Sunday, January 07, 2007
Top 10 geek quotes
10.
9. A computer lets you make more mistakes faster than any invention in human history - with the possible exceptions of handguns and tequila.
8. I would love to change the world, but they won't give me the source code.
7. Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.
6. My pokemon bring all the nerds to the yard, and they're like you wanna trade cards? Darn right, I wanna trade cards, I'll trade this but not my charizard.
5. I'm not anti-social; I'm just not user friendly.
4. 1f u c4n r34d th1s u r34lly n33d t0 g37 l41d
3. Microsoft: "You've got questions. We've got dancing paperclips."
2. If at first you don't succeed; call it version 1.0
1. There are 10 types of people in the world: those who understand binary, and those who don't.
40 tips to improve your grammar and punctuation
40 tips to improve your grammar and punctuation
I learned a few thing here.
Now will I remember them long enough to use them?
Saturday, January 06, 2007
Hooker
A guy meets a hooker in a bar.
She says, "This is your lucky night. I’ve got a special game for you. I’ll do absolutely anything you want for $300, as long as you can say it in three words."
The guy replies, "Hey, why not?"
He pull his wallet out of his pocket, and one at a time lays three hundred-dollar bills on the bar, and says, slowly: "Paint…my…house."
Biker vs praying mantis
From Miss Cellania.com
This story was contributed by Ubergeek, but I couldn’t find a link for him. It was in the comments at this really funny post on an affair between a praying mantis and a wolf spider.
I'm a biker... I own more than just a "choppers" tee-shirt. Bugs get to be a fact of life, but this went waaaaaaaaaay beyond just getting hit by a bug.
I'm driving through upstate New York a few years ago, just enjoying the beautiful weather and the sceanery around Lake Placid.
Now this all happened in a split second, but you still have time to see it coming in that split second... just not do anything about it.
Praying Mantids can fly... they just rarely do so. Well call me Mr. Rarely:
I'm banging up some small country road when in the mid distance I see this small green dot bobbing along across the road... a second later I get a split second glimpse of a Praying Mantis in flight... looked like a big sucker too.
A split second after that it smacks dead into my upper lip, just under my nose.
SPLACK!!!!
I had goo everywhere... not to mention that it F*****g hurt! There was goop up my nose, in my teeth, sprayed across my cheeks. There was also one hell of a welt. And when I say up my nose... I mean UP my nose. At the velocity I was doing it got jammed way up there.
I damn near crashed my motorcycle... my goggles kept the bug bits out of my eyes but the impact to my sinuses made my eyes instantly fill with water. I managed to pull over and start snorting out bug parts and wiping my face.
But the truly funny part came about 10 minutes later at the next gas stop. I'm still snorting and trying to clean up when the guy at gas pump takes one look and then retches. He didn't actually puke... but he did have to hold it in. Figuring the damn thing has torn open my lip and he can see my teeth or something I crouch down and look in the mirror.
One of those nasty fore legs has imbedded in my cheek... not much more than a bad scratch... but what freaked buddy out was that it was still twitching.
Ahhhhhh nature.
Man's hand nailed to coffee table
A man has been taken to hospital after police called to his house found his hand had been nailed to a coffee table.
Officers in Swansea say they are not treating the incident as suspicious and were not investigating any further.
Nothing suspicious about that!
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