Thanksgiving Extravaganza

Happy Thanksgiving America… The Elvis version

Turkey in the straw  (cool card)

The parrot

A young man names John received a parrot as a gift. The parrot had a really bad attitude and an even worse vocabulary. Every word out of the bird's mouth was rude, obnoxious and laced with obscenities.

John tried and tried to change the bird's attitude by consistently saying only polite words, playing soft music, and anything else he could think of to "clean up" the bird's vocabulary.

Finally John became fed up with the the bird's antics and yelled at the parrot. The parrot yelled back. John shook the parrot and the parrot got angrier and even ruder. John, in desperation, threw his hands up, grabbed the bird and threw it into the freezer.

For a few minutes the parrot squawked and screamed and kicked. Then suddenly there was total silence from the freezer. Not a peep was heard for over a minute. Fearing that he had hurt the parrot, John quickly opened the freezer door.

The parrot calmly walked out on to John's outstretched arm and said, "I believe I may have offended you with my rude language and actions. I'm sincerely remorseful for my inappropriate transgressions and I fully intend to do everything I can do to correct my rude and unforgivable behavior."

John was stunned at the change in the bird's attitude. As he was about to ask the parrot what had made such a dramatic change in his behavior, the bird continued, "May I as what the turkey did?"

 

 

Things you can get away with saying only on Thanksgiving

 1. Talk about a huge breast!

2. Tying the legs together keeps the inside moist.

3. It's Cool Whip time!

4. If I don't undo my pants, I'll burst!

5. That's one terrific spread!

6. I'm in the mood for a little dark meat.

7. Are you ready for seconds yet?

8. Its a little dry, do you still want to eat it?

9. Just wait your turn, you'll get some!

10. Don't play with your meat.

11. Just spread the legs open & stuff it in.

12. Do you think you'll be able to handle all these people at once?

13. I didn't expect everyone to come at once!

14. You still have a little bit on your chin.

15. How long will it take after you stick it in?

16. You'll know it's ready when it pops up.

17. Wow, I didn't think I could handle all of that!

18. That's the biggest one I've ever seen!

The Turkey’s Lament

Turkey is perfect for Thanksgiving day

Unless you're a turkey and here's what I say:

I am a turkey and I don't think it's nice

For my ball to be buttered and filled up with spice.

You stuff me with cornbread and pat my behind

Then stick me in the oven for a very long time.

You slice up my breasts and put them on a platter.

My feelings and hopes just don't seem to matter.

I'm cooked to submission then you have your way

With my legs and my thighs and things I can't say.

I pray that you put yourself in my place,

And show me some mercy when you say grace.

Before your bountiful Thanksgiving feast,

Pray not over fowl, but some other beast.

I hope you know I think it's all a sham,

Thanksgiving dinner should always be ham.

via

 

How to get the kids to come for Thanksgiving

A man in Phoenix calls his son in New York the day before Thanksgiving and says,"I hate to ruin your day, but I have to tell you that your mother and I are divorcing; forty-five years of misery is enough."
...."Pop, what are you talking about?" the son screams.
"We can't stand the sight of each other any longer," the father says. "We're sick of each other, and I'm sick of talking about this, so you call your sister in Chicago and tell her."
....Frantic, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone. "Like hell they're getting divorced," she shouts, "I'll take care of this!"
....She calls Phoenix immediately, and screams at her father, "You are NOT getting divorced. Don't do a single thing until I get there. I'm calling my brother back, and we'll both be there tomorrow. Until then, don't do a thing, DO YOU HEAR ME?" and hangs up.
....The old man hangs up his phone and turns to his wife. "Okay," he says, "they're coming for Thanksgiving and paying their own way."

 

 

 

     

 

Happy Thanksgiving!