A collection of Shannonisms

St. Louis Cardinal broadcaster Mike Shannon is known for his enthusiasm of the game of baseball and his colorful descriptions of the game.   Here are some Shannonisms: 

"This big standing-room only crowd is finally settling into their seats."

"It's raining like a Chinese fire drill!"

(After Brian Jordan was hit by a pitch for the 4th time on a single road trip): "Jordan must feel like a Ouija Board."

(Referring to Bernard Gilkey): "He was originally born in University City."

"He's faster than a chicken being chased by Ronald McDonald!"

(Referring to Mike Schmidt): "the longtime, and soon-to-be, Hall-of-Famer."

(Referring to Hideo Nomo): "He's the biggest thing to hit Japan since they dropped the bomb on Nagashima!"

"This game is off to a rather conspicuous start, don't you think. Jack?"

"Well, folks, this game began as a tiny worm, and is blossoming into a large cobra."

"That foul tip bounced up and caught him right in the groins...and that'll really clear your eyes out."

"A hit up the middle right now would be like a nice ham sandwich and a cold, frosty one."

(Broadcasting from New York under a full moon): "I wish you folks back in St. Louis could see this moon.

" (On the day before Easter): "I just want to tell everyone 'Happy Easter and Happy Hanukkah.'"

"Things are not always as they appear to be as."

"Well, he did everything right to get ready for the throw, but if ya ain't got the hose, the water just won't come out."

"Our next homestand follows this road trip."

(Referring to a home run by Ted Simmons): "and that's the bread on Simmons' butter."

"The right-hander is throwing up (instead of 'up, throwing') in the bullpen."

"I've heard it said that if you know English, Spanish, Italian, and I think it's French, you can go just about anywhere in this world...except China where they have all those derelicts."
After a pause, Joe Buck suggested that Mike has meant to say "dialects."
Mike responded, "Yeah, dialects! That's what I mean...but they've got a lot of derelicts too!"

"I wouldn't have see it if I hadn't believed it."

Joe: "Mike, the Cardinals would like to welcome a group of 19 French foreign exchange students in Section 382."
Mike: "Where're they from, Joe?"
Joe: "Uhh, France, I think."

A couple of years back, Mike and Joe were discussing the unflattering photographs of players that had been flashed on the screen at another ballpark. Mike's take on the quality of the photo selection was: "Some of those guys look like the picture was taken while they were seeing their first UFO." After several seconds of laughter, Joe added, "As opposed to their second or third."

"The wind switched 360 degrees."

"Boy, a cold, frosty Budweiser would be great about now"...long pause...then an "ahhh"

Mike's classic: "Ol' Abner Doubleday has done it again."

"It's raining so hard I thought it was going to stop."

"The crowd's on their feet for the Canadian Star Bangled Banner."

"Back in the day when I played, a pitcher had 3 pitches: a fastball, a curveball, a slider, a changeup and a good sinker pitch."

"The Yankees and Mets are playing tonight at Shea. After four innings, New York leads 3 to 2."

 "The Cardinals, Jack, off to their best start since 1987"

 KMOX used to air the "Knights of the Cauliflowered Ear" banquet which gave out sports awards for the year, Jack Buck or Bob Costas would frequently host. One year they did a bit on how they were awarding Shannon the "Most Improved Broadcaster" award for the eleventh consecutive year in a row.

 "The outfield is deep and playing him straight-away and the infield is the same except first, second, third and short are playing him to pull."

 He once described a baserunner as being "Faster than a cat in Chinatown."

 Between innings, Shannon often mentions that "so-and-so family is here at Busch enjoying a game" etc. etc.  One day when Shannon mis-pronounced the "Kuntz" familyname. The radio booth was silent for about 15 seconds afterward.

 A Shannonism in a similar vein. In a Cards-Astros game in the early1990s, Houston had a rookie named Andujar Cedeno. 
Shannon: "Would you believe Andujar Cedeno is not related to either Joaquin Andujar or Cesar Cedeno?"
Joe Buck: "I'll believe anything you tell me!"

 Here’s Shannon this past August, after Scott Rolen ran the count to 3-0, urging him not to tempt fate and simply take the walk:   “You don't kick that dog as he's sleeping on the porch, you don't step on his tail, you just walk on by. If you step on his tail, he might jump up and bite you on the ankle or the kneecap.”

“Well, folks, this game began as a tiny worm and is blossoming into a large cobra.”

“Hideo Nomo is the biggest thing to hit Japan since they dropped that bomb on Nagashima!”

“He's madder than a pig caught under a barnyard gate.”

“I just want to tell everyone Happy Easter and Happy Hanukkah.”

“Things are not always as they appear to be as.”

“Well, he did everything right to get ready for the throw, but if ya ain't got the hose, the water just won't come out.”

“Gilkey was originally born in University City.”

“Like Spring makes the rains come, so does the edge of the plate grow.”

“The Dodgers are ahead by 5 runs or 3 runs or in between there somewhere.”

“We'd like to say hello to all those folks listening in Monkey's Eyebrow, Kentucky. “

“ Well, no one’s perfect. Only one guy was ever perfect, Jack, and they nailed him to a tree! “

 "He tried to sneak that fastball by Rolen. That's like trying to sneak the sun past the rooster."

 "You couldn't play this game without tongue depressors and tape. It just couldn't happen."

 In reference to how high off the field level the PNC Park broadcast booths are: "Way, way, way down on the field, a bunch of little ants come runnng on."

 On Randall Simon: "Even if he didn't have a bat in his hands, he'd take a swing."

When a leadoff batter takes a big swing in the ninth when his team needs baserunners: "He's trying to hit a three-run homer with the bases empty. It's never happened, but it could one of these days. You never know in this world of baseball."

 "So Joe [Buck], when was the Roman Coliseum built...two, three, four hundred years ago?", asked Mike Shannon during the KMOX Cards-Expos broadcast of June 1, 1995.