The mechanic

   A mechanic was removing a cylinder head from the motor of a Harley Motorcycle when he spotted a well-known heart surgeon in his shop.

   The surgeon was there waiting for the service manager to come take a look at his bike when the mechanic shouted across the garage, "Hey Doc, can I ask you a question.."

   The surgeon, a bit surprised, walked over to where the mechanic was working on the motorcycle.

   The mechanic straightened up, wiped his hands on a rag and asked, "So Doc, look at this engine. I open its heart, take the valves out, repair any damage, and then put them back in, and when I finish, it works just like new. So, how come I get such a small salary and you get the really big bucks, when you and I are doing basically the same work?"

   The surgeon paused, smiled and leaned over, and whispered to the mechanic..................

   "Try doing it with the engine running."

Thanks Phyllis

Designated driver

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Ted Kennedy accidentally cited for being topless in public?

Read all about it here.

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Hardly used

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Out of town

Fewer posts for the next couple of days.  I’m in Florida to visit my aunt.  Should resume normal posts this weekend.   Ya’ll be careful out there.

 

No comment necessary

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Oh, one last thing

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They just have to sniff

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Good vs evil illusion

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Spray on clothes

Fabrican: a cotton-fabric that comes in a can. Once sprayed onto your body, the pressurized liquid turns instantly into a fabric. Each squirt from the can sends thousands of cotton fibers splattering against your skin. The fibers then bend together to form a disposable garment that peels away when you undress. Since the fibers are delivered in a diffused form, other elements can easily be added, like perfumes, pigments or treatments.

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Twister anyone?

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Two headed turtle

  

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Can you spot the subliminal message?

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Innovation in nose blowing

The NosePouch is the newest functional innovation in a handkerchief Since The Dark Ages!

The  NosePouch is the best way to blow your nose!  

A new generation of handkerchief with a new pouch design. It will help you contain excessive nasal discharge better than ever!

With a  NosePouch  you won't miss!   It won't leak or tear.   It will always work!   It will prevent the spread of discharge & germs from going beyond the cloth and landing on your shirt, your hand or your term paper. 

 How does it work?   Place your nose against the top of the pouch and blow!

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Strategic Responses to "Do I Look Fat?"

Strategic responses to the ever dangerous "Do I look Fat" question:

• "No, not to Stevie Wonder."
• "Big time! That's why I'm sleeping with your best friend."
• "Does this tie make me look stupid?"
• "No hablo ingles."
• "Yes, but it also makes you look like a pricey hooker, so things kinda balance out."
• "If I answer that question, then the terrorists have won."
• "Okay, listen: What's important is that you not focus in a negative way on the comparison I am about to make."
• "Yes, but in my country obesity suggests prosperity."
• "Let me jog around to your front and take a look."
• "No, honey. But just to be safe, steer clear of one-legged sea captains."
• "Whoa! A talking couch!!"
• "May I consult the Iraqi Minister of Information before answering that?"

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What's in a name?? Read these REAL websites and see what you see......

All of these are legitimate companies dealing in regular products and services, but they didn't think their domain names through. Some of them are prime candidates for the "What was I thinking?" award....

ALL these websites actually exist, selling something totally benign (and work-safe, in case you're wondering).

1. A site called 'Who represents' where you can find the name of the agent that represents a celebrity. Their domain name... wait for it... is www.whorepresents.com.

2. Experts Exchange, a knowledge base where programmers can exchange advice and views at www.expertsexchange.com

3. Looking for a pen? Look no further than Pen Island at www.penisland.net

4. Need a therapist? Try Therapist Finder at www.therapistfinder.com.

5. Then of course, there's the Italian Power Generator company - www.powergenitalia.com.

6. And now, we have the Mole Station Native Nursery, based in New South Wales: www.molestationnursery.com

7. If you're looking for computer software, there's always www.ipanywhere.com

8. Welcome to the First Cumming Methodist Church. Their website is www.cummingfirst.com

9. Then, of course, there's these brainless art designers, and their whacky website: www.speedofart.com 

10. Want to holiday in Lake Tahoe? Try their brochure website at www.gotahoe.com

Thanks Danny Mac

End of life directive

A man and his wife were sitting in the living room and he said to her,"Just so you know, I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine and fluids from a bottle.  If that ever happens, just pull the plug."

His wife got up, unplugged the TV and threw out all of his beer.

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Swinging moose

MILAN, N.H. -- In this photo provided by the Berlin Police Department, Don Valliere, maintenance man for the Berlin Police, balances himself as he uses bolt cutters to free a moose that got tangled up in swingset. (03/13/06 AP photo)

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Scooby Doo imitation

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How to pour ketchup

Are you one of those people who taps at the bottom of an inverted ketchup bottle, waiting in frustration for the sauce to pour? I am speaking of traditional ketchup bottles, not squeeze tubes, wide-mouth jars, or bottles designed to stand on their heads. Have you ever wondered if there is a right way to do it – a way that works, and makes scientific sense?

Yes, folks, there is a right way to do it, and it does make sense. Here is how, and why: 
 …In order for the ketchup to emerge, air must enter the bottle….

So, in the case of the full ketchup bottle, the problem can be divided into two issues: (1) How can I get the ketchup to move aside, so that air can enter on the opposite side? (2) How can I give the ketchup "extra weight," so that it will be pulled out of the bottle faster?

The first issue is solved by holding the bottle sideways, with a slight downward tilt, rather than upside-down. In this position, the ketchup naturally is pulled to the lower side of the neck, and the air naturally will channel along the higher side of the neck. Anyone who pours an ordinary liquid from a bottle knows this. Yet it is amazing how the experience is forgotten when it comes to ketchup.

 

Merely holding the bottle in the correct position is not very effective. It is necessary to "increase the weight" of the ketchup by applying some G-force. This can be done by making a fist, and tapping the bottle downwards against the fist, to bring the bottle to an abrupt halt. Don't hurt yourself! If your hands are delicate, you may try some other method of applying an abrupt stop to the bottle, provided that the stop is not rigid or fragile, and that you mind where the ketchup is going to emerge. Striking the bottle at the upper side of the neck is much less effective, since it applies the G-force in the wrong direction.

Tapping the inverted bottom of a full bottle – the customary way – is counterproductive. If you do that, most of the G-force will tend to keep the ketchup in the bottle. But now you know the right way, thanks to the amazing power of the Internet to unleash this kind of information. Of course, it would be possible to print instructions on the side of the ketchup bottle, but you wouldn't read them if they were there, now would you?

The article

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Drunk animals in Africa

A little too much fermenting fruit and this happens.

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Left-handed snails have the advantage

NEW HAVEN, Conn. - Left-handed snails are better than righties at defending against predators, according to a new study that suggests lefties have the same competitive advantage in nature that they enjoy on the baseball diamond or in the boxing ring.

The study, published in this month's Royal Society Biology Letters, suggests that snails whose shells coil toward the left were more likely to survive crab attacks than those whose shells coil toward the right.

Read more here if you care.

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See what it feel like to win the lottery

With the help of your “good friends” and Tivo.  Poor guy.

Watch the video.

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