Saturday, February 25, 2006

Isn't it apropos

Shit happens laxative   Pooh happens


Mardi Gras - St. Louis style

St. Louis is said to have the second largest Mardi Gras celebration in the country normally.  There was speculation that this year’s celebration might be larger than New Orleans because of the devastation left from Hurricane Katrina.  They were expecting up to a half million people in the historic Soulard area for the party.  The outdoor part of the partying is scheduled to end at 8 pm local time.  Bars will close at 11 pm.
MardiGras06 (Small)

The scene was like this for quite a few blocks after the parade.  It was a chilly day, with a high about 43 degrees.  It was 63 degrees yesterday i here.  The weather didn’t seem to deter the crowd in the least.

Take your patio with you

Car with Terrace


Bike Limo

Bike Limo or Limo Bike


Men's Lingerie Museum

Men s Lingerie Museum


Some thought provoking quotes

  • "When you sit with a nice girl for two hours, it seems like two minutes. When you sit on a hot stove for two minutes, it seems like two hours that's relativity." -- Albert Einstein
  • "There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle." --A. Einstein
  • A stupid man's report of what a clever man says can never be accurate, because he unconsciously translates what he hears into something he can understand.
  • Do not fear to be eccentric in opinion, for every opinion now accepted was once eccentric.
  • It is a waste of energy to be angry with a man who behaves badly, just as it is to be angry with a car that won't go.
  • The greatest challenge to any thinker is stating the problem in a way that will allow a solution.
  • The time you enjoy wasting is not wasted time.
  • We can evade reality, but we cannot evade the consequences of evading reality.
  • Price is what you pay. Value is what you get.
  • The greatest risk is not taking one.
  • Managers do things right. Leaders do the right thing.
  • In business, the competition will bite you if you keep running; if you stand still, they will swallow you .
  • God gives every bird its food, but he does not throw it into the nest.
  • You don't drown by falling in the water; you drown by staying there.
  • Even if you're on the right track you'll get run over if you just sit there.
  • If you cut grass without removing its root, it will flourish once again when the spring wind blows.
  • Bulls make money. Bears make money. Pigs get slaughtered.
  • There are many ways of going forward, but only one way of standing still.


Kids say the darndest things

A grade one teacher collected well known proverbs. She gave each child in her class the first half of a proverb and asked them to come up with the remainder of the proverb.

It's hard to believe these were actually done by grade one kids (6 year-olds), because the last one is classic!

  • Strike while the .........insect is close.
  • Never underestimate the power of............ants.
  • Don't bite the hand that....................looks dirty.
  • Better to be safe than......................punch a grade 7 boy.
  • If you lie down with dogs, you'll...........stink in the morning.
  • It's always darkest before..................DaylightSaving Time.
  • You can lead a horse to water
  • No news is..................................impossible.
  • A miss is as good as a......................Mr.
  • You can't teach an old dog new..............maths.
  • Love all,
  • The pen is mightier than the................pigs.
  • An idle mind is.............................the best way to relax.
  • Where there's smoke there's.................pollution.
  • Happy the bride who.........................gets all the presents.
  • A penny saved is............................not much.
  • Two's company, three's.....................the Musketeers.
  • Don't put off till tomorrow put on to go to bed.
  • Laugh and the whole world laughs with you, cry have to blow your nose.
  • There are none so blind as..................Stevie Wonder.
  • Children should be seen and not.............smacked or grounded.
  • If at first you don't succeed...............get new batteries.
  • You get out of something only what you......see in the picture on the box.
  • When the blind leadeth the blind............get out of the way.
  • And the favorite:
  • Better late than............................pregnant


Reduce your risk of alcohol-related injury: stay drunk

DrunkReckless amateurs a danger to themselves

Weekend drinkers are more likely to injure themselves when hammered than full-time pro boozehounds, Swiss researchers have found.

Admissions to the emergency department at Laussanne University Hospital over an 18-month period from pool cue related mishaps and the like were much more frequent amongst less committed schnapps bingers. The pattern was the same for both men and women.


Ten things that will change the way we live

From Forbes

  •  Fuel Cells - Fuel cells will change the global economy, and not just because they will be as big a development in motoring as the internal-combustion engine was.
  • 2. Gene Therapy - Gene therapy works by inserting genes into cell tissue, essentially replacing a defective gene with one that works.
  • 3.  Haptics - Whether people know it or not, haptics has been subtly making inroads into everyday life in the form of vibrating phones, gaming controllers and force-feedback control knobs in cars (BMW's iDrive system uses the technology). But the science of haptics has the potential to do much more. Products, such as the CyberForce "whole-hand force feedback system" from Immersion Corporation and SenseAble Technologies, let users interact physically with virtual objects. For instance, by using a sensor-equipped glove and a force-reflecting exoskeleton, you could literally feel the shape, texture and weight of an onscreen 3-D object.
  • 4. Internet2  The Next Generation Internet that will deliver video and data at much faster speeds than are possible over the public Internet.
  • 5.  Life Straw  The 10-inch-long, 1-inch-in-diameter device is made by Vestergaard Frandsen S.A. of Lausanne, Switzerland, out of a patented resin that kills bacteria on contact. Its filters remove bacteria, such as salmonella and staphylococcus, from surface water in rivers and lakes. Reusable and, at $3 to $4 each, affordable, it has the potential to not only reduce the outbreak of disease but also to improve living standards and sanitation in many of the world's poorest regions.
  • 6.  MRAM - MRAM, or Magnetoresistive Random Access Memory, could change the way we work. Researchers at IBM have shown that MRAM can be six times faster than the current industry-standard memory, dynamic RAM (DRAM).
  • 7.  $100 Laptop - The Massachusetts Institute of Technology Media Lab has designed a fully functional laptop computer that can be sold for $100, so that children in poor or developing nations can get access to the Internet.
  • 8.  $200 barrel of oil - It's not an invention, but it will have a dramatic effect on the way everyone lives.
  • 9.  VoIP - Voice-over-Internet Protocol lets people make telephone calls over the Internet or any other IP-based network.
  • 10.  WiMAX - WiMAX stands for Worldwide Interoperability for Microwave Access, which is a long-range, standard-based wireless technology that will effectively allow people to access their phones, computers and the Internet from virtually anywhere.

Read more details

The Top 15 Dick Cheney Huntin' Songs - (Part II)


  • CHENEY gun15> S.H.O.T. in the U.S.A.
  • 14> Let Him Bleed
  • 13> You Give Aim a Bad Name
  • 12> Pour Some Bactine on Me
  • 11> Careless Trigger
  • 10> Stop Fraggin' My Heart Around
  • 9> I've Just Shot a Face
  • 8> Spinball Wizard
  • 7> Hit Me With Your Buck Shot
  • 6> The Washington Press Corps Heard It Through the Grapevine
  • 5> Gettin' Triggery Wid It
  • 4> I've Shot You Under Your Skin
  • 3> Harper Valley NRA
  • 2> The First Time Ever I Shot Your Face

and's Number 1 Dick Cheney Huntin' Song...

  • (Don't Fear) the Veeper

Friday, February 24, 2006

Let me outta here!

Crying Wallpainting


Come on in!

Come_in and find out



Gun warning

Excuses for calling in sick

When asked to share the most unusual excuses workers gave for missing work, hiring managers shared some of their favorite examples:

  • "I'm too drunk to drive to work."
  • "I accidentally flushed my keys down the toilet."
  • "I had to help deliver a baby on my way to work." (Employee was not in the medical profession.)
  • "I accidentally drove through the automatic garage door before it opened."
  • "My boyfriend's snake got loose and I'm afraid to leave the bedroom until he gets home."
  • "I'm too fat to get into my work pants."
  • "God didn't wake me." (Employee didn't believe in alarm clocks and thought a higher power would wake her when she was ready.)
  • "I cut my fingernails too short, they're bleeding and I have to go to the doctor."
  • "The ghosts in my house kept me up all night."
  • "I forgot I was getting married today."
  • "My cow bit me."
  • "My son accidentally fell asleep next to wet cement in our backyard. His foot fell in and we can't get it out."
  • "I was watching a guy fixing a septic pump, fell in the hole and hurt myself."
  • "I was walking my dog and slipped on a toad in my driveway and hurt my back."
  • "My house lock jammed, and I'm locked in."
  • From MSN Careers Articles and Advice


    Am I on yet?

    Giraffe at curtain

    From Photo of the week   (Some really neat photos here)


    Google Current

    Google currentGet the latest in what people are searching for in a format not unlike Entertainment Tonight with Google Current


    Mini-Mart clerk cooks weiner for man

    That in and of itself isn’t a big news story…. BUT… there is more to the story….

    HOT_DOGMini-Mart Clerk Microwaves Severed Penis
    (CBS) MCKEESPORT, PA Customers going in and out a Get-Go convenience store in suburban Pittsburgh Thursday didn't know what to think when they saw police activity there.

    But, what occurred at this mini market has everyone baffled.

    Police say a man came in to the store and asked a female clerk if she could use the store microwave to warm up something he had wrapped in a paper towel.

    In and of itself, that's not an unusual request.

    But, concerned about an unusual odor from the oven, the clerk opened the microwave to check on the item and found a severed human penis, wrapped up in a paper towel.

    Police were called immediately.

    The man ran out of the store.

    As McKeesport police continue to look into the case, sources tell CBS affiliate KPHK that county homicide detectives have been notified of the bizarre incident in case a crime was committed.

    The story (without weiner graphic)

    UPDATE:   It turns out that the penis was an artificial drug-test penis.   The updated story.


    Time to change the name again...

    In the Southern Cross University Staff Directory you can find:


    And another…
    From the Kansas Jayhawks softball team:




    Artist Allan Teger has taken some really incredible photos using the human body.

    Here are just a couple examples of his work:



    More Bodyscapes

    Play Bullshit Bingo at your next meeting

     Bullshit BingoDo you keep falling asleep in meetings and seminars?  What about those long and boring conference calls? Bullshit Bingo is a way to change all of that!

    Before each meeting, visit Bullshit Bingo and print one copy of this game card for each player, refreshing the page before each print, or have the players print their own BS Bingo cards. These instructions will not be printed, but you can select a card only version of this page when playing on line, or with a PDA.

    Check off each block when you hear these words during a meeting, seminar, or phone call. When you get five blocks horizontally, vertically, or diagonally, stand up and shout BULLSHIT!!



    The Top 15 Dick Cheney Huntin' Songs - (Part I)


    • CHENEY gun 15> Let It Be (a Quail -- Please, God, Let It Be a Quail!)
    • 14> Born to Gun
    • 13> Bullet the New Guy
    • 12> He Blinded Me With Birdshot
    • 11> The First Shot Is the Veepest
    • 10> Gun Fun Fun
    •  9> Dickie, Don't Shoot That Lawyer
    •  8> One Bourbon, One Scotch, One Beer, 246 Pellets, One More Cocktail, 14 Hours, a Couple of Tap Dances, a Fox Interview and an Apology From the Guy I Shot
    •  7> Cheney I'm Amazed
    •  6> It's Only Lock 'n' Load (But I Like It)
    •  5> Got to Get You Into My Sights
    •  4> I Put a Shell in You
    •  3> You've Shot a Friend
    •  2> Huntin', Shootin', Drinkin'

    and's Number 1 Dick Cheney Huntin' Song...

    •  1> Dude Looked Like a Birdie

    Following Dr. Phil's advice

    Dr_Phil_McGrawBy following the simple advice I heard on a Dr. Phil Show, I have finally found inner peace.  Dr. Phil proclaimed the way to achieve inner peace is to finish all the things you have started.

    So I looked around my house to see things I started and hadn't finished.  And so before leaving the house this morning, I finished off a bottle of  Merlot, a bottle of Chardonnay, a bottle of Bailey's, a bottle of Kahlua, a package of Oreo's, a 2 litter of Mountain Dew, the rest of the Cheesecake, and a box of Godiva Chocolates.
    You have no idea how freaking good I feel!!!


    Thanks Phyllis

    Thursday, February 23, 2006


    Drinking cat


    The story of Vaseline

    Vaseline Robert Peary took it to the North Pole. There’s a song in its honor. It makes smiles sparkle. It’s used to coat the feet of vending machines to keep pests out. It controls unruly hair. People put it on chickens to prevent frostbite. It protects baby’s bottoms, and is invaluable to virgins. A tycoon swore eating a spoonful a day helped him live to see 96 years, and odds are that you have some in your home. It’s Vaseline.

    The name Vaseline comes from the German word for water and the Greek word for oil—though I never thought German and Greek mixed. The inventor, Robert Chesebrough, was a purveyor of illumination oil and a chemist in England who saw that there was a greater fortune to be made dealing in petroleum than there was in the oils from whales with which he had been dealing. In 1859, at the age of 22, he spent his life savings on a ticket to Titusville, Pennsylvania to meet with the oil barons there. Upon touring the oil fields he noted a rigger scraping a thick, dark goo from an oil pump’s joint, and he asked about. It was explained that the troublesome wax-like gunk tended to come up with the crude, and collect on the rigging; if it wasn’t cleaned off periodically, it would gum up the works. And some people thought that it helped wounds heal faster—that notion lit dollar signs in his eyes, and he made off with a bucket full of the “rod wax”.

    Read more here.

    Got plans for March 20th?

    You don't know what to do on March 20th yet?Google gle

    Do a
    Google search and I think you might come up with an idea.


    GOOgle Search

    Google We Know...


    Cool ad

    Whatever the road holds.  It should be Wherever the road is.
    Audi Whatever the Road Holds


    Look out below


    Skiing sumo


    How to hop a freight train

    Hoping a trainWe used to do this as kids.  We’d hop a train behind our house and ride it down to the “swing”, a place where we could swing out over a dirty water filled gully on an old fire hose tied around a high branch.  At the precise moment we’d let go and fall into the filthy water.  (Mom wasn’t real happy when we got home.)  It was fun back then.  Thrills were cheap.

    This link is more about what to take with you and where to go to hop a train…not the actual act of hopping on.   I guess it’s for those who want to travel very cheaply.  Anyway, it reminded me of my youth…a hundred or so years ago. 

    The picture at right shows how we did it back then, but we weren’t going that far… just a few blocks.



    Clyde and the truck accident

    DonkeyAn old farmer named Clyde had a car accident.  In court, the trucking company's fancy lawyer was questioning Clyde. "Didn't you say at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine,'?" asked the lawyer.

    Clyde responded, "Well, I'll tell you what happened. I had just loaded my favorite mule, Bessie, into the......"

    "I didn't ask for any details," the lawyer interrupted. "Just answer the question. Did you not say, at the scene of the accident, "I'm fine!'?"

    Clyde said, "Well, I had just got Bessie into the trailer and was driving down the road...."

    The lawyer interrupted again and said, "Judge, I am trying to establish the fact that at the scene of the accident, this man told the Highway Patrolman on the scene that he was just fine. Now several weeks after the accident he is trying to sue my client. I believe he is a fraud. Please tell him to simply answer the question."

    By this time, the Judge was fairly interested in Clyde's answer and said to the lawyer, "I'd like to hear what he has to say about his favorite mule, Bessie."

    Clyde thanked the Judge and proceeded, "Well... as I was sayin', I had just loaded Bessie, my favorite mule, into the trailer and was drivin' her down the highway when this huge semi ran the stop sign and smacked my truck right in the side. I was thrown into one ditch and Bessie was thrown into the other. I was hurtin' real bad and didn't want to move. However, I could hear ole Bessie moanin' and groanin'. I knew she was in terrible shape just by her groans.

    “Real soon a Highway Patrolman came on the scene. He could hear Bessie moanin' and groanin', too. So, he went over to her. After he looked at her, he took out his gun and shot her between the eyes. Then the Patrolman came across the road, gun in hand, looked at me, and said, 'How are YOU feeling?'

    "Now what the hell would you say?"


    Taken a what?

    This guy had the bad luck of being born into his family.



    How big companies got their names

    Here are a few:

    • Adidas- from the name of the founder Adolf (Adi) Dassler.
    • Cadillac- Cadillac was named after the 18th century French explorer Antoine Laumet de La Mothe , sieur de Cadillac, founder of Detroit, Michigan. Cadillac is a small town in the South of France.
    • Coca-Cola- Coca-Cola's name is derived from the coca leaves and kola nuts used as flavoring. Coca-Cola creator John S. Pemberton changed the 'K' of kola to 'C' for the name to look better.
    • Compaq- from "comp" for computer, and "pack" to denote a small integral object; or: Compatibility And Quality; or: from the company's first product, the very compact Compaq Portable.
    • Daewoo- the company founder Kim Woo Chong called it Daewoo which means "Great Universe" in Korean.
    • eBay- Pierre Omidyar, who had created the Auction Web trading website, had formed a web consulting concern called Echo Bay Technology Group.
    • Google- the name is an intentional misspelling of the word googol, reflecting the company's mission to organize the immense amount of information available online.
    • Mazda Motor- from the company's first president, Jujiro Matsuda . In Japanese, no syllables are ever stressed and some inner syllables are virtually skipped. Thus, Matsuda is pronounced "Matsda". To make the name fly better outside of Japan, the spelling was changed to Mazda.
    • McDonald's- from the name of the brothers Dick McDonald and Mac McDonald, who founded the first McDonald 's restaurant in 1940.
    • Microsoft- coined by Bill Gates to represent the company that was devoted to MICROcomputer SOFTware. Originally christened Micro-Soft, the '-' was removed later on.
    • Nike- named for the Greek goddess of victory.
    • Pepsi- Pepsi derives its name from (treatment of) dyspepsia, an intestinal ailment.
    • Sharp- Japanese consumer electronics company named from its first product, an ever-sharp pencil.
    • Sprint- from its parent company, Southern Pacific Railroad INTernal Communications.
    • Verizon- A portmanteau of veritas (Latin for truth) and horizon.
    • Yahoo!- a "backronym" for Yet Another Hierarchical Officious Oracle.



    Wednesday, February 22, 2006

    Out of a job

    Out of a job


    Mozart - Isn't music grand?

    Mozart Bodypaint


    Well.... it's different

    Haircut of the Day....


    I can understand this

    Blog cartoon


    Trick questions

     Name the most recent year in which New Year's preceded Christmas.

     Why are 1968 pennies worth more than 1967 pennies?

     What is the eleven letter word that all Yale graduates spell incorrectly?

     What can go up a chimney down but not down a chimney up?

     A farmer had 15 sheep, and all but 8 died. How many are left?

     If there are 6 apples and you take away 4, how many do you have?

     There are two coins which total 55 cents. One of them is not a nickel. What are the two coins?



    Foal or fowl?

    Big Bird horse


    Two headed ant



    A cruise ship is her retirement home

    Cruise Ship Bea Muller, an 86-year-old retiree, has been a permanent resident on Cunard's Queen Elizabeth 2 since 5 January 2000. Her husband had passed away while the couple was on a world cruise eleven months earlier, and rather than opt for a retirement home, Mrs. Muller sold her house and possessions and booked herself onto the ship.

    Instead  of submitting a monthly or yearly fee, in 2001 Muller was reported to be paying as she went, booking one cruise after another. Thanks to her frequent traveller discounts, her overall costs amounted to about $5,000 a month. (Cruise prices have increased in the past few years, which is something those entertaining similar plans should keep in mind. Also, Muller's accomodations are small and windowless: a 10x10 foot cabin that barely fits a bed, radio, and television, with a bathroom smaller than the average closet found in a typical home.)

    Its cramped quarters aside, Muller is happy with her life aboard a ship. "I've got full-time maid service, great dining rooms, doctors, medical center (where she volunteers), a spa, beauty salon, computer center, entertainment, cultural activities and, best of all, dancing and bridge."



    What your cat does while you're gone

    Cat solitaire


    Tortoise adopts hippo

    A baby hippopotamus that survived the tsunami waves on the Kenyan coast has formed a strong bond with a giant male century-old tortoise, in an animal facility in the port city of Mombassa, officials said.
    Hippo and tortoise

    The hippopotamus, nicknamed Owen and weighing about 300 kilograms (650 pounds), was swept down Sabaki River into the Indian Ocean, then forced back to shore when tsunami waves struck the Kenyan coast on December 26, before wildlife rangers rescued him. "It is incredible. A-less-than-a-year-old hippo has adopted a male tortoise, about a century old, and the tortoise seems to be very happy with being a 'mother'," ecologist Paula Kahumbu, who is in charge of Lafarge Park.

    More info and pictures here.


    How to sing the blues

    BluesHere are just a few of the rules:

     2. “I got a good woman” is a bad way to begin the Blues, unless you stick something nasty in right away: I got a good woman—with the meanest face in town.

    5. Blues cars are Chevies, Cadillacs and broken-down trucks. Other acceptable Blues transportation modes include Greyhound buses and southbound trains. Walkin’ plays a major part in the Blues lifestyle. So does fixin’ to die. Blues don't travel in Volvos, BMWs, or SUVs. Jet aircraft and state-sponsored motor pools ain't even in the running.

     7. You can have the Blues in New York City, but not in Brooklyn or Queens. Hard times in Vermont, Tucson, or North Dakota are just depression. The best places to have the Blues are still Chicago, St. Louis, and Kansas City. You cannot have the blues in any place that don't get rain.

     9. You can’t have the Blues in an office or a shopping mall. The lighting is just plain wrong. Go outside to the parking lot or sit by the dumpster.

     10. Good places to have the Blues: the highway, a jailhouse, an empty bed, the bottom of a whiskey glass. Bad places to have the Blues: ashrams, gallery openings, weekends in the Hamptons, golf courses, Tiffany's, and Ivy League institutions.

     12. Do you have the right to sing the Blues?
    Answer “Yes” if:
       a. your first name is a southern state—like Georgia
       b. you’re blind
       c. you shot a man in Memphis.
       d. you can’t be satisfied.
       e. you're older than dirt

     15. If it occurs in a cheap motel or a shotgun shack, it’s a Blues death. Stabbed in the back by a jealous lover is a Blues death. So is substance abuse, the electric chair, or being denied treatment in an emergency room. It is not a Blues death to die during liposuction or from tennis elbow.

     18. I don't care how tragic your life; if you own a computer, you cannot sing the Blues.
    You'd best destroy it. Fire, a spilled bottle of Mad Dog, or shotgun.
    Maybe your big ass woman just done sit on it. I don't care

     22. Epitaph on a blues musician's tombstone: "I didn't wake up this morning"

    The complete How to sing the blues


    Butt Ugly

    Ugly_janA butt-ugly woman walks into a shop with her two kids.
    The shopkeeper asks, "Are they twins?"
    The woman says, "No, he's 9 and she's 7.
    Why? Do you think they look alike?"
    "No," he replies "I just can't believe you got laid twice!"

    Thanks Phyllis

    A man and his bird

    Ostrich A man walks into a restaurant with a full-grown ostrich behind him.  The waitress asks for their orders. The man says, "A hamburger, fries and a coke," and turns to the ostrich, "What's yours?"
    "I'll have the same," says the ostrich. 
    A short time later the waitress returns with the order. "That will be $9.40 please," and the man reaches into his pocket and pulls out the exact change for payment.

    The next day, the man and the ostrich come again and the man says, "A hamburger, fries, and a coke."
    The ostrich says, "I'll have the same."
    Again the man reaches into his pocket and pays with exact change.

    This becomes routine until the two enter again.
    "The usual?" asks the waitress.
    "No, this is Friday night, so I will have a steak, baked potato, and salad," says the man.
    "Same," says the ostrich.
    Shortly the waitress brings the order and says, "That will be $32.62."
    Once again the man pulls the exact change out of his pocket and places it on the table.  The waitress can't hold back her curiosity any longer.  "Excuse me, sir. How do you manage to always come up with the exact change out of your pocket every time?"
    "Well," says the man, "several years ago I was cleaning the attic and found an old lamp. When I rubbed it a Genie appeared and offered me two wishes.  My first wish was that if I ever had to pay for anything, I would just put my hand in my pocket and the right amount of money would always be there."
    "That's brilliant!" says the waitress. "Most people would wish for a million dollars or something, but you'll always be as rich as you want for as long as you live!"
    "That's right. Whether it's a gallon of milk or a Rolls Royce, the exact money is always there," says the man.
    The waitress asks, "But, sir, what's with the ostrich?"
    The man sighs, pauses, and answers, "My second wish was for a tall chick with a big ass and long legs who agrees with everything I say."

    Thanks Phyllis

    The assignment

    A college class was told they have to write a short story in as few words as possible.  The instructions were:

    The short story must contain the following three things:

    Typing1. Religion

    2. Sexuality

    3. Mystery

    Below is the only A+ story in the entire class:

    Good God, I’m pregnant.  I wonder who did it.

    Thanks Mickie

    Keep Your Fork, The Best Is Yet To come!

    There was a young woman who had been diagnosed with a terminal illness and had been given three months to live. So as she was getting her things "in order," she contacted her pastor and had him come to her house to discuss certain aspects of her final wishes.

    She told him which songs she wanted sung at the service, what scriptures she would like read, and what outfit she wanted to be buried in.

    Everything was in order and the pastor was preparing to leave when the young woman suddenly remembered something very important to her.

    Fork"There's one more thing," she said excitedly.

    "What's that?" came the pastor's reply.

    "This is very important," the young woman continued.

    "I want to be buried with a fork in my right hand."

    The pastor stood looking at the young woman, not knowing quite what to say."That surprises you, doesn't it?" the young woman asked.

    "Well, to be honest, I'm puzzled by the request," said the pastor.

    The young woman explained. "My grandmother once told me this story, and from there on out, I have always done so. I have also, always tried to pass along its message to those I love and those who are in need of encouragement.

    'In all my years of attending church socials and potluck dinners, I always remember that when the dishes of the main course were being cleared, someone would inevitably lean over and say, 'Keep your fork' It was my favorite part because I knew that something better was coming .. like velvety chocolate cake or deep-dish apple pie. Something wonderful, and with substance! "So, I just want people to see me there in that casket with a fork in my hand and I want them to wonder "What's with the fork?".

    Then I want you to tell them: "Keep your fork, the best is yet to come."

    The pastor's eyes welled up with tears of joy as he hugged the young woman good-bye.

    He knew this would be one of the last times he would see her before her death.

    But he also knew that the young woman had a better grasp of heaven than he did.She had a better grasp of what heaven would be like than many people twice her age, with twice as much experience and knowledge. She Knew that something better was coming.

    At the funeral people were walking by the young woman's casket and they saw the pretty dress she was wearing and the fork placed in her right hand.Over and over, the pastor heard the question "What's with the fork?"

    And over and over he smiled.During his message, the pastor told the people of the conversation he had with the young woman shortly before she died. He also told them about the fork and about what it symbolized to her.

    The pastor told the people how he could not stop thinking about the fork and told them that they probably would not be able to stop thinking about it either. He was right.

    So the next time you reach down for your fork, let it remind you ever so gently, that the best is yet to come.

    Friends are a very rare jewel, indeed. They make you smile and encourage you to succeed. They lend an ear, they share a word of praise, and they always want to open their hearts to us.

    Show your friends how much you care. Remember to always be there for them, even when you need them more.

    For you never know when it may be their time to "Keep the fork."

    Thanks Phyllis

    Tuesday, February 21, 2006




    This little piggy...


    Doctors remove 11 cm worm from lady's eye

    EyewormDoctors at a clinic in central Serbia, have removed an 11 centimeter-long intestinal worm from a woman's eye socket.  According to preliminary results, the worm taken from the 37-year-old patient's eye belongs to the Ascaris family, a common intestinal parasite in pigs that is also found in humans.

    No similar case has ever been recorded in Serbia and probably in Europe, Radomir Stojicevic, a doctor at the Kragujevac clinic, told the Tanjug news agency.

    The parasite had probably travelled through the patient's blood from the digestive tract into the eye socket, doctors at the clinic believe.

    Story here.


    Aren't you glad you can't do this?



    One hundred worst movies of all time


    I have to differ with the list.   The worst movie I ever saw was Death To Smoochie, with Robin Williams.  I can’t believe it didn’t even make the list, much less number 100.

    Anyway, here are the worst ten according to the IMDb:

    The complete list


    Fast Grass

    Fastest Lawn Mower


    Cool shopping bags

    Shopping Bags