5ives - Lists of Five Things

Five terrible fake names for James Bond women

1. Cunnalingua Fränka
2. Bosomy Flava
3. Badonka Donk
4. Felacia Von Succulent
5. Uterus Jones

Five California cities that sound kind of dirty

1. Coalinga
2. Butte Valley
3. Chilcoot
4. Fawnskin
5. La Conchita

Five things I’d like to see engraved on little rubber bracelets

1. Nap Strong
2. My Other Bracelet is Fighting Colon Cancer
3. America: Shut Thy Pie Hole
4. Kiss Me, I’m Trendy
5. Please Watch Arrested Development

Five stories the mainstream media missed last year

1. My DSL seems to be slowing down pretty bad
2. Peaches just aren’t as good as they used to be
3. That one cashier at the Safeway is kind of a dick
4. People should wear hats more
5. Coffee is still just so great

Five terrible fake names for feminine hygiene products

1. September Morn’
2. Dressy Drawers
3. Horseback Sally’s All-Natural Disposable Swim Appliance
4. Too Fresh by a Half
5. Heather Menses

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