Wednesday, July 04, 2007

Happy 4th of July


Max07-04-06


 


Obscure facts about the Declaration of Independence


Fireworks to Avoid
When shopping for fireworks, these are the ones you should avoid:
   1.  Golden Showers
   2. Grampa's VC Flashback
   3. No Fuse!
   4. MTV's Jackass Starter Set
   5. Run Kitty!  (Banned In USA)
   6. Charlton Heston's Peacekeeper
   7. Florescent Bulb Blasters
   8. Concentration Caps!
   9. Spirit of Seventy Bics  (Recording of Free Bird Included)
  10. Devil's Eyewash
  11. Simpering Widow
  12. three Assorted Lifelong Learning Disorders
  13. Ash Parade
  14. Flying Digits
  15. twenty-five Night Terrors
  16. Flimsy Flamer  (no longer endorsed by Michael Jeter)
  17. Exhaust Pipe Lotus
  18. Lucky Bastard
  19. Stink Snakes
  20. Mob Family Reunion
  21. Dazzling Super Concussion Grenade
  22. Dixie Lawn Cross
  23. Yankee Doodle Debris
  24. Billie Holiday's "Cigarette Oxygen Tent"  (heroin not Included)
  25. Don't Put This In Your Mouth - Wink Wink!
  26. Blistering Flesh Flowers
  27. Dante's Suppositories
  28. two hundred Kosov-Oh's
  29. Asthma Aggravators
  30. Smoldering Monkey Fur
  31. eleven Nicaraguan Ground Flowers
  32. Forearm-egeddon!
  33. Star Spangled Seizure
  34. Mr. Toad's Meth House
 35. Vehicular Flambé
  36. Wac-O-rama
  37. Slumlord Water Heater Fireball
  38. God's Will
  39. Senator Kerrey's Hut Burners
  40. Flaming Cardboard From Heaven
  41. Look, Ma! No Thumbs!
  42. Magma Facial
  43. Pothole Poppers
  44. A Quite Suprising Number Of Flowers
  45. Rain Of Frightened Birds
  46. Baby Bottle Rockets
  47. Tiannamen Squares
  48. Tony Robbins' Empowering Inferno
  49. Pepper Spray Spritzers
  50. Downtown Oakland
  51. Nuclear Winter Wonderland
  52. Fun Fire Tire
  53. Shrieking Hobo
  54. Light Fuse - Get Away!
  55. Mutually Assured Destruction  (small and large)
  56. Orange Safety Cone Road Volcano
  57. fifteen Asphyxiators  (banned in Florida)
  58. Piccolo Pipe Bomb
  59. Flagtastic Tee-Pee Torch
  60. Wannabe Weekend Warrior
  61. Junior Terrorist
  62. sixty Eardrum Splitters
  63. Standards Inspector's Holiday
  64. seven hundred Gutter Busting Curb Cloggers
  65. six Philadelphia Blunts
  66. Urban Blight
  67. Instant Burning Man Festival
  68. Uncle Sam's Inflamed Rectum
  69. two thousand Fizzlers
  70. Surfacing Submarine Tragedy
  71. Mustard Tears
  72. Pissed-Off Neighbor
  73. Magic Rotten Smell
  74. Rug Burners
  75. Shirtless Bystander Barrage
  76. Intergalactic Race Riot
  77. Ultimate Pyro Plum Thunder Hen Jamboree
  78. Spy Plane Apology
  79. Armand Assante's Inferno
  80. White Trash Block Party
  81. Bedridden All Summer Long
  82. Capital Funishment
  83. Stack-O-Old-Newspapers
  84. Defective Stunt Squibs  (banned in Hollywood)
  85. Doggie Bladder Tester
  86. Couch-On-Fire, Hidden Dragon
  87. Thirty Knuckle Spreaders
  88. The Oklahoma City
  89. Musical Lawn Chairs
  90. Spyro-Gyra-Technics
  91. twenty Homeroom Raiders
  92. Sweatshop Fiasco
  93. Incontinent Panda Mystery Geyser
  94. Strobing California Power Grid
  95. Honest Abe Pagoda
  96. Bacon Fat in a Coffee Can
  97. Big Noisy Ninja
  98. Super Color Magical Negro  (lawsuit pending)
  99. Apocalypse Now - Potato Salad Later
 100. fifty Oily Rags
 101. Garbage Man's Nightmare


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