work and I still think they look inappropriate, we'll have wasted $20,000 and we'll have to do something different," Eppley said.
Of course, the city could always keep them up and use them for sex education, at least according to one woman we spoke to. "My son said he wanted to hang a sign on it that says 'always use protection,'" she said.
Woman arrested for not watering her lawn
July 6, 2007…A widow and grandma spent the morning in jail, arrested for refusing to give a policeman her name when he tried writing her a ticket for failing to water her yard. The woman hasn't watered her lawn in more than a year, and the condition of her yard violates an Orem zoning ordinance.
Tonight, the woman says she is traumatized and shocked that she was hauled to jail, just because she says she can't afford to water her lawn.
Betty Perry says, "I never thought they would ever do anything like that to a person that is 70 years old. I've never bothered anybody, I've never hurt anybody."
She says the policeman who brought her home tonight was very courteous, even held open the door for her. But there were no gentlemen there when she was taken from her home this morning and booked into jail.
Landing with zero visibility
Scary landing of a Boeing 737 Airbus A320 at London Heathrow without visibility. You’ve got to have a lot of faith in your equipment.
What hobby suits you best?
From exploring the great outdoors, preparing exotic cuisine or persuing the hundreds of TV channels from your multi-media center, the options for leisure time in the modern world seem limitless. So, what's right for you? Take this CNN.com quiz and find out which hobbies best suit your personality.
According to this CNN.com Living quiz my hobby should be:
Travel: Getting there is half the fun and for you the other half of the fun means going even further once you're there. You're ready to travel anywhere at the drop of a hat: your passport is always up to date and you get diphtheria shots as your normal course of a doctor visit. All your clothing is made from thin, wickable, engineered fabric, so it travels light and layers well for any climate. You might like hobbies like travel blogging, backpacking across the globe.
Actualy, my original answers were a tie between two hobbies. The quiz made me go back a review my answers and change a couple. It wouldn’t tell me what else I tied with.
The New 100 Wonders of the World
Wereldwonderen is a Dutch site in the English language. Wereldwonderen means Wonders of the World. The original seven wonders were the Pyramids of Giza, the Hanging Gardens of Babylon, the Statue of Zeus at Olympia, the Temple of Artemis at Ephesus, the Mausoleum of Halicarnassus, the Colossus of Rhodes, and the Pharos of Alexandria.
Welcome to wereldwonderen.tv, on this website you will find the new 100 wonders of the world presented in a modern way. From video's till bookmarks in Google Earth and the Wikipedia. Below you will find the complet list of all wonders. Besides that you can navigate with the tabs on top to use the extra features like "my wonders". After registration you can use our checklist to keep track of places you visited.
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