St. Patrick's Day jokes

 Q: Why do people wear shamrocks on St. Patrick’s Day?
A: Regular rocks are too heavy.

 Q: How did the Irish Jig get started? 
A: Too much to drink and not enough restrooms! 

 Q: What do you call an Irishman who knows how to control his wife?
A: A bachelor.

Q: What do you call an Irishman that bounces off the walls?
A: Rick O'Shea

 "I married an Irishman on St. Patrick's Day."
"Oh, really?" 
"No, O'Reilly!"

An Irishman walks into a bar and orders 3 pints of Guinness.
The bartender questions him as to why and the Irishman replies that since his two brothers moved away he drinks a beer for each of them.
He does this for a few months until one day he walks in and only orders 2 pints of Guinness.
That bartender is dismayed and tries to console him on the apparent loss of his brother.
The Irishman laughs and tells the bartender that both his brothers are fine, he just gave up drinking himself.

McCarthy walked into a bar and ordered martini after martini, each time removing the olives and placing them in a jar. When the jar was filled with olives and all the drinks consumed, he started to leave.
“Excuse me,” said a customer, who was puzzled over what McCarthy had done. “What was that all about?”
“Nothing,” he replied, “my wife just sent me out for a jar of olives.”

There were 3 Englishmen in a pub sipping some beer, when they noticed an Irishman come in a order a pint of Guinness. They decided to have some fun with him.
The first Brit walked over to him and said, "I hear your St. Patrick liked to dress in women's clothes." The Irishman remained silent--didn't even acknowledge the Brit. The Brit walked back to his friends and told them what had happened.
Shocked at the lack of response, the second Brit walks over. "I hear your St. Patrick liked to cavort with the sheep (know what I mean? nudge, nudge)." Again, nothing.
The third Brit told the others, "I'll show you how to do it." He walked over and told the Irishman, "I hear your St. Patrick was an Englishman."
At this the Irishman lowered his beer, turned to the Brit and said, "Yeah, that's what your friends were trying to tell me."