![BumNeedingBeer[1]](http://www.jonco48.com/blog/BumNeedingBeer[1].jpg)
Saturday, July 07, 2007
![Normal_colorquiz[1]](http://www.jonco48.com/blog/normal_colorquiz[1].jpg)
Friday, July 06, 2007
90 year old man and the umbrella
A 90-year old man said to his doctor, "I've never felt better. I have a 22-year old bride who is pregnant with my child. What do you think of that?"
The doctor replied, "I have an elderly friend who is a hunter and never misses a season. One day he was in a hurry and picked up his umbrella instead of his gun by mistake. When he got to the creek, he saw a beaver. He raised his umbrella and went "bang, bang, bang", and the beaver fell dead. What do you think of that?"
The 90-year old said, "I'd say somebody else shot the beaver."
The doctor said, "My point exactly."
Thanks Joe P
Thursday, July 05, 2007
That's All Right Mama
On July 5, 1954, Elvis Presley's first commercial recording session took place at Sun Records in Memphis, Tenn.
Elvis Presley performs in 1956. This photo was used for his first RCA Victor album cover.
The breakthrough recording is Arthur “Big Boy” Crudup’s That’s All Right. This song, backed with Blue Moon of Kentucky becomes the first of five singles Elvis will release on the Sun label.
"That's All Right (Mama)" is the name of the first single released by Elvis Presley. It was recorded in July 1954, and released on July 19, 1954.
"That's All Right (Mama)" was written and originally recorded by Arthur "Big Boy" Crudup in 1946. Elvis' version of the song, was combined with "Blue Moon of Kentucky" as the B-side. Its catalogue number was Sun 209. The label reads "That's All Right" (omitting (Mama) from the original title), and names the performers as Elvis Presley, Scotty & Bill. Arthur Crudup is also listed on this label, giving him credit for authorship.[1] It was recorded at Sun records in 1954 with Elvis Presley providing vocals and rhythm guitar, Scotty Moore on lead guitar, and Bill Black on upright "slapped" bass. It was produced by Sam Phillips in the style of a "live" recording (all parts perfomed at once and recorded on a single track). The recording contains no drums or additional instruments.
Upon finishing the recording session, according to Scotty Moore, Bill Black remarked, "Dam. Get that on the radio and they'll run us out of town."
When the song was initially played on the radio, many listeners called the station to request it again and again, and due to the amount of callers, the title was played all night.
Humor for lexophiles
- I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.
- Police were called to a day care where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.
- Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now.
- The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference.
- The butcher backed up into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work
- To write with a broken pencil is pointless.
- When fish are in schools they sometimes take debate.
- The short fortune teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.
- A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months.
- A thief fell and broke his leg in wet cement. He became a hardened criminal.
- Thieves who steal corn from a garden could be charged with stalking.
- We'll never run out of math teachers because they always multiply.
- When the smog lifts in
- The math professor went crazy with the blackboard. He did a number on it.
- The professor discovered that her theory of earthquakes was on shaky ground
- The dead batteries were given out free of charge.
- If you take a laptop computer for a run you could jog your memory.
- A dentist and a manicurist fought tooth and nail.
- A bicycle can't stand alone; it is two tired.
- A will is a dead giveaway.
- Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.
- A backward poet writes inverse.
- In a democracy it's your vote that counts; in feudalism, it's your Count that votes.
- A chicken crossing the road: poultry in motion.
- If you don't pay your exorcist you can get repossessed.
- With her marriage she got a new name and a dress.
- Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft and I'll show you A-flat miner.
- When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.
- The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine was fully recovered.
- A grenade fell onto a kitchen floor in Fran ce , resulted in Linoleum Blownapart.
- You are stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.
- Local Area Network in
- He broke into song because he couldn't find the key.
- A calendar's days are numbered.
- A lot of money is tainted: 'Taint yours, and 'taint mine.
- A boiled egg is hard to beat.
- He had a photographic memory which was never developed.
- A plateau is a high form of flattery.
- Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.
- When you've seen one shopping center you've seen a mall.
- If you jump off a
- When she saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought she'd dye.
- Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead the dough basis.
- Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.
- Acupuncture: a jab well done.
Thanks Brother Paul
Wednesday, July 04, 2007
Happy 4th of July
Obscure facts about the Declaration of Independence
Fireworks to Avoid
When shopping for fireworks, these are the ones you should avoid:
1. Golden Showers
2. Grampa's VC Flashback
3. No Fuse!
4. MTV's Jackass Starter Set
5. Run Kitty! (Banned In USA)
6. Charlton Heston's Peacekeeper
7. Florescent Bulb Blasters
8. Concentration Caps!
9. Spirit of Seventy Bics (Recording of Free Bird Included)
10. Devil's Eyewash
11. Simpering Widow
12. three Assorted Lifelong Learning Disorders
13. Ash Parade
14. Flying Digits
15. twenty-five Night Terrors
16. Flimsy Flamer (no longer endorsed by Michael Jeter)
17. Exhaust Pipe Lotus
18. Lucky Bastard
19. Stink Snakes
20. Mob Family Reunion
21. Dazzling Super Concussion Grenade
22. Dixie Lawn Cross
23. Yankee Doodle Debris
24. Billie Holiday's "Cigarette Oxygen Tent" (heroin not Included)
25. Don't Put This In Your Mouth - Wink Wink!
26. Blistering Flesh Flowers
27. Dante's Suppositories
28. two hundred Kosov-Oh's
29. Asthma Aggravators
30. Smoldering Monkey Fur
31. eleven Nicaraguan Ground Flowers
32. Forearm-egeddon!
33. Star Spangled Seizure
34. Mr. Toad's Meth House
35. Vehicular Flambé
36. Wac-O-rama
37. Slumlord Water Heater Fireball
38. God's Will
39. Senator Kerrey's Hut Burners
40. Flaming Cardboard From Heaven
41. Look, Ma! No Thumbs!
42. Magma Facial
43. Pothole Poppers
44. A Quite Suprising Number Of Flowers
45. Rain Of Frightened Birds
46. Baby Bottle Rockets
47. Tiannamen Squares
48. Tony Robbins' Empowering Inferno
49. Pepper Spray Spritzers
50. Downtown Oakland
51. Nuclear Winter Wonderland
52. Fun Fire Tire
53. Shrieking Hobo
54. Light Fuse - Get Away!
55. Mutually Assured Destruction (small and large)
56. Orange Safety Cone Road Volcano
57. fifteen Asphyxiators (banned in Florida)
58. Piccolo Pipe Bomb
59. Flagtastic Tee-Pee Torch
60. Wannabe Weekend Warrior
61. Junior Terrorist
62. sixty Eardrum Splitters
63. Standards Inspector's Holiday
64. seven hundred Gutter Busting Curb Cloggers
65. six Philadelphia Blunts
66. Urban Blight
67. Instant Burning Man Festival
68. Uncle Sam's Inflamed Rectum
69. two thousand Fizzlers
70. Surfacing Submarine Tragedy
71. Mustard Tears
72. Pissed-Off Neighbor
73. Magic Rotten Smell
74. Rug Burners
75. Shirtless Bystander Barrage
76. Intergalactic Race Riot
77. Ultimate Pyro Plum Thunder Hen Jamboree
78. Spy Plane Apology
79. Armand Assante's Inferno
80. White Trash Block Party
81. Bedridden All Summer Long
82. Capital Funishment
83. Stack-O-Old-Newspapers
84. Defective Stunt Squibs (banned in Hollywood)
85. Doggie Bladder Tester
86. Couch-On-Fire, Hidden Dragon
87. Thirty Knuckle Spreaders
88. The Oklahoma City
89. Musical Lawn Chairs
90. Spyro-Gyra-Technics
91. twenty Homeroom Raiders
92. Sweatshop Fiasco
93. Incontinent Panda Mystery Geyser
94. Strobing California Power Grid
95. Honest Abe Pagoda
96. Bacon Fat in a Coffee Can
97. Big Noisy Ninja
98. Super Color Magical Negro (lawsuit pending)
99. Apocalypse Now - Potato Salad Later
100. fifty Oily Rags
101. Garbage Man's Nightmare
Milk
“The price of milk has gone up. Some experts say it could hit $4 a gallon. That’s unbelievable. In fact, President Bush said today, ‘If the price of milk continues to rise we may have to invade Wisconsin.’
Hey. I would rather fight them in Milwaukee than fight them here. You know what I’m saying?”
Tuesday, July 03, 2007
Involuntary Muscular Contractions
A Professor was giving a lecture on "Involuntary Muscular Contractions" to his first year medical students. Realizing that this was not the most riveting subject, the Professor decided to lighten the mood slightly.
He pointed to a young woman in the front row and said, "Do you know what your ass hole is doing while you're having an orgasm?"
She replied, "He's probably golfing or fishing with his friends."
Baseball in heaven
Two 90 year old men, Moe and Joe, have been friends all of their lives. When it's clear that Joe is dying, Moe visits him every day. One day Moe says, "Joe, we both loved baseball all our lives, and we played Minor league ball together for so many years. Please do me one favor, When you get to Heaven, somehow you must let me know if there's baseball up there."
Joe looks up at Moe from his death bed," Moe, you've been my best friend for many years. If it's at all possible, I'll do this favor for you.
Shortly after that, Joe passes on.
At midnight a couple of nights later, Moe is awakened from a sound sleep by a blinding flash of white light and a voice calling out to him, " Moe--Moe."
"Who is it?, asks Moe sitting up suddenly. "Who is it?"
"Moe--it's me, Joe."
"You're not Joe. Joe just died."
"I'm telling you, it's me, Joe," insists the voice.
"Joe! Where are you?"
"In heaven", replies Joe. "I have some really good news and a little bad news."
"Tell me the good news first," says Moe.
"The good news," Joe says," is that there's baseball in heaven.
Better yet, all of our old buddies who died before us are here, too.
Better than that, we're all young again.
Better still, it's always spring time and it never rains or snows.
And best of all, we can play baseball all we want, and we never get tired."
"That's fantastic," says Moe. "It's beyond my wildest dreams!
So what could possibly be the bad news?"
You're pitching Tuesday !!!
Stupid Styles
I’m sorry, but I think this style of dress is stupid, ugly and shows no class at all. People who dress like this have no sense of fashion whatsoever. No one wants to see your underwear.
Pull your damn pants up!
Catching a deer with a bird
Some might find this squeamish. It’s a big bird…and he brings down that deer.
This hunter is able to catch and kill a deer using a bird which Im pretty sure is Ted Nugents idea of heaven. What is that a hawk?
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