Tuesday, September 04, 2007
No replacement has been named, says outgoing Director of Appointments.Damn wind...
A priest is playing golf, followed by his devoted caddie. He takes a swing and hits the ball. But while in the air, the wind starts to blow and the balls falls in a lake. The priest, very mad, says, "damn wind!!"
The caddie, surprised, says "Sir, please, why did you say such profanity?!" The priest asks the caddie to forgive him, gets on his knees and prays for forgiveness from God.
A little later, the priest hits another good drive. Again, the wind starts to blow and this time the ball falls in the woods. The priest sighs and again, says : "damn wind!!" The caddie, just as surprised as the first time, says, "Sir, please, do stop saying such profanity!" The priest then looks at his caddie, and raises his hands towards the sky, asking God to forgive him.
Suddenly, the sky covers with grey and dark clouds, there's a clap of thunder, and a lightning bolt strikes the caddie to death.
The priest, not believing his eyes, falls to his knees and screams to the sky : "Oh Lord, what has this poor man done to make you so mad? God, I am the one who sinned! My poor caddie did not deserve such a death!"
Then, a loud roar came from the sky. The priest hid his head under his arms, scared of dying, only to hear a loud voice say, "damn wind!!!!"
20 things you didn’t know about death
Here are just a few:
3 No American has died of old age since 1951. That was the year the government eliminated that classification on death certificates.
9 Zoroastrians in India leave out the bodies of the dead to be consumed by vultures.
14 Well, yeah, there’s a slight chance this could backfire: English philosopher Francis Bacon, a founder of the scientific method, died in 1626 of pneumonia after stuffing a chicken with snow to see if cold would preserve it.
19 If you can’t make it here . . . More people commit suicide in New York City than are murdered.
10 big lessons from little kids
“You can learn many things from children. How much patience you have, for instance.”
- Franklin P. Jones
Have you ever watched a child completely engrossed in a project? They have the unusual ability to be serious about what they’re doing without taking it too seriously. You can do the same with your life. You can live every day with more focus, and every week with more motivation.
Here’s what every child knows that you may have forgotten. See if you can apply some of these lessons to your adult life.
1. Breakfast is the most important meal of the day. Even when there’s not a prize in the bottom of the box.
2. Homework blows. Bring work home with you and it’ll ruin your night. And your marriage. And your family. And your life.
3. The only way to know how something works is to completely disassemble it. (This is still good advice when tackling a complex problem. Your plasma TV? Not so much).
4. There’s a reason they don’t give credit cards to 8-year-olds. You’re supposed to save up money before you buy a new toy.
5. Asking questions is how you figure things out. Lots and lots of questions.
6. The coolest adults were the ones who took the time to listen to you. You still want to grow up to be a cool adult, right?
7. Your body was designed for throwing baseballs, shooting hoops, and jumping off diving boards and stuff. In the secret language of children, the word “fitness” doesn’t exist. It’s called “having fun.”
8. Playtime is important and laughter feels good.
9. Too much of anything will give you a tummy ache. Like, say, bourbon.
10. Try to be the friend you were when you were 12: fun-loving and loyal, with no strings attached.
Monday, September 03, 2007
Bubba's employment test
Bubba----applied for an engineering position at a Lake Charles refinery.
A Yankee applied for the same job and both applicants having the same qualifications were asked to take a test by the manager.
Upon completion of the test, both men only missed one of the questions.
The manager went to Bubba ! and said : "Thank you for your interest but we've decided to give the Yankee the job."
Bubba asked: "And why are you giving him the job? We both got nine questions correct. This being Louisiana, and me being a Southern boy, I should get the job!"
The manager said: "We have made our decision not on the correct answers, but rather on the one question that you both missed."
Bubba then asked: "And just how would one incorrect answer be better than the other?"
The manager replied: "Bubba, it's like this... on question #4, the Yankee put down, "I don't know.", and you put down, "Neither do I."
Thanks Donnie Mac
Patrial face transplants
A Photoshop contest by Freaking News. People were asked to perform partial face transplants on politicians and celebrities.
The right half of a face had to be from one celebrity and the left half from another. Here are a few examples:
Bill & Hillary Clinton
TomKat
Oprah & Condi
B&P reaches 3 million hits
While I was gone Bits & Pieces passed the 3 million hits mark. We have had almost 4.5 million page views also.
Thanks to you, the readers and commenters, for your participation.
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