Obscure facts about the Declaration of Independence
Fireworks to Avoid
When shopping for fireworks, these are the ones you should avoid:
1. Golden Showers
2. Grampa's VC Flashback
3. No Fuse!
4. MTV's Jackass Starter Set
5. Run Kitty! (Banned In USA)
6. Charlton Heston's Peacekeeper
7. Florescent Bulb Blasters
8. Concentration Caps!
9. Spirit of Seventy Bics (Recording of Free Bird Included)
10. Devil's Eyewash
11. Simpering Widow
12. three Assorted Lifelong Learning Disorders
13. Ash Parade
14. Flying Digits
15. twenty-five Night Terrors
16. Flimsy Flamer (no longer endorsed by Michael Jeter)
17. Exhaust Pipe Lotus
18. Lucky Bastard
19. Stink Snakes
20. Mob Family Reunion
21. Dazzling Super Concussion Grenade
22. Dixie Lawn Cross
23. Yankee Doodle Debris
24. Billie Holiday's "Cigarette Oxygen Tent" (heroin not Included)
25. Don't Put This In Your Mouth - Wink Wink!
26. Blistering Flesh Flowers
27. Dante's Suppositories
28. two hundred Kosov-Oh's
29. Asthma Aggravators
30. Smoldering Monkey Fur
31. eleven Nicaraguan Ground Flowers
32. Forearm-egeddon!
33. Star Spangled Seizure
34. Mr. Toad's Meth House
35. Vehicular Flambé
36. Wac-O-rama
37. Slumlord Water Heater Fireball
38. God's Will
39. Senator Kerrey's Hut Burners
40. Flaming Cardboard From Heaven
41. Look, Ma! No Thumbs!
42. Magma Facial
43. Pothole Poppers
44. A Quite Suprising Number Of Flowers
45. Rain Of Frightened Birds
46. Baby Bottle Rockets
47. Tiannamen Squares
48. Tony Robbins' Empowering Inferno
49. Pepper Spray Spritzers
50. Downtown Oakland
51. Nuclear Winter Wonderland
52. Fun Fire Tire
53. Shrieking Hobo
54. Light Fuse - Get Away!
55. Mutually Assured Destruction (small and large)
56. Orange Safety Cone Road Volcano
57. fifteen Asphyxiators (banned in Florida)
58. Piccolo Pipe Bomb
59. Flagtastic Tee-Pee Torch
60. Wannabe Weekend Warrior
61. Junior Terrorist
62. sixty Eardrum Splitters
63. Standards Inspector's Holiday
64. seven hundred Gutter Busting Curb Cloggers
65. six Philadelphia Blunts
66. Urban Blight
67. Instant Burning Man Festival
68. Uncle Sam's Inflamed Rectum
69. two thousand Fizzlers
70. Surfacing Submarine Tragedy
71. Mustard Tears
72. Pissed-Off Neighbor
73. Magic Rotten Smell
74. Rug Burners
75. Shirtless Bystander Barrage
76. Intergalactic Race Riot
77. Ultimate Pyro Plum Thunder Hen Jamboree
78. Spy Plane Apology
79. Armand Assante's Inferno
80. White Trash Block Party
81. Bedridden All Summer Long
82. Capital Funishment
83. Stack-O-Old-Newspapers
84. Defective Stunt Squibs (banned in Hollywood)
85. Doggie Bladder Tester
86. Couch-On-Fire, Hidden Dragon
87. Thirty Knuckle Spreaders
88. The Oklahoma City
89. Musical Lawn Chairs
90. Spyro-Gyra-Technics
91. twenty Homeroom Raiders
92. Sweatshop Fiasco
93. Incontinent Panda Mystery Geyser
94. Strobing California Power Grid
95. Honest Abe Pagoda
96. Bacon Fat in a Coffee Can
97. Big Noisy Ninja
98. Super Color Magical Negro (lawsuit pending)
99. Apocalypse Now - Potato Salad Later
100. fifty Oily Rags
101. Garbage Man's Nightmare
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