Don't worry... Be happy

Self made raincoat

Microsoft's hidden settings

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Difference between men and women

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Furr ball in the corner hole

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Ideal computer?

For some, maybe.

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10 reasons not to jog

• 1. My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 now & we don't know where the heck she is.
• 2. The only reason I would take up jogging is so that I could hear heavy breathing again.
• 3. I joined a health club last year, spent about 400 bucks. Haven't lost a pound. Apparently you have to show up.
• 4. I have to exercise in the morning before my brain figures out what I'm doing.
• 5. I don't exercise at all. If God meant us to touch our toes, he would have put them further up our body.
• 6. I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.
• 7. I have flabby thighs, but fortunately my stomach covers them.
• 8. The advantage of exercising every day is that you die healthier.
• 9. If you are going to try cross-country skiing, start with a small country.
• 10. I don't jog. It makes the ice jump right out of my cocktail glass.

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Did you know there is a sawed-of shotgun on the Space Station?

Why is there a sawed-off shotgun on the International Space Station?  To fight Alien invaders?  In case of war on Earth so the Cosmonauts can kill the US Astronauts? NO.

Read the following paragraph and you will see that Russians take the Wolf problem very

seriously:

“In 1965, two cosmonauts overshot their touchdown site by 1,200 miles and found themselves deep in a forest with hungry wolves. That's when Russian space officials decided to pack a sawed-off shotgun aboard every spacecraft.  It took Russian search crews more than two hours to locate the spacecraft and another two hours for helicopters to get support  crews to the landing site.”

(The above paragraph is from the May 6th, 2003 CBSnews.com article “Astronaut Enjoys Wild Ride To Earth” on the return of US Astronauts in a Soyuz spacecraft leaving from the International Space Station after the loss of Space Shuttle Columbia)

Link

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Edgar bites the dust

Fan’s of 24 were shocked when Edgar didn’t make it back to safety in time to save himself.  Apparently he succumbed to nerve gas that the terrorists had planted at CTU.   Or did he?  We don’t actually know that he was killed.  We’re assuming that.   Maybe, just maybe, there was a gas mask under the desk and he saved himself.   Doesn't look promising though.

Here are some comments about Edgar Stile’s demise on last nights episode from Blogs4Bauer.com:

• Do we count him as 2 bodies on the Jack Bauer Kill Counter?
• YAY! More space for the rest of us.
• it's a lesson to us all. if you're a fatass, you can't outrun nerve gas.
• He's gone to that big server room in the sky...  Either that, or the big donut shop in the sky...
• In memory of Edgar. From this day forth, a single donut shall go uneaten every day so that Edgar's spirit does not starve!
• Edgar's death means only one thing.  Tony Soprano is the brains behind the whole operation.  He got revenge for Truffle Shuffle making Big Pussy into an informant.
• Oh my god, they killed Edgar.  YOU BASTARDS!
• I just want to know one thing. Why wasn't every station at CTU equipped with masks? - 1 word: FEMA
• Dead-gar
• I cried, It was an awful thing to happen to Edgar. After I cried I punched myself in the face, because that is what Jack would do.
• Jack should have shot Kim's new boy just get his anger level down to "Threat/Torture Level - Red"

More

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Yum

Thanks Phyllis

Sons who make their daddy proud

           

Thanks Phyllis

Through the roof

Wet dryer?

One big-ass frog

 

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Things are changing at ABC News

I guess it’s supposed to be News and Current Affairs

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Oops weightlifting video

I can see my kids doing something like this….heck I can see ME doing that.

Watch the short video.

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Movie making is expensive

For his 45 days filming "Signs," Mel Gibson earned an eight-figure check. With the movie's budget at $70.7 million, the actor alone accounted for 35 percent of that sum. Combined, the film's other cast members earned about 1/10 of Gibson's haul, or $2.6 million.

Here is a breakdown of the  $70 million film budget.  Interesting stuff.

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A ballpark rises

By now you probably know I’m big into the St. Louis Cardinals.  Our club works a Busch Stadium concession stand at several games each year as a fund raiser.  Today, we went to a training class and got a brief tour of the still being built ballpark.   Here is a view from directly behind home plate.  There is still a lot of work to be done before the home opener five weeks from tomorrow.  An exhibition game is set for April 4th (30 days from today…and the first game to be played there). 

More pictures can be found here.

Walking the dog

Playing hide the thong

The official Academy Awards gift bag

Stuff the stars get:

• For the third year in a row, the bag is weighted down with an amazing Canadian travel package:
• -stays at the Opus Hotel in Vancouver and the Wickaninnish Inn in Tofino
• -dinner at five restaurants: Elixir, West, Coast, Pointe, Shelter
• -yoga sessions, spa treatments
• -kayaking in Clayoquot Sound, a scenic flight to a remote lake
• -and always my personal favorite: two Oxia Oxygen Personal Canisters
• Gaiam Gift Certificate ($500)
• Signature Days Gift Certificate ($500) "Experiences range from kite-boarding and a ride on an America's Cup Sailboat to spa treatments, yoga, personal chefs and private dance lessons."
• Krups XP4050 Premium Pump Espresso Machine and illy's Limited Edition
• Pistoletto Foundation Espresso Cup Collection (Value: $600)
• Vonage, The VTech Expandable Broadband Phone System. (Value: $550)
• Two Night Stay in a Suite at The Carlyle, A Rosewood Hotel in New York (Value: $2,300)
• Frette cashmere leather trimmed Voyage travel blanket (Value: $1,495)
• Firefly mobile phone for kids
• The Cheese Impresario at-home artisanal cheese experience for six. These events celebrate fine American artisanal cheeses and wines. The gift certificates are hand-printed on an antique letterpress from the early 1800’s on fine Italian paper.
• Moonstruck Chocolates: Twelve truffles within a custom hand-crafted Thai silk and teak wood box. (Value: $100+) This is the second year in the bag for this Portland, OR chocolatier.
• The Loved Dog: Personal Training gift card, 3-night stay at Doggie Daycare, and a Luxury Dog Bed. Tamar Geller, a renowned life-coach for dogs and their people, will introduce dogs and their companions to her innovative methods for creating a better relationship.
• Tara & Sons pearl and diamond necklace
• Mr. Handyman gift certificate for one day of service
• Four-night stay in the Vera Wang Suite at Halekulani Hotel, Waikiki Beach, a signature treatment at the famed SpaHalekulani, dinner for two at La Mer at Halekulani
• Cornelia Day Resort "Unlimited Card" (worth $2,500), includes a $500 facial, massages, a whole range of beauty products and an entire day of beauty treatments
• Dinner party in Morton's Private Boardroom at any of their 69 restaurants (Value: $1500) (this item is a constant in the bag)
• Kay Unger vintage silk kimono ($500)
  year’s supply of Manni olive oil
• Two nights (plus surfing lessons) at St. Regis Resort in Monarch Beach, CA ($5,700)
• Two nights (plus wine tasting) at Bernardus Lodge in Carmel Valley, CA ($2,500)
• Three nights at one of five Fairmont Hotel & Resorts ($2500)
  A BRUGO Travel Mug (featuring the Perfect Temperature Zone)

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Why do dogs sniff each other?

From Ask Yahoo

Why do dogs sniff each other? Tarna

Dear Tarna: Last year, we addressed why dogs love to stick their heads out car windows. Now we tackle another of life's great mysteries. What's up with a pup's propensity to sniff the backsides of his friends? Such behavior would not go over well in the human world, but in the canine community, it's standard operating procedure.

A dog's nose is its strongest weapon. In fact, it works up to a million times better than a human's. A dog uses its nose not only to sniff out dead birds in the backyard and burgers on the BBQ, but also to better understand other dogs. According to Point Ask, a sniff of the rear tells a dog all sorts of things, including what the other dog likes to eat, its general health, and if a female pooch is pregnant.

Dogs also use their olfactory talents to understand humans. This article by Meg Moss explains that, with one whiff, "a dog can tell where you have been and what you have been doing, what you have eaten, and even whether you are not feeling well." Moss goes on to say that when dogs sniff each other, they learn whether or not the dog is safe to play with or if they should retreat. Basically, it's just a way of getting to know each other. Although it's apparently an effective means of introduction, we're sticking with the handshake.

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Looks like we found Nemo

Hung from trees

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A little off the top please

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Lackluster love life?

Ladies, maybe it’s you…and not him.

Here’s an ad from a few years ago.

Click here to see the complete ad.

100 worst porn movie titles

A few from 100 worst porn movie titles:

• DUDE, WHERE'S MY DILDO ?
•  BIG TROUBLE IN LITTLE VAGINA
• GERANALMO
• MOULIN SPLOOGE
• SHE'S NOT A LESBIAN ... SHE'S A VAGITARIAN
• TOPLESS BRAIN SURGEONS
• K-FCK ... THE ONLY THING MISSING IS YOU !
• FAT THE BALD AND THE UGLY
• HITLER SUCKS
• AIRTIGHT GRANNY
•  E-THREE THE EXTRA TESTICLE
• BUMPIN DONUTS
• H.R. MUFF N' STUFF
• MAY THE FORESKIN BE WITH YOU
• Beverly Hills 9021-Ho !
• 21 Hump Street
• Yank My Doodle, It's A Dandy
• Shaving Ryan's Privates
• Indiana Joan and the Black Hole of Mammoo
• Sperms Of Endearment

These were some of the cleaner ones.   (View link at your own risk.)

Here’s the complete list.

 

Which road will you take?

The high road to New Hope… or the low road to you know where? 
Hey, it’s an adventure!  Be adventurous!

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The foot flush

From MSNBC:

With deadly viruses and other infectious germs seemingly proliferating all around us, it's no surprise many of us are developing Howard Hughes-like aversions to anything that even hints of being unsanitary. That's why a Connecticut musician/inventor has produced a novel way to answer our calls of nature  — the Foot Flush.

Singer/songwriter Eric Herbst — he says his songs have been recorded by Johnny Cash and B.B. King — came up with idea for the Foot Flush after performing in bars and nightclubs with dirty bathrooms. Herbst didn't want to touch the toilet handle, so he would flush with his foot. One day after a gig, he grabbed a bass drum pedal, some string, walked into his bathroom, and the rest is sanitation history.

Link

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Warning: Scam alert

  I hate it when people forward bogus warnings - but this one is real,  and it's important.  So please send this warning to EVERYONE you know.

If someone comes to your front door saying they are conducting a survey on deer ticks and asks you to take your clothes off and dance around with your arms up,  DO NOT DO IT!  THIS IS A SCAM - they only want to see you naked! I wish I'd gotten this yesterday;  I feel so stupid now.

 

Thanks Ronnie

Drunk flying pig

All in the name of science and aviation.  They got this pig drunk and then shot him out of a cannon.

     

But all is well that ends well.  The pig returned to earth safely. 

 He did have one hell of a hangover though.

More drunk flying pig pictures here.

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Great movie alcoholics

Remember:

• Nicholas Cage in Leaving Las Vegas
• Dudley Moore as Arthur
• John Belushi in Animal House
• Robert Shaw in Jaws
• Dean Martin in Rio Bravo
• Peter O’Toole in My Favorite Year
• W.C. Fields in nearly every film he’s  been in

 

• And the one I didn’t see here was Lee Marvin in Cat Ballou

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Things we learn from the movies

• All beds have special L-shaped top sheets that reach up to armpit level on a woman but only waist level on the man lying beside her.
• A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating but will wince when a woman tries to clean his wounds.
• A single match will be sufficient to light up a room the size of a football stadium.
• Medieval peasants had perfect teeth.
• One man shooting at 20 men has a better chance of killing them all than 20 men firing at one.
• It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts - your enemies will wait patiently to attack you one by one by dancing around in a threatening manner until you have knocked out their predecessor.
• When they are alone, all foreigners prefer to speak English to each other.
• All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with large red readouts so you know exactly when they're going to go off.
• It is always possible to park directly outside the building you are visiting.
• If you decide to start dancing in the street, everyone you bump into will know all the steps.

More things we learn from movies

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Strange toilets

Thanks Paul

Relative size of the planets

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Which way is the schoolbus going?

Left or right?

A bunch of preschoolers all had the same correct answer.  You decide which way you think it’s going and click here for the answer.

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Warning: Sex is hazardous to your health

People are being treated for all kinds of sexual injuries.  From a broken penis to broken blood vessels in their eyes.  Yikes!

Sex is dangerous.

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HOOOps .....err .... oops

If you’re one of the lucky ones who opened your morning Bryan-College Station Eagle on Thursday and found a large penis staring back at you, well, congratulations. No, it wasn’t one of the paper’s newer promotions (find the wiener, win a Mexican cruise!), just a goof by an editor who didn’t scrutinize the photo quite closely enough.

That’s Texas guard Daniel Gibson trying to guard Texas A&M’s Acie Law during their game on Wednesday — and either it was a very good fake by Law, or Gibson just doesn’t believe in the tyranny of underwear. Or both.

You can’t quite see the whole picture in that tiny photo … but never fear! The full-sized photo is after the jump. Oops.

The news paper says it’s not what it appears to be.  Whatever it is…it’s funny.

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Signature phrases

Can you name their source?

Here are just a few:

• "Allll-righty, then!"
• "And that's the truth!"
• "Bus driver... MOVE THAT BUS!!!"
• "Cleans like a white tornado!"
• "Cuchi-Cuchi!"
• "Look that up in your Funk and Wagnalls!"
• "Get away from me kid, you're bothering me"
• "Good night, and good luck."
• "Great Caesar's ghost!"
• "I know nothing! Nothing!"
• "I'll gladly pay you Tuesday for a hamburger today."
• "Kick it up a notch!"
• "O-tay!"
• "Say good night Gracie.”
• "They're A-B-C-delicious!"
• "We're On A Mission From God"

More signature phrases

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Tricks of the trade

A lot of interesting tricks from people in the know.   Here are a few examples:

From a travel writer:  While traveling the rural areas of third-world countries, you may come across some very primitive toilet situations. To mask unpleasant odors, carry a mentholated chap stick and rub it under your nose before using the facilities -- it works wonders.

From a short order chef:  Making toast? Start the toaster before you start looking for the bread, unwrapping it, and slicing it. That'll give the toaster a few seconds to warm up before you put the bread in, and your toast will be done that much sooner.

Winter pick-up truck driver:  It's difficult to drive a pickup truck on slick winter roads because the light back end will fishtail. Shovel the snow from your driveway into the truck bed. You'll weigh down the back end and clear your driveway. When it warms up enough to not need the extra weight, the snow will melt and there's no clean up.

From a bookkeeper:  If you are adding two columns of numbers that you expect to be equal and they are not, calculate the difference between the two sums. If the difference is divisible by 9, chances are you have made a transposition error on your adding machine (e.g. 365 instead of 356) when you punched in one of the numbers.

From a truck driver: If someone tailgates you, pretend that you are nodding off. It'll scares the bejesus out of most drivers, and they'll steer clear of you afterwards.

From an aquarium cleaner:  A strong magnet inside of a rag or sponge placed on the inside of the tank can be guided around with another strong magnet from the outside.

More tricks of the trade

Cordless mouse

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