The faxes

A professor of mathematics sent a fax to his wife. It read:

"Dear Wife: You must realize that you are 54 years old, and I have certain needs which you are no longer able to satisfy. I am otherwise happy with you as wife, and I sincerely hope you will not be hurt or offended to learn that by the time you receive this letter, I will be at the Grand Hotel with my 18-year-old teaching assistant. I'll be home before midnight.
-Your Husband"

When he arrived at the hotel, there was a faxed letter waiting for him that read as follows:

 "Dear Husband: You, too, are 54 years old, and by the time you receive this letter, I will be at the Breakwater Hotel with the 18- year-old pool boy. Being the brilliant mathematician that
you are, you can easily appreciate the fact that 18 goes into 54 a lot more times than 54 goes into 18. Don't wait up.
-Your Wife"

That should take care of that

W3 M3AN IT

Super squirrel

 

Duct tape toys

 
Carr roof

 
Gloves

    
Women’s use                                             Cap   

Wallet

Hammock                  

 
 Johnny B. Good

Court says penis is no stand up comedian

From UPI: 

High Court says no free speech for penis

LANSING, Mich., Jan. 13 (UPI) -- Michigan's Supreme Court Friday let stand the indecent exposure conviction of a man who used his penis as a character on his cable access TV show.

Viewer complaints led prosecutors to file the charge against Timothy Huffman for a 2000 show broadcast over a Grand Rapids, Mich., public access channel. During the show, Huffman used his penis as a stand-up comic.

He appealed his conviction to the state's highest court, claiming his right to free speech had been violated.

However, the Supreme Court issued a three-sentence ruling saying justices were "not persuaded that the questions presented should be reviewed by this court," the Detroit Free Press reported.

After Michigan's Court of Appeals earlier upheld the verdict, Kent County Assistant Prosecutor Tim McMorrow told the Free Press: "This is really not a First Amendment case. The First Amendment protects his right to an opinion, not the right to appear naked on TV."

Link

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Early version

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Alarm clock

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One of my favorite paintings

If I could afford it, it would hang in my living room.

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Who wants to play with my balls?

Error

Photo of cyclops cat spark skepticism and debate

 PORTLAND, Ore. - A photo of a one-eyed kitten named Cy drew more than a little skepticism when it turned up on various Web sites, but medical authorities have a name for the bizarre condition.

…. AP regional photo editor Tom Stathis said he took extensive steps to confirm the one-eyed cat was not a hoax. Stathis had Allen ship him the memory card that was in her camera. On the card were a number of pictures - including holiday snapshots, and four pictures of a one-eyed kitten. The kitten pictures showed the animal from different perspectives.

Fabricating those images in sequence and in the camera's original picture format, from the varying perspectives, would have been virtually impossible, Stathis said.

Meanwhile, Cy the one-eyed cat may be dead, but it has not left the building.

Allen said she's keeping the cat's corpse in her freezer for now, in case scientists would like it for research.

She said one thing's for certain: "I'm not going to put it on eBay."

Read the story.

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It's good to share

There's a lot of truth to this advice

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Going postal

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Boomer Babies - Food they (we) grew up with

Here are a few candies I remember:

                   
Candy buttons   Candy gold nuggets        Wax sodas          Teaberry gum

From Shakey’s Pizza Parlor to Burger Chef to Cho Cho ice cream bars to candy cigarettes to Bonomo’s Turkish Taffy to Banana Flips to bubblegum cigars to Lick’m Aid powders to watermelon slices to bit-o-honeys to Fizzies to Valomilk cups to the Mr. Softy ice cream truck…just to name a few.

Boomer babies food.

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Honda rolls out world's first motorcycle airbag

From Motor Mania…

Along with deadly features like satellite navigation, 80-watt per channel premium audio with six-element speaker system, a cold-weather comfort package which includes foot-warming system channelizing engine-heated air over the rider’s feet and is controlled by a fairing-mounted lever, the new Honda Gold Wing comes with first protection airbag system.
The safety airbag fixed between the handlebars will be able to absorb some of the forward thrust during an accident, but only when the driver is still on its seat after the crash, which I doubt will ever happen on that speed…better take a bicycle, if not tempted to roll your wrist full on these wings.
Don’t think twice while shelling out $22,800, it’s worth it.

Am I the only one that notices the kickstand down on this bike?

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Worlds best short quotes

From Career Lab:

 I've collected thousands of inspirational quotes. It seems that nearly everything that can be said, has been said, simply and eloquently, in a way that can seldom be improved. Winston Churchill wrote, "Broadly speaking, the short words are the best, and the old words best of all." So, I collected "The world's best quotes in one to ten words." These are the quotes.  

Click here to read interesting explanations and comments about the quotes.

 1.  Love. —The Prophets

 2.  Know thyself. —Socrates

 3.  Inches make champions. —Vince Lombardi

 4.  Nothing gold can stay. —Robert Frost

 5.  Work is love made visible. —Kahlil Gibran

 6.  No great thing is created suddenly. —Epictetus (A.D.200)

 7.  Well done is better than well said. —Benjamin Franklin

 8.  No wind favors he who has no destined port. —Montaigne

 9.  Sometimes even to live is an act of courage. —Seneca

10. Do first things first, and second things not at all.

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Boy, 11, OK after truck runs over his head

MICHIGAN CITY, Ind. - An 11-year-old boy had a lingering headache two days after a pickup truck ran over his head. "All I remember about it was that when the truck ran over my head, I could hear my bones crack," Cameron Schuette said Tuesday.

…."He didn't look too worse for wear," Shurley said. "He was just saying he had a headache."

After spotting blood running out of the boy's ear, Shurley drove him to the hospital. Cameron was then transferred to another hospital, where tests revealed he had a slight hairline skull fracture. He also had roadrash on his neck and face, a black eye and a laceration on his ear canal.

Read all about it.

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Redneck hot water heater

…and why do we call it a hot water heater? 

Isn’t it a cold water heater… or just a water heater? 

Why would you want to heat hot water anyway?

Physician uses Super Soaker 500 to clean out patient's ears

From the CMAJ (Canada’s leading medical journal)

A 45-year-old male complained of a profound reduction in his left ear acuity while staying at an island cottage in rural Ontario. His hearing loss was reducing his ability to hear his newborn son cry in the middle of the night, requiring his wife to carry out all late-night child care. As a result, correction of the problem was considered urgent…. An otoscope being available, examination of the external ears was conducted. The nature of his problem was revealed as bilaterally impacted cement-like ear cerumen.

Neither a formal ear syringe, nor a syringe of any kind was available on the island. The day was very hot, and no one was particularly in the mood to boat to Honey Harbour and then drive 45 minutes to Midland, just on account of ear wax. One of the owners of the property was consulted in his capacity as a professional engineer and the owner of a superbly stocked tool shed (rivalling a mid-sized Canadian Tire). He was not able to offer any substitute contraption of his own but suggested we approach his 4-year-old grandson to see if we could use his pressured water cannon.

 D.K. (a family and emergency physician) assessed the utility of the Super Soaker Max-D 5000. He was surprised to note that it was able to deliver a superbly pressured narrow stream of water equivalent to, or perhaps exceeding, the quality of that achieved with standard ear-syringing instruments. The owner of the Super Soaker Max-D 5000 was sought out; after hearing an explanation of its intended application, he granted permission for its use.

Verbal consent (covering risks and benefits) was obtained from the patient. He then changed into swimming shorts, located himself on an ideal location on the deck and held a Tupperware container (product number 1611-16) to the side of his neck, in lieu of a kidney basin. The Super Soaker Max-D 5000 was filled with body-temperature water and then mildly pressurized using the blue hand-pump. The trigger was depressed, releasing a gentle, narrow jet of water, which was then aimed along the posterior wall of the ear canal .  After approximately 15 seconds, the jet was aimed along the anterior wall. This cycle was repeated (with occasional repressurizing) until the Super Soaker was empty.

Midway through the second load's stream, wax particles began to run out of the ear. Just after starting the third load, a large plug of wax burst forth from the patient's ear. The 3 generations of family members present took turns admiring (or recoiling from) the specimen. The patient exclaimed in joy, "I can hear again!"

Read the whole story.

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This would be very convenient

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WOW.... Nice horsey

Look closely at the horse.  Find the hidden surprise.

Lot’s of cool illusions here.

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I know the Arch. I visited the Arch. The Arch is a friend of mine. Rainbow Bridge, you are no Gateway Arch.

This actually looks pretty cool.

Bridge Concept for New Science Center at Rio Nuevo
The conceptual plan for the University of Arizona Science Center envisions the new facility as a bridge over Interstate 10 and the Santa Cruz River connecting the east and west sides of the Rio Nuevo District. This design incorporates the same amount of square footage as originally proposed for the science center but spreads it out in a dramatic way along a graceful pedestrian bridge between the proposed Civic Plaza on the east side and the Cultural Plaza on the west side.

The University of Arizona Science Center is a dramatic new science-based destination and attraction which physically and conceptually links The University of Arizona and the Tucson community. The Bridge provides a two-way connection between science, technology, engineering, and math and the unique cultures, history, and arts of this community. The activities along the bridge will provide motivation for people to explore it from both east to west and west to east. It will provide a physical connection between the science-based activities on the east and the historical and cultural activities on the west.

Read more.

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Just wondering....

How much Healthy Choice ice cream can I eat before it's no longer a healthy choice?

Thanks Mickie

Book Report

Books: Titanic and My Life

Students were assigned to read 2 books, "Titanic" & "My Life" by Bill Clinton. One smart ass student turned in the following book report, with the proposition that they were nearly identical stories! His cool professor gave him an A+ for this report:

Book Report

Titanic: $29.99
Clinton: $29.99

Titanic: Over 3 hours to read
Clinton: Over 3 hours to read

Titanic: The story of Jack and Rose, their forbidden love, and
subsequent  catastrophe.

Clinton: The story of Bill and Monica, their forbidden love, and
subsequent  catastrophe.

Titanic: Jack is a starving artist.
Clinton: Bill is a bullshit artist.

Titanic: In one scene, Jack enjoys a good cigar.
Clinton: Ditto for Bill.

Titanic: During ordeal, Rose's dress gets ruined.
Clinton: Ditto for Monica.

Titanic: Jack teaches Rose to spit.
Clinton: Let's not go there.

Titanic: Rose gets to keep her jewelry.
Clinton: Monica's forced to return her gifts.

Titanic: Rose remembers Jack for the rest of her life.
Clinton: Clinton doesn't remember Jack.

Titanic: Rose goes down on a vessel full of seamen.
Clinton: Monica...ooh, let's not go there, either.

Titanic: Jack surrenders to an icy death.
Clinton: Bill goes home to Hilary...basically the same thing.

Thanks Phyllis

Still dead huh?

Let’s wait another week and see.

Thanks Danny Mac

Frog buddies

Don't drink and make signs either

Thanks Danny Mac

World's tallest building

In case you actually care, it’s the CN Tower in Toronto Canada.

Thanks Danny Mac

Surprise !