Here are a few:
"Women are like cell phones. They like to be held and talked to, but push the wrong button, and you'll be disconnected."
---Unknown
"People like you are the reason people like me take pills!"
---Neva Faith Linn
"There are two different kinds of people in this world: those who finish what they start, and…."
---Brad Ramsey
"Life was so much easier when your clothes didn't match and boys had cooties!"
---Unknown
"Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same."
---Oscar Wilde
"A man may be a fool and not know it, but not if he is married."
---H.L. Mencken
"I sometimes wonder if the manufacturers of foolproof items keep a fool or two on their payroll to test things."
---Alan Coren
"The truth is that parents are not really interested in justice. They just want quiet."
---Bill Cosby
"The trouble with jogging is that by the time you realize you're not in shape for it, it's too far to walk back."
---Franklin Jones
"God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time."
---Robin Williams (on Clinton/Lewinsky affair)
"Teenager with nose ring, baggy clothing and spiked hair to friend: I don't really like dressing like this, but it keeps my parents from dragging me everywhere they go."
---Unknown
"Not all chemicals are bad. Without hydrogen or oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer."
---Dave Berry
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